During a flight in a private jat, three millionaires are talking: an American, an Arab Sheik and a Brazilian.

At a certain
point in the travel, they wanted to know
where in the world they are. But the
American has an idea and says:
"I think we are in New York. Let me confirm"
So he opens his window (believe me, it was
a very modern airplane) and put his arm
out. "I was right. Just touch...

A Brazilian needs to buy a ticket but don't speak English.

So he decides to listen and copy the person at the front of the queue.

He listens.

"Ticket to midway one-way."

When it's his turn, he asks.

"Ticket to new york one-ork"


~~P.S. I don't speak English. I'm try hard.~~

The Brazilian president and his spouse are staying at a hotel in the USA, in the room 222

Close to 17:00 he calls the room service from the landline and says the following.

tu ti, tu tututu

The attendant has a hard time understating that request and considering that it is the president, not just some normal customer, comes to the conclusion that he must have overheard an en...

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian...

... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camero...

The German women’s beach volleyball team plays against the Brazilian women’s beach volleyball team. Who wins?

The audience

A death toll too high to imagine

On September 29th 2006 President George W. Bush receives a briefing from one of his staff

"Mr. President, we've just received reports of a commercial plane crash in south America, 154 Brazilian people died."

"Oh my God, that's terrible..." The president replies solemnly, thinking quiet...

A Brazilian Man just died and went to hell

Satan looks at the man and says: “You’re not in hell just yet. Because you’re from Brazil, I’m going to let you choose a hell of your own desires.”

The Brazilian Man said: “I hate Brazil. Let’s try the American Hell.”

He went to the American Hell, was stabbed by 2 Pitch Forks by demon...

I can't listen to brazilian jazz.

Maybe a hundred jazz, or a thousand, but brazilian jazz? That's just way too much jazz.

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

A Brazilian man in Mexico doesn't know why the U.S. deported him there.

Can you imagine Hispanic?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I met my wife

She asked me If I had sex with a Brazilian woman.

I told her “Probably. How many is a Brazilian?”

The Brazilian the Argentine and the Genius

(To understand the joke you need to know that there is a lot of rivalry between Brazilians and Argentines) An Argentine and a Brazilian when walking through the desert found a magic lamp. A genie came out of it and began to speak: "You are my masters and each of you will be granted a wish." The Ar...

A Frenchman, an Argentine, and a Brazilian were publicly drinking in Russia during the 2018 World Cup.

But that is prohibited there, so they were captured by the police and taken to court.



The judge said that as the country was celebrating, they would take only 20 lashes, with the right to have a wish That wasn't be escape the punishment.



The Frenchman was the first, the...

"Mr. President, two Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday in Iraq."

"Oh my God! How many is a Brazilian?"

A Brazilian friend told me this joke yesterday

The United Nations decided to conduct a world-wide survey. So they sent a letter to the representatives of each country with the following question: "Please, with all honesty, give your opinion on the scarcity of food in the rest of the world".


The survey was a huge failure. Why? None of ...

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a Brazilian nut?

I wouldn’t let a chickpea in my mouth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Brazilian, an Argentine and a Colombian gets stranded on an deserted island

They find a lamp and one of them rubs it.
A genie appear ad says:
Look, I have been stuck here for a long time, and I am tired, so I will only give one to each one of you.
C: Colombian; B: Brazilian; A: Argentine; G: genie;

C:I wish to go home.

*He got teleported back to his h...

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CDC: Mr. President, two Brazilian diplomats have tested positive for the coronavirus.

Trump: Holy shit! (pause) How many is a "brazilian"?

A Brazilian Jiu Jitsu teacher and black belt told his Purple belt employee,

"We're going to have a match. If you can avoid being submitted for 10 minutes, I'll award you a black belt and I'll give you a raise. If I can get you in a chokehold and you can't escape, I'm going to fire you."

The employee agreed, and they started the match. Five minutes in, the teacher loc...

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Brunette: Have you ever had sex with a Brazilian?

Blonde: I don't think so. That sounds like a lot. Probably not, but I've come pretty close.

A blonde hears on the news that a bridge collapsed and killed a Brazilian.

She gasped, "That's a lot of people!"

Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus

Lying in the hospital bed his face still white with shock, he finally got the courage to ask shakily and in a quiet voice, “How many people is a brazillion?"

A blond is watching the news and hears that 2 Brazilian men died from Coronavirus.

She cried and asked, "Oh my gosh, how many is a Brazilian?"

Omg, the coronavirus has killed 12 Brazilian people!

How many is a brazilian?

