An Irishman and a Norwegian apply for the same job.

The job they're applying for is at an engineering firm in Dublin.
Both the Irishman and the Norwegian do so well in the interview the boss can't decide who to hire, so he sets up a small aptitude test.
Both men again score the same. 19/20 correct.

After some waiting the boss comes throu...

There were 3 crews that worked for a telephone pole company. A German crew, a Norwegian crew, and a Swedish crew.

The foreman told each crew to put in telephone poles for the day and left. At 5:00 PM he came back and asked each crew how many poles they put in.

The German crew tells him they put in 9 poles today.
"Good job, head on home" the foreman tells them.

The Norwegian crew tells him they ...

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming....

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming. Sven complained of the costs of fertilizer, and Oli asked why he didn't just use the nightsoil from his outhouse? Sven said, "Ya, well I used to, but I really hate shoveling it all out."

Now, O...

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A translated Norwegian joke

Two guys meets in the middle of nowhere, trying to find their wives.
They decide to help each other out, by describing their wives.

The first man goes on: "My wife is tall, well fit, blonde, got big firm breasts, thight bouncy ass, a massive lust for sex and a face of a model. How about y...

The Norwegian and the Covid-denier

One day an Norwegian and a covid-denier were fishing on opposite sides of the same river, but the Norwegian guy was catching all of the fish.

Eventually, the covid-denier asks the Norwegian, "How do you get to the other side?"

The Norwegian guy responds, "I'll turn on my flashlight and...

A Norwegian goes to the psychiatrist

"What brings you in today?"

"I've just been so depressed. I wish I was never Björn"

I met an extroverted Norwegian the other day.

The whole conversation he was staring at my shoes and not his own.

My Norwegian friend sent me a program he created...

...call that Norse code.

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It must be exhausting to have sex with a Norwegian

They never Finnish

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A Dane, Swede and a Norwegian stumbled upon a magic fairy next to three pools.

The fairy told them that she would turn the water in each of the pools into whatever they want once they jump in the water. The Norwegian immediatly jumps and shouts "Soda!" and the water turns to soda. The Dane is up next, and he screams "Orange juice!" and the water turns to orange juice. When it'...

The name of the sixth Norwegian king?

VI KING

What car does a norwegian man drive?

a fjord focus

Why does the Norwegians put sugar on their pillow?

To have sweet dreams!

A Finn, Swede and Norwegian were on a plane. The pilot announced: "Too much weight! Too much weight!"

The Norwegian dropped an orange off the plane. The pilot repeated: "Too much weight! Too much weight!"

The Swede dropped a banana peel. Yet again there was the request: "Too much weight! Too much weight!"

The Finn dropped a bomb. When the plane finally landed, the Finn, Swede and Norwe...

Why did the Norwegian sell her boat?

She couldn't a-fjord it!

Why do Norwegian boats have barcodes on them? (Old but gold)

To Scandinavyin

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

How can you spot a Norwegian extrovert?

They will look at your shoes instead of their own.

Norwegian naval ships all have large bar codes painted on their hulls...

So when they return to port a sailor can scan da navy in.

A Norwegian, a Finnish and a Swedish man were in front of a cave

The Norwegian man says "I bet I can go there and be at least 10 seconds." and goes to the cave, comes out and says "I couldn't be there for that long, the bear was too scary.

"I bet I can be there at least 20 seconds." the Swedish man says and goes in too, but comes back after 15 seconds. "Th...

An couple of Swedish jokes

What does it say at the bottom of a Norwegian swimming pool?

- No smoking allowed.

Why do Norwegian motor bikers wear pyjamas hats instead of helmets?

- Because the helmet broke during the 300 metre free fall test.

Why did the Norwegian bring a car door to the desert?<...

How do you sink a norwegian submarine?

Swim down and knock on the hatch.

(In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)

Why are Norwegian women so hot?

The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones!

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Norwegian, Finn and Swede see a genie that grants wishes

The genie tells the group that they need to climb to a nearby block of flats and while jumping down they need to shout what they want and they will fall in to a pile of what they shouted.

The norwegian jumps down and shouts "MONEY" and he falls in to a big pile of money.

The finn jumps...

Why do Norwegian ships have barcodes on the side

To Scandanavian

In sweden we have what is called Bellman jokes

Disclaimer: Carl Michael Bellman was a swedish author, singer, composer etc. For no particular reason swedes tell jokes about him. Usually involving him and two other guys from different nationalities. Bellman usually wins out in the end somehow.

On to the joke

There was once a Ge...

What does a norwegian guy sounds like when snorting cocaine?

snjort

Herds of wild horses roam the banks of narrow Norwegian inlets.

The majestic Fjord Mustangs.

