If you see a Spanish person tell them "mucho"

It means a lot to them

I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada

She meant nothing to me

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>!You!< >!probably!< >!expected!< >!a!< >!rickroll,!< >!but!< >!NOBODY!< >!EXPECTS!< >!THE!< >!SPANISH!< >!INQUISITION!<

Thanks for all the upvotes! As long as the majority of you liked this i can ignore any critic in the comme...

Do you speak Spanish?

A) No. B) A little. C) Señor

What do you call a spanish man with a rubber toe?

Roberto

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines." said the man. "I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offere...

What does 'no se' mean in Spanish?

Every time I ask someone, they tell me they don't know.

A Spanish Magician says he will count to 3 and disappear.

"Uno, Dos" and he disappeared without a tres.

What did the pig say to the spanish butcher?

Porque

An American man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man are standing on the sidewalk, trying to watch a street performer juggle bowling pins.

The juggler notices they're having a bit of trouble, so he stands on a large wooden box and says to them, "Can you see me now?"

They answer one at a time:

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Sí."

"Ja."

My Spanish girlfriend wanted a better TV

So I arrived home and set it up.

Turns out she said Por Que instead of 4K.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spanish pigs say "oinc-oinc".

French pigs say "Oinque"

Japanese pigs say "Oinku"

American pigs say "STOP RESISTING"

My Jamaican buddy is dating a Spanish chick. He doesn't like her granddad, Juan...

But he does like Hernando.

An Italian, an American and a Spanish guy walk into a bar

Shouldn't have done that, now they all got corona

My dad is moving to a Spanish city

Ciudad

A Spanish greengrocer is 1.74 meters tall, has a waist circumference of 105 centimeters, and wears a size of 44. What does he weigh?

Vegetables

I was going to make a joke about the Spanish capital...

... maybe about their football team.

But what's the point? The Real Madrid joke will be in the comments.

A cop is walking down the street when two spanish men come running up to him...

The first spanish man asks if he can understand Spanish. The cop says he can but not very well. The second man starts speaking in spanish but very quickly.

"Hold on, I need you to the slow down" the cop says in broken spanish.

Again the second man starts speaking in spanish again very ...

My friends mom counted over two in Spanish and died.

You could say it was an Overdos.

What do you call a crazy Spanish train driver's reason to commit murder ?

A Loco-motive!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which US President was most popular among Spanish porn stars?

L.B.J.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English man is sat in a Spanish restaurant in Spain...

He sees a Spanish man at another table get served a plate with some amazing food, the main part of which is two massive meatballs.

He asks the waiter for the same dish,
“I’m sorry senior, we only get that once per day after the bullfight, it is the testicles of the bull after he is killed ...

Why do Spanish people eat rice on Easter?

Cause Jesus Arroz from the dead.

What moisturizer do Spanish bullfighters use?

OLAY

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me!"

"I understood every word," says the pa...

I failed my Spanish language exam.

Sacre bleu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would you say to a spanish person that planted grass seed on your butt

Grassy ass!

What did the mathematician order at the Spanish restaurant?

A π-ella

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a boy was asked to think of three good quotes at school

he went home and asked his mother, she said “a fool and his money are soon parted”

he asked his father, he said “ask and you shall receive”

he asked his grandfather, who served the military, he said, “where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved”

he went ba...

My wife said I was overconfident by transporting Spanish desserts in the center console of my car. I didn't care.

But then the shift hit the flan.

My son asked me if I know any Spanish words.

I said no.

What do u call a spanish man who runs out of toilet paper during lockdown

He's panic

My work made me go on a training course where I had to lift some Spanish guys over and over

It was a Manuel handling course

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Bull Testicles (this isn't necessarily NSFW but it's not for people who get grossed out easily so you've been warned)

My dad told me this a few years back

A tourist in Spain is in a restaurant near a bullfighting arena right after a bullfight.
There's a table nearby where a guy is eating a dish with two big balls in it and all around the table people are making merry.
The tourist got curious and asked ...

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In a Spanish town, testicles of the bull are served in a restaurant the next day of a bullfight.

In the restaurant, a man orders testicles.He is surprised and asks ' Why are the testicles so small?'

