Denmark Jokes - 34 Hilarious Denmark Jokes

Why does Denmark have bar codes on all of its ships?

So that when they come back to port, they can Scandinavian.

Why do bakeries in Denmark add so much sugar to their pastries?

If they didn't, they would be sweetish.

Do you know why Scooby Doo is the most viewed cartoon in Denmark?

Because he’s a Great Dane

Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?

Rigor Mortissen

Did you hear about the upcoming chef from Denmark who’s trying to break into comedy?

He’s calling himself the new Dane Cook.

What is the one thing Norway have better than Denmark?

Better neighbors!!

*(Norwegians and Danish have a long running friendly rivalry, one of my Danish friends told me this joke today)*

The white-throated dipper is the national bird of Norway, the mute swan is Denmark's, and the blackbird is Sweden's,

these are the Scandinavians.

I've learned that restaurants in Denmark would rather serve five Germans than one American.

Something about five customers being better than one.

Some people think it’s soooo fine, that a Sweden - Denmark soccermatch gets abbreviated as SWEDEN

But the abbrevition for Finland - Estonia is FINEST!

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

Legally speaking the Trump proposition of buying the Greenland from Denmark...

is a weird borderline-case.

Why don't chefs in Denmark play pranks in the kitchen?

Because no one thinks a Dane cook joke is funny.

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The younger son of a Danish farmer,

Couldn't inherit his parents farm, because his older brother got the farm.

So he moved to Texas to start his own farm there.

After working on the farm and expanding it for fifty years, he finally finds the time to visit his family back in Denmark.

And he can't stop bragging a...

What do you call weed from Denmark?

Dansk kush.

When everyone on a train in Germany takes their masks off and suddenly the internet works properly, how does that work?

The train crossed the border to Denmark.

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The Prince of Denmark wanted to know the proportion of women in his country who were prostitutes.

So he called his friend Horatio.

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Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

I'm Hungary

Timmy: I'm Hungary,

Mum: Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy: OK I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!

Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy: I know, I guess I'...

Nation dialogue

You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My...

In today’s European Championship soccer match, several players from the Czech Republic were seen slipping on the grass repeatedly in their loss to Denmark, while their Danish opponents didn’t seem to have an issue at all.

Must be an issue with Czechs and balances.

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Young Elizabeth is soon about to be crowned Queen of England. However, there is still one important thing missing: a husband. Her family and court advisors are getting increasingly worried.

Every single day court advisors approach Elizabeth and ask:

"Ma'am, have you already decided on a husband?"

To which the young future queen always answers:

"No. Why do I need a husband? I'm modern, I'm independent, and I'm about to be the Queen of England! A man would surely onl...

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The leaders of the free world gather to discuss the problems of a struggling nation

The French start: "The Age of Enlightenment started here. We'll help spread progressive ideas."

The Germans follow: "We have a very stable economy, we'll help lower national debt."

The Japanese join in: "Our scientist are the best in the world. We pledge to help battle the spreading di...

Have you heard about the new law that has passed?

They passed a law saying you have to have your headlights on when it’s raining in Denmark.

Problem is, when I get in the car, how am I supposed to know if it’s raining in Denmark?

What country is known for cave paintings?

Denmark

A small quiz

Think of a number between 2 & 5.
Now times it by 9.
Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).
Now subtract that number by 5.
Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).
After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

This is naut, ok?

If America has 'astronauts' and Russia has 'cosmonauts', does Denmark have 'deeznauts'?

Bridge to England

A man who goes around a harbor in Denmark, looking longingly towards England, as he has always dreamed of visiting. The problem is that he suffers from a severe fear of flying and being utterly seasick just at the sight of a ferry. So it is a little difficult to get he dream of England fulfilled....

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Danish, French and Italian women ...

A Danish guy, a Frenchman and an Italian man got together in a bar in Berlin after attending the long and boring business conference. Their talk drifted to the subject of women, of course, with each man claiming that the women in their home country were the sexiest and most sensual.

"If we we...

Santa Claus had started feeling like he was losing some of his mojo at one point...

... so in recent years, he had taken to periodically stopping during his annual Christmas Eve present run to take in words of wisdom from spiritual leaders from various backgrounds all over the world, hoping that someone could re-ignite that spark for him that made Christmas special.

Eventual...

Why do Icelandic ships have barcodes?

The striking dock workers complained there is Norway they can go to a ship with a clipboard, Denmark it as arrived and Finnish the whole business before sunset. New tech helped Sweden the deal.

The hare and the tortoise

The hare and the tortoise were having a rematch. This time, they decided to race through Europe, starting with London. The plan was to race to Dover, get the ferry across, and go along the French coast, across Belgium, Germany, and head north through Denmark.

The hare figured that his fur wo...

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Food and Country

Yesterday I was so Hungary, I decided to Czech if there was any food.
I was Russian to the fridge, but found only a Turkey full of Greece.
Iran to the store to get some salt, pepper, Chile and Korea-nder, because I was in the mood for some Sweden sour.
I found Iraq of pork chops but there w...

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I used to bartend for this popular place off a rural highway in my state…

I used to bartend for this popular place off a rural highway in my state. It marketed itself as a tavern, to get tourists to come in and buy a bite to eat, but the locals knew it by the name of the former owner, Pete.

Pete had died a few years before I started working there. His younger broth...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

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