We should tell Britain, Spain, and Portugal that there are tons of gold out in space

So they can put more effort into space travel and space colonization.

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A man is on vacation in Spain

He goes out to eat one night and notices a man at another table being served a plate of spaghetti with two large meatballs. He asks his server if he can have the same.

The server says “I’m afraid not, señor, because those are actually the testicles of bull killed today at the bull fight. But ...

A man is on vacation in Spain.

He goes off the beaten path and decides to spend the night in a small local inn rather than pay extra at a tourist trap. He’s down in the inn’s lounge drinking and he sees a chicken sitting at the bar. He asks the bartender why there’s a chicken inside. She says that the chicken is actually a genius...

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain but she didn’t speak spanish. Each time she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt up & show her thighs to allow the seller to understand.This went on for some time.

One day she wanted to buy sausages, so she made her husband go to the store with her. He then asked for sausages as he spoke spanish.

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A guy walk into a restaurant in Spain

And sits down to eat.

While he's waiting, three trumpet players emerge, start playing a flourish, and in walks a waiter holding a covered plate that he presents to another patron. He pulls the cover off and shows the dish to everyone present.

The guy asks his own waiter, "What is t...

Did you hear its now illegal to be in possession of a ballpoint pen in Spain?

That's the Spanish ink-position.

A guy walks into an exotic restaurant in Spain

Waiter: "How can I help you?"

Customer: "I'm looking for the most exotic thing you have"

Waiter: "You're in luck, I'll return shortly"

Waiter leaves and returns with a bowl containing something unfamiliar to the customer.

Customer: "What's this?"

Waiter: "Every we...

In New York there are many tattoo artists from all over the world, but for some reason the artists from Spain have trouble getting business.

Why? Because nobody expects the Spanish ink precision!

Two women go to Spain to buy a bull...

Two women got sent to Spain from America to buy a bull for a wealthy Rancher.

They have a great time travelling and sight seeing.
They lose themselves in the fun and end up spending all of their bull-purchasing money buying match tickets to watch the El Classico. Once the euphoria is over,...

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Eating bull's testicles - tradition in Spain

A tourist in Spain is in a restaurant near a bullfighting arena right after a bullfight.
There's a table nearby where a guy is eating a dish with two big balls in it and all around the table people are making merry.

The tourist got curious and asked the manager to explain what was going on...

The King of Spain has sequestered himself on his private jet until his Covid-19 results come back

The reign in Spain stays mainly on the plane.

A man visits a hotel in Spain and injures himself in the room.

So he calls the front desk and asks them to find him a doctor.

"you're in luck, sir! We have a doctor that lives in this very hotel."

They send the doctor up. After tending to the man's injuries the man remarks:

"Wow! I never would have thought this hotel would have its own do...

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A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!"

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Lo...

I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football

Nobody expects the Spanish in position

Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and Dennis Rodman are set to compete against each other in a wordplay competition in Spain

The Punning Of The Bulls

How did Rowan Atkinson introduce himself when he performed in Spain?

Soy Bean

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A man travels to Spain for vacation and decides to go into a restaurant.

After sitting there for a while trying to decide what to eat, he sees a waiter bring out a bowl of soup to the table next to him.
He tells his waiter "I'll have what he's having"
The waiter politely explains "that is the bull testicle soup and we only serve it once a day after the big bull f...

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An English man is sat in a Spanish restaurant in Spain...

He sees a Spanish man at another table get served a plate with some amazing food, the main part of which is two massive meatballs.

He asks the waiter for the same dish,
“I’m sorry senior, we only get that once per day after the bullfight, it is the testicles of the bull after he is killed ...

The mailman told me he's off to Spain tomorrow...

So I asked him if he was going to Parcelona. He proceeded to ignore what I believe was my best joke. I probably didn't say it right. The key to a good mailman joke is the delivery.

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A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain.

While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

The waiter replied, 'Si senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called...

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An old man decides that he wants to see a bullfight before he dies.

Immediately upon arriving in Spain, the man makes his way to the arena, then cheers along with the crowd as he watches the matador fight the bull. For as much fun as it is, he soon realizes that the travel and the excitement have left him feeling worn out, so he decides to find a nearby restaurant b...

So, I’m originally from Spain, and one the strangest things I discovered when moving to America was the was you hold your pens.

