A Soviet army is walking through a finnish field in 1939 during the winter war. Suddenly a voice yells at the other side of a hill.

The voice says: "one finnish soldier is equal to ten soviets"

The soviet commander sends ten soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire, then silence. Soon the same voice yells again:
"One finnish soldier is equal to a hundred soviets!"

Angry soviet commander sends a hundred soldiers ...

English: A dog.

Swedish: What?

English: The dog.

English: Two dogs.

Swedish: Okay. We have: En hund, hunden, Två hundar, hundarna.

German: Wait, I wan’t to try it too!

English: No, go away.

Swedish: No one invited you. ...

Two Russian men walk into a Finnish bar

Where they take a seat and order two pints of the bar's finest beer.

The waitress arrives with the pints and two coasters for the gentlemen. She notices that they seem slightly confused.

Soon after, they order two more pints and when she noticed the coasters were missing she replaced ...

Finnish jokes poking fun at Sweden, translated to English (not 100% greatest translation)

-Swedish is an easy language to learn. For example, sit horse is sit ruuna (sitruuna = lemon)

-how do you recognize a Swede?

He pushes a pull door

-What is the difference between a chicken and a Swede?

-Chicken only lays eggs/fails (same word in Finnish) once a day
...

What do Finnish churches and Mortal Kombat have in common?

Finnish hymns

A Winter War joke

A Soviet army is marching through a Finnish forest when a general hears a voice from over a hill shout: "one Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The general promptly send 10 soldiers to root out the voice, there is gunfire, and then silence.

After a few minutes, the vo...

If you're Russian on your way to the washroom, and Finnish when you leave the washroom, what are you when you're in the washroom?

European.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to see if this old Finnish joke is still funny when translated.

A press reporter, a young and beautiful woman was making an article about living alone in the middle of nowhere for the majority for one's life.


The reporter stayed at the old man's house for a long time, just discussing about everyday stuff.

Well, how do you get food then?

...

I want to try translating a Finnish joke to English and see if it works.

What is the animal that steals license plates?
- A turtle.

What did the Finnish surgeon say after he botched a surgery?

Please don’t Soumi.

A swedish reporter traveled to Finland during WW2 to interview a finnish soldier...

Once in Finland, he found a soldier sitting outside some tents.
The reporter sat down beside the man and asked:
”Can you tell me how you feel about beeing a finnish soldier?”

Well, the soldier said, as a finnish soldier you have two alternatives.
Either you live or you die.
If you...

My language teacher and I have gotten so close, we keep finnishing--

(From the other room) ^Toistemme ^lauseet!

A Finnish man turns to his friend...

"You hear the restrictions are lifting up from 2m?"

His mate replies: "Finally we can go back to the usual 5m."

Polish is a lot like Finnish

Theyre both used to make furniture shine

Finnish is such a beautiful language.

There's a word, Kalsarikännit, which basically means 'getting drunk in your underwear'. This tells you all you need to know about Finland, and my current state of affairs.

My favorite Finnish joke

Pekka is at a party in a tall building in the great city of Helsinki, which is quite different from the small timber cabin in the forest he is used to as a lumberjack. Pekka is enjoying the party, but after a few bottles of the moonshine he brought, Pekka finds himself in the need of a toilet. He as...

What is a Finnish person's favorite novel?

East of Sweden

How can you tell if a Finnish guy likes you?

He's staring at your shoes instead of his own.

A Norwegian, a Finnish and a Swedish man were in front of a cave

The Norwegian man says "I bet I can go there and be at least 10 seconds." and goes to the cave, comes out and says "I couldn't be there for that long, the bear was too scary.

"I bet I can be there at least 20 seconds." the Swedish man says and goes in too, but comes back after 15 seconds. "Th...

The Soviet army is marching in Finland

They hear a voice from the other side of a hill, "one Finnish soldier is better than ten Soviet soldiers."

The Soviet general sends ten soldiers. There is some gunfire then everything is quiet again. The voice then says, "one Finnish soldier is better than one hundred Soviet soldiers."
...

Why jokes about Finland don't make sense?

It starts with 'a finnish'

Why does Finland have the best runner's in the world?

Because they Finnish first

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.

The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:

"I bet one Finn can beat ten Soviets!"

The Soviet officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of shooting ...

What did the crowd say when a fighter from northern Europe was about to kill?

