If you see a Spanish person tell them "mucho"

It means a lot to them

My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.

What did the Spanish sauce say to the English sauce?

Soy sauce.

What was the name of the most intelligent Spanish conquistador?

Cerebral Cortez.

I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada

She meant nothing to me

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines." said the man. "I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offere...

A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist

In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then poof, he vanished without a trace.

Have you ever seen a Spanish Muslim?

Once you see juan, you see jamal.

A member of the Inca Indian tribe was captured by the Spanish....

The captain told his interpreter to say this to the Inca Indian , " Tell him if he doesn't tell us where they have hidden all their gold ,that we will burn his feet ".
Through the interpreter the Inca Indian replied " I would rather die than tell you where the gold is "
The captain threatened...

I saw a magic show recently with a Spanish magician...

His next trick was a disappearing act. He said “uno, dos” and disappeared without a tres.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke was told to me in Spanish so hopefully nothing is lost in translation.

Two guys were on a ship out in the ocean when it capsized during a storm. But they were lucky enough to find a piece of flotsam to hold on to.

One man spoke only Spanish and the other spoke only English. After days of holding on to the flotsam, the Spanish guy couldn’t hold on and started to ...

What tool does a spanish man use to play the violin?

Elbow

There is a Spanish family on holiday in England

When they are in England, the trains are packed and everyone is drunk and half naked. Everywhere is mayhem and the little Spanish boy is confused why. "Dad, why is everyone celebrating, is there an event or something happening?" The dad replies, "The sun has come out."

The Spanish word for 'cat' is 'gato'.



In China they pronounce it 'gateau'.

What happened after the Spanish King got his car stolen?

Juan Carlos.

How's life Johnny? (translated from Spanish)

George: So, how's life Johnny?

Johnny: Terrible.

G: Aw, well what about that Ferrari you got?

J: It got wrecked in a car crash.

G: Ooh, but what about that genius son of yours?

J: He was in the car.

*G, hoping to get away from this horrible conversation:*...

I always say mucho to my Spanish friends

It means alot to them

Jumping on the bandwagon: I wanna see if this Spanish joke is as funny to English speakers.

Q. What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

A. Bilingual

Q. What do you call someone who speaks three languages?

A. Trilingual

Q. What do you call someone who speaks many languages?

A. Polyglot

Q. What do you call someone who speaks one language?...

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain but she didn’t speak spanish. Each time she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt up & show her thighs to allow the seller to understand.This went on for some time.

One day she wanted to buy sausages, so she made her husband go to the store with her. He then asked for sausages as he spoke spanish.

I want to know if this Spanish joke translates at all

What’s the similarity between a boat, a firefighter and a family?

The boat and the firefighter have hard outer coverings (cascos).

*and the family?*

They’re good, thanks for asking!




(Original Spanish)
¿Que se parece entre un bombero, un barco y una famili...

I wanted to impress my Spanish wife's parents so I said the word mucho in conversation at dinner last night.

I think it worked. They said it meants a lot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'll try to translate this joke from Spanish

A man is walking down the road carrying a shovel when his friend sees him.

Friend: Hey Pablo, you sure do look tired. What have you been up to?

Pablo: I come from burying my mother in law.

Friend: And you're that tired? Even with how strong you are?

Pablo: The massive bit...

I heard translated jokes are now a thing. Here's one from spanish:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

Original:

¿Donde esta la bibliotecha?

¡Donde esta la bibliotecha!

I like to use the word ‘muchos’ around my Spanish friends

I know it means a lot to them.

My mother in law is Spanish

My mother in law is Spanish, so when we named our son 'Muchos' it really meant a lot to her.

What did the pig say to the spanish butcher?

Porque

I once took a spanish language course on a cruise ship

And I got lost at si

An American man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man are standing on the sidewalk, trying to watch a street performer juggle bowling pins.

The juggler notices they're having a bit of trouble, so he stands on a large wooden box and says to them, "Can you see me now?"

They answer one at a time:

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Sí."

"Ja."

Do you speak Spanish?

A) No. B) A little. C) Señor

My dad is moving to a Spanish city

Ciudad

What did the Spanish radio host say after broadcast?

Audios

What do you call a spanish man with a rubber toe?