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A Brazilian and a Venezuelan gets into a fight

They cant agree on which country has the best ass cheeks. To settle the debate in a fair non partisan manner they decide to consult the most advance AI of the Time.



The AI prompts them to word their question very carefully because it always outputs exactly what it is asked from it. <...

Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, told the President: "This morning, 3 Brazilians were killed by Covid-19."

Trump's face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face; and, to everyone’s amazement, he collapsed on the floor.

Minutes passed, and to everyone’s relief President Trump got up shakily and then sat back on his chair.

His staff was nothing less than stunned at thi...

A German, a Frenchman, an Englishman and a Brazilian appreciate the picture of Adam and Eve in Paradise.

German comments:



"Look at what perfection of bodies: she, slender and haired; he, with his athletic body, his profiled muscles. They must be Germans."



Frenchman replies:



"I don't believe it. The eroticism from the figures is evident! She, so feminine, he,...

What’s the difference between a French wine and a Brazilian wine?

Not much but the Brazilian has better legs.

How Much Money Does Brazil make?

About a brazilian dollars!

Jeff Bezos paid a Brazilian arsonist

Desperate to get #AmazonFire trending.

She called me "Fevereiro"

I started dating this gorgeous Brazilian girl.

One night, right after having slept with her for the first time, she started to call me *Fevereiro*.

I felt that nickname had a really cool latin vibe, so I went along with it.



After a few weeks, I asked her, "By the way, h...

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A Brazilian and a German sit at a bar. The Brazilian says: “You crushed us 7:1 at the World Cup, let’s not talk about soccer, ok?”

Ger: No problem. So what do you wanna talk about? Sex?

Bra: Yeah sure.

Ger: Man, did we fuck you.

Did you hear about the Brazilian percussionist who was severely injured in a conga line?

He made a maraca-ulous recovery.



It came to me while in the elevator. I’m sorry.

How many people live in South America?

At least one Brazilian

Never get a Brazilian wax

It's a total rip-off.

I told my wife to get a Brazilian

The next day she introduced me to her new friend, Paulo.

My wife paid $50 for a Brazilian waxing.

She said it was a rip-off.

What a do a bunch of people in Brazil speak? Portuguese. What does just one Brazilian speak?

Portugoose.

How would you rate a really ugly Brazilian?

1 out of 7

An original joke by my 6 year old this evening. What is the largest number in South America?

A Brazilian!

President Trump was told there were at least 12 Brazilians in the migrant caravan headed to the Southern border...

Mr President turned to his Defense Secretary and whispered: "how much is a brazillion?"

So you've probably heard

So you've probably heard the Brazilian variant of COVID is a bit more infectious than what we have here up north.

Don't worry, I hear things are going to clear up a lot down south when they get a Brazilian Vax.

Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.

The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.

Trump shouts “Oh my GOD!” and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.

After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advi...

I know a Brazilian joke.

It's kinda long, I'll trim it down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

German and brazilian go to a bar

This might be a little outdated now but anyway here we go:


A brazilian and german football fan go to a bar.
Brazilian: Ok, I know you wanna talk 7 - 1 again, I get it, but can we please for once talk about something else?
German: Ok fine what do you wanna talk about?
Braz...

A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed

As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"

Did you hear the Bob Ross got a brazilian wax?

Got rid of that happy, little bush.

Did you know a Brazilian wax costs $50?

Talk about a rip off

"Mr. President, four Brazilian soldiers were killed during our last drone attack. "

"This is yuge, let's get Sean out there to tell everyone how we are making the world great again... wait how many is a Brazilian?"

Neymar, the Brazilian football player, had his first parenting lesson with his new son this morning.

"Right," said the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?"
"Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f*****g floor," replied the baby....

How did 70 Brazilian people die in a plane crash today...

...if the world only has 7 billion?

How is Trump like a Brazilian?

He reminds you that Bush wasn't all that bad

A blonde is watching the news on an airplane...

The news reporter says, "Three Brazilian children have been presumed dead after their home caught fire in the middle of the night."

The blonde jolts up in her seat in utter shock. She taps the shoulder of the passenger next to her, and exclaims, "Oh my god! How many children is a Bra-zillion!...

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese

Donald trump was getting his daily briefing...

“Sir, there was another 60,000 cases of corona and a thousand Americans died”

“Huh” - the orange elder barely nods and continues watching Fox.

“Sir- also there was a riot in downtown DC and two cops and fourteen protesters are dead and sixteen in custody”
“Yawn... next”, replies th...

How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he’s getting debriefed on the world news of the day.The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya’s reaction is pure shock and grief, he’s shaking and can not control his emotions.
...