What do you call a Norwegian party?

A Fjord Fiesta!

What do you call it when a Norwegian falls down a canyon?

A fjordian slip

It turns out I'm Norwegian, Swedish, and Danish

Apparently there's more, but I can't Finnish.

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Norwegian Virgin

Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota , took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: “How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my f...

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Two Norwegians are walking home

Two Norwegians are walking home when one of them abruptly stops the other

1: “Stop stop, don’t step in that!”
2: “What is that? Is it poop?”

The second guy bends down and inspects it

2: “It sure looks like poop”

He the smells it

2: “It smells like poop too!” ...

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Did you know there’s a word in Norwegian for describing the act of crying while masturbating?

It’s really difficult to pronounce so I can’t remember the word, but it’s a real tear-jerker.

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An American, An Englishman and a Norwegian were talking in a bar...

When the american said: "***Did you know that our air force is so big, that when all our planes are out flying. We can't even see the sun!"***

"That is nothing!" the Englishman answered... "***Our Navy is so huge, that if we line up all our boats we can walk on a straight line all the way fro...

A joke

A priest, a rabbi and an imam enter a bar, order a drink and finds a place to sit.
Then a construction worker, a native american and a police officer comes in and do the same thing.
And then a dane, a swede and a norwegian enters too.
Then a blind guy, a deaf guy and a mute guy.
And the...

Why did the Norwegians put bar codes on the sides of all their ships?

So when the come into port they can Scandinavian

Walking through Chinatown, a backpacker saw a Chinese laundry with the sign: "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"

'Sigurd Kristiansen? How the hell does that name fit in here?' he wondered.
So he decided to check it out. He entered to see an elderly Chinese man behind the counter.
'How did this Chinese laundry get a name like "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"?' the backpacker asked.
The elderly Chinese re...

Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar

because life sucks and alcohol is their way to escape it.

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Norwegians in Minnesota

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company ...

If being a 23 year old Norwegian swimwear model has taught me anything

It’s that catfishing is surprisingly easy online

Ole applied for the same job as Murphy and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, but we've decided to give Ole, the Norwegian the job."

Murphy,... "And why would you be doing that? We both got 19 questions correct. This being Ir...

51 Danes and 50 Norwegians were on a plane...

With no floor, and the passengers were hanging on a strap attached to the roof. The captain yelled: "The plane is too heavy! One of you have to fall to your death!" A Dane raised his hand and said: "I'll do it". Then all the Norwegians clapped their hands.

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I tried translating a Norwegian joke I heard from my uncle

Two northeners , Martinus and Bjørnar are camping together in the winter... They spend a lot of time together and then they go to bed in their sleeping bags..

They lie there for a while before Martinus says to Bjørnar: "Are you jerking off?" Bjørnar replies: "No I am not"

He says again...

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A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian

get caught in a storm while sailing and crash into an island. The island is inhabited by cannibals. They're given 3 tasks and if they fail at anyone of them, they'll be eaten.
First they have to drink a bottle of moonshine, then they have to go into a tiger cave and kill a tiger and lastly they ...

Why do so many Norwegians choose to buy properties with access to running water?

Because those are the properties that are affjordable!

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

Norwegian Robot

If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it… Scandinavian

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So a Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn ...

decide to have a contest who can make the misus scream the longest after climax.

The Swede gets 15 seconds of passionate screaming and moaning.

The Norwegian gets a whole minute of moaning and screaming.

The Finn wipes his dick in to curtains and the wife screams for two weeks.

Fun fact: Popeye the Sailor Man isn't actually all that strong by Danish or Norwegian standards...

... but he's strong to the Finnish!

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn

A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caug...

How did the poor Norwegian cross the water?

Turns out it was afjordable.

A Norwegian Love Story

Max and Arlene lived by a lake in Norway. It was early winter and the lake had frozen over.

Max asked Arlene if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to get him some beer. She asked him for some money but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab."

So Arlene walke...

I'm planning to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant.

It's called The Valhallah Snakbar.

The Bank Robber and the Norwegian

A hooded robber burst into a Kansas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave Kansas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber's face.

The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.

He then lo...

TIL: Norwegian women are so hot, because vikings only took the most beautiful women as prisoners.

Gotcha ?

Ole the Norwegian Insurance Salesman

Ole, the smoothest Norske in the Minnesota National Guard and a natural born salesman, got called up to active duty. Ole's first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the ...

Why do Norwegians drive Chevys?

They're afraid of drowning in a Fjord.

How do you sink a norwegian submarine?

You knock on the door.

How do you sink the same sub again?
You knock on the door and they'll come out saying "Haha! We're not falling for that one again!".

