UPJOKE
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This is classic Czech joke, I hope I transladed it well for you to understand the point.

Plane crashes on the island inhabitated only by cannibals. Only survivors are Czech, Russian, and American guy. The leader of cannibals tells them ,, everyone of us will bring us some fruit from the forest, or we will eat you”. American return with bag of apples, cannibals say ,, we will shove this ...

The Cechnyan mob kidnaps two Czechs, two Irishmen, two Englishmen, and two Americans.

A ransom note is sent to each respective countries' embassy, demanding the equivalent of $25 million,or they will kill the hostages.

After two weeks, they receive responses from each embassy.

The English, Irish, and American embassy all state that they do not negotiate with terrorist...

What do you call an abortion in the Czech Republic?

.. a cancelled check ..

Why do kids in the Czech Republic get twice as many Christmas presents?

Because Santa Clause made a list and he Czeched it twice.

A Czech man goes into a police station in Soviet-occupied Prague

and tells the officer at the desk, "A Swiss soldier just stole my good Russian watch!".

The confused policeman asks him to say that again. "A Swiss soldier just stole my good Russian watch!"

"Surely," the officer says, "you mean a Russian soldier stole your good Swiss watch?"

"W...

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So…

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, ...

The Czech at the optometrist

The optometrist shows him the usual table, you know the kind, with the C Z R N H K...

"Can you read this?"

"Read? This moocher still owes me 50 bucks!"

What genre of music do Czech bands play?

Prague Rock

I meet a lot of people as a travelling sound engineer for concerts in Europe. I have a friend who's Ukrainian.

I have a Czech one too. Czech one too.

What's a chess player's favorite country?

Czech Republic

Why do chess grandmasters use Tinder in Prague?

Because every good chess player makes a move for a Czech mate.

Made an Eastern European friend on a chess forum.

He was my Czech mate.

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What did the Slavic man say before he did a crazy stunt?

Czech this shit out

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Year is 1938

*Britain in a store*
“Ah shoot, i don’t have my wallet on me.”
*Nazi Germany*
“that’s fine, we take Czechs.”
“Thank goodness!”

A Czech joke translation

Since we're all translating jokes, this is one I heard when I lived in Prague. FYI, it was a big hit when I told it in Sweden using Norway as the other country.

So an incredibly nefarious criminal escapes from prison in the Czech Republic. Rumor is he went across the border to Slovakia. So th...

Another one translated to English, this time from Czech :)

A farmer went to the mall to do some shopping. He bought an anvil and a bucket in the hardware store.
In the animal store he bought a pair of chickens and a goose. But how to carry it all now?
The shopkeeper advised him: "Put the anvil in the bucket and carry that in one hand, put the goos...

A lawyer and his friend from the Czech Republic were camping, when they heard a rustling sound.

They looked behind them and saw a huge male grizzly bear jumping out at them from behind a bush. The two friends fled for their lives, and the bear chased them.

The lawyer escaped, but his friend wasn't so lucky. The lawyer watched in horror as his friend was swiped by the bear's mighty paw a...

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Politically Correct joke

It's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Dutch, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Chinese, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Portugese, a Rus...

Czech Please

The abortion clinic in Prague had to be closed down due to lack of funds... too many cancelled Czechs apparently.

What do you call a Czechoslovakian government made of tightropes and skateboards?

A system of Czechs and balances!

Feel free to tell your history teacher, they'll probably laugh.

What did the Czechs use to heat their home before Communism?

Electricity

Bohemia just announced its plans to secede from the Czech Republic.

Is this the real life?

Did you hear about the place in western Czech Republic where they do hip-hop covers of Queen songs?

It's the Bohemian Rap City.

In today’s European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn’t seem to have an issue at all.

Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.

My band has a polish sound guy

And a czech one too. A czech one too.

What do you call someone who is part Czech?

Czech Mix.

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A Czech at the optometrist

He gets to look at the familiar board with the letters and is asked "Can you read this?"

"Read it? That bastard still owes me money!"

At a state dinner, both the King of the Czech lands and the King of France happened to witness a murder.

The next day, they held a joint conference to describe what they each had seen. As the King of France gave his recollection of the details of the murder, the audience gasped and clutched their handkerchiefs and at the end swooned in amazement. But when the King of the Czech lands gave his eyewitness...

A huge bloke decked in full hunting gear and with an entire dead wildebeest over his shoulder made his way to Nairobi airport.

