The 103+ Best Spanish Jokes

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door b...

My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.

Here, have a joke in spanish

“sabe inglés?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias”

A British man, a French man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests...

Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand...

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and...

Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish Flu have passed away.

This seems very suspicious to me!

The Spanish assassin

There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.

One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,...

An American man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man are standing on the sidewalk, trying to watch a street performer juggle bowling pins.

The juggler notices they're having a bit of trouble, so he stands on a large wooden box and says to them, "Can you see me now?"

They answer one at a time:

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Sí."

"Ja."

A German girl married a Spanish man

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain. She can't speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her.

This went on for sometime. One day she wanted to buy banana. So She took her husband to...

I always say muchos to spanish people

It means a lot to them

What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists?

The ¿Qué Qué Qué?

When I'm around my Spanish-speaking friends I always use the word "mucho"...

It means a lot to them.

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store...

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines" said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl....

LPT: If you are ever at a party or business meeting with Spanish speakers, make sure to stand up and say “Mucho”

It means a lot to them

A woman didn't know how to speak Spanish but was married to a Spanish man and together, they resided in Spain.

Once she went to the market to buy some chicken legs. She lifted her skirt a little and pointed to her legs so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her.

Another time, she had to buy chicken breast so she pointed to her bosom so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her

Once s...

How does a glass of milk introduce itself in Spanish?

Soy Milk

What was the greatest achievement of the Spanish royal family?

They managed to turn their family tree into a circle

A thankful Spanish man falls on his rear and slides down a hill.

Gracias

My Spanish friend is destined to save the world.

He really is the chosen Juan.

A 102 year old woman who survived the 1918 Spanish Flu has now beaten coronavirus TWICE

But she was no match for my car

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spanish man and a German are watching a juggler

The juggler notices they are having troubles seeing him through the crowd and steps onto a box. He asks “can you see me now?” They reply

Yea
Oui
Si
Ja

I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff

As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."

What did the Spanish snail say when asked what he carried inside his shell?

Es cargo.

What is the longest word in the Spanish language?

Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll

What do you call a handicapped Spanish demon?

El Disablo

Why wasn’t the number 3 allowed back into school after failing his Spanish test?

Because there’s No Trespassing!!

I’ll show myself out

did you hear about the curious spanish swine?

Porque Pig?

How do you call an abortion in Spanish?

Adios embrios

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Spanish scientist say when asked if he wanted lime in his cocktail?

A mi no acid.

A Spanish man is driving a tractor trailer across France and into Italy.

A Spanish man is driving a tractor trailer across France and into Italy. At the border he gets stopped by the French police and questioned about the contents of his truck. "Caracoles" he says. Not understanding, the police open it up and say "Oh, escargots." The Spanish man replies, "Sì, es cargo."

What color is Spanish ice?

Hielo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young Spanish teacher, fresh out of college, is hired at a public school.

On her first day, the principal decides to observe, and sits down next to Little Johnny. She starts writing a sentence in Spanish on the board. As she does, a piece of chalk breaks and she bends down to pick it up. When she finishes writing her sentence, she asks, "Now, kids, who can translate this ...

A cop pulled over a spanish photon...

The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The photon said, "c."

What did the Spanish firefighter name his twin boys?

Hosea and Hose-B

If Spanish explorers had cheese dip

Do you think thy would be called the Con Quesodores?

I used to know a Spanish magician...

He told me that he could disappear on the count of three.

Then he said *uno, dos.....*

and disappeared without a tres.

What does a Spanish photon say when you tickle it?

“No mass! No mass!”

I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered

...they said it meant a lot to them.

Did you hear about the Spanish Star Wars spin-off?

It’s about the chosen Juan.

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.

Uno.

What do people use to hear music on the Spanish border?

Pandorra

What do Spanish speakers scream on a roller-coaster?

Nosotros...

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan.

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at...

What did the Spanish speaking guest say as he left Ikea with his new chair?

Silla later.

I was at the mall with my friend looking for a 'Learn to speak Spanish' book. [apologies in advance for what I hope is OC]

My friend speaks Spanish fluently and he is great with numbers so we were looking for cheap books when we came to the table that advertised, 5 books for the price of 3. I found the books we needed on another table and surprised when I saw the same offer.

"Oh Look, 5 for 3 too Juan."

[...

Does Spanish have anything in common with English?

Everyone talks about the little Spanish flea, a record star he thought he'd be, but nobody talks about his cousin, the little Spanish tick.

He was a massive freaking prick.

I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada

She meant nothing to me

Did you hear about the Spanish magician?

He would wave his magic wand and count "Uno, Dos-"

And *poof*, he'd disappear without a *tres*.

What's the difference between American catgirls and Spanish catgirls?

One says nya and the other says ña.

My Spanish teacher's husband died last week

I approached her in class and said "Mucho"

"Thanks," she said, "that means a lot."

"Tanto."

"Oh my," she replied. "Thank you, that means so much."

"El mundo."

"Thank you so much," she said, "what you've said means the world."

What do you call a Spanish woman that always says yes?

Si-ñorita

Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing...

What covid is doing is just plaguerism.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spanish joke that isn't as funny when translated to English

\- do you serve wild duck?

\- no if you want, but we can piss off a chicken for you.

