If you have one Portuguese...

... shouldn't it be portu-goose?

Tried my best translating this fom Portuguese

A man and his wife decide that they would go on holiday to the same place where they had they're honeymoon 20 years ago. The wife couldn't make it because she had a problem in her job, so the husband catched the plane and his wife would come in the next day. When he arrives at the hotel he emails hi...

This is a portuguese joke so idk how well it will be in English but...

A man orders rice and beans in a restaurant. When his meal comes he notices a little fiber in his food and tells the waiter. The waiter then explains theres nothing to worry about, its just from the sack of beans. However the man still insists on getting another plate. The waiter, complying, yells o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

Florence+The Machine replaced one of their members with a former Portuguese footballer.

They are now called Florence+The Maniche.

Why did the Portuguese guy take Xanax?

Hispanic attacks.

17 years ago, on 20 Dec 1999, a Portuguese farmer was reading the newspaper before tending to his fields and work

His wife walks in the door and quickly glances at the newspaper. "Honey," she says, "We lost one of our animals."

The farmer says nothing.

She asks him, "Where's Macau?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard this joke in Portuguese. It's a bit long, but i hope it translates well.

An American, an Australian and a British found themselves at a remote island after an accident of which they were the only survivors. After roaming the islands for a few hours, they are captured by a local cannibal tribe. The leader of the tribe, then said:

— There's only one way you can...

How many people speak Portuguese in South America?

A Brazilian!!

A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays?

Germany.

How do you say dive in Portuguese?

Neymar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very clean joke

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. Africa...

I ate a Portuguese tart today, and got mess all over my face

Still, she enjoyed it, and said 'Obrigado' afterwards

What do you call the braille version of Portuguese?

Braillzillian.

I have a friend who's half Portuguese and half Jewish

He's a janitor, but the building is his.

What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?

A Brazalien

What's a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?

A porto potty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, and Irishman...

, a Chinese, a Japanese, a Scot, a Mexican, an, African, a Portuguese, a Swede, a German, and a Frenchman walk into a bar.
“I’m sorry,” says the maître’D, “ But you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking...

*"Let's play a game"* - he suggests.


The woman ignores him.


*"To make it interesting"* - he continues - *"if I answer incorrectly to your question, I'll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5."*


The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the ...

Translated Brazilian Joke - A broken car in the desert

** In Brazil it is common making jokes about our colonizers, the Portuguese. I hope they do the same about us in Portugal, so... **

A Portuguese, a Brazilian and an Argentinian are driving through the desert when their car suddenly breaks.
João, the Brazilian suggests each one takes a pie...

Three men are stranded in the desert and find a genie lamp

My dad has told me this joke when I was younger and I thought that I’d just post it here

They are all starving and dehydrated in the hot desert. Pablo the Mexican walks up to the genie lamp and rubs it...

Genie: Pablo the Mexican, I will grant you one wish and one wish only! Choose yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three explorers...

...were going through the Amazon forest, one American, one French and the last Portuguese. Suddenly, they were captured by a cannibal tribe.

Tied to woods in the middle of the village, they hear scared for the proposition made by the chief cannibal.

"Each of you can make any wish. If I...

A Greek, an Irishman and a Portuguese spend the evening drinking in a bar. Who picks up the tab?

The German.

What do you call a person from Portugal?

Portuguese.

What do you call a person from Portugal that hangs out in a pub with a pint in his hand on a match day?

Portugeezer.

Three guys go hunting...

Three guys, a Samoan, a Hawaiian, and a Portuguese, all go hunting on different days.

The Samoan goes on the first day and comes back with a piglet.

The other two ask him how he caught it and he replied “I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, and got the game”.

The next day, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A burglar breaks into an elderly woman's house...

Hearing the sound, the woman, familiar with the house layout in the dark and very brave, manages to sneak behind the burglar, grabs him firmly by the balls, gets very close to his shoulder and whispers:

- Who are you?

The man doesn't answer. The woman then puts more pressure and asks a...

[Discussion] Regional targets

I am wondering who are the preferred targets of jokes from where you are from, I have done a little research and have come up with the following so far:

| Region | Target |
|:--|:--|
| Canada | Newfies |
| England | Irishmen |
| America | Polacks |
| France | Belgians |
| Br...

Two Intel operatives are on their way to meet a defector...

Two Spanish intelligence agents get word that a Portuguese agent wants to defect, so they set up a meeting with him. The Chief agent starts to walk into the room, when his partner, Juan Mendoza shouts " No! It's a trap, and pushes the Chief out of the way just before a bullet from the would be detec...

There's only two things I hate in this world: intolerance...

and the Portuguese.

The CIA was recruiting a new hitman...[Adult]

... and had 3 preferencial candidates, a french guy, a british guy and a portuguese guy.

They all had the same final test, which was to kill their wives with a handgun.

First one was the french. He immediatly refused, saying he could never kill his beloved wife.

Next was the br...

The difference

What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?

One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.

Portuguese man finds magic lamp

A Portuguese man walking down the beach stumbles upon a rusty and dirty old lamp. Intrigued, he picks it up and rubs it trying to read the old etchings on the side, and out comes a genie!

The genie says: “You have released me, and for that I will grant you one wish!” (hey, it’s a Portuguese g...

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