Dad joke a la meatball

I was recently out with some friends at a buffet restaurant.

I ate this Swedish meatball and said, "This tastes more Norwegian to me."

My friend replied immediately, "How could you possibly know that?"

I replied, "I was going to tell you, but you didn't let me Finnish!"

An American, an Englishman and a Norwegian are sitting in a pub ...

An American, an Englishman and a Norwegian are sitting in a pub arguing on which of them are the best.

The American says "Well, when our Air Force is in the air, they are so massive you cannot even see a glimpse of the sky between them!".

"Thats nothing!" says the Englishman, "when our...

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An Australian, an American, a Canadian, a Briton, a Welshman, a Norwegian, a Mexican, a Brazilian, a Frenchman...

a South African, a Japenese, a New Zealander, a Papa New Guinean, an Irishman, an Italian, a Scandinavian, a German, an Austrian, an Arabian, a Syrian, a Hungarian, a Russian, an Indian and a Spaniard all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we can't serve you without a Thai."

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An Englishman, an Irishman,...

a Scotsman,a welshman, a Frenchman, a German, an Italian, a Swede, two Finns, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Greenlander, an Austrian, a Hungarian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Latvian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Turk, an Egyptian, a Palestinian, an Israeli, a Greek, a Macedonian, a Chinese guy, a Japanese guy,a ...

Two Swedes and two Norwegians are traveling...

Two Swedes and two Norwegians are traveling by train from Stockholm to Oslo. The Swedes only buys one ticket, but the Norwegians buys two. On the train, the Swedes locks themselves in the toilet. When the conductor goes by, he knocks on the door, asking for the ticket. They slip the ticket under the...

Ole and Sven are on da lake fishin...

(Read in a Norwegian accent)

So Ole and Sven are on da lake fishin and da fish are bitin pretty good, but when Sven sets da hook, he falls overboard. Sven can't svim you see, so Ole jumps in da lake after 'im.

It's pretty dark down d'ere but Ole is feeling along the bottom and he sudd...

A Norwegian, a Swede and a Finn are on an island

The Norwegian shoots the other two.

How many Norwegians does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't bother, you can find lutfisk in the dark.

What's a Norwegian's favourite car?

A Fjord Fjesta

Apparently the norwegian government pays for you to hire convicts

I guess there are some pro's to hirin a con.

What is the one thing Norway have better than Denmark?

Better neighbors!!

*(Norwegians and Danish have a long running friendly rivalry, one of my Danish friends told me this joke today)*

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The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he fucked her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?”
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. “No.”
Surp...

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College pregnancy

A college girls rushes to the hospital. Her water has just broke and she is now in labour. As she begins to push, the doctor asks if the father should be present. She answers “I’m not really sure who the father is. You see, I was having a hard time paying for my college tuition. To make some quick c...

Old swedish joke

There was a Norwegian submarine on lookout for enemy ships south of Norway. The Swedes thought it would be fun to mess with them.
So a Swedish diver swims to the submarine and knocks on the hatch. Naturally the Norwegian opens the hatch and boom the submarine sinks.

The Norwegian submarine...

Two Norwegian scientists were operating on a frog....

They taught it to jump on command. When they said "Jump!" it leaped forwards.

They removed one rear leg and said "Jump!". The frog leaped forwards.

They removed the other rear leg and said "Jump!", but nothing seemed to happen.

After much discussion they could conclude that if...

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

The Mercy just docked at the Port of LA

It's a beautiful Navy vessel with 1,000 beds, 956 Naval medical staff, and 258 Naval support staff.

With that much staff, they should really consider using Norwegian bar codes to track staff members as they move around the ship and deal with incoming patients.

That way, at the beginni...

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A group of people from different nationalities went to a restaurant and each ordered a glass of wine. When they received their drinks, they found out every glass had a fly in it.

The swede demanded new wine in the same glass.

The brit demanded new wine in a new glass.

The finnish man took the fly out of the glass and drank the wine.

The Russian drank the wine with the fly.

The Chinese man ate the fly and left the wine.

The jew took the...

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The American, Frenchman, Norwegian and the Black guy

So there is an American, Frenchman, Norwegian and a Black guy
on top of the Empire state building.

The American pulls out some dollars from his pocket and throws them off the building.

"Why did you do that?" said the others. "Because we have so much money.

So the Frenchman...

Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian?

A socialist who wants to be king!

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Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgaria...

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A joke my Grandpa told me the other day...

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jok...

Hans the Norwegian

Hans was arrested for speeding... driving 66 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone. However, he explained to the officer,

"I saw a big sign vit 66 on it."

"That's Highway 66," the officer said disgustedly.

"Goodness sakes," replied Hans, "you should have seen me yesterday on highway 11...

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