Roberto

What does 'no se' mean in Spanish?

Every time I ask someone, they tell me they don't know.

A Spanish greengrocer is 1.74 meters tall, has a waist circumference of 105 centimeters, and wears a size of 44. What does he weigh?

Vegetables

My Spanish girlfriend wanted a better TV

So I arrived home and set it up.

Turns out she said Por Que instead of 4K.

My friends mom counted over two in Spanish and died.

You could say it was an Overdos.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English man is sat in a Spanish restaurant in Spain...

He sees a Spanish man at another table get served a plate with some amazing food, the main part of which is two massive meatballs.

He asks the waiter for the same dish,
“I’m sorry senior, we only get that once per day after the bullfight, it is the testicles of the bull after he is killed ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which US President was most popular among Spanish porn stars?

L.B.J.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spanish pigs say "oinc-oinc".

French pigs say "Oinque"

Japanese pigs say "Oinku"

American pigs say "STOP RESISTING"

What did the mathematician order at the Spanish restaurant?

A π-ella

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man get lost in a desert and finds a genie's lamp.

The genie tells him he has 3 wishes and can be granted anything but more wishes. The man ponders for a while and says " ok I got it" . " firstly I wish to never run out of water, second I wish to be white, and third of all I wish I got a lot of ass". The genie tell him " this I can do" and grants al...

What moisturizer do Spanish bullfighters use?

OLAY

Why do Spanish people eat rice on Easter?

Cause Jesus Arroz from the dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me!"

"I understood every word," says the pa...

My Jamaican buddy is dating a Spanish chick. He doesn't like her granddad, Juan...

But he does like Hernando.

An Italian, an American and a Spanish guy walk into a bar

Shouldn't have done that, now they all got corona

I failed my Spanish language exam.

Sacre bleu

My son asked me if I know any Spanish words.

I said no.

What do you call a crazy Spanish train driver's reason to commit murder ?

A Loco-motive!

I wasted my life

I fear I've wasted my life. I spent years and years learning Latin, Spanish, Mandarin, and Swahili but it turns out I just misheard my uncle when I though he told me "girls love a cunning linguist".

Spanish doctor works at my hospital. Never wears PPE, never washes his hands. Just dips his fingers in black ink constantly. It's a bit weird, so I ask him how he stays safe and what the ink is for.

He just smiles and says:

"No one infects the Spanish ink physician"

A girl asks her father

Dad, what’s the difference between good, bad, and f***d up?

The father replies:
Well my love, good is when your boyfriend likes your clothes, bad is when he wears them and f****d up is when they look better on him than you!


(Bad translation from spanish from yours truly, have ...

My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.

But then the shift hit the flan.

A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests ...

When life gets you down, remember the immortal words of Monty Python.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

I asked my Spanish neighbor to help me fix my tv.

It was a very expensive tv and I told him that I had been meaning to sell it for a while, and would sell it once I got it fixed. He looked confused.

“por que?”

“No, it’s only HD”

My work made me go on a training course where I had to lift some Spanish guys over and over

It was a Manuel handling course

What did the passive aggressive Spanish cheese say?

Kay, so?



Sorry, heading to the gym and this is the best I can meunster.

Somewhere in America: While driving, a man sees a job advert in Spanish.

He says: "Only in Spanish? That's discriminating against Canadians."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a Spanish town, testicles of the bull are served in a restaurant the next day of a bullfight.

In the restaurant, a man orders testicles.He is surprised and asks ' Why are the testicles so small?'

The restaurant owner replies ' The bull won yesterday.'

What do you call a Spanish marathon runner?

Ricardio

A girl was studying French, and doing very well at it.

One day, she asked her teacher “Do you know anything about Spanish? For I know everything there is to know about French, and I need a new language.”

The teacher responded “What a sudden change! And why would you possibly ask me, your French teacher? This was completely unexpected!”

“No...

Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand...

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and...

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

A man is on vacation in Spain.

He goes off the beaten path and decides to spend the night in a small local inn rather than pay extra at a tourist trap. He’s down in the inn’s lounge drinking and he sees a chicken sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender why there’s a chicken inside. She says that the chicken is actually a genius...

I asked this Spanish guy if he wanted to come to the beach with me, but he just stood there and refused to move.

It turned out he was a non-playa character.

