UPJOKE
romaniaeuropeanhungarianczechportuguesecatalanitalianswedishrussiangermanturkishbulgarianbelarusianlatvianukrainian

The German, the gypsy and the Romanian are on a plane

Suddenly, the German throws a silver spoon out the window. The others ask him why he did that, to which the German replies:

'Where I come from, that's what we have the most of.'

After that, the gypsy throws a gold spoon out the window. The others asks him why he did that, to which he r...

How does every Romanian recipe start?

1. Steal a chicken.

From an old family friend.

Old Romanian Joke: How do you stop an Albanian Tank?

You shoot the guy pushing it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke translated from Romanian

Two policemen were sitting in the office. One of them kept sniffing and tasting his nails.

The second one asked, „What are you doing?“.

„I am trying to figure out if this thing under my nails is shit or mud.“

The second one said, „Let me see!“ and proceeded to taste it. „It‘s de...

Joke translated from Romanian

A police officer goes to a Romanian town and asks one of the residents:
"So, where do you brew the liquor?"
The man replies:
"See that church over there? Everywhere except there."

There was a man in Romania who drove a train for a living...

There was a man in Romania who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it...

I tried my best to translate this from Romanian

A nun walks into a bar and goes straight to the bartender

Nun: Hi! May I use your bathroom?

Bartender: Sure thing! But before you go in there's something you should know.

Nun: Yes?

Bartender: When you walk in, there's gonna be a statue of a dude wearing nothing but a lea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Romanian joke: A cannibal and his son

Romanian joke: A cannibal and his son go hunting for human meat. They come across a clearing and see a super hot chick bending down to get water from a river. The kid goes "dad, are we gonna eat her?" Cannibal dad goes "fuck no, we're taking her home. We'll eat your mother."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".

Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
 
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
Americ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Since is translate your national jokes day here it goes: a romanian one.

Bula is at school, the teacher enters the class and starts calling pupils to see who is missing:

"Andrei?"

"Here."

"Anda?"

"Here."

"Bula?"

"Here."

Behind the class George starts laughing.

"What's so funny George?"

"Miss! If you chan...

Old army joke from Romania(Ukraine's neighbor) about Russian soldiers

This joke was left to me by my grandfather who fought in a couple of wars before he passed away and it's in regard to statues of Russian soldiers in the old USSR.



Russian soldiers,

why did they put you

up there?

Because you lied to the people,

or because y...

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wise words from my grandmother.

Not all strippers are prostitutes, and not all Romanian girls are strippers.

Some are also prostitutes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The autonomous hungarian

Somewhere in Transylvania, Romania.

Hungarian ethnic Istvan marries a romanian woman. His dad gives him the last advices for the wedding night:

- ''Istvan, my son, when you get back home take her in your arms and carry her over the doorstep, so she'll see hungarians are strong. Then yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got kicked out of a restaurant for having improper dress. Reminds me of a funny story.

An Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese...

An old romanian joke that my grandfather keeps telling .

During the communist era in Romania the Security (secret police) was like the heart of the country.

They were just beating, and beating and beating.

What do you call a member of the Bucharest Fire Brigade?

A py-Romanian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Flies in vine glasses

A group of people from different nationalities went to a restaurant and each ordered a glass of wine. When they received their drinks, they found out every glass had a fly in it.

The swede demanded new wine in the same glass.

The brit demanded new wine in a new glass.

The finn...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Self deprecating romanian humor

Three explorers are caught by a savage tribe and brought before the chief. An american, a romanian and a russian.

chief says "we've had a good hunt so we won't eat you outright, but instead, for the tribe's benefit we will offer you three ways out: pay 100$, take a good beating or eat a bucke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Politically Correct joke

It's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority so:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Dutch, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Chinese, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Portugese, a Rus...

Did you hear about the Romanian who read for too long?

She had to give the Bucharest.

What does a prudent Ukrainean learn?

It depends.

An optimistic Ukrainian learns English.

A pessimistic one learns Russian.

A realistic one learns how to shoot a rifle.

 

It's an old Romanian joke, from the '90s, it suddenly became relevant for our neighbours.

A farmer and his wife live isolated from other people, but the wife is pregnant and now the farmer has to call the town's doctor

Unfortunately the farm has no electricity so the doctor asks the farmer to light up the room with a lantern so he could see what's he's doing. One after another, 5 children are born. The farmer tries to run away, terrified.


-Come back here, I think there's another baby, but I can't see an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my faves

Two old Romanian women were shopping in an outdoor vegetable market. One of them picks up a couple of potatoes and says, "These remind me of my husband's testicles."

The other lady leans over for a look and says, "Oh, that big?" And the first lady shakes her head and says, "No, that dirty!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Series of Romanian Alinuta jokes.

Sup ya'll! I've translated some dark Romanian jokes about a girl named Alinuta. Any other Romanians who know more please share!

-Brother: Mom, Alinuta hung herself in the basement!
Mom goes and looks to find nothing.
Mom: She's not there.
Brother: April fools! She's in the attic! ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Food and Country

Yesterday I was so Hungary, I decided to Czech if there was any food.
I was Russian to the fridge, but found only a Turkey full of Greece.
Iran to the store to get some salt, pepper, Chile and Korea-nder, because I was in the mood for some Sweden sour.
I found Iraq of pork chops but there w...

romanian joke: 300 sailors and one woman get shipwrecked on an island

After one month, completely disgusted by what the sailors have been doing to her, the woman kills herself.

After another month, completely disgusted by what they did that month, the sailors decide to bury her.

After another month, completely disgusted by what they've been doing, th...

selling announce in a Romanian newspaper:

urgent sell: wife!!!

fabrication year: 1983, second owner, certificate OK, autochthonous production

colour: ginger

features: super suspensions, big trunk, blue-Ciel headlights, red plump radiator grille, excellent front airbags

state of function: very good, a little used...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali are sitting under a tree

...A caterpillar crawls onto the Romanian's shoulder. The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it. Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy and his friend buy ice cream.

The guy says "I don't want to be racist, but this ice tastes great!"

The friend replies "That is not racist."

"That's what I said. Fucking Romanians, they never listen."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God went around the world looking for a nation to give his commandments to.

First he tried the French.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... There's 'thou shalt not commit adultery"
"No thank you."

God then tried the Romanians.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara [NSFW]

A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara on a camel. On the third day, the camel dies with little warning. As they dust themselves off, the nun and priest appraise their situation. After a long silence, the priest states:
'Well, sister, this looks to be pretty serious.'
'I know, father. As a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveler checked in at a hotel that advertised widely as offering

everything a client might desire.  The traveler at once called room service.  "I want to have brought to my room," he said, "a young virgin
between the ages of 18 and 19, who must have blonde hair and blue eyes. I also want sent up 4 pieces of strong rope, each exactly 4 feet in
length, and a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very clean joke

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. Africa...

Communism in Romania.

A homeless child walks into a Romanian store that has relatively empty shelves. He asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, if you don't mind, do you have any bread you can spare for someone hungry?"

The shopkeeper responds, "Sorry man, in this store we don't have any cheese. Next door is where they ...

Secret Recipe

Mishu and Yanku both operate Romanian restaurants opposite one another. Yanku is doing very well, but Mishu is doing very poorly.

One day, Mishu mans up and walk over to Yanku, asking him "Tell me, my friend, how come you are so successful? What's the secret recipe you use for the Romanian Ke...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.