A german, a french and a turkish man on a plane

The plane is about to crash unless the passengers drop some weight. The pilot tells the three guys to drop something which they have enough of in their country.

The french man throws a baguette out of the window.

The turkish man throws a kebap out of the window.

The german thro...

"Turks have 3 problems..."

An Italian man walks into a nightclub wearing a shirt that says "Turks have 3 problems".

A turkish man approaches him and asks: "What the f*** is your shirt suppposed to mean?""

The Italian says: "See, that is your first problem. You turks are way too curious"

The Turkish man w...

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An american, a chinese, a german and turkish are in a train..

The american starts to throw away money out the window train.

The german asks "Why are you doing that?

The american replies "We got too much of it."

Then the chinese begins throwing rice out the window.

The german asks "Why are you doing that now?"

The chinese repl...

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{NSFW i think.} Turkish immigrant in Germany.

This guy called "Temel" is new in germany and he works at a factory, one day he recieves a letter from his little village in Turkey, the letter says: "Temel come to your village! Your wife is dead" so temel takes the first bus to Turkey and finally arives at his home, everyone is in front of his hou...

Have a turkish joke

A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

Why did the Turkish army stay out of Syria?

There were curds in their whey.

Atheist Bus Driver

(Turkish Joke, couldn't find it on Reddit, hopefully the translation does justice)

So I met a guy in jail whose nickname was "Atheist". I finally asked him why everyone called him this way; so he started telling his story:

"Well, I was a bus driver in our village. One day while driving...

Old Turkish joke

One day Temel, the truck driver, while driving down a hill realizes that his brakes are not working. The truck is going faster and faster, until he reaches an intersection.

Temel looks around.

On his right, there is a child; on his left, there is a bazaar with more than 100 people. A...

An old Turkish joke

In a muslim village people were praying in a mosque when suddenly a man with a knife in his hand rushes in and says "i need a muslim man" People were looking at each other and an old man gets up and leaves with the man.

They go to his home and the man says "im going to sacrifice this sheep b...

A small turkish family had a car accident.

18 people died.

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Oka...

So an African migrant is strolling down a sidewalk in Nuremberg.

He comes up to the first man he sees and says "Thank you, for allowing me to come to Germany. Thank you for giving me health care, and a place to live, and food to eat."

The man looks at him and says "I'm not German, I'm Albanian."

The African says "Oh, excuse me" and continues walkin...

Turkish Political Humor

Current Turkish gallows humour: A prisoner goes to the prison library, asks for a specific book. The guard tells him, "we don't have that book... but we do have the author." From Moshik_Temkin on Twitter

[Turkish pun] What do you do when someone steals your carpet?

Kilim

Have you heard of the turkish version of sudoku?

It's called a pseudo-coup.

What’s a nickname for Turkish police officers?

The Fez

What's the Turkish cannibals favorite meal?

Organ Doner

Just found out the Turkish President is getting into acting

He shot a pilot a few month back

TIL that Turkish has some weird pronunciation.

I mean, they pronounce Constantinople as Istanbul.

Tried Turkish food today...

It was revolting

What are Turkish cattle best known for?

Mootiny.

What do you call Turkish President, Recep Erdogan, after the military coup?

Erdogone

After being hit by an airstrike from the Turkish air force, a Syrian leader was quoted as saying...

"As God is my witness, I thought the Turkish couldn't fly..."

Turkish fundraising dinner

Donor Kebab

What's the favourite toy of Turkish rulers?

Beyblades.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Turkish joke.

Temel decides to move to Germany by himself to work in a factory and make some money for his family. Months pass by and one day, he receives a letter saying his wife has passed away and he should return to attend her funeral.

He flies back home to find the towns folk crying outside his house....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

A Saudi prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him, "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows."

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown."

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to ...

Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture?

The Ottoman Empire.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

International Police Competition

The UN holds an international police competition at a national park somewhere in Europe. The participating countries are France, Germany, and Turkey. The competition rules are whichever national police team catches a wild rabbit in the forest in the shortest amount of time wins the grand prize.
<...

