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Commitment Jokes

As part of its commitment to environmentalism...

Texas is committing to executing people via electric chairs powered only by wind turbines and solar panels.

I have a problem with commitment

Never mind that joke is lame anyway

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After my wife and I consummated our marriage during the honeymoon, she sat me down to address the first speed bump of our lifelong commitment. "Darling I know this is something men are very sensitive about, but really, having a small penis should never ruin the love between spouses."

She's absolutely right, but you know... I still wish she didn't have one

I've got awful commitment issues

I couldn't commit to a suicide attempt to save my life

Some of my friends are really hurtful. I feel like many of them don't understand the meaning of the word "commitment".

I've invited them to four of my weddings in the past two years and they haven't attended any of them.

I have a joke about commitment

Steve was deeply committed to playing golf. Ever day, seven days a week, fifty two weeks a year. After several years went by, Steve was still playing golf. As he was about to putt the ball in the hole. He notice a funeral procession going by. He then took off his hat and gave a moment of silence for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a woman that tries to force you into commitment?

A booby trap

The cleaning lady at my office invited me to go smoke weed after work, but I told her no

I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women

What do you call a fruit who's afraid of commitment?

A can't-elope

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between participation and commitment?

A chicken participates in breakfast. A pig is committed to it.

People say I lack the commitment to finish anything, and they might be right.

Because right now, I just don't care enough to

My long distance girlfriend called me saying she finally wants to meet me in person. I left her this message right before my phone died: “This is very important: I am not a man that normally makes huge commitments, but I think the time is right for us to see each other.”

Unfortunately, my phone died right after “man.”

I wouldn't say that I'm avoiding commitment . . .

but I wouldn't say that I'm not.

Marriage means commitment.

Of course, so does insanity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Being sexist is easy. Learning to be respectful takes a long commitment and solid effort.

That's what she said.

My girlfriend says I have commitment issues!

Well, technically she's my wife.

What plant bears fruit & is afraid of lifelong commitment?

Cantaloupe

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