A Soviet army is walking through a finnish field in 1939 during the winter war. Suddenly a voice yells at the other side of a hill.

The voice says: "one finnish soldier is equal to ten soviets"

The soviet commander sends ten soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire, then silence. Soon the same voice yells again:
"One finnish soldier is equal to a hundred soviets!"

Angry soviet commander sends a hundred soldiers ...

English: A dog.

Swedish: What?

English: The dog.

English: Two dogs.

Swedish: Okay. We have: En hund, hunden, Två hundar, hundarna.

German: Wait, I wan’t to try it too!

English: No, go away.

Swedish: No one invited you. ...

Finnish jokes poking fun at Sweden, translated to English (not 100% greatest translation)

-Swedish is an easy language to learn. For example, sit horse is sit ruuna (sitruuna = lemon)

-how do you recognize a Swede?

He pushes a pull door

-What is the difference between a chicken and a Swede?

-Chicken only lays eggs/fails (same word in Finnish) once a day
...

A swedish reporter traveled to Finland during WW2 to interview a finnish soldier...

Once in Finland, he found a soldier sitting outside some tents.
The reporter sat down beside the man and asked:
”Can you tell me how you feel about beeing a finnish soldier?”

Well, the soldier said, as a finnish soldier you have two alternatives.
Either you live or you die.
If you...

How can you tell if a Finnish guy likes you?

He's staring at your shoes instead of his own.

I want to try translating a Finnish joke to English and see if it works.

What is the animal that steals license plates?
- A turtle.

Polish is a lot like Finnish

Theyre both used to make furniture shine

A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship.

A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship. He says to the employee, “I want to be a citizen of Finland.” The employee responds in broken English.
Employee: “You nice?”
Man: “Um... I suppose so.”
“Back of line.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Nice guys Finnish last.”

Finnish people eagerly await giving up the mandatory social distancing guidelines

So they can return from the government mandated 2 meters of distance to the normal 5 meters

I tried to buy a Mortal Kombat soundtrack.

All I could find were Finnish Hymns.

My favorite Finnish joke

Pekka is at a party in a tall building in the great city of Helsinki, which is quite different from the small timber cabin in the forest he is used to as a lumberjack. Pekka is enjoying the party, but after a few bottles of the moonshine he brought, Pekka finds himself in the need of a toilet. He as...

In 2025 the world is set to change its official language to Finnish

all other languages were deemed un-finnished

Best Finnish joke i know (Does not involve snipers)

2 Finnish Longshoremen complete their hard days work at the port of Kuopio on payday, and decide to go to the local bar to have a fun night.

No words are spoken as they sit down. They look at the bar keep, and one raises his hand, with 2 fingers up.

The bar keep brings 2 shots of Vod...

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A Finnish salesman comes to Russia to sell chainsaws to local lumberjacks.

“With this saw a good lumberjack can cut down 40 trees an hour and not even get tired” says the salesman.

The lumberjacks, thinking that sounds pretty good, place an order for 50 chainsaws.

At first they are delighted but then the miracle wears off as they notice the Finnish salesman...

If you go to a Scandinavian bakery you could Finnish a Swedish Danish.

Norway I'd make this up!

If you're Russian before, and Finnish after, what are you in between?

European

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to see if this old Finnish joke is still funny when translated.

A press reporter, a young and beautiful woman was making an article about living alone in the middle of nowhere for the majority for one's life.


The reporter stayed at the old man's house for a long time, just discussing about everyday stuff.

Well, how do you get food then?

...

What do you call a Finnish coffee maker?

A perkele-tor!

A Norwegian, a Finnish and a Swedish man were in front of a cave

The Norwegian man says "I bet I can go there and be at least 10 seconds." and goes to the cave, comes out and says "I couldn't be there for that long, the bear was too scary.

"I bet I can be there at least 20 seconds." the Swedish man says and goes in too, but comes back after 15 seconds. "Th...

What language does a fish speak?

Finnish.

So three nordic people walk into a bar

Actually I don't wanna finnish this joke

Finnish is such a beautiful language.

There's a word, Kalsarikännit, which basically means 'getting drunk in your underwear'. This tells you all you need to know about Finland, and my current state of affairs.

A Finnish man turns to his friend...

"You hear the restrictions are lifting up from 2m?"

His mate replies: "Finally we can go back to the usual 5m."