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Sex is like Kebab. When it's good, it's really good...

...and when I'm drunk I'm willing to pay for it in a roadside turkish buffet.

I like my women like my coffee...

Turkish!

Do you have ice tea?

Edit: In Turkey we have tea as a everyday drink and we always drink tea hot with sugar. and if you don't know this fact joke may not be that funny for you.


(In Turkish, we dont say ice tea but cold tea for ice tea.)


A man walks into a bar and says
MAN:do you have cold tea...

The EU is like a box of chocolates;

Nobody likes the Turkish.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A police officer sees a kid who plays with clay.

The police asks the kid: ''What are you doing?''
Kid says, ''A sculpture of a policeman.''
Police asks with curiously, ''Oh nice! But how do you do that?''
Kid, ''It's really simple actually. You just make figures with mud and shit!''

The police gets angry, slaps the children and say...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jack stays in a hotel, being charged for bunch of fees (Long)

When he checks out the invoice, he sees RC.
He asks if what that stands for.
Front desk guys says "it is Room Charge sir."

He asks if what does PF stand for,
"it is pool fee sir."
He questions if why he is being charged, since he didn't even use it.
Front desk says " Pool was ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Here is one of my favourite Iranian jokes that I've translated to English for you all, hope you like it

One day there was a king who had the the most beautiful daughter anyone had ever seen.

Everyone wanted to sleep with his daughter so he thought he would make a game of this.

King: "Anyone who can wrestle my lion and kill it will be given permission fuck my daughter"

For days m...

My friend's dad is a war photographer, but with a twist.

He goes into battlefields after the shooting's stopped and takes pictures of the aftermath.

The newspaper he works for got him a contract to take photos in Iraq. Well, this was just after the war broke out, and he couldn't just fly into the country, not while there was a war. So he flew into...

As more resources for our planet are needed...

... A 4 years mission in space is planed by world leaders but there are no candidates who want to be away for so long. In an attempt to find 3 candidates deals are to be made.
An American steps up and the only thing he needs are hamburgers for all 4 years. World leaders accept.
A French man r...

Two old friends meet in bar...

[translated from Turkish]

-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!

-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while


-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?

-Mais biensur !

-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the sam...

3 Women sitting in a café.

Three women, a german, a french and a turkish one are sitting in a café, talking about how they educate their men. So the german one starts: "I say to my Hans, Hans Im no longer doing the dishes. The first day I dont see anything, the second day neither. On the third day, look, he is doing the dishe...

From the Gallipoli campaign in World War I...

The Australians are interrogating a captured Turkish soldier, when finally poor Mehmet has a question for them.

"Why do you call God such awful names? Why do you curse Him when your soldiers go into battle?"

The Aussies were surprised. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when we Turks l...

The countries of the world come together to compete for the "Friendliest Nation" award...

It is agreed upon that each country's delegate will take turns making their case, then the other countries will decide whether or not they should get the award.

The German, Turkish and Belgian delegates are next in line to speak.

First, the German goes into the conference hall. After a...

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A collection of racist jokes

**THESE ARE OFFENSIVE, GET OVER IT!**

What's white on top and black on the bottom?

Society.

----------------------------

My grandfather died an a concentration camp...

He fell of a guard tower.

----------------------------

What do you do If you see te...

An English guys digs the ground 100 feet...

and finds telephone wires, he says this proves that we had telephone 100 years ago. An American guy digs 200 feet and finds telephone wires, he says this proves we had telephone 200 years ago. A Turkish guy, digs the ground 2000 feet and finds nothing, he says this proves that we had cell phones 200...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The three fathers

A jew, a turkish and a german guy are all waiting in the hospital, while their wifes are giving birth to their sons.
Through a mistake in the hospital, the three babies get confused and none of them knows which one is his.
The german guy says: "No problem dudes, I got this" and walks into the...