If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?

1GB

Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?

A: 1 GB

Why dont you ever see penguins in Great Britain?

Because theyre scared of Wales

International Doctor Debate

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a...

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Did you hear that the first Viagra crate imported to Britain was stolen?

Police are searching for hardened criminals in possession of swollen goods

Why did the conjoined twins go to Great Britain?

So the other one could learn to drive.

So, there I was, at this pub in Great Britain,....

I notice these two women, both cute but a bit chubby. I approached the girls and asked "Are you two ladies from Scotland"?, to which the heftier one replied "It's Wales you idiot"! Taken a bit aback by this, I replied "Oh, sorry. Are you two Whales from Scotland"?

Cats are a metaphor for Great Britain

They can’t choose between staying in or getting out.

What do Great Britain and bad house-guests have in common?

They take forever to leave...

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft...

...The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. T...

Hey baby, are you Britain?

Cos you're uncomfortably wet and can't decide if you want to be in or out

A Russian man is travelling across Britain

A Russian man is travelling across Britain , he pops to a corner shop and buys some British Snacks to try. He takes the food to the Till and the cashier says: “that’ll be £12,50 please.” To which the Russian replies “Vat?”
“Oh that’s already taken care of mate.”

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

What have Britain and Warner Brothers/DC got in common?

Neither of them know how to handle an EU.

Trump cancelled his trip to Britain because he doesn’t want to go anywhere he doesn’t feel welcome...

So what’s he still doing in the white house?

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A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest.

After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, you’re in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes, But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose ...

Why do Americans pronounce Britain wrong?

We started omitting the “t” after we threw it in the ocean

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is hitting something with your boob like the EU after Britain leaves ?

One is "post-Brexit", the other is "breast pokes it".

An American is moving to Britain...

...So he decides to learn the british way of spelling things. So he spoke to a Brit he knew and he was told the following:
"So: Color turns into colour. Harbor turns into harbour. honor becomes honour. Starting to notice a pattern?"
So he writes an e-mail to his new boss:

"Gououd mourni...

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The United States and Britain are having a competition on who can fuck themselves up the most.

Britain is in the lead, but America has a Trump card.

Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today

When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.

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As an American in Britain, I often get corrected for the way I spell. But to those people I only have one thing to say...

Fuck u

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My grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing a total of 32 Nazi aviators.

He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.

With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say

Make America Great Britain again!

What do you call an enchilada in Britain?

A centimeterlada

The US should rejoin Great Britain

Its not like we mind Taxation without representation anymore.

I think I might move to Great Britain in a few years.

I've always wanted to live in a live recreation of 1984.

If Britain has Brexit...

Did the Czech Republic check-out?

Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

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In *da* pendent

Britain should have written a break up note

"It's not EU, it's me"

Britain is the best place for foodies.

You loose pounds everytime you eat

Trump is President of the United States and Britain left the EU.

APRIL FOOLS'!

Ah...wait...

Britain will be just fine...

you always lose a few Pounds after a breakup.

Why don’t Americans spell “color” like “colour?”

It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don’t need u.

Hunting in the African Safari

This joke was passed down to me by my Austrian grandfather through my mother. This is dark humor.

(Mom): "Did I ever tell you about your Grandfather's hunting trips?"

(Me): "No, where'd he go?"

(Mom): "For work, he'd travel to Africa a lot, and would occasionally meet with other...

The Geography of a Woman

The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is li...

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender g...

To the "Remain" crowd in Britain... come to Canada!

Half of the US is moving here soon anyhow.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two immigrants in Britain have a competition; who can be more English? ...

Two immigrant friends in Britain decide to host a competition between themselves, who can be more English than the other?

They decide that they will meet up in 1 week and see whom is more English than whom.

1 week has past, and they meet up. The first immigrant says "I have become a tr...

Britain has invented a new missile

It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.

US follows Britain

BRITAIN: "Hey, America, watch this!"

*BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE*

USA: "Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?"

In America, everything is opposite of Britain

For example:

In Britain, people drive on the left

In America, they drive on the right






In Britain, you watch the TV

In America, the TV watches you

This joke won an award for the Best Joke in a competition held in Britain

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Why Americans don’t need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

A man invested in a weight loss diet from Britain

He lost 10,000 pounds! But it didn't work

Great Britains new Prime Minister

Did you see that Boris Johnson might be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain? I remember when the U.S. had a BJ in the top office!

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Looking back on Britain's 2016.

The year most middle aged men went from wanting to fuck Nigella to wanting to fuck Nigel

up.

Britain's got pretty racist since the referendum;

I was behind a Latvian couple in Tesco yesterday and the lady behind the checkout asked if they wanted any help packing...

Vacation in Britain gone wrong

An american man was vacationing around Britain, visiting all the larger cities.

One night he found himself in a bar in Cardiff, having a few drinks and planning out how to spend the next couple of days of his vacation. But he had forgotten his guidebook. So he looked around to see if anyone ...

What do you call the Dollar Tree stores in Britain?

Pound Town

What's Imperial Britain's favorite game?

Clash of Clans

Here in Britain, we've got May & Hammond in the Government now -

All we need is Clarkson and we've got Top Gear back again.

Britain can now say....

...Its pull out game is strong!

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Britain is like a man on a toilet...

It just wanted to get rid of that shit and leave.

A German tourist visits a brothel in Britain.

Johannes, a middle-aged German tourist on his first visit to the UK finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He...

A woman wants to lose some weight

A woman wanted to lose weight so she joined a gym. She hired the best personal trainer the gym had.

After a few months of working out with him she still had not lost any weight. The trainer believed it was because she was still eating unhealthy at home. He suggested she hire a nutritionist t...

British people's front of Britain meeting.

"What has the EU ever done for us?"

...

"57% of our trade."

"What?"

"57% of our trade."

"Oh yeah.Yeah they did do that, that's true."

"And, uh, cleaner beaches."

"Oh yeah, the cleaner beaches, Nigel. You remember what Whitby used to be like?"

"...

Why is Iraq like the weather in Britain?

Because it's either Sunni or Shiite

For some reason, Spanish-speaking visitors to Britain think we worship flight attendants...

I suppose it's understandable given that our national airline is called British Héroes.

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Smithers' Story

In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said,

"You mu...

Absolutely cannot wait for Brexit.

We make nothing in Britain these days;just noticed on the back of my TV it says ‘Built in Antenna’- this is a country I’ve never even heard of.

Father Patrick had one weakness as a priest

He *hated* the English. His favorite fire and brimstone line was "...and you'd go to Hell with the English!" He had been admonished by his Bishop more than once about this.

Well, the Bishop was visiting for Holy Week when Father Patrick again assigned the English to the nether regions, and he...

Why they hire idiots in Russian military intelligence?

Well, they used to hire smart people, but those would go to Great Britain, capitulate and stay there to live.

A Bar for Roads

There was once a bar in the UK for roads, they would gather and talk about all the vehicles and traffic they had each day.

In walked the M1, the M5 and the M6, three of Britain's biggest roads, they sat and boasted to each other about how busy they were. The other roads enjoyed listening to t...