My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say the word for "please" though, which I think is poor for four

A German girl married a Spanish man

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain. She can't speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her.

This went on for sometime. One day she wanted to buy banana. So She took her husband to...

What does a Spanish speaking person say when you ask him what is in his container full of snails?

Es Cargo!

I used to know a Spanish magician...

He told me that he could disappear on the count of three.

Then he said *uno, dos.....*

and disappeared without a tres.

An English man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man were watching a juggler.

An English man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man were watching a juggler performing, but the juggler noticed they couldn’t see very well, so he stood on a crate and called out, “Can you see me now?”

They replied, “Yes,” “Oui,” “Si,” “Ja.”

What do R/Jokes have in common with the Spanish Inquisition?

It just a bunch of tortured puns

I always make sure to say "muchas" near my Spanish speaking friends.

It means a lot to them.

This Spanish man on my lawn is so demanding

I keep giving him blankets to sit on and all he will say in response is 'grassy ass'

My name is Brett but my Spanish speaking friends call me

Pan.

A woman didn't know how to speak Spanish but was married to a Spanish man and together, they resided in Spain.

Once she went to the market to buy some chicken legs. She lifted her skirt a little and pointed to her legs so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her.

Another time, she had to buy chicken breast so she pointed to her bosom so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her

Once s...

What did the Spanish cow say to the other cow when it wiped the grass off its rear?

Grassy-ass

I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff

As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."

People are astonished when they see the tattoo that I got in Madrid

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

I walk into a Spanish woman's house

I'm walking around when I notice I'm quite thirsty I ask her "could i get a drink" she asks me "would you like a glass of water?" I reply with "silicon"

My girlfriend doesn't know why I've been saying "mucho" a lot more to my Spanish friends

Apparently it means a lot to them

During Spain's economic crisis, my Spanish uncle started his own honey business.

He named it Big Co Honeys.

My Spanish teacher quit her job in the middle of our numbers lesson

She left without a Tres

Why did the Spanish Inquisition yank out people's molars?

Because they wanted the tooth, the whole truth, so help them God.

Everyone is posting photos of people from the 1910's wearing masks to protect themselves from the Spanish flu to try and convince people to wear masks now...

Idiots. If masks work, then why are all those people in the pictures dead?

I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered

...they said it meant a lot to them.

What do you call a group of Spanish yes men?

A si section!

I always say muchos to spanish people

It means a lot to them

Over 99.99% of People that Took the Vaccine for the 1920 Spanish Flu Have Passed away.

Very Sus, Not gonna lie.

My Spanish teacher's husband died last week

I approached her in class and said "Mucho"

"Thanks," she said, "that means a lot."

"Tanto."

"Oh my," she replied. "Thank you, that means so much."

"El mundo."

"Thank you so much," she said, "what you've said means the world."

An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".

The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".

The wife continued, "We didn...

Once upon a time, Spanish galleon was sent to rescue some farmers and their cows in a settlement...

...they arrived on schedule and picked up the farmers and their cows, which took up half of the cargo hold. As the journey continued, they miked the cows, eventually filling up the remainder of the hold with various dairy products.

Finally, they reached their destination, but before they wer...

What do you call a website where you pay to look at pictures of Spanish desserts?

OnlyFlans

Why is Mario so scared of Spanish ghosts?

He’s been playing with “La Ouija” too much.

My Spanish teacher asked me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

If a Spanish woman called Pilar married an Irish man called Colm

... would their children be Poles?

For some reason CBS wouldn't let me stream the super bowl. I had to switch to the ESPN spanish simulcast.

It worked out because BRADY-GRONKOWSKI-GOALLLLLLLLL!!!!! is the same in every language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A school hires a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college.

On her first day, the principal decides to sit in the class and observe, and he sits down next to Little Johnny. The teacher writes a sentence in Spanish on the board. Midway through the sentence she drops the marker and bends down to pick it up. As she straightens and finishes the sentence she asks...

What did the Spanish ghost have for breakfast?

A bowl of ethereal...

An English man of war was a three-decked warship. A Spanish man of war was a galleon.

But the Portuguese man of war is a jellyfish.

Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing...

What covid is doing is just plaguerism.