As he approached the desk the airline attendant noted the wildebeest carcass but more alarmingly noticed that the suitcase he was dragging was bulging sporadically and clearly contained something large and very much alive. Feeling slightly nervous but determined to do his job the attendant challeng...

My son went to school in the Czech Republic just for the attractive women

He wanted to study a broad

You're probably Ghana think"no one will Bolivia. There's just Norway."

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey, Iraq of ribs and a Canada best sauce and my Bahrain was like Oman, I Israel Hungary... so Iran to the kitchen to put Greece in the pan.

I hoped it could get Finnish quickly and because I was Russian, I didn't Czech the label and accidentally added ...

I will tell you joke about czech postal service.

But i dont know if you get it.

A Czech and a Pole go hiking

They wander upon two bears having relations. They try to run but the bears easily chase them down and eat them. A ranger hears the commotion and runs in and shoots the bears. Police arrive and they dissect the female bear and find the Pole. The ranger sighs and says, "Well, I guess the Czech is in t...

Guess what two cannibals did for dinner in Prague?

They split the Czech!

Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the ✓

What country does not accept cash or credit cards?

The Czech Republic

I just had dinner at a Czechoslovakian restaurant…

They asked if I wanted desert and I was like “Czech, please.”

In honor of one of my late uncle’s best jokes:

A Czechoslovakian goes to the zoo and heads to the lion exhibit. He wants a closer look at the lions and before anyone could stop him, he was is their cage. He’s soon attacked and eaten by one of the lions.

A witness to this tragic event says to the zookeeper, “I saw the whole thing happen. ...

I have a couple of friends from Czech Republic who are sound technicians

Czech one. Czech two

A Czech lady told me this joke...

Her: "What do you call a person who speaks 3 languages?"

Me: "Trilingual."

Her: "What do you a person who speaks two languages?"

Me: "Bilingual"

Her: "What do you call a person who speaks one language?"

Me: ??????

Her: AMERICAN!

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A Jew and a Czech go hunting.

They reach a clearing in the woods and spot a deer. The Czech aims his rifle to shoot, when a bear attacks them from behind and eats the Czech. The Jew, scared shitless, runs back to town and tells everyone what happened. After some discussion, the worried townsfolk form a hunting party to deal with...

Czech and a Mexican

A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican ...

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A Jew and a Czech go camping

While on the trip they are attacked by two bears, one male and one female. The Jew is able to escape; however, the Czech gets eaten by the male bear. Being a good Samaritan the Jew alerts the park ranger that there are two bears on the loose, one of which has eaten his friend. The park ranger then p...

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Two Polish Rocket Scientists Announce to the World They're Going to the Sun in a Spaceship

The entire world wide scientific community swiftly points out that the Sun is too hot for such a journey and they'd quickly burn up to which they replied very smugly: "Ah SEE! We've thought of this and have a plan!.....We're going at NIGHT!"

I do not mean to offend anyone and my apologies to ...

I'm thinking about starting a dating service in Prague

I shall call it "Czech-Mate"

A Czech and a lawyer go camping

Two friends, a Czech and a lawyer were on a vacation to Canada and decided they would go camping for a few days. so sure enough the first night they camped out two bears showed up. They were awakened by the rustling noises outside and got up to see what was out there. The bears became startled and o...

There is this guy from the Czech Republic that plays chess with his Austrian friend.

Czech mate.

I ordered a mail-order bride from the Czech Republic

Czech mate

If God isn't real, how do you explain how an average joe like me could marry a beautiful woman from Prague?

Czech mate, atheists

A rabbit seeks for his hole in a Czech pub

Apparently all the holes are taken up

Czech Lawyer

A lawyer and his Czech friend were camping in a backwoods section of Montana. One morning, the two went out to pick berries for their breakfast. They went gathering berries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears, a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed ...

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A Jewish man and a Czechoslovakian man...

..were walking in a national forest. All of a sudden, a bear appeared and ate the Czechoslovakian man. The Jewish guy ran back to find someone to help. He found a Forest Ranger and told him what had happened. So the ranger took a gun and went back into the forest. There were two bears together. "Now...

A grandma asks her grandson if he'd like to go shopping with her.

The grandson responds "Not now, Grandma, I'm watching a soccer game!"


"Oh, really? Who's playing?"


"Czechs on Slovakia!"


"Against who?"

A Czech man walks into his eye checkup.