Finnish him!

If you learn all of the european languages, you know which one you have to learn last?

Finnish

What do you call a Finnish coffee maker?

A perkele-tor!

Two Finnish men meet in a bar...

Two Finnish men meet in a bar, they haven't seen each other in over 30 years, but used to be best friends. One raises his beer and says 'cheers'.

The other responds, 'are we here to drink, or to talk?'

Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar

because life sucks and alcohol is their way to escape it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Finnish man died

His two Swedish friends are having a moment to remember him.

-You know... ... he was pretty weird.

-What do you mean with that?

-He had 2 assholes.

-How do you know that?!

-Everytime we walked into the bar together the bartender said: "Here comes the Finn with ...

So there was a marathon in Sweden...

...that went all the way to the eastern border. I guess you could say the race ended at the Finnish line.

My friend’s life goal was to try cocaine from all the different countries in the world.

He finally stopped at the Finnish line.

Do you know what country is first place?

Finland. They are already at the Finnish line

Where did the Swedish marathon end?

The Finnish line

Two Soviet Border Guards Are Standing on the Finnish Border

One turns to the other and says, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I suspect I am thinking what you're thinking."

"In that case, you're under arrest for treason."

It is claimed that Trump thought Finland was controlled by Russia

Finnish officials shrugged and said they thought the same was true of Trump

I hired a team of Northern Europeans to build me a shed

They never Finnished the job

What happened when Finland closed their borders?

Nobody could pass telhe Finnish line!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It must be exhausting to have sex with a Norwegian

They never Finnish

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

A Danish family are having lunch.

The youngest person, a 3 year-old, eats all his food and then says "I am finish!", as he couldn't talk properly.



His mum replies >!How dare you! We are Danish, not Finnish!!<

How do you know you've reached the end of Scandinavia?

Because of the Finnish!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A well-traveled man goes to a strip club

When he gets a lap dance from one of the strippers, he asks if she is Chilean

‘Yes, I am!’ she says ‘How did you know?’

‘Well’ says the man ‘Much like Chile, you are tall and slim’

He later gets a lap dance from another stripper, and asks if she is Swiss

‘Yes, I am!’ she ...

What type of accent does a fish have

Finnish

Video: Finnish Navy and Yle mistakenly follow Russian nuclear submarine

Whoops. Wrong sub.

Dad joke a la meatball

I was recently out with some friends at a buffet restaurant.

I ate this Swedish meatball and said, "This tastes more Norwegian to me."

My friend replied immediately, "How could you possibly know that?"

I replied, "I was going to tell you, but you didn't let me Finnish!"

I’ve been working on a Scandinavian joke.

It would be Swede if I could Finnish it, but right now there’s just Norway.

Steam is having a sale right now on Finnish games.

Next week they'll go back to selling unfinished games.

Just learned the Finnish have a word "Kalsarikännit" which means getting drunk alone at home in underwear.

Signing immigration forms now.

A battalion of Russian soldiers crosses Finnish border

Winter, 1939. A battalion of Russian soldiers crosses Finnish border. As they are marching, someone shouts from behind a forested hill:

"One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russians!"

The battalion commander hears this, mutters "we'll see about that", handpicks ten of his finest so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.

He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.


He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out an...

I once attended a sermon at a church in Finland.

The congregation must have been huge Mortal Kombat fans because they were singing a Finnish hymn.

where does a Finnish child molester go when his ship sinks?

Helsinki

A Finnish Soldier...

In the winter war in 1945 is getting in line for a rifle. The man behind the counter says "sorry, the guy in front of you got the last one. Here, take this hockey stick, and if you see a Russian, point it at him and yell BANG!" The Finn finds this ridiculous but takes it, thinking he'll just fix a b...

I tried to learn the tongue of the people in Finland.

But I couldn't Finnish a sentence.

In WWII, a soviet army marches through Finland...

Suddenly, from over the hill, they hear a voice shout, "One Finnish soldier is worth 10 Soviets!"

The Soviet commander is annoyed. He sends 10 troops over the hill to investigate. After a few minutes, he hears gunshots, screams, and then silence. Then the voice shouts again, "One Finnish sol...

Here is Finland, Netflix is geo-restricted and has very few shows

In fact, I just finnished watching everything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of people from different nationalities went to a restaurant and each ordered a glass of wine. When they received their drinks, they found out every glass had a fly in it.

