My Hungarian boss' favorite joke

In the midst of the Cold War, the CIA sends its best spy into Russia. He has spent the last 10 years learning how to blend in with the locals. He speaks perfect Russian, he can dance the kalinka better than anyone, and he can drink an entire bottle of vodka without batting an eyelash. As soon as he'...

What did the Carolingian Empire say when the Hungarians invaded?

Stop it, you're making me Hungary!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

...just purchased a Hungarian clock!

...it went back fo~~u~~r seconds!

How does a Hungarian cook dinner?

First, he chops an onion finely. Then, he chops some garlic as well, or perhaps use a garlic press. This is then fried in a pan with about a tablespoon of oil for about 30 seconds, after which a few tablespoons of paprika is added. Add some salt, maybe some pepper, and then he decides what dish to m...

How many Hungarians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the eel, the other to screw in the hovercraft.

A German, a Hungarian and an Italian are captured by the Soviets on the Eastern Front...

The three men were held together in a tiny prison cell to await their fate. On the first day the guard came in and called to the German, "Come with me German, let's see what you know."

An hour later the German came back all bruised up. "They tortured me into telling them what I knew about the...

This Hungarian guy won’t stop asking me for nudes.

What a booty pest.

So my blonde, Hungarian girlfriend goes to the doctors office...

The doctor ask what’s wrong and my Hungarian girlfriend replies and says since she’s waken her stomach had been hurting.

The doctor then ask if shes eaten anything that she thinks might have upset her stomach.

My girlfriend says no, she hasn’t eaten anything out of the ordinary.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The autonomous hungarian

Somewhere in Transylvania, Romania.

Hungarian ethnic Istvan marries a romanian woman. His dad gives him the last advices for the wedding night:

- ''Istvan, my son, when you get back home take her in your arms and carry her over the doorstep, so she'll see hungarians are strong. Then yo...

Why aren't Hungarians worried about the prospect of starving in a Zombie apocalypse?

Well there will always be Ghoul hash.

Three women were returning to their Hungarian Village

When they spotted a man, obviously very inebriated, walking ahead of them. As they watched, he stumbled and fell face down in a puddle. When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she could recognize him. However, his face was covered with mud and she could not tell. So she u...

Spotify won't let me listen to any Hungarian composers for some reason

I feel so lisztless

My mom's Welsh and my dad's Hungarian

Her: What's that make you?

Me: Wel-hung

What do the Hungarians cook for Halloween?

Ghoulash

A pit for each nation in hell

A man dies and he gets a guided tour of hell from the devil, before he can go to heaven.

First they see a huge pit full of hot tar, and people screaming in agony. There's barbed wire around the pit, and guards with rifles.

The man asks: What's this?

And the devil says: this pit ...

What did the Hungarian man say before he went to bed?

"I'm going to bed." Except he said it in Hungarian.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an Irishman,...

a Scotsman,a welshman, a Frenchman, a German, an Italian, a Swede, two Finns, a Norwegian, a Dane, a Greenlander, an Austrian, a Hungarian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Latvian, an Estonian, a Russian, a Turk, an Egyptian, a Palestinian, an Israeli, a Greek, a Macedonian, a Chinese guy, a Japanese guy,a ...

What do you get when you burn a Hungarian ghost?

Ghoul-ash!

A winery is looking for a taster and so the vintner puts an ad out in the paper.

The next day, a man arrives at the office. He has greasy hair and a five o'clock shadow, he's wearing a filthy jacket and torn jeans, he obviously hasn't had a shower since Christ was crucified, and he smells strongly of stale tobacco smoke and cheap beer. The vintner sees the man's obviously a ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Hungarian cockroach was telling terrible jokes at an open mic night. What do you do?

Budapest

A Mercedes picks up a Hungarian hitchhiker...

This being Hungary, the hitchhiker isn't used to seeing Mercedes on the road, and asks what [that thing on the front of the car](http://www.automotive-stock-images.com/photos/hood-ornament-1928-mercedes-benz-680s.jpg) is. The driver, somewhat amused, jokes:

"Why, that's the car's sights. Like...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very clean joke

A Portuguese, Spaniard, Dane, Finn, Swede, German, French, Italian, Belgian, Austrian, Czech, Polish, Russian, Afgani, Serbian, Brit, Irish, Scot, Sardinian, Corsican, Icelander, Belarian, Romanian, Yugoslavian, Hungarian, Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Turk, Morrocan, Algerian, Liberian, Sudanese, S. Africa...

What language a stomach speaks?

Hungarian

What do you call a Hungarian insect who won't leave siddhartha alone?

A Buddha-pest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Polish girl at gynecologist

A Polish girl went to the gynecologist. She disrobed and got up into the stirrups.

The doctor was so shocked at the neglectful state of her vagina he asked, "When was the last time you had a checkup?"

"Well, to be honest with you," she blushed, "I've never had a Czech up there, but I h...

It's 1972, the Soviet and the Hungarian argue...

...about strength. They can't agree, because the Hungarian claims a bull is the more powerful, whereas the Soviet claims it's the tank. They decide to set up a confrontation between a bull and a tank to see who's right.

And they do so. Right before the duel, however, the Hungarian walks up to...

A man from Hungary is fighting a well-endowed German

It's a Hungarian vs. a Hung-Aryan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A talmudist goes to Moscow...

After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist
from Odessa was finally granted permission to visit Moscow.

He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop,
a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young
man and he thought: This f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"The Virgin"

This is a Hungarian joke. Man marries the woman, and after the wedding the get ready in the honeymoon suite to consummate their marriage. The man wants to be really tactful and graduate so as not to freak out the young bride. He pulls down his pants and points at his organ: "And this, my dear, is ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Penis Enlardment

Doug was showering after a workout at the gym when he noticed that the guy next to him had an enormous penis. His own junk being somewhat on the small side, Doug asked him if his mammoth member was natural or if there was a trick to it.


"Oh, there's a trick. Every night before bed, rub s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard of the European White Supremacist with a massive cock?

He's a Hungarian

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.