Why does Denmark have bar codes on all of its ships?

So that when they come back to port, they can Scandinavian.

Did you hear about the upcoming chef from Denmark who’s trying to break into comedy?

He’s calling himself the new Dane Cook.

What is the one thing Norway have better than Denmark?

Better neighbors!!

*(Norwegians and Danish have a long running friendly rivalry, one of my Danish friends told me this joke today)*

Do you know why Scooby Doo is the most viewed cartoon in Denmark?

Because he’s a Great Dane

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The leaders of the free world gather to discuss the problems of a struggling nation

The French start: "The Age of Enlightenment started here. We'll help spread progressive ideas."

The Germans follow: "We have a very stable economy, we'll help lower national debt."

The Japanese join in: "Our scientist are the best in the world. We pledge to help battle the spreading di...

Some people think it’s soooo fine, that a Sweden - Denmark soccermatch gets abbreviated as SWEDEN

But the abbrevition for Finland - Estonia is FINEST!

Denmark: "We will kill 17 million minks by 2021."

China: "I killed 20 million in two weeks."

World: "You killed 20 million minks in 2 weeks??"

China: "Oh no, sorry, I must've misheard you."

I met a lot of good dogs at an animal shelter in Denmark

But only one great Dane

Why do bakeries in Denmark add so much sugar to their pastries?

If they didn't, they would be sweetish.

I'd much rather live in Norway than Denmark so I don't have to switch insurance providers.

Denmark doesn't have a Blue Cross as far as I know.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Prince of Denmark wanted to know the proportion of women in his country who were prostitutes.

So he called his friend Horatio.

A blond walks in to a electronics store

A blonde walks in to a electronics store looking for a new tv. She found one that seemed fine and found a employee. When she showed him the tv he said: Sorry ma’am, we don’t sell to blondes

The next day she came back wearing a brown wig and another employee that she wanted the tv. again. The...

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Danish, French and Italian women ...

A Danish guy, a Frenchman and an Italian man got together in a bar in Berlin after attending the long and boring business conference. Their talk drifted to the subject of women, of course, with each man claiming that the women in their home country were the sexiest and most sensual.

"If we we...

How do you call the best veterinary hospital in Denmark?

Great Dane pets hospital.

What do you call weed from Denmark?

Dansk kush.

Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?

Rigor Mortissen

Why don't chefs in Denmark play pranks in the kitchen?

Because no one thinks a Dane cook joke is funny.

A small quiz

Think of a number between 2 & 5.
Now times it by 9.
Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).
Now subtract that number by 5.
Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).
After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

Have you heard about the new law that has passed?

They passed a law saying you have to have your headlights on when it’s raining in Denmark.

Problem is, when I get in the car, how am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Denmark?

What country is known for cave paintings?

Denmark

I'm Hungary

Timmy: I'm Hungary,

Mum: Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy: OK I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!

Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy: I know, I guess I'...

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Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

The hare and the tortoise

The hare and the tortoise were having a rematch. This time, they decided to race through Europe, starting with London. The plan was to race to Dover, get the ferry across, and go along the French coast, across Belgium, Germany, and head north through Denmark.

The hare figured that his fur wo...

Why do Icelandic ships have barcodes?

The striking dock workers complained there is Norway they can go to a ship with a clipboard, Denmark it as arrived and Finnish the whole business before sunset. New tech helped Sweden the deal.

This is naut, ok?

If America has 'astronauts' and Russia has 'cosmonauts', does Denmark have 'deeznauts'?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Food and Country

Yesterday I was so Hungary, I decided to Czech if there was any food.
I was Russian to the fridge, but found only a Turkey full of Greece.
Iran to the store to get some salt, pepper, Chile and Korea-nder, because I was in the mood for some Sweden sour.
I found Iraq of pork chops but there w...

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