No means no.

-page 47 of my Spanish to English dictionary

What would you call a progressive rock band that plays psychedelic Spanish guitar on your front lawn?

Pink Flamenco

I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.

Uno.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

A man is on vacation in Spain.

He stops at a local inn to stay and is having a drink down in the bar.

Once there he was challenged by the bartender to win a free meal and a drink. He needs only score higher on a trivia quiz against a very smart chicken.

Amused and figuring he couldn’t lose to a bird he accepts. Th...

I asked my Spanish colleague if he could include me on an email

He replied, “CC”

I recently had a chat with a Spanish girl whose name is apparently "senorita 2"

Unfortunately she wasn't able to recognize any of the words I was saying. That's probably the only time I'll speak with "MS-DOS".

Why did the Spanish train driver crash into an insane asylum?

Nobody is sure, but the doctors said they saw a loco motive

What do Spanish people call leftover beef?

Reincarne

I told my girlfriend that I don’t like Spanish rice...

And now I’m ricest

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Oh," radioed the American sub. "I guess we won"

An American man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man are standing on the sidewalk, trying to watch a street performer juggle bowling pins.

The juggler notices they're having a bit of trouble, so he stands on a large wooden box and says to them, "Can you see me now?"

They answer one at a time:

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Sí."

"Ja."

A Spanish man, an Italian man, and an English man are seated together on a flight to the US.

As they talk during the flight, they discover that they are all on extended business trips, and they each spent their last night at home making love to their wives.

The Spanish man says, "I made love to my wife three times, and when it was time for me to leave she cried and cried for me to st...

I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada

She meant nothing to me

What did the Spanish sauce say to the English sauce?

Soy sauce.

A magical spanish thief was caught trying to steal an early work of a famous artist

In his defeat, he declared they could keep the work, but he would set himself free on the count of three. He said "Uno...Dos...." and then poof, he vanished without a trace.

Bono walks into a bar in Tijuana.

He has thirteen of his closest friends with him, and he offers to buy the first round. He walks up to the bartender and orders in Spanish. The bartender comes out a bit later and hands out all the beers.

Bono laughs and says, "I love this place. Every time I come here, I order four drinks, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

What do you call a dog that helps out in a Spanish law firm?

A perro-legal.

Why can’t a blind Spanish girl consent?

Because they can’t Si

My friend was visiting from Barcelona, and he asked me if he could crash on my couch.

I wasn't expecting some kind of Spanish imposition!

I have two really good Spanish friends in the south of the USA that I want to visit some day

They're called Louise y Anna

I hope this translate well from Spanish

Why do police cars have a bathtub on the top?

So they can carry the sirens.




.
Sorry

A Spanish man is showing his friend his boats

He tells his friend he has a boat named uno, dos, tres, cuatro, and seis.

His friend asks what happened to the fifth one

The Spanish man says: Cinco!

Here, have a joke in spanish

“sabe inglés?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias”

Wonderfully British…

In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
"The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me... I'm ...

Why's it so surprising when friends from Barcelona overstay their welcome?

Because nobody expects the Spanish Imposition.

Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand...

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and...

Did you hear about John McAfee?

I guess the old saying is true.

Nobody expects the Spanish Extradition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 4 year old nephew is learning about manners and also learning Spanish. He said “Can you por favor me some juice?”

He followed up with: “I don’t have to say PLEASE because I already DID.” Smart ass.

Have you ever seen a Spanish Muslim?

Once you see juan, you see jamal.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sale...

A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests ...

What do you call a a Spanish spring (river) that doesn't move?

Geyser Permanente

Why do Spanish urinals have splash guards?

Because they piso mojado.

My dad is moving to a Spanish city

Ciudad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Spanish dog say to his owner after he let him out to poop in the yard?

Grassy-ass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

Do you speak Spanish?

A) No. B) A little. C) Señor

What was the name of the most intelligent Spanish conquistador?

Cerebral Cortez.

A tired man walks into a French restaurant for a date...

(This is a really old and kinda long joke my parents used to tell me. It's translated from Spanish so bear with me.)

The man hated French food, but the woman was supposed to be an absolute beauty, so he agreed. He arrived at the incredibly fancy restaurant, exhausted from a day of work, and s...

