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My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say the word for "please" though, which I think is poor for four

LPT: If you are ever at a party or business meeting with Spanish speakers, make sure to stand up and say “Mucho”

It means a lot to them

How does a glass of milk introduce itself in Spanish?

Soy Milk

A French woman and a Spanish man had recently gotten married and moved to Spain.

The woman could not speak Spanish so whenever she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would raise her skirt a little and show her thighs which the seller understood.
One day, she wanted to buy bananas so she brought her husband with him.





As her husband could speak Spanish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If we change the English word Bitch to the Spanish word Puta

Then the word Bitchin would become Putin

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A young Spanish teacher, fresh out of college, is hired at a public school.

On her first day, the principal decides to observe, and sits down next to Little Johnny. She starts writing a sentence in Spanish on the board. As she does, a piece of chalk breaks and she bends down to pick it up. When she finishes writing her sentence, she asks, "Now, kids, who can translate this ...

A Spanish speaking man walks into a clothing store looking to buy some socks

He found his way to the menswear department where a sales clerk offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sales clerk.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Wel...

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door b...

Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish Flu have passed away.

This seems very suspicious to me!

What does a Spanish photon say when you tickle it?

“No mass! No mass!”

Did you hear about the Spanish Star Wars spin-off?

It’s about the chosen Juan.

How do you call an abortion in Spanish?

Adios embrios

What did the Spanish firefighter name his twin boys?

Hosea and Hose-B

Everyone talks about the little Spanish flea, a record star he thought he'd be, but nobody talks about his cousin, the little Spanish tick.

He was a massive freaking prick.

What's the difference between American catgirls and Spanish catgirls?

One says nya and the other says ña.

There was once a great Spanish magician

He was world-renowned for his incredible feats. His most famous act, though, was his vanishing act. He would count; uno, dos and suddenly he would disappear without a tres.

What do Spanish speakers scream on a roller-coaster?

Nosotros...

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

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Disabled legless Parrot. With a bargain.

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually...

What do you call a Spanish woman that always says yes?

Si-ñorita

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A man walks into a restaurant after a bull fight

A man walks into a Spanish restaurant after a big bull fight. He looks at the menu for a bit and spots ‘meatballs del toro’. So he calls the waiter over and orders this plate. Later, two giant, steaming meatballs come out atop a large plate of spaghetti. Best meatballs the man has ever had. He leave...

My buddy and I have been working at this company for several years

We thought everything was going great. Numbers were up, sales were soaring! But one day our boss announced that the entire company was being bought out by some company in Spain.

“What?!” I exclaimed to my friend. “This is so out of the blue! Never in a million years could I have seen this com...

A woman didn't know how to speak Spanish but was married to a Spanish man and together, they resided in Spain.

Once she went to the market to buy some chicken legs. She lifted her skirt a little and pointed to her legs so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her.

Another time, she had to buy chicken breast so she pointed to her bosom so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her

Once s...

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Spanish joke that isn't as funny when translated to English

\- do you serve wild duck?

\- no if you want, but we can piss off a chicken for you.

Does Spanish have anything in common with English?

No

Liverpool had so much going for them. Dominated the ball, constantly on the attack, great strategy to win the day. But no matter how often the were close a score seemed inevitable, Real Madrid defenders always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. It must actually be true what they say

Nobody expects the Spanish in position

Why do the Spanish newspaper El Mundo's employees work so hard?

Because El Mundo means The World to them.

What do R/Jokes have in common with the Spanish Inquisition?

It just a bunch of tortured puns

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A spanish family goes to a sports store.

The son picks up a Germany T-shirt for soccer and says to his sister:

"I've decided I'm going to be a Germany fan and I want this T-shirt for my birthday."
The big sister reacts angrily and slaps him in the face.
"Are you stupid, go talk to mom about it."

So the little boy wit...

What does a Spanish speaking person say when you ask him what is in his container full of snails?

Es Cargo!

I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff

As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."

Scientists have conducted blood tests on a frog to extract DNA and confirm its identity.

They have discovered that the frog was:-
30% Russian
30% French
20% Italian
10% Spanish
5% British
4% Dutch
And a tad Pole...!

Knock knock. Who's there?

The Spanish Inquisition.

They thought ESPN was very good in Spanish speaking countries

So now they just call it EsBein.

How much Spanish did the cow know?

Muuuuucho!

What do you get when your French and Spanish friends mix?

Mon amigos

What do you call a thoughtful Spanish mint?

