Two Canadians die and end up in Hell.

Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to He...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(OC) A devout christian Canadian man is walking down the street when a group of Latino male prostitutes walk up to him and ask if he wants to have a good time...

The Canadian man quickly shooed them away yelling as they went "No way hoes eh"

How do Canadians take down enemy aircraft

With an Eh Eh gun!

How can you tell if someone is Canadian

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

How do you keep Canadian Bacon from curling in the pan?

Take away its tiny broom.

Have you hear about the new Canadian strain of Covid-19?

Most people infected are eh symptomatic.

The Canadian police kicked down my door to my meth lab

Thankfully i was able to escape while they were trying to fix my door.

Can you believe the Canadian prime minister's name isn't Trump?

It's Trudeau...

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So The Canadian Government Is Changing The 2 Dollar Coin

Under pressure from the LGBT community the Canadian government is taking the Iconic polar bear off the 2 dollar coin and replacing it with 2 male deer mating.

Now everyone who has one will have “2 Fucking Bucks” in their pockets

An American and a Canadian go skydiving

An American and a Canadian go skydiving. This is the first solo jump for the both of them. The plane lifts off and the instructor gives them their last instructions:

"When the light above the door turns green, you can jump."

The Canadian (who is a major stutterer) asks:

"w-w-w-w...

What’s the Canadian curling team’s favorite board game?

Sorry Sliders

A Canadian visits a small church while on holiday in Scotland.

The Canadian is intrigued by the intricately carved pulpit and, being something of a history buff, would like to know more about it so approaches the little old vicar.

"Excuse me sir, would you be so kind as to tell me what the pulpit is made of?"

"Aye. Wood."

"You would?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly woman enters the Canadian National Bank with a bag full of money

She insisted she wanted to speak with the president of the National Bank in order to open an account, saying "a lot of money" was to be dealt with.

After some hesitation, the staff escorted the elderly woman to the president's office. The president asked how much money she wanted to deposit i...

A Canadian walks into a bar

A Canadian walks into a bar and sees two large ladies. He asks, "are you two ladies from Scotland?"
The ladies, furious, reply, "Wales! Wales!"
The man turns back, "I apologise. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God is creating the world, and he talks to the canadians

He says to them “You will have the best land ever. It is beautiful, in the summer it is warm and in the winter it snows beautiful snow flakes. It is called Canada. You will have prosperity and food for all your days.”

He then gets the Australians, and says to them “I give to you Australia. Yo...

Do you know why Canadian women like it doggie style?

They want to watch the hockey match, too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Aussie, the Yank and the Canadian were having a bullshit session on this cruise ship.

The Aussie said, “In Australia we have sheep that are so big they take all day to be shorn.”

The Yank said, “That’s nothing, in Texas our cattle are so big the steaks have to be turned with a fork lift.”

The Canadian said, “That’s nothing, we have women with pussies this big.” (He then...

A Canadian walks into a restaurant...

He orders some fish, and the waitress asks, "how would you like your fish cooked?"

He replies, "Friday."

The Canadian government spends more time and money taking care of other countries than its own people in poverty

You may think I’m wrong but it’s Trudeau

What is an Asian Canadian's preferred soup?

Miso Sorry

I went to a Canadian fight one time

And a hockey game broke out :(

A guy in a Canadian city wants to get hammered.

He goes up to the local pub with a strong man blocking his way.

"I want to drink the night away!"

The muscular guard takes off his sunglasses and says,

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and hal...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

The Canadians get sent to hell

So the rapture happens and all the Canadians get sent to hell because they didn’t hold the door or say sorry enough and the devil sees them celebrating. Bothered by this he asks “you’rein hell why are you celebrating“ and the Canadians respond “it’s like minus thirty where we live this is awesome. A...

The Pope is visiting Canada.

After completing his visit, the Canadian government gives him a chauffeur-driven car to see the natural beauty of Canada. After 20 kilometers through Canada, he says to the driver:

"Oh, let me get behind the wheel. I'm from the narrow Papal States, and I always have to sit in the back of the...

I tried to translate a joke from Canadian

Did you hear about the war between Nova Scotia and Newfoundland?. ? The newfies were throwing grenades the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four soldiers are in a public bathroom...

