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Finnish Jokes

It is 1939 and a Soviet army is marching on Finland. As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill;

It is 1939 and a Soviet army is marching on Finland. As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill;
"One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"
The Soviet general laughs, as he sends 10 men on the hill to capture it.
There is gunfire for a minute and then...

How can you tell if a Finnish guy likes you?

He's staring at your shoes instead of his own.

A swedish reporter traveled to Finland during WW2 to interview a finnish soldier...

Once in Finland, he found a soldier sitting outside some tents.
The reporter sat down beside the man and asked:
”Can you tell me how you feel about beeing a finnish soldier?”

Well, the soldier said, as a finnish soldier you have two alternatives.
Either you live or you die.
If you...

A Finnish joke from the Cold War

During the Cold War, a foreign journalist asked a Finnish general what Finland would do if the USSR and NATO would fight a war in Finland.

He replied “first we would beat out NATO, and then the Soviets”.

The journalist was surprised about the order and asked why.

“We are civiliz...

Finnish jokes poking fun at Sweden, translated to English (not 100% greatest translation)

-Swedish is an easy language to learn. For example, sit horse is sit ruuna (sitruuna = lemon)

-how do you recognize a Swede?

He pushes a pull door

-What is the difference between a chicken and a Swede?

-Chicken only lays eggs/fails (same word in Finnish) once a day
...

My favorite Finnish joke

Pekka is at a party in a tall building in the great city of Helsinki, which is quite different from the small timber cabin in the forest he is used to as a lumberjack. Pekka is enjoying the party, but after a few bottles of the moonshine he brought, Pekka finds himself in the need of a toilet. He as...

What do you call a Finnish coffee maker?

A perkele-tor!

Old Finnish WW2 joke

Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting in England after the World War II.

British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland.

"A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth.

"Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked.

Eh...

I want to try translating a Finnish joke to English and see if it works.

What is the animal that steals license plates?
- A turtle.

Finnish people eagerly await giving up the mandatory social distancing guidelines

So they can return from the government mandated 2 meters of distance to the normal 5 meters

Two Finnish guys are sitting in a ferry, drinking vodka..

After a few hours of drinking one of the Finns says “This was fun”
The other one replies:
“Are we here to drink, or are we here to talk?”

What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect?

"What were you doing the night between November and May?"

I'll see myself out.

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A Spartan, a Samurai and a Viking are summoned to Outworld for Mortal Kombat.

Their first opponent is the dread-sorcerer Shang Tsung.
  

The Spartan goes first, and quickly overpowers Shang Tsung, but is unsure of what to do next. Shang Tsung then speaks a word of power and the Spartan trips over his own cape and impales himself headfirst upon his own spear. Sha...

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A guy was being a jerk to a Finnish lawyer. The response?

So Suomi

A Russian Battalion is Sent to Fight a Finnish Sniper

A Soviet army is marching through a Finnish forest when a general hears a voice from over a hill shout: "one Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The general promptly send 10 soldiers to root out the voice, there is gunfire, and then silence.

After a few minutes, the voi...

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A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with 8-man teams.

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with 8-man teams. Both teams trained long and hard. When race day came, both teams thought they were in top shape, but the Japanese won by far in the mile.

After the defeat, a defeatist mood prevailed among the ...

In 2025 the world is set to change its official language to Finnish

all other languages were deemed un-finnished

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I want to see if this old Finnish joke is still funny when translated.

A press reporter, a young and beautiful woman was making an article about living alone in the middle of nowhere for the majority for one's life.


The reporter stayed at the old man's house for a long time, just discussing about everyday stuff.

Well, how do you get food then?

...

Why are Nordic languages so hard to understand?

English: A dog.

Swedish: What?

English: The dog.

English: Two dogs.

Swedish: Okay. We have: En hund, hunden, Två hundar, hundarna.

German: Wait, I wan’t to try it too!

English: No, go away.

Swedish: No one invited you.

German: Der Hund.

...

Polish is a lot like Finnish

Theyre both used to make furniture shine

A Italian and a Finnish guy go on a fishing trip

After a couple of hours of complete silence the Italian guy asks: “so how is it going?”

The Finnish guy turns around and with complete disbelief in his face he replies: “Are we chatting or are we fishing!?”

Where do all Finnish comedians live?

Hehelsinki

According to finnish sources there are tens of thousands of Russian soldiers at their border.

The only issue is that they’re buried six feet deep.

Why are the men in Finland so bad in bed?

Because they’re always finnish first

The Mortal Kombat theme song

Was adapted from an old Scandinavian church song.
It's a Finnish Hymn.

When you really have to pee, your Russian to the bathroom, when you walk out, you're Finnish, so what are you while you're inside?

European!

This was one of my dad's jokes

A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship.

A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship. He says to the employee, “I want to be a citizen of Finland.” The employee responds in broken English.
Employee: “You nice?”
Man: “Um... I suppose so.”
“Back of line.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Nice guys Finnish last.”