In Spain, we hold them straight up, whereas you hold them slightly on the side. I would always get weird looks when writing with my fountain pen. It’s not all that surprising.
After all, nobody expects the Spanish Ink Position.

The twins

A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up
for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal."
The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the...

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A man on a business trip in Spain decides to go to a bull fight.

After the event, he stops in to the little restaurant next to the venue called "The Matador". As he checks out the menu trying to decide what he wants, he sees a waiter bring a dish to another customer.

The other customer starts eating what appear to be two large meatballs with great gusto. W...

A man goes to Spain

He arrives, and of course, the first thing he has to go see is the daily bull fight.
The match is drawn out, a banderillero is gored, but eventually the bull is subdued and the matador emerges victorious.
The man is famished at this point, and so, entranced by the fight, he finds his way to t...

In Spain, "Die Hard" is called "La Jungla de Cristal"...

... it should have been called "Muerte Fuerte".

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Joke from Spain (forgive my English)

There was once a married couple that wanted a divorce, and they were arguing about who would keep the child.

"I birthed the child, therefore it's mine!" Says the wife.
"That's not true, you're not the mother!" Replies the husband.
"Oh, and I suppose you claim to be the real father then?...

I want to see and feel Spain once in my life.

But life always takes the 'S' away from it.

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A man went to Spain for his vacation.

He stopped by a restaurant and saw an interesting dish. He asked the waiter about it, who said "the balls of the bull sir. we serve it once a day after the bullfights." The man places an order for the next day, and leaves.

When he comes back the next day and gets his dish, he looks at it for...

Why shouldn’t you have pets in Spain ?

Because you can’t leave your Catalonia

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

Spain's national soccer team were in complete disarray

The goalkeeper would always come out and try and play as a striker, the defenders would just run up and down the side lines and the strikers just stood on their own goal line chatting.

Needless to say, they lost every game.

After 5 games the manager was fired and a new one appointed. H...

While on vacation in Spain with my wife..

I I started to feel funny. I had some pain in my chest and felt short of breath. I chalked it up to the long day we had just had, but I continued to feel worse. As we got out of the taxi and walked into the hotel, I collapsed.

It became apparent to my wife and I that I was having a heart atta...

Unpacking my bag after arriving at the hotel in Spain and realise I forgot to pack my toiletries bag...

After the long flight I desperately needed some stuff from my bag so without hesitation went to the closest shop. I asked the Spanish man behind the counter if he had any deodorant, he replied in a broken English accent “ball or aerosol” confused I said “no no just for my armpits please”

Trump is not my president

I live in Spain

My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain

He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.

Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician

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There is a store in Spain that sells exquisite handmade writing instruments.

This store has all kinds of bespoke fountain pens and rollerball pens and even ball point pens. There are pens made of fine hard woods and precious metals inlaid with all kinds of gems. These pens are all handmade by artisans who have been in the business for generations.

But what really sets...

Why are the people who flew from Spain always dry, even if it was raining there?

Because the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plane.

I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the

Spanish Ink Quiz Session

I was a magician in Europe who specialised in doing magic with pens. In England, Germany, France, Hungary, Portugal and many other places I was adored by the people. But when I got to Spain no-one liked me.

I guess nobody expects the Spanish ink wizard shun.

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what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

Today my company relocated me to their Spain office.

But it’s ok, because nobody expects the Spanish acquisition.

What do you call a rental car in Spain?

A Barceloaner

What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?

Barf-a-lona

I heard a rumor that the next Legend of Zelda game is to be set in a Hyrule version of Spain. No one believes me

They don’t expect a Spanish Link decision

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A man walks into a restaurant in Spain

He sits down at his table and notices a man enjoying a interesting meal. He asks the server what is the man over at the other table eating? The server responds that he is eating Bulls Balls. After a bull fight and the bull is killed you can order and eat his balls. There is a bull fight tonight and...

Nobody believes me when I tell them I had a splinter when touring Spain and a playful little kid helped get rid of it.

Nobody expects the Spanish imp incision.

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An American Tourist in Spain

An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house.  When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained. "Senor, these are the cojones," the waiter replied. "The what, you say?" exclaimed the tourist. "The...

Quarantine seasonal travel

Oman, I really can't wait to Rome around.

