Do you know 10+10 is equal to 11+11?

10+10 is twenty, 11+11 is twenty two

Not all construction work is equally enjoyable.

For instance, drilling a large hole is boring, but fastening two pieces of metal together is riveting.

I’m not a racist. I treat every race equally

Even the bad ones

Why does 1 equal 0?

cos 0 = 1

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Three nuns are waiting in their monastery, each equally as tired and sweaty in the mid-summer heat

One of the nuns offers to disrobe, which the other two agree upon, seeing the brutal sun. Each of them stand nude in the empty cathedral, doing their daily duties until a knock is heard upon the door.

"Wardrobe man." Says the man, and the first nun repentantly opens the door. The man, unable ...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was sur...

i just feel like a B+ should equal an A-

just like how an Ab is a G#

August 20, 2020: Scientists have discovered a "mystery object" in space. The object is equal to 2.6 solar masses.

March 1, 2021: (Update) Scientists have determined that the “mystery object” is made up of unmatched socks.

A dad says to his son “Ten times two and eleven times two equal the same number”

The son says it’s wrong

The dad asks “what’s ten times two?”

The son replies “Twenty”

Then the dad says “And eleven times two is twenty too!”

ZERO equals ONE

A boy comes home from middle school and his father asks what he learned in school today, to which the boy responds, "ZERO equals ONE" yelling it practically. The father looks at him and says, "Son, zero is zero and one is one." But the boy continues yelling, annoyingly now, "ZERO equal ONE, ZERO e...

I asked the baker if it was hard cutting the cake into equal slices

He said, "It's a piece of cake!"

The Battle of Three Kingdoms

There were three medieval kingdoms on the shores of a lake. There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island.

The night...

I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts?

That's where I draw the line.

So I held a race between my farmhands. They ran equally fast, and demanded I determine the winner.

However, they both threatened to leave the farm if I declared the other the winner. I felt unable to make a decision. As a matter of fact, my hands were tied.

~~it's dumb but at least it's original~~

What role does Queen Latiff play in The Equalizer?

A vigil-aunty.

Problem with pay equality is that men tend to go for higer paying jobs

...like doctors or directors. While females tend to settle with lesser paying ones like female doctors or female directors.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

A fathom is a unit of measure equal to 6 feet

Therefore, a cluster of rally attendees not practicing social distancing could be deemed "unfathomable"

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor and decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor and decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them up sinc...

What do you call a C₆H₁₂O₆ molecule that can use its right and left hands equally well?

Ambidextrose

Scientists have determined that one dog year is not equal to 7 human years.

The only thing equal to 7 human years is 2020

I'm not racist, i love all races equally

Black, asian, normal, it doesn't matter

According to my wife, I'm a terrible dad for not treating my kids equally.

I just don't understand it. I love James, Nicole and the fat, ugly one all the same.

I don't understand why women want to be equal when they could be better.

That shows a lack of ambition to me.

Which is why men are better.

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet...

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.

At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot.

When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash....

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I wish -

### A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.


“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.


The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.


“How mu...

I firmly believe that all races are equal.

Which is why I'm no longer allowed to position the starting blocks at the Olympics.

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A giant burly tough-as-nails biker dude barges into a bar...

A giant burly tough-as-nails biker dude barges into a bar and strolls up to the bar that already has wall to wall customers. He shoves everyone to one side and demands the bartender's attention. Everyone is immediately cowed into silence by the look of him.

"Gimme a shot of whiskey!" He barks...

A woman asked me, “What does equality mean?”

I said, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

1 + 1 can equal 3

If you don’t use a condom

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If you have one big shit, and divide it into 3 equal parts and throw 2 of them away. What are you left with?

One turd

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Women will never be equal to men...

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Given that we live in an era of equality, it is only fair that for every 100 men drafted for the war...

We shall draft 79 women.

A famous Admiral and an equally famous General were fishing together when a sudden storm hit.

When it died down both renowned warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.

The Admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the General, using an oar.

Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone...

Do you like math jokes? 2 plus 2 equals 7

Don't worry I only have 3 more

All numbers are equal

Long ago in the Kingdom of Natural Numbers, there used to be slaves. The citizens appreciated the number 2 so much, to a point that they would determine one's social class by his/her divisibility by 2. And those not divisible by 2 - sorry, then they're slaves.

7 was born an odd number. That's...

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A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.

