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Boost Jokes

I bought an avocado to boost my memory

but I forgot where did I put it

Self confidence boost didn't quite work so well

So me and my dad were talking about my school and he said:

"You're good at school but bad with self-confidence."

Me: "ok"

Dad: "Wayne Rooney was good at football (soccer for the Americans, I'm English) but bad at school

Stephen hawkings was good at being an astronomer bu...

Germs boost your immune system

They say that exposure germs boosts your immune system. So to ensure a healthy amount of exposure, a couple times a week I take a sip of some tea that's been sitting out for a few days. I don't plan it.....
But it still happens :(

I bought some Boost nutritional supplement. The bottle said: “shake well before using.”

What are you supposed to do if you have city water?

Michael Jackson robbed a Boost Juice before he died..

He was a smoothie criminal.

Samsung wanted to boost their sales

So they made them explode

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A dairy farmer decided to boost productivity on his farm so he ordered a high-tech milking machine.

As his wife was out of town when it was delivered, he decided to test it on himself first and see if it gave him any pleasure.

So he inserted his penis into the machine, turned it on, and everything else was automatic.

It didn't take long before he realized the equipment provided him w...

My credit card company is super nice, they really help boost my self esteem...

They always tell me I have an outstanding balance!

Whitehouse has a new slogan to encourage everyone to get back to work, school and boost the economy...

**!!No Lives Matter!!**

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Psychedelic mushrooms reduce authoritarianism and boost nature relatedness - science shows.

Yeh - it's hard to salute when you're face down in the grass.

Buddha was feeling a little down about all the suffering, so he went to the local pizzeria for a boost of spirit.

He said to the chef, "make me one with everything."

So I went to a stable for a self confidence boost

I found myself surrounded by a bunch of neigh-sayers.

What do you call an incredibly strong STD?

Herpules

(This joke has been brought to you by my 14 yr old son)

In an attempt to boost morale, my office threw a 'Christmas in July' event today. I got to talking to my coworker from Beijing and asked him, "Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?" He confided in me...

"Because they make the toys."

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

...

A nail company wants to expand their business...

The firm, a long-established family company called Wilson's Nails, has seen their revenue declining in recent years and decides to try an ad campaign to boost sales. They contact a highly regarded Madison Avenue ad agency to produce an ad for them; After a few weeks, the agency sits the owners and s...

Zoo gorilla

A gorilla, one of the local zoo's most popular animals, suddenly dies one day. The zoo owner is afraid of what this might do to ticket sales, so he devises a plan: He hires a man to put on a gorilla suit and pretend to be the late ape.

So it's the new recruit's first day on the job and he's ...

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The best rule for productivity.

Since 2 yrs of my life I am following the 20-20-20 rule. Which is best for productivity and peace of mind.

I find it more calming then ever. Also I have gained lot of confidence in myself when fighting in this wild jungle I call life.

Even you can apply this to your life and get bette...

A woman with a rare heart condition walks into the doctor’s office

The doctor concludes that her heart is very weak and prescribes her a male pill that boost testosterone.

“This should strengthen your heart,” the doctor says. “Come by in a month or two to see me for a checkup.”

A month passes and the woman returns to the doctor’s office. “Doctor,” sh...

What do you call music that has a pH greater than 7?

Base-boosted.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

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A principal notices a Post-It on a locker.

"Jocks of JFK High! This small change in diet can boost your physique FOREVER! Head to the gym to find out how!"

Puzzled, he pulls it off and continues down the hall. Just a few lockers down, another catches his eye.

"Hey goth girls! Tired of dark eyeliner that just runs all day? One ...

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The Blowjob Class

Chantelle and her man are happily married, but their adventurous days in bed are long gone. To boost their sex life, Chantelle decides to participate in a blowjob class.

In the first lesson, the instructor introduced herself: "My name is Monica and I am a blowjob expert. What you will learn i...

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World War 2 joke

Sometime around 1943, when the Germans were losing the war, Hitler decided to boost his army's morale by visiting the front.