One Finn

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russian". The Russian commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the hill where Upon a gun-battle breaks out and con...

What did the Finnish surgeon say after he botched a surgery?

Please don’t Soumi.

What is a Finnish person's favorite novel?

East of Sweden

Two Finnish men meet in a bar...

Two Finnish men meet in a bar, they haven't seen each other in over 30 years, but used to be best friends. One raises his beer and says 'cheers'.

The other responds, 'are we here to drink, or to talk?'

What do you call Norway's southern border?

The Finnish Line.



(I'm sorry if someone had already made this)

2 finnish man are stranded on an Island

What will they do to to get of the Island?

Nothing. They will build a sauna, find a way to make whisky, there will be silence except occasional finnish swearing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.

The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:

"I bet one Finn can beat ten Soviets!"

The Soviet officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of shooting ...

Two Soviet Border Guards Are Standing on the Finnish Border

One turns to the other and says, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I suspect I am thinking what you're thinking."

"In that case, you're under arrest for treason."

Video: Finnish Navy and Yle mistakenly follow Russian nuclear submarine

Whoops. Wrong sub.

There were 3 men in a brothel. One going up the stairs, one in going down the stairs, and one in a room. What were their nationalities?

The man going up the stairs was Russian.

The man going down the stairs was Finnish.

And the man in the room, Himalayan.

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A Finnish man died

His two Swedish friends are having a moment to remember him.

-You know... ... he was pretty weird.

-What do you mean with that?

-He had 2 assholes.

-How do you know that?!

-Everytime we walked into the bar together the bartender said: "Here comes the Finn with ...

What’s so special about the border between Russia and Finland?

It’s the only place in the world where people are Russian to the Finnish line.

What do you call Finland’s border?

The Finnish line

My language teacher and I have gotten so close, we keep finnishing--

(From the other room) ^Toistemme ^lauseet!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't Hitler win the race of conquer

He never reached the Finnish

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Two women decides to go out and have some fun without their husbands.

The night turned out great it was a lot of fun. They got tipsy so they headed back home, but on the road they had a sudden urge to pee, so they climbed over the wall of a graveyard nearby. When finnished, they recocgnised they’ve got nothing to wipe themself clean with. One of them used her panties ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

Just learned the Finnish have a word "Kalsarikännit" which means getting drunk alone at home in underwear.

Signing immigration forms now.

A Winter War joke

A Soviet army is marching through a Finnish forest when a general hears a voice from over a hill shout: "one Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The general promptly send 10 soldiers to root out the voice, there is gunfire, and then silence.

After a few minutes, the vo...

Finnish, swedish and norwegian went to bar

because life sucks and alcohol is their way to escape it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Au Pair from Finland has been finding school very difficult of late.

So much anticipation and excitement around my school as it's the first Dux Scholar we've ever had.

Anticipation runs high as we'd all like to see his academic capabilities in our 'not-so-great' school.



Every subject imaginable; Physics, Geography, English, Chemistry etc, we are...

What did the crowd say when a fighter from northern Europe was about to kill?

Finnish him!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Finnish WWII air force verteran was about to give a talk to an American high school.

He was stereotypically Nordic: pale skin, fair hair, and a heavy accent.


He introduced himself and began with a vivid description of his first dogfight in the Lapland War. "Literally the moment after we take off and got through the fog we saw them. Eight pesky Fokkers were spread out an...

How do you know you've reached the end of Scandinavia?

Because of the Finnish!

where does a Finnish child molester go when his ship sinks?

Helsinki

Why jokes about Finland don't make sense?

It starts with 'a finnish'

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

So there was a marathon in Sweden...

...that went all the way to the eastern border. I guess you could say the race ended at the Finnish line.

A swedish family goes into a resturant and orders food.

When they are done with their food, the waiter comes over and asks:

"Are you guys finnish?"

The dad smiles and says:

"No, no we're from sweden"

It is claimed that Trump thought Finland was controlled by Russia

Finnish officials shrugged and said they thought the same was true of Trump

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A well-traveled man goes to a strip club

When he gets a lap dance from one of the strippers, he asks if she is Chilean

‘Yes, I am!’ she says ‘How did you know?’

‘Well’ says the man ‘Much like Chile, you are tall and slim’

He later gets a lap dance from another stripper, and asks if she is Swiss

‘Yes, I am!’ she ...