What does a Spanish speaking person say when you ask him what is in his container full of snails?

Es Cargo!

This Spanish man on my lawn is so demanding

I keep giving him blankets to sit on and all he will say in response is 'grassy ass'

What do R/Jokes have in common with the Spanish Inquisition?

It just a bunch of tortured puns

An English man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man were watching a juggler.

An English man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man were watching a juggler performing, but the juggler noticed they couldn’t see very well, so he stood on a crate and called out, “Can you see me now?”

They replied, “Yes,” “Oui,” “Si,” “Ja.”

My name is Brett but my Spanish speaking friends call me

Pan.

My Spanish teacher asked me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

Why do the Spanish newspaper El Mundo's employees work so hard?

Because El Mundo means The World to them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A spanish family goes to a sports store.

The son picks up a Germany T-shirt for soccer and says to his sister:

"I've decided I'm going to be a Germany fan and I want this T-shirt for my birthday."
The big sister reacts angrily and slaps him in the face.
"Are you stupid, go talk to mom about it."

So the little boy wit...

What do you call a thoughtful Spanish mint?

A pensa mentos.

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

They thought ESPN was very good in Spanish speaking countries

So now they just call it EsBein.

What do you get when your French and Spanish friends mix?

Mon amigos

How much Spanish did the cow know?

Muuuuucho!

What did the Spanish cow say to the other cow when it wiped the grass off its rear?

Grassy-ass

My Spanish teacher quit her job in the middle of our numbers lesson

She left without a Tres

Why did the Spanish Inquisition yank out people's molars?

Because they wanted the tooth, the whole truth, so help them God.

I asked my Spanish colleague if he could include me on an email

He replied, “CC”

What do you call a group of Spanish yes men?

A si section!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The King of France, The King of England and The King of Spain are having an argument over who has the biggest penis.

Eventually they decide to let the people judge. They all stand on a stage in front of the people and drop their pants one by one.

The King of France drops his and the French crowd shout "Viva la France!!"

The King of Spain drops his and the Spanish crowd shout "Viva la Es...

My dad is moving to a Spanish city

Ciudad

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Won," radioed the American sub.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Legless parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually...

I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.

Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled i...

What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?

OnlyFlans

What did the Spanish sauce say to the English sauce?

Soy sauce.

What did the Spanish ghost have for breakfast?

A bowl of ethereal...

What do Spanish people call leftover beef?

Reincarne

During Spain's economic crisis, my Spanish uncle started his own honey business.

He named it Big Co Honeys.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which US President was most popular among Spanish porn stars?

L.B.J.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Spanish, French and English king got in a debate about who had the best penis

The couldn't decide who had the best penis. They decided to ask an audience of 300 people. 100 British, 100 French, and 100 Spanish. When the 3 Kings arrived of stage, they started to take off their robes one by one.

The French king went first.
Gazing upon the smelly phallus, the Fr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English man is sat in a Spanish restaurant in Spain...

He sees a Spanish man at another table get served a plate with some amazing food, the main part of which is two massive meatballs.

He asks the waiter for the same dish,
“I’m sorry senior, we only get that once per day after the bullfight, it is the testicles of the bull after he is killed ...

Once upon a time, Spanish galleon was sent to rescue some farmers and their cows in a settlement...

...they arrived on schedule and picked up the farmers and their cows, which took up half of the cargo hold. As the journey continued, they miked the cows, eventually filling up the remainder of the hold with various dairy products.

Finally, they reached their destination, but before they wer...

Why did the Spanish train driver crash into an insane asylum?

Nobody is sure, but the doctors said they saw a loco motive

I told my girlfriend that I don’t like Spanish rice...

And now I’m ricest

A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist

In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then poof, he vanished without a trace.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

Everyone is posting photos of people from the 1910's wearing masks to protect themselves from the Spanish flu to try and convince people to wear masks now...

Idiots. If masks work, then why are all those people in the pictures dead?

I want to know if this Spanish joke translates at all

What’s the similarity between a boat, a firefighter and a family?

The boat and the firefighter have hard outer coverings (cascos).

*and the family?*

They’re good, thanks for asking!

(Original Spanish)
¿Que se parece entre un bombero, un barco y una famili...

Why do english speaking judo fighters lose against spanish-speaking ones?

Because, what in english is known as a lock, in spanish it's known as a key (llave)

Do you speak Spanish?

A) No. B) A little. C) Señor

If a Spanish woman called Pilar married an Irish man called Colm

... would their children be Poles?

What did the mathematician order at the Spanish restaurant?

A π-ella

For some reason CBS wouldn't let me stream the super bowl. I had to switch to the ESPN spanish simulcast.

It worked out because BRADY-GRONKOWSKI-GOALLLLLLLLL!!!!! is the same in every language.

I hope this translate well from Spanish

Why do police cars have a bathtub on the top?

So they can carry the sirens.

.
Sorry

I heard translated jokes are now a thing. Here's one from spanish:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

Original:

¿Donde esta la bibliotecha?

¡Donde esta la bibliotecha!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a Spanish restaurant

An American man walks into a Spanish restaurant and sits down. As he is sat there he sees lots of bull heads on the walls and costumes of matadors in the restaurant.

The waiter walks past and the American asks him “why do you have all these pictures and bulls heads up?”

The Spanish wa...

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