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Controls Jokes

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Redneck birth control

So Cletus decided 9 kids was enough since there was no more room on their bed, so off he went to the local vet.

He told the vet he and his cousin were through with having kids, and asked to be snipped. "The way I see it" - said the vet - "You have one of two choices. You can either get a vas...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, what controls the penis?

The vagina!

He who controls the router...

...rules the LAN

Did you know that your brain controls all your thoughts?

Really makes you think.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why dont you need birth controls when having sex with British boys?

They are the earliest to pull out of eu.

What do you call the device that controls the bells in Norte Dame?

Quasi-modem

Why do French people hate remote controls?

They are too easy Toulouse.

At the border controls between the US and Mexico two U.S. border agents discover a hanged suicide on a tree just before closing time.

"If we report this, we won't be home in four hours," says one.

"You know what?" says the other, "we'll just hang him over to the Mexicans and call it a day!" No sooner said than done.

A short time later, two Mexican border guards come by. One of them says in amazement, "Now he's hang...

Microsoft make software for health spas which controls the temperature in steam rooms.

It's called Steamy Windows.

A polish man is forced to take the controls in of a small two-passenger plane [math joke]

The pilot had just had a heart attack, they were running low on fuel. While he had flown decades ago during the war, he had no experience with the newer instruments and wasn't sure if he could land the plane. He grabs the radio and explains his situation to air traffic control. Several voices answe...

My angry wife controls everything. She even said I had to stop eating candy at work...

... so I had to fire her

Have you heard about the corporation that controls all the world's cheese?

The hallouminatti.

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