A battalion of Russian soldiers crosses Finnish border

Winter, 1939. A battalion of Russian soldiers crosses Finnish border. As they are marching, someone shouts from behind a forested hill:

"One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russians!"

The battalion commander hears this, mutters "we'll see about that", handpicks ten of his finest so...

If you learn all of the european languages, you know which one you have to learn last?

Finnish

My friend’s life goal was to try cocaine from all the different countries in the world.

He finally stopped at the Finnish line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It must be exhausting to have sex with a Norwegian

They never Finnish

I’ve been working on a Scandinavian joke.

It would be Swede if I could Finnish it, but right now there’s just Norway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of people from different nationalities went to a restaurant and each ordered a glass of wine. When they received their drinks, they found out every glass had a fly in it.

The swede demanded new wine in the same glass.

The brit demanded new wine in a new glass.

The finnish man took the fly out of the glass and drank the wine.

The Russian drank the wine with the fly.

The Chinese man ate the fly and left the wine.

The jew took the...

I once attended a sermon at a church in Finland.

The congregation must have been huge Mortal Kombat fans because they were singing a Finnish hymn.

Russia really want to invade Finland so they can rest

As they would cross the Finnish line.

A Finnish Soldier...

In the winter war in 1945 is getting in line for a rifle. The man behind the counter says "sorry, the guy in front of you got the last one. Here, take this hockey stick, and if you see a Russian, point it at him and yell BANG!" The Finn finds this ridiculous but takes it, thinking he'll just fix a b...

Where did the Swedish marathon end?

The Finnish line

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Finnish reindeer

An American tourist arrived at a reindeer farm in Finnish Lapland. He asked the farm owner "I've heard that the reindeer and human vaginas are identical. Is this true?" The farm owner looked at the tourist for a while and answered: "You have to ask my neighbor. He is the only man in the village who ...

What happened when Finland closed their borders?

Nobody could pass telhe Finnish line!

Dad joke a la meatball

I was recently out with some friends at a buffet restaurant.

I ate this Swedish meatball and said, "This tastes more Norwegian to me."

My friend replied immediately, "How could you possibly know that?"

I replied, "I was going to tell you, but you didn't let me Finnish!"

I was really close to eating in the cafeteria at the Olympics.

Too bad I fell right at the Finnish line.

In WWII, a soviet army marches through Finland...

Suddenly, from over the hill, they hear a voice shout, "One Finnish soldier is worth 10 Soviets!"

The Soviet commander is annoyed. He sends 10 troops over the hill to investigate. After a few minutes, he hears gunshots, screams, and then silence. Then the voice shouts again, "One Finnish sol...

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

What do you call a dead man from Finland?

Finnished

Why is incest illegal in northern Europe?

All the builders complain about an uneven Finnish.

Why do things get built so fast in Finland?

Because as soon as they start it’s Finnish.

The winter war between Finland and the USSR

The Soviet general was moving with his army when he hears a whisper

"A Finnish soldier is better than 10 Russian soldiers"

Furious he sends out his best 10 men. Gunshots are heard but they do not return and he hears another whisper:

" A Finnish soldier is better than 100 Russia...

Why are priests from Finland so good at Mortal Kombat?

They're especially well-versed in Finnish hymns.

My friend says she's never dating a European guy again.

She said "They always either try to leave randomly or just don't Finnish."

My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult

He had trouble finnishing his sentences

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Hitler conquered Ukraine...

his soldiers sent back a message saying that the women were beautiful and enclosed a picture of them. Upon seeing this picture, Hitler declared that these women were honorary Aryans and demanded they bring back as many women as they could. When Hitler conquered Finland his soldiers sent back a messa...

What nationality are always at the end of the race?

The Finnish.

Dad joke from the greatest Dad ever

My dad was intermed yesterday at Arlington National cemetery, so to salute the great man who served in WWII, here's one of his favorite jokes:

If you're Russian to go to the bathroom, and walk out Finnish, what are you while inside?

European!

What is it called when you eat a whole bag of Swedish Berries?

Finnish Berries

Little Johnny is in 1st grade, but extremely smart.

One day his friend asks him how he’s so clever.

Little Johnny answers: Simple, I use association.

During this, their teacher is listening and thinks this is a big word for a first grader so the teacher decided to test him.

Teacher: Johnny I heard you telling your friend about...

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