There was an elderly man whose efforts to get his young wife pregnant had failed.

So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done.

The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day.

The elderly man came back the next day with an empty specimen cup.

The doctor asked, "What was the problem?"

The elderly man ...

In an effort to develop the World's first, true hover car...

.. scientists worked tirelessly.


(credit u/Merri)

Why is a degree like a condom?

It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, and its worthless the next day.

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I’m going to call my dick ‘Effort’

I’ll put in all that I got, might not be enough, but at least I tried

I showed a high effort meme I made the other day to my father.

He responded with "High effort, I'm dad!"

I tried to teach a ghost addition. Despite its efforts, in the end, it could only add 1 at a time.

I was disappointed, but I guess it's the spirit that counts.

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Being sexist is easy. Learning to be respectful takes a long commitment and solid effort.

That's what she said.

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The Nazis really wasted so much money and effort on a racist motive which made no sense

It truly was a hollow cost

"The 12 boys stranded in a flooded cave system in Thailand have started diving lessons in the latest step in efforts to bring them out alive."

I think they've hired Neymar.

After so much effort and so many tries, my wife finally was able to make a handmade purse!

Now that's what you call...perseverance.

My wife was complaining about how much effort I put into customizing my avatar at the beginning of games....

I told her that hard work helps build character.

In an effort to not offend...

...The great white shark will now be named the average caucasian shark.

Satan appeared before a small town congregation and everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away...

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman, who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

Satan asked, "Why aren't y...

A short fortune teller committed a crime, and the police put almost no effort into catching her

Headlines the next day read: Small medium largely ignored.

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I named my penis "the effort"

So my girlfriend will let me put it in

My entire life I've made the effort to become the thing people said I'd never be

So I became a failure.

I’ll admit; my business plan of impersonating and running marathons on behalf of fee paying clients who want prestige without effort, is not going well.

But I’d still give you a run for your money.

Devastated. A very sad day today. After seven years of training in the medical fields and hard work, a very good friend of mine was fired after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his clients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money...

A genuinely nice guy and an absolutely brilliant mortician.

A man walks into a bar and sits down He asks the barkeep "If I can show you something you have never seen before, can I drink here for free tonight?"

The barkeep thinks about it and says "well I have seen a lot of stuff, if you can genuinely show me something I have not seen before, I will pick up your tab tonight".

So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a minature piano and sets it on the bar, then he reaches into his other pock...

Did ABC purposefully mix up the Best Picture announcement in an effort to drive ratings?

After some careful research I've found nearly everybody on that stage to be a paid actor!

The US Government will be very supportive of NASA's efforts to put humans on Mars.

The only thing NASA has to do is declare war on Mars!

I threw my girlfriend a leaving party but she didn't seem to appreciate the effort.

She kept saying, "Where am I going?!"

A lot of effort goes into my erections.

They're all handmade.

Someone told me I looked sad. In an effort to cheer me up he asked me to name one thing that was positive in my life. My answer?

HIV.

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A marine hero gets back home and the president grants him one wish for his effort

The president said that he would fulfill any wish the hero marine asked for.
"I want 50$ for every inch from the tip of my penis to my balls"- said the marine.
The president, a bit surprised, accepted.
They started measuring him and saw that he has no balls.
"Where are your balls?"- they...

The Pope, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf.

The pope crosses himself, blesses the ball, and swings. He drives the ball 600 miles. He bows his head and gives thanks for the amazing drive.


Jesus steps up to take his shot, I holds his hand in the air, creating a tailwind, and takes a swing. He drives the ball 900 miles.


T...

I feel like most jokes about communism are pretty low effort

But at least everyone gets them

I put as much effort into life...

As the guy who named the sleeping bag

A man finds a mysterious ancient lamp...

The man dusts off the ancient lamp and out comes a genie!

The genie says to the man:

"you have awoken me from my slumber! I will grant you 3 wishes as a reward for finding me."

The man responds to the genie with great excitement

"Oh man thank you so much, I don't know whe...

In a last ditch effort to curb over grazing, some ranchers have decided to drive their cattle up into the mountains.

Analysts say the steaks have never been higher.

A man sends ten puns to a friend in an effort to make him laugh.

Alas, no pun in ten did.

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My Pope joke effort

Tried to buy some of the second hand stuff the Pope's selling on Vatican eBay but the payment service is down. Fucking Papal.

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A famous chef and his wife are having marital problems

A world famous chef has been away for many months traveling the globe and preparing exotic dishes, and as his wife expects, sleeping with exotic women.

In an effort to save his skin, he pulls the wife aside and says "Honey, I know I have been away for a long time, but I promise you never lef...

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A teacher and his students are in the Anatomy class.

It's the first class of the semester, and everyone is eager to learn.

The professor starts "The first thing one has to do to become a good doctor is to be a good observant. The second one is to never, ever feel disgusted by anything."

After this observation, the teacher leads the stud...

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I didn't feel like putting a lot of effort into a costume this year. I wore the bottom half of a donkey costume.

I decided to half ass it this halloween

What's the opposite of effort?

F it.

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