While there, he had the oppurtunity to interact with a soldier. He commented, "My brave young man, you are risking your life for the country by standing in the way of t...

What is a ghosts favorite pair of kicks?

BOOst

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3 Men and a Woman are stranded on an Island

Like everyone, they try to establish contact to other people at first and they build a shelter.

After about 3 Weeks the Men approach the Woman with a proposal to let one of the 3 have sex with her every other day so that everyones Sex drive could be fulfilled.

The Woman agrees and the...

I bought a chocolate bar today and the inside read, "You're a loser"

I wouldn't have minded as much if there had been a competition on.


To make matters worse, it was Boost...

I went to a support group for people with low self esteem

As an activity to boost our self esteem, the instructor had us all go around in a circle and say one thing that we had accomplished in our life.

When it got to me, I told them that once I put a USB in right on the first try!

"I'm sorry, you must be in the wrong group," said the instruc...

Why did the redditor go to /r/zelda?

To boost his link karma!

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There was a guy with a miro penis(nsfw)

There was a guy with a penis so small, he was so dejected whenever he saw it. He went to a lot of doctors in order to get a larger penis,but in vain. After enquiring a lot, he came to know that there was a sage who lived upon a mountain who helped in increasing penis sizes.


He agreed to g...

Two policemen are walking through a park and see how a young man is putting an apple core in a plastic bag.

Then he takes another apple, eats it and puts the core in the bag again.

So they approach him: "Excuse me, why do you return the apple cores back in the plastic bag when there's a garbage bin next to you?"

He says: "When I get home, I'll take the apple seeds out of them and eat them. I...

Two Boys are Playing Frisbee

Then, a sudden gust of wind sends the frisbee onto a ledge mid flight; It's out of reach of the two boys. So, one goes and finds the nearest adult, who gives them two options:
"Well, I can try to give ya a boost me-self, but Yer might fall an' hurt yourself; or I can lend you my structure consist...

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Three birds were eating fermented seeds from cow manure in a fenced in barn area.

After eating their fill they noticed three barn cats lurking about. They decided they needed to get out of there. Feeling inebriated the first decided to get a boost by starting from a quarter way up a rake. It tries, and fumbles. Cat gets it!

The second one hoping for a better chance goes up...

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Would you like to dance? This is one of my favorite jokes. Hope y'all like it.

200 years ago, a boy's eye got poked out by a thorny branch. His father was a famous wood worker and decided to make the best thing he'd ever made! A wooden eye for his son.

The wooden eye looked pretty good-- most people couldn't tell it wasn't real. But still, the boy had low confidence bec...

An old blind man walks into a hardware store

He asks the cashier,

“I’d like to get into carpentry, but how could I ever make anything with my disability?”

The cashier, not knowing how to help, tried to find a way to help the old man.

“Well, if you were to start I’d go really slow, don’t get any heavy machinery or complic...

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A rich middle eastern oil tycoon sends his son to study in Germany...

His son is feeling nervous about being alone abroad. So, his father allows him to take one of the golden plated Ferraris to Germany in order to boost his confidence. It is shipped over and the father hears nothing for the first few weeks from his son. Then, he recieves an email:

"Father,
<...

A man is driving down a country road

He glances out the window and sees a chicken running along side the car. He does a double take, and notices that not only is the chicken running right along his car, the chicken also has three legs!


Shocked, he looks at his speedometer and sees he's going 35 miles an hour.


He ...

A group of researchers were interested in studying...

...some of the complex effects of stereotype threat in test-taking situations. Stereotype threat is a social psychology theory that states an individual may experience anxiety when they have the potential to confirm a negative stereotype, thus adversely affecting their performance on a test. For exa...

Dentist

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.
He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a ...

Two old men were waiting for their steam train which was running late.

"I know this train driver, his name is Bob. First time he's ever been late," one says.

"All train drivers are late some days," replies the other.

