Lawyers

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity....

All these jokes about Alabama but no one acknowledges their contributions, like inventing the toothbrush

At least I think it was Alabama. Anywhere else they’d have called it a teethbrush.

Contributions count!

One day a NYC cabbie and a pastor reach the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter welcomes them, informs them about heaven and tells them he will escort them to their accommodations.


They walk to the cabbies place first and it's a palace, massive, with turrents and towers and 100 help...

A driver gets caught in a long tailback and, after not moving for forty minutes, sees a patrolman approaching.

He asks what the holdup is and the policeman says "About a mile up the road there's Donald Trump on a soapbox. He says he's sick and tired of the ingratitude of this goddamn country and if he doesn't get five million dollars to continue his fight to overturn the election result, he's going to drench...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three ministers and their wives were riding in a van to a conference...

when the driver took a curve too fast, sending the vehicle off the road and over a cliff. All six perished, and found themselves in line at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter called the first couple forward, examined his book, then looked sadly at the minister.

“I’m sorry to say that I can’t l...

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Two statues in a park, one boy and one girl

One day an angel came down from heaven and was walking through a park when she noticed two lovely statues, one boy and one girl.

The angel thought to herself, "These statues seem so lifelike, and have brought so many people happiness and comfort just by their presence. I shall reward them fo...

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Jokes in the "Day XXX withouth sex: joke" format

Can I get some contributions to this format that is so dear to my heart? :(

My two personal favorites:



Day 37 without sex: my dentist told me to spit . . . I swallowed.



Day 150 without sex: I slammed the brakes so the seatbelt would choke me a little.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dolly Parton and Princess Diana are at the pearly gates of Heaven...

St Peter, standing guard, asks them to share their contributions with him. Dolly Parton lifts her shirt and shows him her boobs. Then Princess Diana takes a cup, pees in it, and hands it to St Peter. St Peter asks them to hold on for a moment and then walks away. When he returns, he lets Princess Di...

Two beggars are sitting on the pavement in Ireland

One is holding a large cross and the other a large star of david. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. As people walk by, they lift their noses at the guy holding the star of david but drop money in the other guy's hat. Soon one hat is nearly full whilst the other hat is empty.
A pries...

Grandpas joke: Ellen's church recognition

Ellen was very involved with her church and community projects. So much so, the paster decided to recognize her efforts during Sunday service.

Paster Davis: I'd like to take a moment to recognize Ellen for her hard work and contributions. Ellen come up here and take a bow.

Ellen smi...

A great David Letterman memory...

I'm walking up 6th Avenue and it's a lovely spring day and I see one of those mime performers. So the mime is doing that famous routine where he's pretending to be trapped in a box. So I stand there and watch the mime pretend to be trapped in a box. And he finishes up, and, thank God, he wasn't real...

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