Optician: "Please sit down, try to read the letters on the screen."

which were ' G S I R O N V C H Z I T'

Patient: "Uh doc..."

"Why is my name on the panel?"

Why do slovaks don't like Czechs?

They prefer cash.

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A Czech joke for you. (I think it is at least, it was written on page categorised as that)

A Russian soldier unit is flying to Chechnya and the Captain motivates soldiers: "Men, for every Chechen head you will get a bottle of vodka." The plane lands, the door breaks down, the soldiers scatter. In a few minutes they return and everyone has brought a couple of heads. The captain is all pale...

A Czech and a French decide to go hunting together.

They happen across two lions mating and slowly back away. Things don't go as planned, and the lions suddenly notice them, each going after a hunter. A park ranger nearby witnesses this act, and shoots both lions, but not before the lions have already devoured their meals. He cuts open the female lio...

Nation dialogue

You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My...

What's the worst thing to do at a restaurant in Prague?

Split the Czech!

I’ve got a business...

What’s you business?

A trampoline company in Prague.

How’s it going?
It’s not great, the Czech’s keep bouncing...



What’s your business?

We repair elevators in high rise buildings.

How’s it going?
Meh, it’s up and down.


What’s your b...

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What do you call two Czech people having sex?

Czech mate.

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A Jew, a Czech Republican, and a Canadian go golfing.

Out of nowhere, an alligator appears and eats the Czech Republican.

The Jew and the Canadian chase the alligator into the woods, and when they finally catch up to it, they see that there are two alligators there; a male and a female.

The Canadian takes out his lumber axe and asks the ...

My friend told me that Bohemia is a beautiful place not many people visit.

He told me that I should go czech it out.

Two men are playing chess in Australia

One guy asks "What's your ethnicity?"

As he knocks over the king, the other guy responds "Czech, mate"

Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.

He had just opened up a trampoline park near the border there, yet he seemed saddened by something when I walked in. He looked up at me with tired eyes so I asked him what was wrong:

‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘There are many people here, surely business is doing well?’

He replie...

My friend from Prague finally got his US citizenship approved...

He is a cancelled Czech now.

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An Englishman, an African and an American decide they want to jump off of a building.

They climb up one. The Englishman looks down and says: "It's too high, I won't jump.", the African says: "Vool, vool, not jump.". The American jumps without thinking, nearly kills himself and yells: "My ass wool, concrete!"

(I tried to translate this from Czech as best as I could)

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(A german joke)What does a German, a Turk, and a Czech make in a brothel?

The German fucks, the Turk cleans and the Czech waits for his wife!

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A Czech one: God is carrying a bag of dicks...

...when he suddenly trips over a rock and all the dicks fall out. He gets pissed off: "I'm not going to pick them up, Prague's going to be here!"

A Czech goes for an eye check up

The optician shows the letters on the board:


CZWXNQSTAZKY


Doctor: Can you read this?

Czech: Read? I even know the guy, he's my cousin.

Prague just installed new Covid-19 testing stations.

They named them Czech points.

How Do I Know That Eastern European’s Love Board Games

Because I Have A Czech Mate Who Told Me So.

I can’t bear it

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.

Finally, their request was granted and they immediately...

First thing on my to-do list: Find a republic.

Czech.

What did the girl say to the hot European?

Czech him out!

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears...

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears. Being somewhat exhausted, the Czech said, "*I'm tired. Why don't you two go hunting? I'll stay here and make up camp for the night.*"

The Frenchman and the Irishman continue hunting ...

cats

There's a new dating app for cats in Prague...

it's called Czech Meowt

I saw a Slav who had a fitting username

I told them their username czechs out

A guy walks down the street and carries an urn in his arms.

A cannibal goes around him and says, "Daamn, where'd you get instant?



(Translated from Czech)

I traveled to London this year to take part in Europe's largest chess tournament and was destroyed in the first round by this European guy with an odd accent. I waited until the end of the game to ask him about where he was from and what kind of accent he had...

He responded: "Czech, mate!"

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What would Hitler’s invasion of Czechoslovakia be called if it was done by Gen Z’s?

Vibe Czech

If a knight in Prague dons his armour

Does that mean the czech is in the mail!?

A classic by my grandpa.

It was funnier because he spoke broken English and cracked himself up every time.

Two Czechoslovakian friends were visiting the zoo. One leaned over the edge of the polar bear pit and fell in. He was quickly gobbled up. The zoo keeper came over mortified and asked the crowd what happened. On...

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