Venice this going to get over?

You can't say when this lockdown will be over, Kenya?

Quarantine has made my Delhi routine too boring.

I've been Washingtons of utensils.

This Spain is real.

Stay home, stay safe. What'...

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a man went to spain to tour around the country

one day he went to an awsome one in a lifetime bullfighting show. after the show, he wanted to try some spanish food. he went to a restaurant next to the stadium. he wanted to order some steak when he saw the couple next table eating giant meatballs. he asked the waiter.

the man: excuse me, c...

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece .

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single l...

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A woman is on vacation in Spain...

A lady goes on vacation to Spain and decides to go to a bull fighting match. She finds it mildly entertaining but is somewhat distressed at the violence inherent in the act. After the show ends she goes to a restaurant near the arena and asks the waiter what he would recommend. He passionately recom...

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A French traveled to Spain

He passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the balls of the bull who lost the bullfight.

Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that there was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser’s balls. So he signed up and came back six we...

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Two friends fly to spain

They decide to participate in a bullfight.

The first one goes up to the field and the ox runs at him really fast, suddenly a second before the collision, the bull turns on its back and wails in pain, the whole crowd cheers and exultes.

His friend asks him "How did you do it? I would ...

I met my wife while I was on a buisness trip in Spain

then I said to her "What are you doing here?"

I went to Spain for a holiday (Long)

and on the Sunday everyone went to the biggest restaurant in town. We went there too. The food was really good but during the meal I heard a drum roll.

The kitchen doors opened and the chef and maitre d marched out with a huge cloche. The locals all went quiet as they paraded this cloche arou...

[long] A tourist goes to see the bullfight in Spain

After the matador disposed of the bull and the fight was over, he started to feel quite peckish. He spied a restaurant with a sign "BULLFIGHT SPECIAL" he was seated, and asked his waiter about the special and if it was an authentic Spanish dish or for tourists, to which the waiter responded, it's am...

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Geography of a woman

Between the ages of 15-18, a woman is like China. Developing at a sizzling rate with a lot of potential but as yet still not free or open.Between the ages of 18-21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful. Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is l...

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A man goes to Spain to see a bullfight.

After the fight, he heads to a restaurant nearby, where the waiter offers him to try their special: *cojones*. The man, although hesitant, accepts and ends up having a delicious meal. Having never *cojones* before, he asks the waiter what it is. "Well, sir," the waiter replies, "after the fight, if...

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A Woman was touring Spain

A woman was touring Spain, and she wanted to eat a unique exotic dish typical for Spain. A waiter says "Madam, we have balls of a bull killed in a bullfight." She orders them, and she gets this plate with gigantic balls, and eats them up. She loved them so much, that next day she came in and ordered...

A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.

They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.

The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests ...

On holiday in Spain I saw a sign saying English speaking doctors, I thought what a good idea/

We should have them in England.

I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...

He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.

As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noticeably afraid. "What's the problem, fellow?" asked his seat mate.

"Surely," said the Englishman, "you've heard the saying, 'The planes in Spain fall mainly in the rains!!'"

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[Long] So a guy goes to Spain to watch a bullfight.

After the bullfight he goes to a restaurant across the street and notice one guy eating a plate with two large balls of meat on it.

"What's that?" He asks the waiter.

"Those are the testicles of the bull that died in the arena today. Eating them is said to give you the virility and vit...

A Frenchman orders a coffee in Spain

Au lait

My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.

Adios Omegas.

Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer died today over Barcelona. He was struck by a flock of seagulls and a 747.

Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

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A tourist in Spain...

A wealthy American tourist traveling in Spain goes to a fancy restaurant and requests the most expensive item on the menu. They bring him two large round balls of a very unusual looking meat. He is pleased by the size of the portions, but is wondering what kind of meat it is and asks the waiter. The...

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Man travels to Spain

A man travels to Spain and decides to watch one of the bullfighting matches for which Spain is well known.

The match was intense & thrilling. Unlike anything which can be found anywhere else in the world. Afterwards there was a celebration for the Torero (Bullfighter) and the crowd slowl...

Spain now have the messiest prisons in the world.

No messing.

Scottish couple decided to go to Spain

A Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier, but because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Glasgow and fl...

What does Captain America and Spain have in common?

A horrific Civil War

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