Brazilian Soldiers

An aide walks into the oval office. George W. Bush is currently president, and the Iraq war is dragging out into a long and grueling occupation. The aide presents the numbers from yesterday to the President.

"Mr. President, yesterday the US coalition forces killed a confirmed 36 insurgents....

One blonde says to another, "I slept with a Brazilian last night".

The other blonde says, "Wow, how many is that"?

3 Brazilian

A blonde was listening to the radio when suddenly she heard "3 Brazilian men died in a fatal car accident." The woman then asked, "How much is a Brazilian?"

Translated Brazilian Joke - A broken car in the desert

** In Brazil it is common making jokes about our colonizers, the Portuguese. I hope they do the same about us in Portugal, so... **

A Portuguese, a Brazilian and an Argentinian are driving through the desert when their car suddenly breaks.
João, the Brazilian suggests each one takes a pie...

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, “That’s fantastic!"

Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.

The Chief of Staff says...

A German is talking to a Brazilian

The German says "Want to hear a joke," The Brazilian replies "Sure," "So, why was 6 afraid of 7" "I don't know, why?" "Because 7 won!"

A Brazilian got the first gold medal

The police are already after him.

ATTN: Brazilian football fans

Don't feel too bad. Your team only lost by a touchdown.

I asked my friend how she liked her first Brazilian wax...

She told me it was a complete rip-off.

What do you call a galaxy full of Brazilians?

The Milky Hue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian, an American, a Canadian, a Briton, a Welshman, a Norwegian, a Mexican, a Brazilian, a Frenchman...

a South African, a Japenese, a New Zealander, a Papa New Guinean, an Irishman, an Italian, a Scandinavian, a German, an Austrian, an Arabian, a Syrian, a Hungarian, a Russian, an Indian and a Spaniard all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we can't serve you without a Thai."

What is a Brazilians favorite Pokemon?

Zikachu.

A brazilian, uruguayan and argentinian walk into the bar...

...celona team.
GOAAAAAAAAL !
GOAAAAAAAAL !
GOAAAAAAAAL !

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A building supplies company placed an ad for an experienced warehouse person for their warehouse operation...

Bright (not that he could see it) and early the next morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

A bit taken aback, she goes to get her husband, the boss.

He takes one look at...

A Brazilian and Argentinian find a lamp after a football (soccer) match...

On their way back from a very tight football match, two fans, one Brazilian and one Argentinian bump into each other and see a lamp at their feet.

Assuming there is a genie inside, they begin arguing who gets to rub the lamp first. The Brazilian concedes and allows the Argentinian to go firs...

A brunette tells her blonde friend that she can finally say that she's slept with a Brazilian.

The blonde looks shocked and says, "OMG, how many is a Brazilian???

back in '02 a general came to George W and informed him that we accidentally dropped a missile in the wrong area and it killed 3 Brazilian men...

Dubya looked VERY distraught and looked over at Condoleezza Rice and asked, "exactly how many is a Brazilian?"

A new report indicates Brazilians no longer support the 2016 Olympics

They're too busy raising the team for the 2036 Special Olympics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an Irishman,...

a Scotsman,a welshman, a Frenchman, a German, an Italian, a Swede, two Finns, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Greenlander, an Austrian, a Hungarian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Latvian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Turk, an Egyptian, a Palestinian, an Israeli, a Greek, a Macedonian, a Chinese guy, a Japanese guy,a ...

The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.

He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.

He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.

After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you ...

Before today, the saddest Brazilians I ever saw...

...were the waiters who got assigned to me at Fogo de Chau #estoygordo

5 Brazilian dollars sounds like a lot of money...

However, with the current exchange rate its only about $1.35 USD

That’s a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.

Then he composes h...

Mike Pence walked in to the Oval Office earlier with some bad news for President Trump.

"Mr. President, unfortunately 3 Brazilian tourists in New York have been diagnosed with coronavirus."


"That's terrible!", exclaimed Trump. "What are we going to do?!"


"Wait...how many is a Brazilian again?"

There was a man in Sao Paulo who's intestines were shaped like a number 1 from a rare genetic mutation.

Doctors say the chances of this are 1 in a Brazilian!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Blondes meet up for coffee...

Two blondes meet up for coffee and one asks the other what she has been up to.


"I had sex with two Brazilian guys last night", she said.
"Wow - I've never even met that many guys" replied the other.

Brazillian

During his daily security briefing this morning, Trump was advised by an aide that three Brazilian peacekeepers had been killed in Iraq the day before.

To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Trump's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whim...

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