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I started dating this danish woman and this is what happened...

I started dating this danish woman and posted a picture of us on Instagram. (I captioned it chillin with my new bae). Shortly after she saw this, she broke up with me. Turns out bae means poop in danish?!

What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?

The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

It turns out I'm Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish

Apparently there's more, but I can't Finnish.

What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

What's the difference between a Danish married couple and Batman's parents?

One is a pair of wed Danes, and the other is a pair of dead Wanes.


(Sorry if this is a repost but I got this from a friend over text. So thanks for the joke u/Bag_of_cheese)

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A danish artist painted pictures of naked women with his penis.

An interested buyer visits his gallery and asks:
"how can u paint those gentle round curves with your penis"
"It wasn't too hard"

got that from the late late show with craig ferguson.

Did you hear about the guys who built fake chickens and sold them on the Danish market?

They really made a kylling

Fun fact: Popeye the Sailor Man isn't actually all that strong by Danish or Norwegian standards...

... but he's strong to the Finnish!

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There is a danish guy, a icelandic guy and a german guy.

They are all very patriotic. One day, out of pure love for their country, they each make a meme related to their country. The danish guy makes a stepping on lego meme, the icelandic guy makes a we are number one meme and the german guy makes a nazi meme. Since they all made the memes because they lo...

What is the area at the Danish/German border called?

The DaneGer zone!

I'll show myself out.

What do you call a Danish Sniper?

A Denmarksmen

What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?

They both slowly remove clogs.


^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.

Translated from danish: 2 drunk sits in a bar.

One says: My dog keeps chasing people on a bicycle.....



The other guy things for a bit then replies: Then why don't you take the bicycle from it?.... (c:

Arent a donut and a danish the same thing?

Well they are both synonym rolls!!

A guy is relaxing at his home in Copenhagen when he hears a knock on the door. He opens up and it's Hamlet.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

"Sorry to bother you," says Hamlet, "but I need a place to crash for a few days, do you mind if I stay here?"

Guy scratches his head and says "Well, I guess you can, this is pretty out of the blue though."

"I know," says Hamlet, " Nobody exp...

Q:What makes fish jumpy?

A: Spring water

(Transmogrified Danish joke)

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A group of bureaucrats from the EU are out on a chartered luxury liner through the Pacific.

A storm blows up, the cruiser starts to sink, and everyone abandons ship. By a quirk of fate, the only survivors are two men and one woman from each of the EU countries. They stagger onto the shore of a beautiful desert island. After three months, things have changed.

One Italian man has kill...

Trump visiting a psychiatric hospital.

While visiting Trump asks how to determine if one has a psychiatric problem.

There is a test, says the doctor. They fill a bathtub with water and gives the patient a spoon, a cup and a bucket and asks the patient to empty the tub.

Trump then asks: "Wouldn't the normally sane persons no...

A guy dies and is sent to Hell

A guy dies and is sent to Hell.
Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing on their heads with spiders and insects crawling all over them.
The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the sec...

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How do you know your sister is having her period? (Sick danish humor) NSFW

When your fathers dick taste like blood.

Why did the cannibal go to Copenhagen?

He wanted to eat some Danish.

How do you say "prison lingo" in one word?

Danish

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Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose "Superpower is unbreakable skin.

Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution!

-Danish Anwar

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A partisan joke for election day

Jacob, Jonah, and John aren't getting along very well in Heaven, and one day God gets tired of it and kicks them out. "I'm sick of you guys bickering. You don't appreciate the gifts I gave you. I want you guys to do something amazing. Work together and do something for the record books! As soon...

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What's the difference between a Bud Light and a vagina?

The vagina only tastes like piss in the beginning.

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Translated from danish, where [Royal](http://i.imgur.com/6SvvADP.jpg) is used instead of Bud Light.

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