I was a magician in Europe who specialised in doing magic with pens. In England, Germany, France, Hungary, Portugal and many other places I was adored by the people. But when I got to Spain no-one liked me.

I guess nobody expects the Spanish ink wizard shun.

What do you call a person from Portugal?

Portuguese.

What do you call a person from Portugal that hangs out in a pub with a pint in his hand on a match day?

Portugeezer.

Why was Portugal the best colonial power?

Spain had thousands of colonists, Britain had millions, but Portugal had BRAZILIANS.

What kind of birds can you find in Portugal?

Portugeese

The Anti-Thieves Machine

Science is amazing. Some european scientists made a breakthrough and invented an Anti-Thieves Machine. It detects and catches the thieves in the streets of various cities through the world with an accuracy of 99,9%! Of course that various countries were interested. Germany got 2, France got 3, Greec...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

TIL Nickleback, tired and at their last show across Europe (in Portugal), had roadies throw things at them from within the audience during the show. The lead singer used it as an excuse to walk off stage, thus getting them out of having to perform.

Just kidding. It was their fans throwing shit at them because everyone hates Nickleback even their fans.

I’m proud of this joke, please don’t judge my work too harshly.

There once was a man named Ish. He was a curious guy, always trying to find out new things. He decided to take a trip all around Europe.

He went to France, Germany, Belgium, Portugal, and eventually ended up smack dab in the middle of Spain. He, being the curious guy that he was, immediately...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

As a Englishman, I feel shame for my countries lack of a unique dish

I mean, look at Italy with their pasta and pizza. Portugal has Peri-Peri sauce, the French have omlettes and fancy bread. And I think we all know how the good the Germans are with ovens.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Porto citizen dies and goes to Hell

The Devil observes that he is comfortable. He says: 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?' to which the portuense replies: 'Back in Portugal we usually have lost of forest fires, so this isn't that bad'

The devil decides that he isn't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more. When h...

You know the times have changed...

When Portugal leaves Brazil without taking any Gold.

A man walks into a bar and orders three drinks.

The barman serves him and then watches as the man alternates between each drink until all three are empty.

"Why do you drink them in that fashion?" asks the barman.

The man replies "I have two brothers, and they've both recently moved away. One is in Portugal, and the other is in Peru....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This [long] joke always cracked me up..

My grandpa was stationed in Germany after the war. And when I was very small he told me about this little restaurant that served THE best Bavarian cream pie. Apparently he went there every opportunity he had. He couldn't get enough of that Bavarian cream pie - it was absolutely unreal.

Well, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four mid-life friends meet up once a year.

This year they decide to meet in the bar that was once their local for an evening of drinking and catching up.


Jack heads to the bar to get the first round in. Steve A starts the conversation.


"So hows the family guys? My son is doing quite well, airline pilot! The other da...

Translated Brazilian Joke - A broken car in the desert

** In Brazil it is common making jokes about our colonizers, the Portuguese. I hope they do the same about us in Portugal, so... **

A Portuguese, a Brazilian and an Argentinian are driving through the desert when their car suddenly breaks.
João, the Brazilian suggests each one takes a pie...

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