Q : With Britain leaving EU soon, how much space will be freed up?

A: 1 GB

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up?

1GB

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A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

What did America say to Britain when it fell over?

U.K.?

In recent years, 'Great Britain' has become more like

'Great, Britain'.

Why dont you ever see penguins in Great Britain?

Because theyre scared of Wales

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Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft...

...The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. T...

I’m in Britain and I have a friend in America. He keeps telling me he identifies as a large body of water.

He’s transatlantic.

International Doctor Debate

A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a...

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Did you hear that the first Viagra crate imported to Britain was stolen?

Police are searching for hardened criminals in possession of swollen goods

Why did the conjoined twins go to Great Britain?

So the other one could learn to drive.

Cats are a metaphor for Great Britain

They can’t choose between staying in or getting out.

So, there I was, at this pub in Great Britain,....

I notice these two women, both cute but a bit chubby. I approached the girls and asked "Are you two ladies from Scotland"?, to which the heftier one replied "It's Wales you idiot"! Taken a bit aback by this, I replied "Oh, sorry. Are you two Whales from Scotland"?

Trump cancelled his trip to Britain because he doesn’t want to go anywhere he doesn’t feel welcome...

So what’s he still doing in the white house?

What do Great Britain and bad house-guests have in common?

They take forever to leave...

Hey baby, are you Britain?

Cos you're uncomfortably wet and can't decide if you want to be in or out

A Russian man is travelling across Britain

A Russian man is travelling across Britain , he pops to a corner shop and buys some British Snacks to try. He takes the food to the Till and the cashier says: “that’ll be £12,50 please.” To which the Russian replies “Vat?”
“Oh that’s already taken care of mate.”

What have Britain and Warner Brothers/DC got in common?

Neither of them know how to handle an EU.

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A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest.

After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, you’re in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes, But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose ...

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The United States and Britain are having a competition on who can fuck themselves up the most.

Britain is in the lead, but America has a Trump card.

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Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

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My grandad was a WWII veteran. In just one day during the Battle of Britain, he destroyed 8 German aircraft killing a total of 32 Nazi aviators.

He was easily the worst aircraft mechanic the Luftwaffe has ever had.

Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today

When asked the secret of her longevity, she attributed it to taking a walk at midnight every night. When quizzed on whether she was concerned about the increase in muggings in recent years, she said that she was not, and would continue mugging people as long as her health holds out.

Three men are sentenced to die in Great Britain.

The night before the men got drunk and destroyed the Queen's garden. Knowing her garden is full of pollen, she offers them a chance at life under one condition.

The men must learn self control by sitting in the garden and not sneezing, not even once. If one of them succeeds in the time allot...

With the Brexit vote being compared to the Presidential election, I have only one thing to say

Make America Great Britain again!

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As an American in Britain, I often get corrected for the way I spell. But to those people I only have one thing to say...

Fuck u

An American is moving to Britain...

...So he decides to learn the british way of spelling things. So he spoke to a Brit he knew and he was told the following:
"So: Color turns into colour. Harbor turns into harbour. honor becomes honour. Starting to notice a pattern?"
So he writes an e-mail to his new boss:

"Gououd mourni...

Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...

(•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

In *da* pendent

The US should rejoin Great Britain

Its not like we mind Taxation without representation anymore.

Britain should have written a break up note

"It's not EU, it's me"

I think I might move to Great Britain in a few years.

I've always wanted to live in a live recreation of 1984.

Britain will be just fine...

you always lose a few Pounds after a breakup.

Britain is the best place for foodies.

You loose pounds everytime you eat

Trump is President of the United States and Britain left the EU.

APRIL FOOLS'!

Ah...wait...

In America, everything is opposite of Britain

For example:

In Britain, people drive on the left

In America, they drive on the right






In Britain, you watch the TV

In America, the TV watches you

Britain has invented a new missile

It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.

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Two immigrants in Britain have a competition; who can be more English? ...

Two immigrant friends in Britain decide to host a competition between themselves, who can be more English than the other?

They decide that they will meet up in 1 week and see whom is more English than whom.

1 week has past, and they meet up. The first immigrant says "I have become a tr...

To the "Remain" crowd in Britain... come to Canada!

Half of the US is moving here soon anyhow.

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender g...

US follows Britain

BRITAIN: "Hey, America, watch this!"

*BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE*

USA: "Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?"

This joke won an award for the Best Joke in a competition held in Britain

😅😅😅PASSWORD PROBLEMS :

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1...

Forever mortal frenemies

Britain and France. Forever mortal frenemies. The rivalry goes back over 1000 years. One of the biggest sticking point has always been the channel. Is it the British channel or the French? In order to show how one country was superior in the rivalry every 100 years the 2 countries would hold a cross...

A man invested in a weight loss diet from Britain

He lost 10,000 pounds! But it didn't work

Great Britains new Prime Minister

Did you see that Boris Johnson might be the next Prime Minister of Great Britain? I remember when the U.S. had a BJ in the top office!

Vacation in Britain gone wrong

An american man was vacationing around Britain, visiting all the larger cities.

One night he found himself in a bar in Cardiff, having a few drinks and planning out how to spend the next couple of days of his vacation. But he had forgotten his guidebook. So he looked around to see if anyone ...

Britain's got pretty racist since the referendum;

I was behind a Latvian couple in Tesco yesterday and the lady behind the checkout asked if they wanted any help packing...

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Looking back on Britain's 2016.

The year most middle aged men went from wanting to fuck Nigella to wanting to fuck Nigel

up.

What do you call the Dollar Tree stores in Britain?

Pound Town

Here in Britain, we've got May & Hammond in the Government now -

All we need is Clarkson and we've got Top Gear back again.

Why don’t Americans spell “color” like “colour?”

It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don’t need u.

How do you spell the color that is an equal mix of white and black?

USA: Gray

Britain: Grey

Canada: Grehy

Britain can now say....

...Its pull out game is strong!

The Geography of a Woman

The Geography of a Woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is li...

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Britain is like a man on a toilet...

It just wanted to get rid of that shit and leave.

A German tourist visits a brothel in Britain.

Johannes, a middle-aged German tourist on his first visit to the UK finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He...

Hunting in the African Safari

This joke was passed down to me by my Austrian grandfather through my mother. This is dark humor.

(Mom): "Did I ever tell you about your Grandfather's hunting trips?"

(Me): "No, where'd he go?"

(Mom): "For work, he'd travel to Africa a lot, and would occasionally meet with other...

Why is Iraq like the weather in Britain?

Because it's either Sunni or Shiite

Why Americans don’t need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

For some reason, Spanish-speaking visitors to Britain think we worship flight attendants...

I suppose it's understandable given that our national airline is called British Héroes.

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