I’ve been working on a Scandinavian joke.

It would be Swede if I could Finnish it, but right now there’s just Norway.

How do you win a Scandinavian race?

By crossing the Finnish line!

Did you know Mortal Kombat was based on an old Scandinavian song?

A Finnish hymn.

Why do Scandinavian kids visit candy stores the most?

Because it’s really Sweden there.

When you really have to go to the bathroom, you become Scandinavian

First you're Russian there, then European, and then you're Finnish.

I heard that the new Mortal Kombat boasted Scandinavian music...

More specifically they plan to add a Finnish Hymn.

A Scandinavian woman get to the hospital to give birth

A Scandinavian woman get to the hospital to give birth. When time come the doctor tell the woman: now push! But since Scandinavian women are strong and built, the baby shoot past the doctor onto the wall an smash to death.

Next year the woman come back to give birth and this time they are pre...

What's a scandinavian with sleep apnea called?

A snorewegian

Mario, Wario and Luigi went to northern Norway to visit Father Christmas.

Luigi read a big book of Norwegian ethnography before the visit. Wario read a big book about Father Christmas. Mario read a big book about Scandinavian languages.

They had a great time meeting Father Christmas and visiting the workshops, where they spent a little time watching the elves doin...

If you go to a Scandinavian bakery you could Finnish a Swedish Danish.

Norway I'd make this up!

Why Does the Norway Navy have Bar codes on the side of the ships?

So when they come back to the port they can 'Scandinavian'

Met a depressed Scandinavian the other day.

He wished he'd never been Björn.

What does a Scandinavian coke addict do?

Snjort.

Scandinavian

You know the rest. You’ve read it here before.

A German, a Scandinavian, and a Leprechaun walk into a bar...

Nobody can really remember much of what happened after that.

Scandinavians needed a way to withstand the cold

So they evolved to be incredibly hot

Every Christmas my Scandinavian wife puts up these little guys with long pointy hats. I'd ask her to take them down by name, but...

I don't know the gnomenclature.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There’s been a rash of laryngitis sweeping through the Scandinavian equine circuit

Quick! Call the Hoarse Norse Horse Nurse!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Scandinavian porn director?

Pjorn.

What do you call a Scandinavian who only eats plants?

A Nor-vegan!

How did the Scandinavian countries communicate during WW2?

Norse code

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What do you call a Scandinavian prostitute that only gives blowjobs?

A Leif blower

Why do all the Norwegian military vessels have barcodes on the bow?

So upon their return, they can Scandinavian

Did he travel with Scandinavian Airlines?

No, he simply vanished into Finnair

A Brit, a Scandinavian and an American all entered their village fete's giant vegetable show.

The swede won.

All Swedish battleships have a UPC code printed on the hull.

When the ships return to port, it helps them Scandinavian.

My wife said she’d leave me if I didn’t stop making puns about Scandinavian locations.

I said “There’s Norway you’d go Oslo as that.”

The white-throated dipper is the national bird of Norway, the mute swan is Denmark's, and the blackbird is Sweden's,

these are the Scandinavians.

How do you give a Scandinavian man "blue balls"?

You don't let him Finnish

A Scottish, fedora-wearing art professor complimented his Scandinavian student.

"Nice skies, Finnish lass!"

Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes

Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. "Vat in the vorld are yo...

What did the Scandinavian say at his Grandmothers funeral?

She was a Swede old lady but now shes Finnish

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

A guy visits NYC for the first time and decides to go see Chinatown.

As he’s walking around, amongst all the Chinese shops he spots a bakery called “Hans Olufsen’s Bakery”. Feeling curious, he walks in. Inside he sees an all Chinese staff, with several Chinese pastries on display. Even more curious, he notices the guy who looks like the manager and talks to him:
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WW2 pilot recalls a morning patrol in front of son's school class

A grade school teacher, who was doing a unit on World War II heard that the father of one of her students had been a fighter pilot during the war with one of the Scandinavian Air Forces. She invited him to come in and speak to the class. The guy was more than happy to talk, and began with a story ...

Why do Nordic boats have barcodes on them?

So after they get back from war, they can Scandinavian.

My favourite joke from my dad

A guy loves telling jokes about Scandinavians.

One day, his friend tells him, "You need to stop making jokes about Scandinavians. You're coming across as racist."

"Well, what kind of jokes should I tell instead?" asks the first guy.

"Tell jokes about generically ethnic people. T...

Norwegian Robot

If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it… Scandinavian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men have to share a bed

They're on a ski trip together, and due to a clerical error there is only one room left in the lodge. There is only one large bed, and there are no cots.

So the three pile in and try to keep their distance.

The next morning they wake up, and the man sleeping on the left edge of the bed...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian, an American, a Canadian, a Briton, a Welshman, a Norwegian, a Mexican, a Brazilian, a Frenchman...

a South African, a Japenese, a New Zealander, a Papa New Guinean, an Irishman, an Italian, a Scandinavian, a German, an Austrian, an Arabian, a Syrian, a Hungarian, a Russian, an Indian and a Spaniard all walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we can't serve you without a Thai."

Why did Sweden start putting barcodes on their newest fleet of battleships?

So they could Scandinavian

Swedish Moose Joke Translated by Google

PS: Read with strong Scandinavian accent for best effect.

&nbsp;

There were two moose who were flying. Then it said one:

"You have a bun in your eye!"

"What?" Answered the other.

"You have a bun in the eye!"

"What?"

"You have a bun in your eye."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

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