A pensa mentos.

An English man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man were watching a juggler.

An English man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man were watching a juggler performing, but the juggler noticed they couldn’t see very well, so he stood on a crate and called out, “Can you see me now?”

They replied, “Yes,” “Oui,” “Si,” “Ja.”

What did the Spanish cow say to the other cow when it wiped the grass off its rear?

Grassy-ass

This Spanish man on my lawn is so demanding

I keep giving him blankets to sit on and all he will say in response is 'grassy ass'

I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered

...they said it meant a lot to them.

An American man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man are standing on the sidewalk, trying to watch a street performer juggle bowling pins.

The juggler notices they're having a bit of trouble, so he stands on a large wooden box and says to them, "Can you see me now?"

They answer one at a time:

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Sí."

"Ja."

My Spanish teacher's husband died last week

I approached her in class and said "Mucho"

"Thanks," she said, "that means a lot."

"Tanto."

"Oh my," she replied. "Thank you, that means so much."

"El mundo."

"Thank you so much," she said, "what you've said means the world."

What do you call a joke with an unexpected ending?

The Spanish Inquisition.

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

I walk into a Spanish woman's house

I'm walking around when I notice I'm quite thirsty I ask her "could i get a drink" she asks me "would you like a glass of water?" I reply with "silicon"

Here, have a joke in spanish

“sabe inglés?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias”

Why did the Spanish Inquisition yank out people's molars?

Because they wanted the tooth, the whole truth, so help them God.

My Spanish teacher quit her job in the middle of our numbers lesson

She left without a Tres

My name is Brett but my Spanish speaking friends call me

Pan.

My Spanish teacher asked me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

What do you call a group of Spanish yes men?

A si section!

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The King of France, The King of England and The King of Spain are having an argument over who has the biggest penis.

Eventually they decide to let the people judge. They all stand on a stage in front of the people and drop their pants one by one.


The King of France drops his and the French crowd shout "Viva la France!!"


The King of Spain drops his and the Spanish crowd shout "Viva la Es...

I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.

Uno.

Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand...

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and...

A young man is vacationing in Spain…

… when he happens to wander into a pub populated entirely by tourists, most of whom are in the midst of playing some kind of trivia game.

The young man sits down at a vacant table and listens for a while, slowly realizing that the game is focused entirely on the many hotels, motels, and hoste...

Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing...

What covid is doing is just plaguerism.

I bet you won’t expect this. What has five eyes but can’t see?

The Spanish Inquisition!

Two groups of archers were in a battle.

the account of the battle was poorly translated through Spanish and went like this:

one group of archers fired rice at the other.

each of the archers in the second group was hit by January.

one lone surviving sad archer in the second group fired back a single wide brimmed hat....

The CIA, the FBI, and the LAPD are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

The Spanish Inquisition return with a rabbit that's converted to Christianity and is a foot taller than it was before.

Were you not expecting that? Nobody was.

What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?

OnlyFlans

I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada

She meant nothing to me

I asked my Spanish colleague if he could include me on an email

He replied, “CC”

Once upon a time, Spanish galleon was sent to rescue some farmers and their cows in a settlement...

...they arrived on schedule and picked up the farmers and their cows, which took up half of the cargo hold. As the journey continued, they miked the cows, eventually filling up the remainder of the hold with various dairy products.

Finally, they reached their destination, but before they wer...

A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests ...

What did the Spanish ghost have for breakfast?

A bowl of ethereal...

A joke from "mind your language"

teacher : \[when you're sick\] you go to the doctor

Spanish student : no, no doctor, doctor killed my uncle in Madrid

\-really ?

\-si, my uncle, he has pain in the chest, he go see doctor, doctor he listen and say "it's all right", t...

My tattoo removal specialist, Dr Pablo, confessed to me recently that he had committed dozens of crimes yet has never been caught.

"How on earth are you a free man?" I asked him.

"Nobody expects the Spanish ink physician" he said.

Everyone is posting photos of people from the 1910's wearing masks to protect themselves from the Spanish flu to try and convince people to wear masks now...

Idiots. If masks work, then why are all those people in the pictures dead?

The Spanish assassin

There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.

One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,...

Why did the Spanish train driver crash into an insane asylum?

Nobody is sure, but the doctors said they saw a loco motive

A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist

In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then poof, he vanished without a trace.

Why do english speaking judo fighters lose against spanish-speaking ones?

