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How the Germans bailed out Greece

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.



Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.



On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel...

Some years ago a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece .

The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single l...

Two Priests decided to go to Greece on vacation

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach...

Do you know why Germany will send their most unwanted prisoners to Greece?

Because whenever they send something to Greece, they'll never get it back.

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

what do you call the employees at the Best Buy in Athens, Greece?

Greek Squad

A British man goes to visit his granny, who recently moved to Greece

When he takes his coat off he notices she doesn't have any. "We need to go buy you a coat granny."

"You don't need a coat in Greece, dear."

He takes his shoes off and notices she also doesn't have any wellies. "We need to get you some wellies granny."

"You don't need wellies in ...

The Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, r...

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece; but the custody of their children posed a problem.





The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence...

What is the capital of Greece?

About $1.35 USD

Did you know the Bible forbids sunbathing in Greece?

That means it is a sin to go to Cos and get a tan.

Angela Merkel visits Greece

Angela Merkel goes on holiday to Greece.

She reaches customs.

Officer: Name?

Merkel: Angela Merkel

Officer: Nationality?

Merkel: Deutsche

Officer: Occupation?

Merkel: Nein, not zis time, just for ze holidays

On his first day at a resort in Greece, George and his wife went down to the beach.

Later when he went back to his room to get something to drink, he found the chambermaid making their bed. He grabbed his cooler and was on his way back out when he stopped at the door and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?"

"Sure." she replied. "Let me finish the rest of the rooms first....

What are the roads like in Greece?

Slippery.

Which goddess did standup comedians worship in Ancient Greece?

Amirite.

On a tiny island between Italy and Greece,

Maria and Nico were young, in love, and engaged to be married. On the night before they were to be wed, Maria’s mother sat her down to have “The Talk”. Knowing Nico’s Greek heritage, she counseled her daughter:

“Maria, mia bella figlia, if Nico ever asks you to turn over, you must say NO! Nic...

The firefighters in Greece are making the fire worse.

You aren't supposed to use water on Greece fires.

How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two:

Prophet.

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.

Hushed silence turned into a roar of  laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat  announced:


"Gentlemen ! 

You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-


Fall of Turkey

Breakup of China

Spillage of Greece 

 and

Frustration of ...

In Athens, Greece, a man takes a pair of trousers to a tailor.

The tailor takes the pants and holds them up. He turns to the man and says “Euripides?”

“Yes,” the man responds, “Eumenides?”"

They are making the next series of Walking Dead in Greece

It’s a total zombie Acropolis.

Why doesn’t Greece have executions with guns anymore?

Because bullets cost money.

Living in Greece..

Living in "Greece " now is like being a Sanitary Napkin.

You're in the most beautiful place but in a bad period..!!

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What's the name of Greece's most famous porn star?

Testicles.

Have you heard about the problem with wildfires in Greece?

Apparently you can’t extinguish a Greece fire with water.

Socrates the philosopher

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"


"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It...

There are many marbleous statues in Greece

...but sadly many people take them for granite.

Going to Greece on holiday

So I was planning on going to Greece on holiday this summer, I call the hotel to make a reservation, the guy says it's a nice hotel, close to the beach, a nice swimming pool and that it's going to be 3000 Euros. I tell them that's a bit too much for my budget and they said I can rent it for 60 Euros...

Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece.

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...

How do you separate the men from the boys in Greece?

With a crowbar.

Why did the Persians invade ancient Greece?

They were looking for weapons of math destruction.




I'll see myself out.

Why do people in Athens have a difficult time waking up?

Because Dawn is tough on Greece.

The other day someone asked me what the capital of greece was....

My answer of "i dont know, about ten dollars?" was not acceptable.

The German chancellor is traveling to greece

She arrives at immigration and the immigration officer says "nationality?"
The chancelor says "German"
Officer: occupation?
Chancelor: no not this time.

What is this the difference between America and Greece?

15 years.

Where was the first chicken fried?

In Greece.

What's the capital of Greece? (x-post from /r/MeanJokes)

About €10.

DISCLAIMER: I heard this joke from /u/r4e3d2d2i8t5. All due credit to that person.

I wonder if, in Ancient Greece,

Lighting strikes were considered an "Act of God" by insurance companies.

Have you heard about the South African man who went to Greece and would only eat cheese?

He got Feta and Feta and Feta.

What would you call a mechanic on Ancient Greece?

Mechanicles

Why didn't Greece vote for Tyrion?

Because a Lannister always pays his debts.

Why did Rome Fall?

Because it slipped on some Greece.

Robbing a bank in Greece is like raiding a food warehouse in Uganda.

You look stupid and you get nothing out of it.

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

I saw a 2000 year old oil stain.

It was from ancient Greece.

If Russia invades Turkey from the rear...

Would Greece help?

What does Dwight Schrute have in common with Greece

A bunch of dead beets.

Y'know, it's not surprising the wildfires in Rhodes are having difficulty being contained.

After all, you're not supposed to put water on a Greece fire.

Why is Europe like a frying pan??

They both have Greece at the bottom!!

What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

I found out my vacation to Greece is tax deductible

Apparently it falls under charity work

Bonnie Tyler is performing a concert in Greece next month.

She'll be singing her classic. I need a Euro.

New name for olives!

Greece’s Pieces

I don't know what I would do if I got to Greece...

...and couldn't get a single gyro.

I met Greece's finance minister, who was looking for help regarding the situation there.

He asked me for my two cents.

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My wife told me: Sex is better on holiday.

I wasn't expecting that on the postcard she sent me from Greece.

did y’all know that gyros are actually really bad for you?

yeah they’re made in greece!

With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask.

If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?

There was a question about Greece's economy in a German maths exam. What was it worth?

Two marks.

What country does fried fish swim in?

Greece!

(courtesy of my ten year old)

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What three countries did the giant eat?

Got turkey, dipped it in Greece and fried it in Japan.

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Beauty is just a matter of timing: In 1970s America I would’ve been ridiculed for having a hairless chest. In ancient Greece I would’ve been laughed at for having a big penis.

Still waiting for that bald future all those fucking sci-fi movies promised me.

Why wasn't there any McDonald's in the Roman Empire

There was too much Greece

You're probably Ghana think"no one will Bolivia. There's just Norway."

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey, Iraq of ribs and a Canada best sauce and my Bahrain was like Oman, I Israel Hungary... so Iran to the kitchen to put Greece in the pan.

I hoped it could get Finnish quickly and because I was Russian, I didn't Czech the label and accidentally added ...

Saw some videos about the fires burning near Athens.

Apparently nobody told the firefighters that you can't use water to put out a Greece fire.

I just watched the news on Evia Island.

Now I have finally realized how dangerous a Greece fire is.

I became a naval cook because I wanted to see the world!

But so far, I’ve only seen China, Turkey and Greece.

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Young Elizabeth is soon about to be crowned Queen of England. However, there is still one important thing missing: a husband. Her family and court advisors are getting increasingly worried.

Every single day court advisors approach Elizabeth and ask:

"Ma'am, have you already decided on a husband?"

To which the young future queen always answers:

"No. Why do I need a husband? I'm modern, I'm independent, and I'm about to be the Queen of England! A man would surely onl...

I'm Hungary

Timmy: I'm Hungary,

Mum: Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy: OK I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!

Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy: I know, I guess I'...

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