The swede demanded new wine in the same glass.

The brit demanded new wine in a new glass.

The finnish man took the fly out of the glass and drank the wine.

The Russian drank the wine with the fly.

The Chinese man ate the fly and left the wine.

The jew took the...

Why do things get built so fast in Finland?

Because as soon as they start it’s Finnish.

Russia really want to invade Finland so they can rest

As they would cross the Finnish line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Hitler conquered Ukraine...

his soldiers sent back a message saying that the women were beautiful and enclosed a picture of them. Upon seeing this picture, Hitler declared that these women were honorary Aryans and demanded they bring back as many women as they could. When Hitler conquered Finland his soldiers sent back a messa...

What happens when a guy from Finland beats you up?

You get Finnished

Why is incest illegal in northern Europe?

All the builders complain about an uneven Finnish.

My friend says she's never dating a European guy again.

She said "They always either try to leave randomly or just don't Finnish."

One Finn

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con...

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult

He had trouble finnishing his sentences

Why are priests from Finland so good at Mortal Kombat?

They're especially well-versed in Finnish hymns.

Dad joke from the greatest Dad ever

My dad was intermed yesterday at Arlington National cemetery, so to salute the great man who served in WWII, here's one of his favorite jokes:

If you're Russian to go to the bathroom, and walk out Finnish, what are you while inside?

European!

The winter war between Finland and the USSR

The Soviet general was moving with his army when he hears a whisper

"A Finnish soldier is better than 10 Russian soldiers"

Furious he sends out his best 10 men. Gunshots are heard but they do not return and he hears another whisper:

" A Finnish soldier is better than 100 Russia...

Little Johnny is in 1st grade, but extremely smart.

One day his friend asks him how he’s so clever.

Little Johnny answers: Simple, I use association.

During this, their teacher is listening and thinks this is a big word for a first grader so the teacher decided to test him.

Teacher: Johnny I heard you telling your friend about...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Finnish reindeer

An American tourist arrived at a reindeer farm in Finnish Lapland. He asked the farm owner "I've heard that the reindeer and human vaginas are identical. Is this true?" The farm owner looked at the tourist for a while and answered: "You have to ask my neighbor. He is the only man in the village who ...

What is it called when you eat a whole bag of Swedish Berries?

Finnish Berries

What nationality are they?

There's this brothel on a small hill above the town i live in. There's two guys, one going up the hill, and one coming down the hill.

How can you tell what nationality they are?

Rather easily. The one going up the hill is Russian, the one coming down the hill is Finnish.

Why could the nordic olympian not finish the race?

He didn't have permission to cross the Finnish line.

What nationality are always at the end of the race?

The Finnish.

I realized why Scandanavians are the fastest runners in the world...

...all their races start near the Finnish line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was flying to Finland for a vacation.

He packed his bag and went to the airport; as he was going through security, he was asked what he had in his bag.

"Just some clothing, a camera, some hiking gear, and a camp knife."

"Sir," replied the TSA agent, "I need you to step to the back of the line."

The man was going to ...

What do you call a dead man from Helsinki?

Finnished.

The house of prostitution on the hilltop

There was a house of prostitution on top of a steep hilltop. There were three men. One man was on his way up the hill to the house. The second man was in the house. The third man had just left the house and was on his way down the hill. What was the ethnicity of each man?

Answer:

The f...

Two guys are trying to escape from Soviet Russia.

The first guy looks over to the other and says : race you to the Finnish line!

My book on Nordic cultures is taking a long time to write

I don’t think I’ll ever make it to the Finnish.

What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland?

Russian to Finnish.

House of ill repute

There's a house of ill repute, up on a hill. There's a man going up the hill, there's a man coming down the hill and there's a man in the house.
What nationalities are they?

Man going up the hill- he's Russian

Man coming down the hill- he's Finnish

Man in the house- Himalayan

You're running a race in Norway. How do you know if you've passed the last Lap?

When you reach the Finnish line...

Why will you never win a race against a runner from Finland?

Before you even start, they are already Finnish.

What do you call a religious song from Helsinki that describes the end of a Mortal Kombat match?

A Finnish Hymn

Why did the Helsinki-based executive travel for work?

He had some un-Finnish business.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an American and a Finn when they cum?

one makes a finish moan, the other makes a Finnish moan.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.