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How the Germans bailed out Greece

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.



Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.



On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel...

Have you heard about the South African man who went to Greece and would only eat cheese?

He got Feta and Feta and Feta.

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece .

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single l...

How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two:

Prophet.

How do you separate the men from the boys in Greece?

With a crowbar.

French Fries aren't cooked in France.

They're cooked in Greece

What is the capital of Greece?

About 10 dollars.

I thought about going island hopping in Greece. Then I changed my mind.

...just Kos.

What comes out of bacon in Mediterranean?

Greece.

What did Zeus pick as Mount Olympus’ national anthem?

Greeced Lightning.

Do you know why Germany will send their most unwanted prisoners to Greece?

Because whenever they send something to Greece, they'll never get it back.

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear....

... do you think Greece would help?

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

I would make a joke about greece's debt but...

I dont think it'll pay off.

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Before the invention of lube, Greeks used olive oil to have anal sex.

I guess you might say the people of ancient Greece loved that ancient grease.

The firefighters in Greece are making the fire worse.

You aren't supposed to use water on Greece fires.

A man in Ancient Greece tears a pair of his favorite tunics...

He brings them into the local tailor and sets them on the counter. The tailor looks at the tunics, then looks at the man, and says "Hey, Euripides?" The man looks at the tunics, then at the tailor, and says "Yeah, Eumenides?"

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A Greek, A German and An Italian get stranded after a plane crash.

They wander for days until finally they see something in the distance. They approach and are found by some local tribesmen and are accused of trespassing their village. Immediately they are led in front of the local leader:

"I am in a good mood so I will let you go if you participate in a sma...

Socrates the philosopher . . .

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a mom...

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My wife told me: Sex is better on holiday.

I wasn't expecting that on the postcard she sent me from Greece.

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Beauty is just a matter of timing: In 1970s America I would’ve been ridiculed for having a hairless chest. In ancient Greece I would’ve been laughed at for having a big penis.

Still waiting for that bald future all those fucking sci-fi movies promised me.

What is the slipperiest country?

Greece

Why doesn’t Greece have executions with guns anymore?

Because bullets cost money.

What's the difference between NATO and the bottom of my fridge?

NATO has more than just Turkey and Greece

Why don’t Macedonians like pizza?

Too much Greece.

People in Athens always have difficulty waking up

Dawn is tough on Greece.

(coworkers joke heard today)

Two Priests decided to go to Greece on vacation

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach...

Why is EU like a frying pan?

Because Greece is stuck at the bottom

A Guy Walks Into A Tailor In Ancient Greece

He tosses a toga onto the counter. The tailor picks it up, turns it over and finds a gash across the waist.

The tailor looks up at the man and says, "Euripides?"

The man nods and says, "Yeah. Eumenides?"

Did you know that in ancient Greece, Hippasus was exiled for discovering that some numbers could not be described with simple whole numbers or fractions?

How irrational.

Shocking

Did you know in Greece they electrocute their yogurt

Yeah it was quite a cultural shock

There are many marbleous statues in Greece

...but sadly many people take them for granite.

Did you know the Bible forbids sunbathing in Greece?

That means it is a sin to go to Cos and get a tan.

Angela Merkel visits Greece

Angela Merkel goes on holiday to Greece.

She reaches customs.

Officer: Name?

Merkel: Angela Merkel

Officer: Nationality?

Merkel: Deutsche

Officer: Occupation?

Merkel: Nein, not zis time, just for ze holidays

The Geography of a Woman

The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is li...

The other day someone asked me what the capital of greece was....

My answer of "i dont know, about ten dollars?" was not acceptable.

What's the capital of Greece? (x-post from /r/MeanJokes)

About €10.

DISCLAIMER: I heard this joke from /u/r4e3d2d2i8t5. All due credit to that person.

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How I got be 98

A journalist crew comes to this 98 year old's house for an interview:

- So, tell us your secret?

- Well, one time while on holiday in Greece I got so wasted that I took this Italian guy behind the bar and gave him a blow job.

- And that's how you got to live to 98 years??? ...

With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask.

If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?

What is this the difference between America and Greece?

15 years.

What does Dwight Schrute have in common with Greece

A bunch of dead beets.

I found out my vacation to Greece is tax deductible

Apparently it falls under charity work

Eleven Years ago Greece won Euro 2004

Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros.

Exam question: According to Germany how much is Greece worth?

[1 Mark]

I met Greece's finance minister, who was looking for help regarding the situation there.

He asked me for my two cents.

The German chancellor is traveling to greece

She arrives at immigration and the immigration officer says "nationality?"
The chancelor says "German"
Officer: occupation?
Chancelor: no not this time.

Living in Greece..

Living in "Greece " now is like being a Sanitary Napkin.

You're in the most beautiful place but in a bad period..!!

Why did Rome Fall?

Because it slipped on some Greece.

Why didn't Greece vote for Tyrion?

Because a Lannister always pays his debts.

Going to Greece on holiday

So I was planning on going to Greece on holiday this summer, I call the hotel to make a reservation, the guy says it's a nice hotel, close to the beach, a nice swimming pool and that it's going to be 3000 Euros. I tell them that's a bit too much for my budget and they said I can rent it for 60 Euros...

Bonnie Tyler is performing a concert in Greece next month.

She'll be singing her classic. I need a Euro.

Robbing a bank in Greece is like raiding a food warehouse in Uganda.

You look stupid and you get nothing out of it.

What would Zeus’s car be called?

Greece Lightning

What do you do with a country that has a lot of fiction?

Call it Greece.

I don't know what I would do if I got to Greece...

...and couldn't get a single gyro.

What do you call a Protestant in Greece?

Unorthodox

Why is Greek food so fatty?

Greece.

Eu in a nutshell

"I am hungary"

"Maybe you should czech the fridge."

"I am russian to the kitchen."

"Is there any turkey?"

"We have some, but its covered in Greece"

"Ew,there's norway I'd eat that!"

There was a question about Greece's economy in a German maths exam. What was it worth?

Two marks.

There was once a marathon runner who had become quite famous and won many awards for his records.

He was so well liked that eventually he became the president of Iran. During his tenure he managed to take over multiple countries including Azerbaijan, Bulgaria, Greece, Armenia, Georgia, Iraq and Syria. They were all assimilated and became a part of Iran. The only country he didn’t manage to take ...

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