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Danish Jokes

What is the area at the Danish/German border called?

The DaneGer zone!

I'll show myself out.

What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?

The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

If you go to a Scandinavian bakery you could Finnish a Swedish Danish.

Norway I'd make this up!

I had to throw out all of my danish currency

I didn't wanna catch the Kronervirus

I have very nearly signed up for Danish language classes

I just need to dot the A's and cross the O's

Trump visiting a psychiatric hospital.

While visiting Trump asks how to determine if one has a psychiatric problem.

There is a test, says the doctor. They fill a bathtub with water and gives the patient a spoon, a cup and a bucket and asks the patient to empty the tub.

Trump then asks: "Wouldn't the normally sane persons no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Danish, French and Italian women ...

A Danish guy, a Frenchman and an Italian man got together in a bar in Berlin after attending the long and boring business conference. Their talk drifted to the subject of women, of course, with each man claiming that the women in their home country were the sexiest and most sensual.

"If we we...

It turns out I'm Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish

Apparently there's more, but I can't Finnish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The younger son of a Danish farmer,

Couldn't inherit his parents farm, because his older brother got the farm.

So he moved to Texas to start his own farm there.

After working on the farm and expanding it for fifty years, he finally finds the time to visit his family back in Denmark.

And he can't stop bragging a...

You know the Danish are very efficient people.

They’re always sure to cross Os and dot their As

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

A Danish person will not be nostalgic about old Beatles songs.

But a Norwegian wood.

The name and symbol for Bluetooth are based on a Danish-Norwegian king, dubbed ‘Harald Bluetooth’

He had three wives, and four children between them. One then became his heir.

In other words, Bluetooth paired successfully

I once dated a Turkish woman.

Her mother was Tunisian, and her father was Canadian. Her grandparents were Albanian and her brother was Danish.


I broke up with her though, too many red flags.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A danish artist painted pictures of naked women with his penis.

An interested buyer visits his gallery and asks:
"how can u paint those gentle round curves with your penis"
"It wasn't too hard"

got that from the late late show with craig ferguson.

What’s the difference between a newlywed Danish couple and Batman’s parents?

One couple are Wed Danes and the other are Dead Waynes.

In today’s European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn’t seem to have an issue at all.

Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.

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Attempt to remember and retell an old Danish joke

In the middle of the night, a man wakes up in a prostitutes bed after a wonderful evening with her. Thinking back he still marvels at the beautiful artwork the woman's pubic hairs had been turned into. Then suddenly he notices that his wallet has been moved, and on inspection he finds that a 500 bil...

What do the Danish do when confronted with consequences?

Cope and Häagen-Dazs

Nailed it.

A Swedish guy was building a house. After having completed the foundation he went on to the walls. And while putting in the nails, he realised that holding the planks while nailing them would be easier if he had help. So he walked over to his new neighbour; a Danish guy. His neighbour agreed to help...

What do you call a well behaved danish dog?

A great, Great Dane, Dane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some of the biggest red flags I can think of are Danish, Chinese, Spainish, Turkish, or Albanian

And to a lesser extent, Canadian, Indonesean, Hatian, American, and Japanese

What's Hannibal Lecter's favourite dessert?

A Danish

A guy is relaxing at his home in Copenhagen when he hears a knock on the door. He opens up and it's Hamlet.

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

"Sorry to bother you," says Hamlet, "but I need a place to crash for a few days, do you mind if I stay here?"

Guy scratches his head and says "Well, I guess you can, this is pretty out of the blue though."

"I know," says Hamlet, " Nobody exp...

Why do Danish ships have bar codes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

What happens when someone from Finland has a child with someone from Denmark.

Finished danish

What is the one thing Norway have better than Denmark?

Better neighbors!!

*(Norwegians and Danish have a long running friendly rivalry, one of my Danish friends told me this joke today)*

Fun fact: Popeye the Sailor Man isn't actually all that strong by Danish or Norwegian standards...

... but he's strong to the Finnish!

Did you hear about the guys who built fake chickens and sold them on the Danish market?

They really made a kylling

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What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?

They both slowly remove clogs.


^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.

Three guys on the airplane, on their way home

I translated this joke from danish, hope you like it

So three guys were on the airplane, on their way home from vacation.
Suddenly one of the guys begins throwing knives out the window.
The others ask: “Why are you throwing knives out the window?”
He answers: “Because i have so many ...

What’s a cannibals favorite dessert?

A danish...

Translated from danish: 2 drunk sits in a bar.

One says: My dog keeps chasing people on a bicycle.....



The other guy things for a bit then replies: Then why don't you take the bicycle from it?.... (c:

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A traveler checked in at a hotel that advertised widely as offering

everything a client might desire.  The traveler at once called room service.  "I want to have brought to my room," he said, "a young virgin
between the ages of 18 and 19, who must have blonde hair and blue eyes. I also want sent up 4 pieces of strong rope, each exactly 4 feet in
length, and a ...

‪I once ate a Danish pastry.

She’s an air hostess..‬

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I started dating this danish woman and this is what happened...

I started dating this danish woman and posted a picture of us on Instagram. (I captioned it chillin with my new bae). Shortly after she saw this, she broke up with me. Turns out bae means poop in danish?!

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A guy dies and is sent to Hell.

Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one room to spend eternity in.

In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks, The guy says, "No, let me see the next room."

In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. T...

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There is a danish guy, a icelandic guy and a german guy.

They are all very patriotic. One day, out of pure love for their country, they each make a meme related to their country. The danish guy makes a stepping on lego meme, the icelandic guy makes a we are number one meme and the german guy makes a nazi meme. Since they all made the memes because they lo...

Arent a donut and a danish the same thing?

Well they are both synonym rolls!!

Why did the cannibal go to Copenhagen?

He wanted to eat some Danish.

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A partisan joke for election day

Jacob, Jonah, and John aren't getting along very well in Heaven, and one day God gets tired of it and kicks them out. "I'm sick of you guys bickering. You don't appreciate the gifts I gave you. I want you guys to do something amazing. Work together and do something for the record books! As soon...

How do you say "prison lingo" in one word?

Danish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know your sister is having her period? (Sick danish humor) NSFW

When your fathers dick taste like blood.

Q:What makes fish jumpy?

A: Spring water

(Transmogrified Danish joke)

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Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose "Superpower is unbreakable skin.

Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution!

-Danish Anwar

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