UPJOKE
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I’ve been working on a Scandinavian joke.

It would be Swede if I could Finnish it, but right now there’s just Norway.

How do you win a Scandinavian race?

By crossing the Finnish line!

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So when they dock they can Scandinavian.

Why do Scandinavian kids visit candy stores the most?

Because it’s really Sweden there.

Why are Scandinavians so good at swimming?

Cause they have Finns

What's a scandinavian with sleep apnea called?

A snorewegian

Why do Norwegians have barcodes on their battleships?

So they can Scandinavian

What do you call a rude Scandinavian?

Nordick

A Scandinavian woman get to the hospital to give birth

A Scandinavian woman get to the hospital to give birth. When time come the doctor tell the woman: now push! But since Scandinavian women are strong and built, the baby shoot past the doctor onto the wall an smash to death.

Next year the woman come back to give birth and this time they are pre...

Did you know Mortal Kombat was based on an old Scandinavian song?

A Finnish hymn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the Scandinavian guy that loved participating in marathons?

He was clearly Bjorn to run

What kind of song did Sub-Zero, Raiden, and Scorpion sing at their Scandinavian church?

Finnish Hymn!

Why did Norway’s Navy have barcodes on all the ships?

So when they come back into port they can Scandinavian...

Scandinavian

You know the rest. You’ve read it here before.

My friend got a Scandinavian car but he keep complaining about all the problems he’s having with it.

It’s a really just a “Saab story.”

Only Scandinavian Joke they will laugh at

What’s the difference between Norway and Sweden?



Sweden has a nice neighbor.

Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines?

No, he simply vanished into Finnair

How did the Scandinavian countries communicate during WW2?

Norse code

A German, a Scandinavian, and a Leprechaun walk into a bar...

Nobody can really remember much of what happened after that.

What does a Scandinavian coke addict do?

Snjort.

Scandinavians needed a way to withstand the cold

So they evolved to be incredibly hot

Met a depressed Scandinavian the other day.

He wished he'd never been Björn.

I heard that the new Mortal Kombat boasted Scandinavian music...

More specifically they plan to add a Finnish Hymn.

If you go to a Scandinavian bakery you could Finnish a Swedish Danish.

Norway I'd make this up!

Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships?

So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian.

What do you call a Scandinavian who only eats plants?

A Nor-vegan!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Scandinavian porn director?

Pjorn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Scandinavians have the best sex?

Because both sides can often Finnish

Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes

Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. "Vat in the vorld are yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What do you call a Scandinavian prostitute that only gives blowjobs?

A Leif blower

Swedish Navy

Why are Swedish frigates built with barcodes?

So everyone can Scandinavian.

How do you give a Scandinavian man "blue balls"?

You don't let him Finnish

A Dutchman, a Scandinavian and a Polish fellow walk into a bar

The bartender looks up and asks, "Is this a joke?"

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

My wife said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop making puns about Scandinavian locations.

I said “There’s Norway you’d go Oslo as that.”

Every Christmas my Scandinavian wife puts up these little guys with long pointy hats. I'd ask her to take them down by name, but...

I don't know the gnomenclature.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian, an American, a Canadian, a Briton, a Welshman, a Norwegian, a Mexican, a Brazilian, a Frenchman...

a South African, a Japenese, a New Zealander, a Papa New Guinean, an Irishman, an Italian, a Scandinavian, a German, an Austrian, an Arabian, a Syrian, a Hungarian, a Russian, an Indian and a Spaniard all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we can't serve you without a Thai."

A Scottish, fedora-wearing art professor complimented his Scandinavian student.

"Nice skies, Finnish lass!"

A Brit, a Scandinavian and an American all entered their village fete's giant vegetable show.

The swede won.

Why do Norwegian warships have a barcode on their stern?

So they can Scandinavian.

Why do they have bar codes on the returning Swedish fleet?

So they can Scandinavian.

What did the Scandinavian say at his Grandmothers funeral?

She was a Swede old lady but now shes Finnish

Why do Nordic boats have barcodes on them?

So after they get back from war, they can Scandinavian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

Back in college

Back in college...

I'll never forget back when I was in college. There was this guy.. he had a long Scandinavian name, none of us could pronounce it, so we just called him Oe. Anyway, Oe and I were in fencing class together, we thought it would be an easy A.

Now Oe, he was a big guy, ...

All Swedish battleships have a UPC code printed on the hull.

When the ships return to port, it helps them Scandinavian.

Mario, Wario and Luigi went to northern Norway to visit Father Christmas.

Luigi read a big book of Norwegian ethnography before the visit. Wario read a big book about Father Christmas. Mario read a big book about Scandinavian languages.

They had a great time meeting Father Christmas and visiting the workshops, where they spent a little time watching the elves doin...

A guy visits NYC for the first time and decides to go see Chinatown.

As he’s walking around, amongst all the Chinese shops he spots a bakery called “Hans Olufsen’s Bakery”. Feeling curious, he walks in. Inside he sees an all Chinese staff, with several Chinese pastries on display. Even more curious, he notices the guy who looks like the manager and talks to him:
<...

Swedish Moose Joke Translated by Google

PS: Read with strong Scandinavian accent for best effect.

&nbsp;

There were two moose who were flying. Then it said one:

"You have a bun in your eye!"

"What?" Answered the other.

"You have a bun in the eye!"

"What?"

"You have a bun in your eye."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men have to share a bed

They're on a ski trip together, and due to a clerical error there is only one room left in the lodge. There is only one large bed, and there are no cots.

So the three pile in and try to keep their distance.

The next morning they wake up, and the man sleeping on the left edge of the bed...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WW2 pilot recalls a morning patrol in front of son's school class

A grade school teacher, who was doing a unit on World War II heard that the father of one of her students had been a fighter pilot during the war with one of the Scandinavian Air Forces. She invited him to come in and speak to the class. The guy was more than happy to talk, and began with a story ...

Why do the Swedish have barcodes on the side of their ships?

So they can Scandinavian.

(Sorry, my personal favourite joke)

Norwegian Robot

If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it… Scandinavian

The white-throated dipper is the national bird of Norway, the mute swan is Denmark's, and the blackbird is Sweden's,

these are the Scandinavians.

My favourite joke from my dad

A guy loves telling jokes about Scandinavians.

One day, his friend tells him, "You need to stop making jokes about Scandinavians. You're coming across as racist."

"Well, what kind of jokes should I tell instead?" asks the first guy.

"Tell jokes about generically ethnic people. T...

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