The restaurant owner replies ' The bull won yesterday.'

Spanish doctor works at my hospital. Never wears PPE, never washes his hands. Just dips his fingers in black ink constantly. It's a bit weird, so I ask him how he stays safe and what the ink is for.

He just smiles and says:

"No one infects the Spanish ink physician"

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The Spanish, French and English king got in a debate about who had the best penis

The couldn't decide who had the best penis. They decided to ask an audience of 300 people. 100 British, 100 French, and 100 Spanish. When the 3 Kings arrived of stage, they started to take off their robes one by one.


The French king went first.
Gazing upon the smelly phallus, the Fr...

People never believe me when I tell them that I got my incredibly detailed tattoo in Spain.

Nobody expects the spanish ink precision

What do you call a Spanish marathon runner?

Ricardio

Spanish speaking rappers are so vain.

They always talk about themselves: yo yo yo.

I asked this Spanish guy if he wanted to come to the beach with me, but he just stood there and refused to move.

It turned out he was a non-playa character.

What did the Spanish musician say after they left the sound booth?

Audios

My spanish friend Lorraine says I'm the only person okay with her moving south.

I guess you could say I bless Lorraine down in Africa.

I asked my Spanish neighbor to help me fix my tv.

It was a very expensive tv and I told him that I had been meaning to sell it for a while, and would sell it once I got it fixed. He looked confused.

“por que?”

“No, it’s only HD”

Still my funniest joke

A man is hosting a radio program and he wants to call a random person to ask for their favourite song in order to play it on the radio. So the random guy says " well I just want to say that I found a person's wallet on the street" and the host tells him " well do you want to share the owner's name s...

A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests ...

Y Griega is my favorite spanish word

Most people ask Y?

So i asked my Spanish friend about the crazy pattern on the train

"Man that's a locomotive"

What do English speakers yell when they're on a rollercoaster?

Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

What do Spanish speakers yell when they're on a roller coaster?

Nosotros!!!!!

Why was the mafia boss surprised when the Spanish hitman missed his shot

He didn't expect the Spanish Imprecision

Then the duck walked up to the lemonade stand and says to the man running, “hey” (bom bom bom)

“you never expect the spanish inquisition“

Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand...

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and...

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A man is staying at an old fashioned pub/inn

Downstairs in the tavern he is drinking before retiring to his room. The innkeep approaches him and proposes a challenge. He has a magical chicken that will grant him one wish if he can beat her in a trivia contest. The man is bemused but accepts the challenge, figuring there’s no harm in indulging ...

Why don’t apples speak Spanish?

They don’t have mouths

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A man walks into a Spanish restaurant

An American man walks into a Spanish restaurant and sits down. As he is sat there he sees lots of bull heads on the walls and costumes of matadors in the restaurant.

The waiter walks past and the American asks him “why do you have all these pictures and bulls heads up?”

The Spanish wa...

I like sending SMS messages to my friends in both English & Spanish.

I guess that makes me bi-textual.

All the students were afraid of the Spanish teacher because she would ask random questions throughout class

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition

Why don't blind spanish people agree with anyone?

Because they can't Si

At the end of a very strange day, a Jewish-turned Catholic man calls his Catholic friend to chat.

The moment the Catholic picks up, the former-Jewish man tells him that he had several people knocking at his door at two in the morning when he least expected it. The former Jewish man tells his friend that from his sleep-addled perspective, they strangely almost seemed like they were covered in sca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know that "adios" means "bye" in Spanish, "au revoir" is "bye" in French, and "ciao" is "see you later" in Italian, but I've always wondered how you say "bye" in Japanese, Russian, and Icelandic.

I guess you could say I'm bye curious.

People always ask who my psychiatrist is because I’ve been really happy lately but they’re surprised when I say he’s Spanish

No one expects the Spanish shrink decision

I think my family is racist

I've been nervous for weeks, but I finally decided to introduce them to my Spanish girlfriend

My kids refused to talk to her and my wife started crying and told me to pack my things

What did the Spanish man with no legs say?