Spanish speaking rappers are so vain.

They always talk about themselves: yo yo yo.

Soy Milk

What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?

Y Griega is my favorite spanish word

Most people ask Y?

So i asked my Spanish friend about the crazy pattern on the train

"Man that's a locomotive"

The Native Americans were surprised to be colonised by Europeans

No one expects the Spanish Acquisition

What did the Spanish musician say after they left the sound booth?

Audios

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a Spanish restaurant

An American man walks into a Spanish restaurant and sits down. As he is sat there he sees lots of bull heads on the walls and costumes of matadors in the restaurant.

The waiter walks past and the American asks him “why do you have all these pictures and bulls heads up?”

The Spanish wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bull Testicles (this isn't necessarily NSFW but it's not for people who get grossed out easily so you've been warned)

My dad told me this a few years back

A tourist in Spain is in a restaurant near a bullfighting arena right after a bullfight.
There's a table nearby where a guy is eating a dish with two big balls in it and all around the table people are making merry.
The tourist got curious and asked ...

Here, have a joke in spanish

“sabe inglés?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias”

After a week off work, a bouncer in Glasgow turns up at his usual pub to start his shift at the door.

As he walks in, the barman says "We could've used your help in here last night. We had that Spanish actor in here, you know the fella from James Bond and that other film by the Coen Brothers. Causing all sorts of bother, fighting and everything all night long."

The doorman asks "Aye? Javier B...

People never believe me when I tell them that I got my incredibly detailed tattoo in Spain.

Nobody expects the spanish ink precision

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know that "adios" means "bye" in Spanish, "au revoir" is "bye" in French, and "ciao" is "see you later" in Italian, but I've always wondered how you say "bye" in Japanese, Russian, and Icelandic.

I guess you could say I'm bye curious.

Why don’t apples speak Spanish?

They don’t have mouths

Why was the mafia boss surprised when the Spanish hitman missed his shot

He didn't expect the Spanish Imprecision

Why don't blind spanish people agree with anyone?

Because they can't Si

Where do cats go when all nine lives are up?

Purrgatory!


Ps: this joke works in French, Spanish, and Italian, as far as I’m aware.

I like sending SMS messages to my friends in both English & Spanish.

I guess that makes me bi-textual.

The Spanish assassin

There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.

One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,...

MY SPANISH FRIENDS THINK IM COOL

I moved into a Spanish neighborhood and immediately hit it off with them. They think im so cool they nicknamed me coolo

American discovery mapping error (with the right to offend)

The Spanish Cartography Society summoned their voyaging artist, Amerigo Vespucci, to explain what his purported maps of India depicted instead of the standard, approved reality.

AV famously stated, "Um.. err.. I ca.."

What did the Spanish man with no legs say?

No soporto

People always ask who my psychiatrist is because I’ve been really happy lately but they’re surprised when I say he’s Spanish

No one expects the Spanish shrink decision

In New York there are many tattoo artists from all over the world, but for some reason the artists from Spain have trouble getting business.

Why? Because nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why peas and pussy hair are kinda the same?

Because no matter how you try to put them aside, you always end up getting some on your mouth



(Sounds funnier on Spanish)

What is the difference between Spanish Inquisition and Jojo?

You should always expect a Jojo reference

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A school hired a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college.

On the teacher's first day, the principal decides to sit in her class to observe and takes a seat next to Little Johnny. As the class progresses, the teacher writes a sentence in Spanish on the board. Suddenly, she drops the chalk on the floor and bends down to pick it up. When she straightens back ...

Q: You are in Spanish Inn and hear a knock on the door, who do you expect?

You: The Spanish Inquisition?

A: It’s Room Service. How could you get that wrong, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

The spanish word for "pool" is "piscina"...

thats because you piscina pool

I think my family is racist

I've been nervous for weeks, but I finally decided to introduce them to my Spanish girlfriend

My kids refused to talk to her and my wife started crying and told me to pack my things

My friend said he’s tired of Spanish jokes

He’ll never see it coming

This is not a Rick Roll

>!Guys seriously, it's not.!< >!But!< >!did!< >!you!< >!expect the Spanish!< >!Inq!< >!uisition?!<

How many Spanish cats does it take to make up a horse?

Catorce

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