An American soldier steps away from the urinal, turns on the water, uses five or six pumps or soap to wash his hands and takes a big wad of paper towels to dry them. He says to the others, "in the US Army, we are taught to use what we have to to get the job done".

A German soldier backs away ...

Canadian joke eh!

Why did the Northwest Territories split?

They were halving Nunavut.

What did the Canadian boy get on his report card?

An Eh+

A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero.

Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

What did the canadian dino wear to keep warm?

A Jurassic Parka

Trump blames the Canadian PM sometimes

But it’s not always Trudeau

What do you call a Canadian who puts away their winter clothes in May?

An optimist.

- Mommie, what is a Canadian?

\- It's an unarmed North American with health insurance, sweetie.

Just got the results back from my Canadian citizens test.

I got an eh.

why are russians and canadians such good friends

because they both share their love for putin

Did you hear abute the organization that advocates for Canadians’ gun rights?

The “NR, eh?”

I failed my test on Canadian Geography today

I knew Nunavut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Canadians call a Kumon teacher in Japan?

It's common-sense, eh?

An American is typing on a computer when he flies into a rage, shouting "How the hell am I misspelling color"?

A Canadian takes a quick look at the screen before rolling his eyes and walking away, saying "that sounds like a you problem".

A Canadian tells an American he's spelling everything wrong. The American responds:

no u

The presidents of USA, Canada and Mexico got together...

...to discuss on who has the most loyal citizens.

The Canadian president says he has the most loyal citizens. He says to a random Canadian to jump off a roof. He doesnt want to.

The Mexican president says he has the most loyal citizens. He says to a random Mexican to jump off a roof. H...

Canadian and Chinese man get into a car crash

Chinese man knows very little English.

Chinese man: I am sorry

Canadian: I am sorry too

Chinese man: I am sorry three

Canadian: What are you sorry for?

Chinese man: I am sorry five

A classic Canadian Joke.

A Mainlander is driving down the highway and runs over a rabbit. Wondering what noise was, he stops his car and gets out to look. While he's standing there a newfie pulls up and asks him what's going on.

The mainlander says, "I'm just here visiting your fair province and I seem to have killed...

Canadian Logic

If I can hit you with a Hockey Stick...(And I will) You're too close.

\#covid-19

What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars?

Pal-poutine

.
.
.
.
.
Sorry, I'll get my coat.

I asked my Canadian friend what he thought was different between a Canadian and American education:

The education is much better in Canada because everyone gets straight EHs.

You wouldn't think that the Canadian prime minister's wife could get the coronavirus...

It's Trudeau.

Why do Canadians not play club penguin

Because they club seals

I wasn't born an American just to watch the country fade into hatred and anger.

I was born a wimp. Uh I mean a Canadian. (RIP Mitch, you'll always be missed)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian drove into the US in hopes of visiting Orange County.

He stopped at the first gas station he saw and asked the attendant for directions.

“Orange County?!” exclaimed the attendant. “You’re in fucking New York! Get out of my station, you crazy son of a bitch.”

The Canadian left, puzzled by the attendant’s impoliteness. He decided to drive ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

why have canadians begun mixing weed & tim hortons coffee?

shits & giggles

Watching American news lately fills me with overwhelming patriotism.

Because I'm Canadian.

A Canadian logging company needed to hire another lumberjack.

The first guy to apply was a short little skinny fellow, who was laughed at by the manager and told to leave.

"Just give me a chance," the little guy pleaded.

"Okay," the manager replied, "Grab your axe and cut down that cedar over there."

Two minutes later he was back at the ma...

Actual transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95...

*US Ship*: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

*Canadians*: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

*US Ship*: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

*Canadians*: "N...

How do you get 100 drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool?

You say "Please get out of the pool."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After spending some time in Canada, I think I'm only attracted to Canadians now.

You could say I'm eh-sexual.

I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name.

Is this Trudeau?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Canadian women use a hockey puck instead of tampons?

Cuz they last for three periods.

(I am truly sorry)

A Canadian walks into a bar...

A Guy Walks Into a Hillbilly Bar and orders a white wine.

The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”

The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada. I’m a taxidermist.”