No soporto

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

MY SPANISH FRIENDS THINK IM COOL

I moved into a Spanish neighborhood and immediately hit it off with them. They think im so cool they nicknamed me coolo

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:
 
"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give...

Click here for a RickRoll!

>!Never!< >!Gonna!< >!Give !< >!You !< >! Up!< >!Never!< >!Gonna!< >!expect!< >!the!< >!Spanish!< >!Inquisition!<

Which Spanish Explorers took chips with them on their expeditions to Central America?

The Con-Qeuso-dors!

What is the difference between Spanish Inquisition and Jojo?

You should always expect a Jojo reference

My friend said he’s tired of Spanish jokes

He’ll never see it coming

Did you hear its now illegal to be in possession of a ballpoint pen in Spain?

That's the Spanish ink-position.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A school hired a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college.

On the teacher's first day, the principal decides to sit in her class to observe and takes a seat next to Little Johnny. As the class progresses, the teacher writes a sentence in Spanish on the board. Suddenly, she drops the chalk on the floor and bends down to pick it up. When she straightens back ...

Here, have a joke in spanish

“sabe inglés?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias”

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a German and a Spanish man go to a dolphin show

The dolphin jumps in the air, but the 4 men couldn’t see the dolphin
The Englishman shouts, “We can’t see you!”
The dolphin jumps higher and says “Can you see me now?” And the 4 men reply
“Yes!”
“Oui!”
“Si!”
“Ya!”

The spanish word for "pool" is "piscina"...

thats because you piscina pool

Q: You are in Spanish Inn and hear a knock on the door, who do you expect?

You: The Spanish Inquisition?

A: It’s Room Service. How could you get that wrong, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

A man visits a hotel in Spain and injures himself in the room.

So he calls the front desk and asks them to find him a doctor.

"you're in luck, sir! We have a doctor that lives in this very hotel."

They send the doctor up. After tending to the man's injuries the man remarks:

"Wow! I never would have thought this hotel would have its own do...

The Spanish assassin

There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.

One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,...

William Shakespeare is Meeting Felipe III, the Spanish king at the time...

And after a great first meeting, he finds themselves becoming fast friends. However, he is unsure how now to address his new friend. By his first name? By his title? With deference or informally?
He struggles and struggles.
Finally, after a long sleepless night, he begins to think a quick and ...

Oh, have you heard about the new Spanish fast food place?

I think it’s called KFSí.

Why are Spanish pants sad?

Because they’re pant*alone*s

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Pakistani Prostitute in Spanish?

LaHore

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan.

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at...

I've always pondered about the spelling of "and" in Spanish.

Like... Just y?

What do you call a handicapped Spanish demon?

El Disablo

How many Spanish cats does it take to make up a horse?

Catorce

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coronavirus alerts across the world

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when t...

I did not last more than a day as a teacher in Spanish-American school for mentally challenged

Apparently” Buenos, tardes!” is not an appropriate greeting

Spanish inn owner

A nice young man by the name of Pablo was a physician. As just a little side job he also ran an inn/motel. Sadly one night the entire place burnt to the ground, and Pablo had just taken out a large insurance policy. So after suspicion of insurance fraud and arsony Pablo is taken to court. In front o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Spanish Ass Pirate from the 17th century?

A conkeesterdor.

What sort of Spanish sporting event would Jesus hang out at?

La Crosse

(True story, for what it’s worth) My neighbour has a new Spanish teacher at school, his name is Mr Armada.

“Like the Spanish Armada?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said and I shook my head in disbelief.

“Well,” I sighed. “At least he isn’t called Mr Inquisition. Nobody would have expected that.”

Who was the smartest of all the Spanish conquistadors?

Cerebral Cortez

How do you say "let's go eat ham" in Spanish?

Jamon

What is the Spanish word for accidentally taking a second sleeping pill?

Tambien™

A spanish photon walks into a bar

The bartender says "What'll it be?"

The photon says "Una cerveza por favor."

A few minute later the bartender comes back and the beer is finished so he says "Hey buddy, want another?"

The photon replies "No mas."

What do you call a Spanish abortion?

Adios embrios

How long would it take Keanu Reeves to learn Spanish?

Juan Wick

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