Spanish Jokes - 106 Hilarious Spanish Jokes

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn

A couple of years ago, I was staying at a tiny Spanish Inn when I started to feel ill. Needing a doctor, I rang reception who said they'd get the hotel doctor to visit. I was rather surprised that such a small place would have a house doctor, and was just telling the manager this when my room door b...

Here, have a joke in spanish

“sabe inglés?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias”

My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown.

He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.

My dad asked me, “Did you get an A in your Spanish exam?”

Me: C.

Dad: Well done. I knew you can do it!

Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish Flu have passed away.

This seems very suspicious to me!

I always say muchos to spanish people

It means a lot to them

The Spanish assassin

There was once a hitman who was known for his skill and stealth. Nobody really knew his identity, except for the fact that he always used to count to three before shooting his victim.

One time, a mob leader wanted a hit on a rival leader, so he hired him. He said "I want the kill to be clean,...

A British man, a French man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests...

What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists?

The ¿Qué Qué Qué?

My ex-girlfriend cheated on me with a Spanish guy,

she’s some Juan else’s problem now.

A woman didn't know how to speak Spanish but was married to a Spanish man and together, they resided in Spain.

Once she went to the market to buy some chicken legs. She lifted her skirt a little and pointed to her legs so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her.

Another time, she had to buy chicken breast so she pointed to her bosom so that the shopkeeper is able to understand her

Once s...

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store...

A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines" said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl....

When I'm around my Spanish-speaking friends I always use the word "mucho"...

It means a lot to them.

How does a glass of milk introduce itself in Spanish?

Soy Milk

Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand...

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and...

An American man, a French man, a Spanish man and a German man are standing on the sidewalk, trying to watch a street performer juggle bowling pins.

The juggler notices they're having a bit of trouble, so he stands on a large wooden box and says to them, "Can you see me now?"

They answer one at a time:

"Yes."

"Oui."

"Sí."

"Ja."

A German girl married a Spanish man

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain. She can't speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt& show her thighs to enable the seller understand her.

This went on for sometime. One day she wanted to buy banana. So She took her husband to...

What was the greatest achievement of the Spanish royal family?

They managed to turn their family tree into a circle

My Spanish friend is destined to save the world.

He really is the chosen Juan.

What is the longest word in the Spanish language?

Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll

A thankful Spanish man falls on his rear and slides down a hill.

Gracias

LPT: If you are ever at a party or business meeting with Spanish speakers, make sure to stand up and say “Mucho”

It means a lot to them

People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.

Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.

I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff

As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."

A cop pulled over a spanish photon...

The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The photon said, "c."

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spanish man and a German are watching a juggler

The juggler notices they are having troubles seeing him through the crowd and steps onto a box. He asks “can you see me now?” They reply

Yea
Oui
Si
Ja

I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.

Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

I used to know a Spanish magician...

He told me that he could disappear on the count of three.

Then he said *uno, dos.....*

and disappeared without a tres.

What do you call a handicapped Spanish demon?

El Disablo

A 102 year old woman who survived the 1918 Spanish Flu has now beaten coronavirus TWICE

But she was no match for my car

did you hear about the curious spanish swine?

Porque Pig?

How do you call an abortion in Spanish?

Adios embrios

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The King of France, The King of England and The King of Spain are having an argument over who has the biggest penis.

Eventually they decide to let the people judge. They all stand on a stage in front of the people and drop their pants one by one.

The King of France drops his and the French crowd shout "Viva la France!!"

The King of Spain drops his and the Spanish crowd shout "Viva la Es...

If Spanish explorers had cheese dip

Do you think thy would be called the Con Quesodores?

Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?

The Spanish Inquisition.

"Un, deux, trois, quatre", radioed the French ship...

...before it cinq.

"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.

"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.

"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.

"Won," radioed the American sub.

What did the Spanish snail say when asked what he carried inside his shell?

Es cargo.

I used to have a Spanish girlfriend called Nada

She meant nothing to me

Did you hear about the Spanish Star Wars spin-off?

It’s about the chosen Juan.

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

Everyone talks about the little Spanish flea, a record star he thought he'd be, but nobody talks about his cousin, the little Spanish tick.

He was a massive freaking prick.