The barkeep asks, “what in tarnation is a taxidermist? You drive a taxi?”

“No. I mount animals,” the...

I'm not an apologetic Canadian...

I'm sorry, I'm just not

Everyone thinks that Canadians hate Trump

It's Trudeau

A Canadian buys a walk-in freezer

His neighbor asks him: "Why do you need a freezer when it's so cold outside?"

He replies: "To have a warm place inside the house. It's -30 outside and -10 in the freezer."

Why are Canadians so good at sports?

They always bring their eh game

Some people say the Canadian prime minister does not like dressing up like a black person.

But it's Trudeau.

You may not believe that Blackface happened in Canadian Politics...

It's Trudeau.

How the Canadians prepare their army

A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and...

My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey.

I am still mean but I am apologetic aboot it. #sorry

God creates Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

My teacher told me to stop making Canadian jokes

I guess she’s having Nunuvat

If the world knows anything about us Canadians, it is that we like to say sorry.

Did you already know that? Sorry.

An American, a Canadian and a Mexican walk into a bar.

The barman asks: "What is this, a joke?"

The guy that fixes my car is a Scottish Canadian

He’s a McCanuck

An American, An Englishman and a Canadian were walking through a jungle said to be infested with cannibals...

Immediately they are ambushed by a group of cannibals and taken to the cannibal leader.

The leader feels sorry for them and tells them that he will let them go if they pick up any fruit within a 3 mile radius, get it back to the cannibal camp and manage to swallow it without making any facial...

Canadian guy: Let’s watch a movie.

American: Sure. How about The Titanic?

Canadian: What’s that about?

American: Yes. A big one. It sank.

A Russian, an American, and a Canadian

A Russian, an American, and a Canadian were at a bar.

The Russian says,"We were the first in space!"

The American says, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Canadian is silent for a while, and then exclaims confidently, "Then we shall be the first on the sun!"

Both give h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Canadian Prostitute who specializes in blow jobs?

A Leaf Blower

How does a half-American half-Canadian person deal with a home intruder?

Shoot first, apologize later

Why is Superman so nice?

Because he was created by a Canadian.

Congratulations to Justin Trudeau on the results of the Canadian Election

He always did want to be a minority.

U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins...

...but Asian singles are in my area.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an outdoor cleaning machine and a person who likes to give oral sex to Canadian men?

There isn't one. They're both leafblowers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Soldier's True Mettle

Canada, Mexico and The USA decide to test their three best soldiers in the ultimate test of a soldier's ability to deal with extreme situations. Each man is given a gun, placed in front of a door and told to walk in and kill whoever is in the room. With a deep breath, each walks in.

After 5 ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got tired of being the polite Canadian in the group that always says "Excuse me" when he burps sneezes or yawns, so I've been trying out something a little different. Now it's "Achoo!...

, Fuck You!"

...and New Yorkers have been treating me way better.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico.

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, A Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island

An American, A Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island in middle of no where. They understood that until rescues arrived, they will need to work together in order to stay alive on the island. So they decided to divide up the tasks. The American points to the Canadian and says: "yo...

Is a cowboy with his foot across the Canadian border in Canada?

Just aboot

Whats another name for a canadian bank?

A Loonie Bin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(OC) Why don’t Canadians participate in international spelling bees?

Because the judges say they use too many letters, eh?

What did the Canadian say when asked how she felt about the Northern provivences?

“I like Nunavit”

Congratulations, you've won a free vacation across Canada! You have a choice between experiencing the vast Canadian Arctic, or everything else that Canada has to offer.

You either see all of it, or Nunavut.

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today.

I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know the difference between an American and Canadian Stripper?

Bills don't leave bruises

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.

After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

Son: what’s a Canadian, mommy?

Mom: it's an un-armed North American with health insurance, honey.

Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US?

Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.

Why does Donald Trump hate the new Canadian government?

Because it’s a minority.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Penis study...

I haven't seen this one in +20 years so here goes..

PENIS STUDY

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over $180,000.00 The results of the study concluded that the reaso...

An ode to the Canadian Thanksgiving: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

I will tell you tomorrow.

Every time an American makes fun of me for being Canadian

I go to the nearest hospital and get myself checked for free.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.