Best Finnish joke i know (Does not involve snipers)

2 Finnish Longshoremen complete their hard days work at the port of Kuopio on payday, and decide to go to the local bar to have a fun night.

No words are spoken as they sit down. They look at the bar keep, and one raises his hand, with 2 fingers up.

The bar keep brings 2 shots of Vod...

Finnish is such a beautiful language.

There's a word, Kalsarikännit, which basically means 'getting drunk in your underwear'. This tells you all you need to know about Finland, and my current state of affairs.

What is a Finnish person's favorite novel?

East of Sweden

3 police officer have met. Russian, Finnish, Somalian.



Russian asks: "Do you also get most of your salary in bribes?"

Finnish: "What is "bribes"?"

Somalian: "What is "salary"?"

Why are races in Helsinki so confusing?

Because every line is a Finnish line.

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A Finnish salesman comes to Russia to sell chainsaws to local lumberjacks.

“With this saw a good lumberjack can cut down 40 trees an hour and not even get tired” says the salesman.

The lumberjacks, thinking that sounds pretty good, place an order for 50 chainsaws.

At first they are delighted but then the miracle wears off as they notice the Finnish salesman...

During the Russo-Finnish War...

During the Russo-Finnish War, a Russian general was marching his army through Finland. As they passed a ridge, he heard a voice call out from the other side:

“One Finn is worth 10 Russians!”

So he takes his 10 best soldiers and sends them over the ridge. After a minute of shooting, the...

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Why does Finland have a problem increasing it's population?

Because the sex haven't even started yet and they are already Finnish

Why do Soviet Russians dislike running so much?

Because they can never make it past the Finnish line.

If you go to a Scandinavian bakery you could Finnish a Swedish Danish.

Norway I'd make this up!

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom…

... what are you in the bathroom?

European

... and what are you when you come out?

Finnish

A Norwegian, a Finnish and a Swedish man were in front of a cave

The Norwegian man says "I bet I can go there and be at least 10 seconds." and goes to the cave, comes out and says "I couldn't be there for that long, the bear was too scary.

"I bet I can be there at least 20 seconds." the Swedish man says and goes in too, but comes back after 15 seconds. "Th...

What did the Finnish surgeon say after he botched a surgery?

Please don’t Soumi.

Two Soviet Border Guards Are Standing on the Finnish Border

One turns to the other and says, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I suspect I am thinking what you're thinking."

"In that case, you're under arrest for treason."

I tried to buy a Mortal Kombat soundtrack.

All I could find were Finnish Hymns.

Two Finnish men meet in a bar...

Two Finnish men meet in a bar, they haven't seen each other in over 30 years, but used to be best friends. One raises his beer and says 'cheers'.

The other responds, 'are we here to drink, or to talk?'

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Finnish reindeer

An American tourist arrived at a reindeer farm in Finnish Lapland. He asked the farm owner "I've heard that the reindeer and human vaginas are identical. Is this true?" The farm owner looked at the tourist for a while and answered: "You have to ask my neighbor. He is the only man in the village who ...

I recently ran an ultra marathon in northern Sweden...

I realised that I had gone way off course as soon as I crossed the Finnish line.

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Me: My wife isn’t talking to me after she walked in on me while masturbating.

Friend: Were you watching porn?

Me: No! I was just looking at pictures of Sanna Marin, the Swedish Prime Minister.

Friend: Finnish.

Me: Yes! And thats when she REALLY lost it.

A Finnish man turns to his friend...

"You hear the restrictions are lifting up from 2m?"

His mate replies: "Finally we can go back to the usual 5m."

A Russian man drives up to the border with Finland

The Finnish border guard takes his passport and asks the man - "Occupation?"

"No. Only a holiday."

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A Finnish man died

His two Swedish friends are having a moment to remember him.

-You know... ... he was pretty weird.

-What do you mean with that?

-He had 2 assholes.

-How do you know that?!

-Everytime we walked into the bar together the bartender said: "Here comes the Finn with ...

What's the difference between a race across Asia, and one across Europe?

The one across Europe eventually ends because it has a Finnish line

Many people say that Finland started wars.

I thought they Finnish them.

Just learned the Finnish have a word "Kalsarikännit" which means getting drunk alone at home in underwear.

Signing immigration forms now.

Why are the Swedish always first in races?

because they're next to the finnish

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The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.

The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:

"I bet one Finn can beat ten Soviets!"

The Soviet officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of shooting ...

The year is 1941...

A Russian general is arguing with a Finnish general about who has the better army.

The Finnish general says, I'll bet you one Finnish soldier can beat ten Russian soldiers easily!

So the Russian general sends ten men over to a nearby hill, where they saw one Finnish soldier. There's so...

A little story from WWII

A Russian patrol was going through the woods of Finland when they were wiped out, one by one, by a sniper hidden in the deep firs, who killed the lot, but for one man. "One Finn is better than ten Russians!" He was taunted as he ran away.


