Portuguese Jokes

A drunk Russian tried to speak Spanish.

A Portugoose.

Germany.

** In Brazil it is common making jokes about our colonizers, the Portuguese. I hope they do the same about us in Portugal, so... **

A Portuguese, a Brazilian and an Argentinian are driving through the desert when their car suddenly breaks.
João, the Brazilian suggests each one takes a pie... read more

I don't know, myself, but it's more than a Brazilian

A man and his wife decide that they would go on holiday to the same place where they had they're honeymoon 20 years ago. The wife couldn't make it because she had a problem in her job, so the husband catched the plane and his wife would come in the next day. When he arrives at the hotel he emails hi... read more

*"Let's play a game"* - he suggests.


The woman ignores him.


*"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."*


The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the ... read more

Two schizophrenic guys are in a mental hospital, one of them points to the clock and asks "Is this thing working as it is suposed to?", the other says "If it were it wouldn't be here"

They are now called Florence+The Maniche.

Hispanic attacks.

Neymar

A porto potty.

Normally there’s also a Belgian in this joke but he’s still at the Euro cup…

They're not falling for that twice!

Still, she enjoyed it, and said 'Obrigado' afterwards

It was a tough morning on the Omaha beach, and the landing of the Allied troops was not going well. The beach was riddled with obstacles and mines, and the German gunfire was relentless.

Suddenly, the Allied men notice a man emerging from the waters. “I can help you”, he declares in deep voic... read more

... shouldn't it be portu-goose?

His wife walks in the door and quickly glances at the newspaper. "Honey," she says, "We lost one of our animals."

The farmer says nothing.

She asks him, "Where's Macau?"

My aunt Sara is someone who has an excellent sense of humor. In a nutshell, my aunt is a lady in her sixties who uses the fact that she loves cakes and is overweight... to make fun of herself. One of the most delightful conversations i had with her was when i met her at the bus stop one day and she ... read more

A gypsy fortune-teller once told me:

"For 20 euros i can see your life in the palm of your hand"

I replied:

"That's a robbery! My mother goes to the hairdresser in my neighborhood, and for 10 euros she tells her everyone's life"


Note: The translation was made from ... read more

A Portuguese man's wife.


"Do the laundry you witch!" he yells at her in the morning.

"Wash the dishes you cow!" he yells at her in the afternoon.

"Come to bed my little dove," he whispers to her at night.


Translation might be slightly off as it's an old Brasilian ... read more

A Brazalien

I am wondering who are the preferred targets of jokes from where you are from, I have done a little research and have come up with the following so far:

| Region | Target |
|:--|:--|
| Canada | Newfies |
| England | Irishmen |
| America | Polacks |
| France | Belgians |
| Br... read more

The German.

A Portuguese man walking down the beach stumbles upon a rusty and dirty old lamp. Intrigued, he picks it up and rubs it trying to read the old etchings on the side, and out comes a genie!

The genie says: “You have released me, and for that I will grant you one wish!” (hey, it’s a Portuguese g... read more

Close to 17:00 he calls the room service from the landline and says the following.

tu ti, tu tututu

The attendant has a hard time understating that request and considering that it is the president, not just some normal customer, comes to the conclusion that he must have overheard an en... read more

He goes downstairs, opens the door and finds a man with a menacing look who says:

- I traveled all the way from Tunisia and I’m here to kill you!
- TO WHAT?!
- Tunisia


(I believe the original is in Portuguese or Spanish and the man comes from Paraguai but I think you all dese... read more

My dad has told me this joke when I was younger and I thought that I’d just post it here

They are all starving and dehydrated in the hot desert. Pablo the Mexican walks up to the genie lamp and rubs it...

Genie: Pablo the Mexican, I will grant you one wish and one wish only! Choose yo... read more

He's a janitor, but the building is his.

Two Spanish intelligence agents get word that a Portuguese agent wants to defect, so they set up a meeting with him. The Chief agent starts to walk into the room, when his partner, Juan Mendoza shouts " No! It's a trap, and pushes the Chief out of the way just before a bullet from the would be detec... read more

Portuguese.

What do you call a person from Portugal that hangs out in a pub with a pint in his hand on a match day?

Portugeezer.

Three guys, a Samoan, a Hawaiian, and a Portuguese, all go hunting on different days.

The Samoan goes on the first day and comes back with a piglet.

The other two ask him how he caught it and he replied “I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and got the game”.

The next day, ... read more

He thought that maybe if he learned some French it would help.

But it didn't.

Then he tried learning German.

That didn't help either.

He tried Spanish, Portuguese, even Sweedish. Nothing worked.

Finally, he gave up. "It doesn't matter what language I lear... read more

and the Portuguese.

A man orders rice and beans in a restaurant. When his meal comes he notices a little fiber in his food and tells the waiter. The waiter then explains theres nothing to worry about, its just from the sack of beans. However the man still insists on getting another plate. The waiter, complying, yells o... read more