What did the Spanish firefighter name his twin boys?

Hosea and Hose-B

My Spanish teacher's husband died last week

I approached her in class and said "Mucho"

"Thanks," she said, "that means a lot."

"Tanto."

"Oh my," she replied. "Thank you, that means so much."

"El mundo."

"Thank you so much," she said, "what you've said means the world."

Does Spanish have anything in common with English?

What do Spanish speakers scream on a roller-coaster?

Nosotros...

There was once a great Spanish magician

He was world-renowned for his incredible feats. His most famous act, though, was his vanishing act. He would count; uno, dos and suddenly he would disappear without a tres.

Why wasn’t the number 3 allowed back into school after failing his Spanish test?

Because there’s No Trespassing!!

I’ll show myself out

What's the difference between American catgirls and Spanish catgirls?

One says nya and the other says ña.

What does a Spanish photon say when you tickle it?

“No mass! No mass!”

Do you speak Spanish?

A) No. B) A little. C) Señor

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A spanish family goes to a sports store.

The son picks up a Germany T-shirt for soccer and says to his sister:

"I've decided I'm going to be a Germany fan and I want this T-shirt for my birthday."
The big sister reacts angrily and slaps him in the face.
"Are you stupid, go talk to mom about it."

So the little boy wit...

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Spanish pigs say "oinc-oinc".

French pigs say "Oinque"

Japanese pigs say "Oinku"

American pigs say "STOP RESISTING"

I've getting feedback that my jokes are in broken English, so here's one in Spanish.

Uno.

What do people use to hear music on the Spanish border?

Pandorra

A Spanish man is driving a tractor trailer across France and into Italy.

A Spanish man is driving a tractor trailer across France and into Italy. At the border he gets stopped by the French police and questioned about the contents of his truck. "Caracoles" he says. Not understanding, the police open it up and say "Oh, escargots." The Spanish man replies, "Sì, es cargo."

How much Spanish did the cow know?

Muuuuucho!

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A young Spanish teacher, fresh out of college, is hired at a public school.

On her first day, the principal decides to observe, and sits down next to Little Johnny. She starts writing a sentence in Spanish on the board. As she does, a piece of chalk breaks and she bends down to pick it up. When she finishes writing her sentence, she asks, "Now, kids, who can translate this ...

I walk into a Spanish woman's house

I'm walking around when I notice I'm quite thirsty I ask her "could i get a drink" she asks me "would you like a glass of water?" I reply with "silicon"

A Spanish Joke - Translated

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over.

“Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a Breathalyzer test.”

“I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.”

“Alright,” says the cop, “then yo...

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What did the Spanish scientist say when asked if he wanted lime in his cocktail?

A mi no acid.

This Spanish man on my lawn is so demanding

I keep giving him blankets to sit on and all he will say in response is 'grassy ass'

I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid.

Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help.

"Oh, so you're sick!" came the reply. "Not a problem, we'll send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!"

The doctor strolled i...

My dad is moving to a Spanish city

Ciudad

What do you call a Spanish woman that always says yes?

Si-ñorita

What do Spanish people call leftover beef?

Reincarne

Why do the Spanish newspaper El Mundo's employees work so hard?

Because El Mundo means The World to them.

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Spanish delicacy

So this guy goes on a trip to Spain. One day he decides to go to a very traditional Spanish restaurant, right next to the bull fight ring, for some authentic Spanish food. He sees a man eating a long sausage, and asks the waiter to bring him what that man is eating.

Senor, the waiter says, th...

Why did the Spanish Inquisition yank out people's molars?

Because they wanted the tooth, the whole truth, so help them God.

What do R/Jokes have in common with the Spanish Inquisition?

It just a bunch of tortured puns

My Spanish teacher asked me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

My name is Brett but my Spanish speaking friends call me

Pan.

What did the Spanish ghost have for breakfast?

A bowl of ethereal...

I hope this translate well from Spanish

Why do police cars have a bathtub on the top?

So they can carry the sirens.

.
Sorry

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A man walks into a Spanish restaurant

An American man walks into a Spanish restaurant and sits down. As he is sat there he sees lots of bull heads on the walls and costumes of matadors in the restaurant.

The waiter walks past and the American asks him “why do you have all these pictures and bulls heads up?”

