The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He li...

what is the difference between American and European joke candidates

American joke candidates actually get elected.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American, a European, and an Asian go to hell.

An american, a European, and an Asian go to hell. They meet the devil and he says ¨You will forever be in hell, but, if the three of your penises combined measure 50 cm or more, you shall receive one more chance, and return to Earth.

They agree, and they measure their penises.

American...

A triumph of the European Commission

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and...

Why do Europeans hate baseball?

Because it's three reichs and you're out.

So I was in a hostel playing chess with a European guy when an Aussie comes up and says...

"There's no way you'll win."

"Why?"

"Because he's Czech, mate."

Based on a True Story: A breeding pair of crocodiles ate two European tourists in Australia

This actually happened back when I was a kid in the 90's: A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and consumed by a pair of crocodiles in Australia. The female ate the Frenchman.

The Czech was in the male.

What did the NTSC player say to his European friend?

Hello pal!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them.

But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up ...

It's been said that Greece's greatest contributions to European society were the inventions of democracy and sodomy.

France is then generally given credit for slightly improving both of these ideas, by discovering that you could also involve women.

Why can you keep out Europeans with a picket fence?

Because union members never cross a picket.

I asked my European boss if he had read Farenheit 451.

He told me he only made it to page 232...

How many European Parliament representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question. You have to have a brain to change a lightbulb.

European heaven and hell

European heaven is where:

All the soldiers are British,
All the wine is French,
All the cars are German,
All the lovers are Italian,
The weather is Greek,
And everything is organized by the Swiss

European hell is where:

All the soldiers are French,
All the wine...

I broke up with my European girlfriend because we weren’t on the same page.

I’m 8 1/2 x 11. She’s A4.

It just didn’t feel right. We didn’t fit together.

Art thieves pillaged a museum of European 17th and 18th century artwork. They smashed windows, stole paintings, destroyed exhibits, and even did a number on the light fixtures. Everything about the place is a mere ruin of what it was yesterday.

It's all baroque now.

A cop arrested a European robot, but eventually let it go.

He couldn't charge it with anything.

How do Europeans smile?

They don’t. They skilometre.

Hundreds of years ago, there was a European salt trader who was stranded in Africa

\[A more politically correct re-write of an earlier joke this week\]

​

Hundreds of years ago, there was a European salt trader who went all over the world on his caravan selling his wares. One year as he was traveling through Africa, he was betrayed by his caravan and left f...

Europeans revere the art of cheesemaking.

But Swiss cheese is holy.

Apparently 1 out of every 10 Europeans were conceived on an IKEA bed...

Which is crazy when you consider how well lit those places are.

An European court banned parents from naming their kid Nutella.

They stopped a stupid name before it could spread.

TIFU by getting into the wrong car after the European Auto Show.

whoops, wrong Saab

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump wants to paint the Whitehouse. He asks for a quote from a Chinese guy, a European, and a Turk.

The Chinese guy says he can do it for 3 million dollars, the European says he can do it for 7 million, and the Turk says he can do it for 10 million.

Trump asks the Chinese man why it would cost 3 million and he responds "one for paint, one for my workers, and one for my profit".

Tru...

Europeans did promise land and peace for the natives. They didn't get what they wanted but what can you expect?

They were just white lies after all.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I‘m European and have a quick question since I‘m about to leave for vacation in the USA. My phonecharger won‘t fit into a wall outlet there.

Do I need an adapter for my buttplugs too?

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like t...

An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.

The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."

An American Indian bends from the next table and says: "Pay attention to that, we heavily underestimated that once"

My friend just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to vacuum the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

How do you test if two Central Europeans can hear you?

Czech 1, Chez 2

Vladimir Putin Travels to an Eastern European Country

He walks up to the customs agent and the agent asks, “Name?”

“Vladimir Putin”

“Country of Origin?”

“Russia”

“Occupation?”

“No, no. Just visiting.”

The small European country of Germania

Few people know the rich history of the small European country of Germania. It was an all-male country, and females were barred entry. Any female found within its borders would be sentenced to prison for life. The men reproduced outside the country, and were only allowed to bring their male offsprin...

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

Which former European state exported mainly napkins?

The Serviette Union

Where do Europeans go for slurpies?

11/7

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A European pornstar was filming, after 3 minutes of recording they were done, the lady turned around and said ‘is that all?’

He said sorry but I’m Finnish

What do you call a low rank crusader (or European idc)?

A euroPEON



Kill me pls

European monarchs are a lot like beef Wellington.

They're in bread.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do central European sex traffickers tell their clients?

The Czech's in the mail.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Ion leaves his small eastern European village and becomes 'John' - a business man. After some time of great success he returns to his village and offers each villager $100

Ion leaves his small eastern European village and becomes 'John' - a business man. After some time of great success he returns to his village and offers each villager $100. Everyone is happy and they all praise John for being a great guy. Next year he dos the same, all villagers happy again. The thi...

TIL Santa Claus is European..

North Polish to be exact

Why are European cars the lightest?

because there's no Americans sitting in them.

I was talking to a russian the other day and he said that russia is the largest european nation...

I said, sorry man, eurasian.

Best Women in Europe

An Englishman, A Frenchman and a Russian are debating who has the best women.

The Englishman says, "English women are the best. When they sit on a horse their feet can touch the ground. It's not because our horses are short, but because English women have the longest legs in all of Europe!"...

What is a European dragon’s favorite food?

Swiss charred.

The European Vacation

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob at...

I met this european guy last night who claimed he was a well endowed white supremacist

Well, he said he was a hung aryan

I really like European food...

...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

Europeans use too many gyros for the slaughter of animals. Let's alert PITA.

That was a terrible pun. I falafel.

If you're American when you walk in the bathroom, and you're American when you walk out of the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom?

European.

(You're a peein')

A European missionary goes to an African tribe...

... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.

However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The missionary looks out the window and shows the ...

Why do Europeans never win the most gold in water sports?

All their best divers are playing football.

There was an Arabian, African, European, and an American sitting together at a table...

A guy comes up to them and asks: What is your opinion on lack of food for the poor in the rest of the world?

The Arabian says: What is an opinion?
The African says: What is food?
The European says: What is poor?
The American says: What is the rest of the world?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic.