As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans

My bank recently called me to let me know I had an outstanding balance

I replied "Thank you, I used to do gymnastics" and hung up the phone.

That was nice of them to say.

Please post any animal jokes here. I am collecting outstanding animal jokes, or puns. Thank you.

Start it off with a classic.

A panda walks into a bar. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why? Why are you behaving in this strange, un-panda-like fashion?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda walks towards the exit. The panda produce...

Did you hear about the award winning farmer?

He was outstanding in his field.

I don’t understand why my credit score is so low.

Every time collectors call, they say my payments have been outstanding.

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So my Professor said "if you were granted invisibility for one day what would you do?"

I said, " I'd go to Paris and find a mime and beat the crap out of him and the applause from the crowd would be outstanding! "

Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak

28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands

What do you call a person who has outstanding street smarts?

A roads scholar

I was at the bank going to withdraw money from my account when the clerk told me I had an outstanding balance

I told her thank you I did gymnastics as a kid.

A teacher asks her students,"Can anybody spell before?"

Carey stands up and says, "Before. B -e- f -o- r.Before."

"No that is wrong.Sit down."say⁴s the teacher."

"Frankie, can you spell before?"

Frankie stands up and says, "Before.B - e- e- f -o-r.Before!"

"No, that's not right either.Tyrone, can you spell before?"

Tyro...

How did the locomotive become so outstanding in his field?

He trained hard.

Normal farmers get all the credit for being outstanding in their field...

...Meanwhile all the fish farmers are out there wading for recognition.

There are many already outstanding reasons not to leave one's automated cloning machine out in the forest...

...but the obvious bears repeating.

Gynecologist Career Change

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork so he decided to give up practicing medicine.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classe...

What an outstanding result in potty training!

An envy pee.

(like an MVP, get it..OK I go away now)

Great news, my boss said I have an outstanding report!

Funny, thing is I don't remember doing one.

My bank just complimented me

They called and told me my check was outstanding! I felt so proud

Got a letter from the tax office saying my tax was outstanding.

Which was a nice surprise, because I don't even remember doing it.

I was disappointed when my son got a job as a scarecrow

But he's outstanding in his field!

I was so excited when all my teachers called my work outstanding

I haven't even handed it in yet!

"Sir, your balance is outstanding."

I know my balance is outstanding, I've been skateboarding for years, but I fail to see how that's going to help me pay back this debt!

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[NSFW] A doctor is giving a tour of a local hospital

One day a public health official goes to visit a local hospital. The doctor is giving them a tour around the hospital, bragging about what an outstanding reputation it has. He claims that they are the leading hospital in treating rare disorders and afflictions.

As the doctor and visitor pass ...

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A notorious loan shark is driving drunk one night...

As he's speeding down some curvy mountain roads, the shark loses control of the vehicle and crashes head-on into a tree.

When he comes to, the man finds himself lying on a sofa in a fairly modest looking waiting room. Dizzy, he looks around and sees what appears to be a reception desk at the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

hhhh u got an outstanding wife

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better ...

Did you hear about the kid who was outstanding at school?

He came in when it started to rain.

A magazine editor interviews a billionaire about his success in life

Editor: "Sir, during your life, you made an outstanding fortune. How did you do it exactly?"

Billionaire: "I started a business of messenger pigeons"

Editor: "Pigeons that deliver mail. That's great! How many have you sold?"

Billionaire: "Just one. But she always came back."

I've decided to become a tightrope walker!

I figured I should give it a try since all my credit card companies say my balance is outstanding!

A boy was standing in his father's wheat farm for several hours.....

His father finally asked him "son, why are you wasting your time standing out here?"


Son replied "father, I am not wasting my time, I am trying to win a nobel prize!"


The father thought he was studying the environment and was impressed, still he asked "how do you plan on doing ...

God creates Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

A man went into a bank to withdraw some cash from his account.

After sometime his turn came and he took the $300 that he wanted to pay his house rent.

He counted it again before he started walking towards the exit.

A clerk comes running from his desk and stops the man. "*Is something wrong*?", asked the man.

"*I just wanted to tell you that...

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A man goes on a business trip to Japan...

The night before his important meeting he decides to unwind with a hooker. As he's banging away, she screams "Nakamushi! Nakamushii!" not speaking much Japanese he assumes this is a complement to his outstanding performance.

His meeting the next day goes well and he's invited to play golf wi...

The teacher arrived in class and told me to leave

She said I was outstanding

What do a Nobel prize winner and an everyday farmer have in common?

Both are outstanding in their field

Not all criminal records are bad

Some warrants are outstanding.

Farmers have this social distancing thing mastered...

Guess you could say they’re outstanding in their field

My Doctor's office just called to compliment me on my symmetry and harmony.

They say I have an outstanding balance.

I have the best debts in the world!

Every single one of them is Outstanding!

Town mayor recently distributed certificates of achievement to the local scarecrows

They were described as being, “ outstanding in their fields”.

I'm confused as to why my credit score is so low...

My bank says I have an OUTSTANDING balance on my card!

People tell me I'm good at handling credit

Which is why I always have an outstanding balance.

The Soviet Union had excellent snipers...

They were outstanding Marxmen

I pulled an all-nighter watching a flamingo sleep...

It was outstanding all night.

What’s the definition of a good farmer?

A man outstanding in his field

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was outstanding in his field!

(got this joke from Tiny Tower if you guys know what that is)

Ben was at home looking for his super cool amazingly fantastic awesome dad

When it was clear his dad wasn't inside sitting, he went to the window and saw....

That his dad was outstanding

Just moved out on my own and am doing really well...

All my bills say im outstanding

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James is suffering from severe headaches. [Long]

For as long as he can remember, he's had debilitating headaches that have hampered his life in every way. He finally seeks medical help. After some tests, the doctor returns:

"James, I don't know quite how to say this. It seems your testicles are pressing against the base of your spine, pi...

A farmer stood in his field for 7 nights.

His curious wife asked what are you doing? He replied I am going for an Oscar, you have to be outstanding in your field to achieve:

I don't usually brag about my finances

But my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding!

Why did the bankrupt tightrope walker retire?

He no longer had outstanding balance.

Why was the high wire artist denied insurance?

Outstanding balance.

Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The ceremony was ok, but the reception was outstanding!

How did the scarecrow manage to win an award, without even moving?

Easy - he was simply outstanding in his field.

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