He returned to his base, and the platoon commande...

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Three construction workers, an Australian, a Finn and a Swede, are sitting on a beam on the tenth floor about to have their lunch.

The Australian opens his lunch box and says "Bloody hell - meat pies again! Every day it's bloody meat pies! If I get meat pies again tomorrow, I'm going to jump!"

The Finn opens up his lunch next. "Saatana! Makkara (sausage) again! Always sausages! If I get sausage tomorrow, I'm gonna jump t...

It is May 2022 and a Russian army is marching through Finland.

As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill;

"One Finnish tank is better than 10 Russian tanks!"

The Russian general laughs, as he sends 10 T-14 Armata, the most powerful tanks of the Russian military on the hill to capture it. There is the sound of battle for a mi...

Language nerds

2 polyglots meet in a bar:

\- Hey, what's up, how's going these days?

\- Same old, just polishing my Finnish... and you?

\- You know me, still trying to finish my Polish.

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A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.

He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.


He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out an...

Steam is having a sale right now on Finnish games.

Next week they'll go back to selling unfinished games.

There has never been a ghost sighting in Finland

All the ghosts who died there went on to the afterlife due to them having no un-Finnish-ed business.

Three Finns are out fishing on lake Päijänne

One of them catches a large sturgeon but as he pulls the sturgeon on board their little rowing boat it starts talking:
"Please my good men, set me free again and I will grant each of you a wish!".

The Finnish anglers agrees to release the fish and once gently back in the water, the fish as...

You're probably Ghana think"no one will Bolivia. There's just Norway."

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey, Iraq of ribs and a Canada best sauce and my Bahrain was like Oman, I Israel Hungary... so Iran to the kitchen to put Greece in the pan.

I hoped it could get Finnish quickly and because I was Russian, I didn't Czech the label and accidentally added ...

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It's 1939 and the Soviets are attacking Finland.

So it's 1939, winter, the soviets are attacking Finland and the Karelian isthmus is basically a burning icy hell where peoples throats are cut in nightly raids and their blood turns to ice before their bodies hit the earth.

At one section of the Finnish trenches there are only two guys left ...

How do you know you've reached the end of Scandinavia?

Because of the Finnish!

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doping olympics [translated from an old Russian anecdote, 2007]

Good day! We are reporting live from our special Olympics. At our Olympics there's no doping control at all. Yes, you heard it right, sportsmen are NOT tested for doping. Absolutely. So...


- Finnish sportsman has jumped 27 meters. A very good result indeed for a chess player.

- 13 ...

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Two firms had a row competition

A Japanese and a Finnish company decided to have 2km row competition as a publicity stunt. Both teams trained long and hard. Competition came and Japanese won by 1km.
Finnish companys leadership was shocked. But in this major crisis the leadership showed its value: They wanted to have new compet...

So three nordic people walk into a bar

Actually I don't wanna finnish this joke

Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar

because life sucks and alcohol is their way to escape it.

A battalion of Russian soldiers crosses Finnish border

Winter, 1939. A battalion of Russian soldiers crosses Finnish border. As they are marching, someone shouts from behind a forested hill:

"One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russians!"

The battalion commander hears this, mutters "we'll see about that", handpicks ten of his finest so...

One Finn

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con...

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The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

Putin denies Russian naval exercises in Finnish waters, claims that sonar readings "were misinterpreted".

Whoops, wrong sub.

Did you know that Popeye the Sailor Man doesn't seem strong to the Swedes and the Norwegians?

He is, however, strong to the Finnish.

Victory day

Soviet Union delegation announced they are coming to Helsinki. To commemorate the Victory Day, they asked to set flowers to the statue of the unknown soldier. Finnish officials complied, but started to panic: there is no statue of the unknown soldier in Helsinki!

After a bit a brainstorming, ...

Probably, anyway.

A family was standing on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls, looking out at the raging water.

"Look, daughter!" The Mom said. "Did you know on this side of the Falls is one country, and the other side of the Falls is a different country?"

"Really?" said the daughter, amazed.

"Y...

I just found out my favorite arcade game used Christian music from the 1800s Finland in the background.

Yeah. Mortal Kombat used Finnish Hymns

What language does a fish speak?

Finnish.

A Finnish Soldier...

In the winter war in 1945 is getting in line for a rifle. The man behind the counter says "sorry, the guy in front of you got the last one. Here, take this hockey stick, and if you see a Russian, point it at him and yell BANG!" The Finn finds this ridiculous but takes it, thinking he'll just fix a b...

There were 3 men in a brothel. One going up the stairs, one in going down the stairs, and one in a room. What were their nationalities?

The man going up the stairs was Russian.

The man going down the stairs was Finnish.

And the man in the room, Himalayan.

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

Popeye is seen as iconic in America, but how is he viewed in Finland?

Oh, he's strong to the Finnish...

I heard that the new Mortal Kombat boasted Scandinavian music...

More specifically they plan to add a Finnish Hymn.

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