Because, what in english is known as a lock, in spanish it's known as a key (llave)

Why is Mario so scared of Spanish ghosts?

He’s been playing with “La Ouija” too much.

Mexicans in the US should bear responsibility for their Spanish flu

ency, which has inspired so many to learn a second language. True MVPs.

What do Spanish people call leftover beef?

Reincarne

I recently had a chat with a Spanish girl whose name is apparently "senorita 2"

Unfortunately she wasn't able to recognize any of the words I was saying. That's probably the only time I'll speak with "MS-DOS".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Mexican women with three boobs?

Tres Leches

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks in to a sea shanty

A man walks in to a sea shanty and sees his old pal Long John Silver sitting at the bar so he walks over to say hello. As he approaches, he notices that his old friend has a nice new peg-leg, a shiny new hook at the end of his right wrist and a fresh looking eyepatch over his right eye. He slaps h...

I told my girlfriend that I don’t like Spanish rice...

And now I’m ricest

If a Spanish woman called Pilar married an Irish man called Colm

... would their children be Poles?

What did the Spanish sauce say to the English sauce?

Soy sauce.

What would you call a progressive rock band that plays psychedelic Spanish guitar on your front lawn?

Pink Flamenco

For some reason CBS wouldn't let me stream the super bowl. I had to switch to the ESPN spanish simulcast.

It worked out because BRADY-GRONKOWSKI-GOALLLLLLLLL!!!!! is the same in every language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

- Is there a doctor in the room?

\- I'm a doctor

\- This man is having a heart attack

\- Well, I mean I'm a doctor in Spanish linguistics

\- He's dying, for fucks sake, he's dying!

\- Se está muriendo, coño, se está muriendo!

A Spanish man, an Italian man, and an English man are seated together on a flight to the US.

As they talk during the flight, they discover that they are all on extended business trips, and they each spent their last night at home making love to their wives.

The Spanish man says, "I made love to my wife three times, and when it was time for me to leave she cried and cried for me to st...

I hope this translate well from Spanish

Why do police cars have a bathtub on the top?

So they can carry the sirens.




.
Sorry

My son asked me if I know any Spanish words.

I said no.

I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid...

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled i...

My dad is moving to a Spanish city

Ciudad

What did the mathematician order at the Spanish restaurant?

A π-ella

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

Do you speak Spanish?

A) No. B) A little. C) Señor

I want to know if this Spanish joke translates at all

What’s the similarity between a boat, a firefighter and a family?

The boat and the firefighter have hard outer coverings (cascos).

*and the family?*

They’re good, thanks for asking!




(Original Spanish)
¿Que se parece entre un bombero, un barco y una famili...

What do you call a dog that helps out in a Spanish law firm?

A perro-legal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which US President was most popular among Spanish porn stars?

L.B.J.

Have you ever seen a Spanish Muslim?

Once you see juan, you see jamal.

Why can’t a blind Spanish girl consent?

Because they can’t Si

I have two really good Spanish friends in the south of the USA that I want to visit some day

They're called Louise y Anna

I heard translated jokes are now a thing. Here's one from spanish:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

Original:

¿Donde esta la bibliotecha?

¡Donde esta la bibliotecha!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'll try to translate this joke from Spanish

A man is walking down the road carrying a shovel when his friend sees him.

Friend: Hey Pablo, you sure do look tired. What have you been up to?

Pablo: I come from burying my mother in law.

Friend: And you're that tired? Even with how strong you are?

Pablo: The massive bit...

A Spanish man is showing his friend his boats

He tells his friend he has a boat named uno, dos, tres, cuatro, and seis.

His friend asks what happened to the fifth one

The Spanish man says: Cinco!

What do you call a handicapped Spanish demon?

El Disablo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English man is sat in a Spanish restaurant in Spain...

He sees a Spanish man at another table get served a plate with some amazing food, the main part of which is two massive meatballs.

He asks the waiter for the same dish,
“I’m sorry senior, we only get that once per day after the bullfight, it is the testicles of the bull after he is killed ...

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan.

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at...

I wanted to impress my Spanish wife's parents so I said the word mucho in conversation at dinner last night.

I think it worked. They said it meants a lot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke was told to me in Spanish so hopefully nothing is lost in translation.

Two guys were on a ship out in the ocean when it capsized during a storm. But they were lucky enough to find a piece of flotsam to hold on to.

One man spoke only Spanish and the other spoke only English. After days of holding on to the flotsam, the Spanish guy couldn’t hold on and started to ...

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