"No, not Bob, ever. He may never speak to anyone, or even look them in the eye, but he gets on that train and burns his secret ingredient an...

An inspector goes to check on a factory that makes baby bottles and condoms.

When he arrives he meets the supervisor who gives him the tour around the factory. He is first shown the bottle section and he doesn't notice anything out of place.

Afterwards, they walk to the condom and nipple (the rubber thing on top of bottles) section of the factory. The machines that ma...

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old old lady walks into an adult store. .(NSFW)

she's really old, like 90+ old, she even shakes so she has to use a walker, as shaky as she was she approached the counter;

the attendant thou surprised that a lady that old would go to a adult store did his job.

attendant: hello, is there anything I can do for you?
old lady: yes, d...

03:00 doorbell

Ding-dong, Ding dong! I rolled over to look at the clock: three in the morning.

"Oh no! Something terrible must have happened!" said my wife.

I dragged myself out of bed, fumbled around to find a robe, and went downstairs. I opened the door, to find a disheveled stranger.

"H...

The Submarine Party

To boost morale, a submarine captain decides to hold a party for the seamen while underwater. Given the tight space, they setup various areas throughout the boat to serve the crew. Despite the long lines at each area, the party is going well, with everyone happily eating and drinking.

About m...

An old man is at home on his deathbed...

The doctors have given him only a couple of days to live and he no longer has even the strength to stand on his own. He lays in bed, thinking back on his life - his children, his parents, and his beautiful wife of 55 years. As he lays there, remembering the good times, he begins to feel himself drif...

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So a woman is getting on a bus

And her skirt is too tight for her to lift her knee high enough to make the first step.

She decides, hey, better not keep these people behind me waiting for long, im going to unzip the back of my skirt just a bit and see if that way i can lift my knee high enough.

Having thought so, sh...

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A man goes to the doctor to inquire about male enhancement.

"Doc," said he, "I'm tiny. I can't satisfy my wife, and I'm ridiculed in changing rooms. I've tried every drug and herbal supplement, to no avail. I want to look into surgery."

"Well," said the doctor, peering at the man's twig-like member through a magnifying glass, "You're in luck. there's ...

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A frog is born mute

A frog is born mute so he can’t make any noises that a frog typically makes because, well, he can’t make any noises at all. So naturally it’s very difficult for the frog to make friends with the other frogs and he ends up with just one friend; a tortoise who’s had the patience and the wherewithal to...

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After being shipwrecked, Joe washed up on a tropical island...

The modernized local tribe soon found him, fed and clothed him, then took him to their chief. Conversing in fluent English, Joe and the chief took a liking to one another, and the chief soon offered Joe his beautiful daughter's hand in marriage. Having just been shipwrecked and being a shy virgin,...

In Celebration of my Cake Day, here's a terrible joke: the Olympic Swimmer and his Son

Michael was a famous Olympic Swimmer. Recently retired, it was his dream to continue his legacy by teaching his son the art of swimming. They had practiced for years, and when Michael's son was ready, he was entered into his first ever tournament.

The first round was easy. After all, t...

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Topical Jokes (5/19)

Good evening, folks! It is once again time to relay the jokes.

First up, if you're not following this story, you're missing out. The IRS scandal continues to get stickier. According to a White House insider, President Obama learned about the IRS scandal by watching TV news. As shocking as tha...

COVID-19 plagues a rural country town in the States.

Lockdowns have been imposed, and the infection rate is rising fast. An overweight and diabetic anti-masker is standing on the steps of the church, going against lockdown procedures, when a bystander coming from the grocery store walks by. “Better return home man, the infection rate is rising fast!”<...

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Anything can happen at a ska show

A few weeks ago, my band was opening for a slightly more famous band at a moderately large local venue. This was one of the biggest gigs we'd had yet, and so I was seriously stressing about it beforehand, even though our sax player kept telling me not to. "Relax, you've been playing keyboards all yo...

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An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon...

When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says ‘I’m giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.’ He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket.

The Frenchman and th...

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