What tool does a spanish man use to play the violin?

Elbow

The Spanish assassin

There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.

One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,...

My friends mom counted over two in Spanish and died.

You could say it was an Overdos.

I want to know if this Spanish joke translates at all

What’s the similarity between a boat, a firefighter and a family?

The boat and the firefighter have hard outer coverings (cascos).

*and the family?*

They’re good, thanks for asking!




(Original Spanish)
¿Que se parece entre un bombero, un barco y una famili...

I heard translated jokes are now a thing. Here's one from spanish:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!

Original:

¿Donde esta la bibliotecha?

¡Donde esta la bibliotecha!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'll try to translate this joke from Spanish

A man is walking down the road carrying a shovel when his friend sees him.

Friend: Hey Pablo, you sure do look tired. What have you been up to?

Pablo: I come from burying my mother in law.

Friend: And you're that tired? Even with how strong you are?

Pablo: The massive bit...

My son asked me if I know any Spanish words.

I said no.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke was told to me in Spanish so hopefully nothing is lost in translation.

Two guys were on a ship out in the ocean when it capsized during a storm. But they were lucky enough to find a piece of flotsam to hold on to.

One man spoke only Spanish and the other spoke only English. After days of holding on to the flotsam, the Spanish guy couldn’t hold on and started to ...

I wanted to impress my Spanish wife's parents so I said the word mucho in conversation at dinner last night.

I think it worked. They said it meants a lot.

A member of the Inca Indian tribe was captured by the Spanish....

The captain told his interpreter to say this to the Inca Indian , " Tell him if he doesn't tell us where they have hidden all their gold ,that we will burn his feet ".
Through the interpreter the Inca Indian replied " I would rather die than tell you where the gold is "
The captain threatened...

There is a Spanish family on holiday in England

When they are in England, the trains are packed and everyone is drunk and half naked. Everywhere is mayhem and the little Spanish boy is confused why. "Dad, why is everyone celebrating, is there an event or something happening?" The dad replies, "The sun has come out."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which US President was most popular among Spanish porn stars?

L.B.J.

The Spanish word for 'cat' is 'gato'.



In China they pronounce it 'gateau'.

What did the mathematician order at the Spanish restaurant?

A π-ella

What did the pig say to the spanish butcher?

Porque

How's life Johnny? (translated from Spanish)

George: So, how's life Johnny?

Johnny: Terrible.

G: Aw, well what about that Ferrari you got?

J: It got wrecked in a car crash.

G: Ooh, but what about that genius son of yours?

J: He was in the car.

*G, hoping to get away from this horrible conversation:*...

My mother in law is Spanish

My mother in law is Spanish, so when we named our son 'Muchos' it really meant a lot to her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An English man is sat in a Spanish restaurant in Spain...

He sees a Spanish man at another table get served a plate with some amazing food, the main part of which is two massive meatballs.

He asks the waiter for the same dish,
“I’m sorry senior, we only get that once per day after the bullfight, it is the testicles of the bull after he is killed ...

What do you call a spanish man with a rubber toe?

Roberto

My Spanish girlfriend wanted a better TV

So I arrived home and set it up.

Turns out she said Por Que instead of 4K.

I once took a spanish language course on a cruise ship

And I got lost at si

We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...

What does a Spanish person call spilled noodles?

A derramen.

The royal calligrapher's apprentice.

In the late 1400s there was a young man named Pablo. He was apprenticed to the royal calligrapher for the king of Spain. One day the royal calligrapher gathered his apprentices for a lesson.

"Any letter penned for his majesty must be penned with Ink made here in Spain! It would be a trav...

What does 'no se' mean in Spanish?

Every time I ask someone, they tell me they don't know.

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

What did the Spanish radio host say after broadcast?

Audios

People always seem surprised by the way spicy chorizo affects their digestion. Seems like...

No-one expects the Spanish ring excretion!

My Jamaican buddy is dating a Spanish chick. He doesn't like her granddad, Juan...

But he does like Hernando.

I failed my Spanish language exam.

Sacre bleu

What do you call a handicapped Spanish demon?

El Disablo

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.