Switzerland Jokes - 31 Hilarious Switzerland Jokes

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

You could say a lot of bad things about Switzerland

But their flag is a big plus.

Why doesn't Switzerland make good cars?

You can only put them in neutral.

A man wants to deposit money at a Swiss bank.

"How much do you want to deposit?" asks the bank employee.

Whispers the man, "Three million."

"You can speak up," says the bank clerk. "In Switzerland, poverty is not a disgrace."

I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees tribute concert in Switzerland. Then I saw her face.

Now I'm in Geneva.

Switzerland is a great country, with amazing views and nice people

And their flag is also great, which is a huge plus.

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I was riding my motorcycle down a serpentine in Switzerland

When I entered a small forest in the valley a deer showed up in the middle of the road, and in spite of all of my maneuvering I crashed in to it and flew into a ditch going along the road and passed out. When I woke up and climbed up back to the road i saw a beautiful old cabriolet with a hot brunet...

Did you know Darth Vader’s cousin lives in Switzerland and drives a cab?

He’s called ‘Taxi Vader’

I was once served a grilled cheese sandwich in Switzerland and it was too hot to eat and I injured myself.

I had to go to the Bern ward...

A sophisticated-looking lady was returning by plane from Switzerland

She talked to the Father sitting next to her, "Excuse me, Father, may I ask you a favor?"

The priest replied, "Of course, my child, what can I do for you?"

The woman explained, "Here's my problem: I bought myself a new epilator and paid quite a lot of money for it. I thin...

What's the biggest advantage of living in Switzerland?

Well the flag's a big plus.

How do you create a paradox in Switzerland?

Ask the Swiss to stand for the flag and kneel for the cross

I move to Switzerland a year ago.

A friend asked me how much I like the country.

I said "Well, the flag is a big plus."

What’s the difference between Switzerland and America?

In Switzerland, the cheese is filled with holes

In America, the kids are

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My dick is like Switzerland’s military

Impressive but useless because it never gets used.

The Stormtrooper from Switzerland

After a long day of training in the force on Dagobah, Luke came back to Yoda’s tiny hut and noticed that he looked worried. Yoda went on to tell Luke that while he was away a stormtrooper from Switzerland came by and demanded to know where Princess Leia was.

Luke looked around scared and ask...

Xi and Biden have a bet

Xi wagers that in 100 years time China would be the dominant superpower, while Biden is confident that the USA will remain uncontested.

So after their terms ended and they reached the end of their mortal coil, they were cryogenically preserved in Switzerland and woken up in 100 years.

...

Why did the pervert moved to Switzerland?

Because he likes to watch.

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Went to Switzerland and I had such a delightful time. Only issue was, I paid $100 for a cup of coffee and a blowjob

What kind of absurd country charges $98 dollars for a cup of coffee?

During WW1 Switzerland had 250 000 soldiers

The German Kaiser asked the Swiss ambassador in Berlin: "What would Switzerland do if I invaded with 500 000 soldiers?"

The ambassador replied: "Shoot twice and go home."

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

I'm thinking of moving to Switzerland

No particular reason, but the flag's a big plus

Why don't Switzerland's cars have brakes?

Because their always on neutral.

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Three Professors travel in a train in Switzerland...

A professor of sociology, a professor of mathematics and a professor of philosophy travel to a congress by train into Switzerland.

Looking out of the windows, the professor of sociology sees a black sheep.

"How interesting" he exclaims. "it appears there are black sheep in Switzerland"...

There was a peasant married couple in Switzerland during WWII.

They had just had twin sons that they knew weren’t safe in Europe with the bombing and havoc around their country. They separated them by sending one of them to Mexico and one to Arabia. The Mexican brother was named Juan by his foster parents, and the Arabian family named the other brother Ahmal. T...

The German tax evader in Switzerland

A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.

He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"

The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsusp...

Where is the most extravagant brothel in Switzerland, with the most expensive hookers?

The FIFA headquarters.

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A hiker was traveling through Switzerland when he got tired, so he decided to stop at the next house he passed.

In that house lived a farmer, his wife, and his daughter. When the hiker knocked on the door, the farmer told him to sleep in the barn. Then the farmer went straight to bed.

The farmer's daughter went down to the barn and returned an hour later covered in straw, with her clothes all dishevele...

Switzerland is arguably one of the best countries on the planet

The Alps are pretty cool, and the flag is a big plus.

They locked down and instituted a curfew in the capital of Switzerland.

It's a controlled Bern.

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3 Southern sisters are sitting on a big porch sipping Mint Juleps.

Martha says, “My husband loves me so much, he built me this amazing porch.”
Mary says, “Well isn’t that nice?”
Mildred says, “Bless your heart”

Mary says, “My husband loves me so much, he bought me a beautiful new Cadillac.”
Martha says, “Well isn’t that nice?”
Mildred says, “Bles...

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