The Spanish wa...

They thought ESPN was very good in Spanish speaking countries

So now they just call it EsBein.

MY SPANISH FRIENDS THINK IM COOL

I moved into a Spanish neighborhood and immediately hit it off with them. They think im so cool they nicknamed me coolo

A Spanish magician is at a party

He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," POOF.

He disappeared without a tres.

Have you ever seen a Spanish Muslim?

Once you see juan, you see jamal.

What did the Spanish speaking guest say as he left Ikea with his new chair?

Silla later.

What do you get when your French and Spanish friends mix?

Mon amigos

How's life Johnny? (translated from Spanish)

George: So, how's life Johnny?

Johnny: Terrible.

G: Aw, well what about that Ferrari you got?

J: It got wrecked in a car crash.

G: Ooh, but what about that genius son of yours?

J: He was in the car.

*G, hoping to get away from this horrible conversation:*...

What did the mathematician order at the Spanish restaurant?

A π-ella

What did the Spanish sauce say to the English sauce?

Soy sauce.

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Tattoo

A man wanted to get a tattoo. The only issue was, the tattoo was an devilishly intricate design. He went to his local tattoo parlor, only to get turned away as the artist was not skilled enough. He tried again in a busy parlor in the middle of a nearby city, only to be told it was too difficult once...

My mother in law is Spanish

My mother in law is Spanish, so when we named our son 'Muchos' it really meant a lot to her.

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Which US President was most popular among Spanish porn stars?

L.B.J.

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Spanish meatballs

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the...

Spanish Dad Joke

A mexican father and son were at the mall and the son finally convinced his dad to try Chinese food.
"But it's so dry!" said the father.
"No it's not, they put lots of stuff on their plates," replied the son.
"Like what?" the father asked.
"Soy Sauce" he answered.
The fathe...

What moisturizer do Spanish bullfighters use?

OLAY

My Spanish girlfriend wanted a better TV

So I arrived home and set it up.

Turns out she said Por Que instead of 4K.

I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered

...they said it meant a lot to them.

What does 'no se' mean in Spanish?

Every time I ask someone, they tell me they don't know.

Where do spanish fish live?

In the sí

I failed my Spanish language exam.

Sacre bleu

Spanish inn owner

A nice young man by the name of Pablo was a physician. As just a little side job he also ran an inn/motel. Sadly one night the entire place burnt to the ground, and Pablo had just taken out a large insurance policy. So after suspicion of insurance fraud and arsony Pablo is taken to court. In front o...

The Spanish word for 'cat' is 'gato'.

In China they pronounce it 'gateau'.

Why can’t a blind Spanish girl consent?

Because they can’t Si

I think my family is racist

I've been nervous for weeks, but I finally decided to introduce them to my Spanish girlfriend

My kids refused to talk to her and my wife started crying and told me to pack my things

Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing...

What covid is doing is just plaguerism.

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An English man is sat in a Spanish restaurant in Spain...

He sees a Spanish man at another table get served a plate with some amazing food, the main part of which is two massive meatballs.

He asks the waiter for the same dish,
“I’m sorry senior, we only get that once per day after the bullfight, it is the testicles of the bull after he is killed ...

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I'll try to translate this joke from Spanish

A man is walking down the road carrying a shovel when his friend sees him.

Friend: Hey Pablo, you sure do look tired. What have you been up to?

Pablo: I come from burying my mother in law.

Friend: And you're that tired? Even with how strong you are?

Pablo: The massive bit...

Spanish speaking rappers are so vain.

They always talk about themselves: yo yo yo.

I want to know if this Spanish joke translates at all

What’s the similarity between a boat, a firefighter and a family?

The boat and the firefighter have hard outer coverings (cascos).

*and the family?*

They’re good, thanks for asking!

(Original Spanish)
¿Que se parece entre un bombero, un barco y una famili...

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan.

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at...

I know Spanish

A: So You are learning Spanish?

B: Sí !

A: So how much words do You know?

B: Dos!

A: Just two?

B: Sí !

A Spanish man is showing his friend his boats

He tells his friend he has a boat named uno, dos, tres, cuatro, and seis.

His friend asks what happened to the fifth one

The Spanish man says: Cinco!

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