One day a construction crew tumed up
to start building a house on the empty lot. The
young family's 5.year.old daughter naturally took
an interest in all the activity going on next door and ll
spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew, more or...

Some animals are more equal than others..

One day, a horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the m...

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What do you call a polar bear that exhibits rapid mood swings like that of a manic depressive, can live in both the arctic and antarctic, and shows equal sexual attraction to both male and female partners?

A bipolar bi-polar bi polar bear.

A son was arguing with his dad, insisting that 1+1 equals 11

The father then looked at his son's eyes and said:

-Right, then go and buy 2 popsicles!

His son then goes and buys 2 popsicles.

Then, his dad said:

-Now give me one and the other to your brother!

Son asks:

-What about mine?

Father answers:

-You...

Separate but equal is a terrible policy for education..

But perfect for eyebrows!

An Native American chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant

The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide.

A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.

The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief ...

punctuality and punctuation are equally important...

i don't want to hear any excuses about your period being late.

A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom. Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.

Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elep...

A beacon of true racial equality

"In this time of being divided by race we should be more like Jeffrey dahmer, who only saw the color of people as a light pink center with a nice sear"

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The Bartender and the Magic Apples

A man walks into a bar, and sits at the first stool he finds. The bartender looks over and asks, “what’ll ya have?” “Rum and Coke”, the man replies. The bartender reaches under the bar and places an apple in front of the man. “Is this some kind of joke?” he asks. “No, sir. Just take a bite.” the bar...

Equality is at an all time high thanks to Coronavirus.

Everyone is equally fed up.

Boris turns to his friend Sergei and says, “I see you have been doing the Instagram and Twitters.”

Yes, I’ve gotten quite good. I am what you call a Socialist, no?” Replies Sergei.
“Sergei no, no. That is not Socialist. Soci-“
Sergei interrupted “Yes I am going professional on social media’s. I am Socialist.”
“Yes, your on the Twitter and Instagrams.” Reassured Boris.
Yes, Sergei nodd...

How do you spell the color that is an equal mix of white and black?

USA: Gray

Britain: Grey

Canada: Grehy

Two heroin addicts die and stand before Saint Peter at the pearly gates

They ask Saint Peter if they’re allowed in, and Peter reviews their records.

“Wow, I’m really not sure guys. It says here you’ve done a lot of bad things. Stealing, lying, generally bad addict behavior things. I can’t make this call, I have to go ask the big guy himself”, Peter says.

...

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Two economists are walking down the street and they come upon a massive pile of horse shit

Two economists are walking down the street and they come upon a massive pile of horse shit. One says to the other "I'll give you $20,000 if you eat that shit" so he does, and collects his money. They walk a while longer and come upon another pile of horse shit. The shit eater, wanting to get even, t...

RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our com...

What do Barack Obama and Donald Trump have in common?

Both are former presidents of the USA and both are harassed for the color of their skin.

What can make X squared equal negative 1?

i can

Men and women are not equal

Period

All timezones are equal and shouldn't be shamed

Greenwich is just mean

Whenever i see a woman driving a bus, i smile to myself and think how far we have come in the whole equality thing compared to just a few short years ago

Then i wait for the next bus.

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Jack and Alice

A worker has 2 employees, Jack and Alice. He doesn't need one of them to work for him.
They are both equally as good and he's doesn't know what to do.
One day he is sitting in the cafeteria, Alice approaches him.
"What's wrong boss" says Alice
"I either have to lay you or jack off" re...

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[politics] I think Trump settled the whole "tiny hands equals small penis" argument today...

It must take a pretty massive dick to fuck the entire world at once

HR: "This is your revised salary. We recommend you keep it confidential."

Employee: "Don't worry, I'm equally ashamed of it."

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms ...

In Soviet Russia we're all equal...

...ly worthless.

If a person does exceedingly well in the Catholic faith, they become a saint. But if someone does equally well in the Hindu faith, they become a...

Saint Bernard.

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I don't support equal rights...

The left is fucked up too

Did you hear about that time Einstein panicked while hosting an awards show?

He equals emcee scared.

All races are not made equal

The 10k is twice as long as the 5k race

If 7 equals C and 9 equals E. What does 8 equal?

8=D

hehe

Of course our company is an equal opportunity employer

We always make sure to have equal numbers of X and Y chromosomes

"Just the bonuses for the CEO's on Wall Street equals the amount of what half of all American's make on minimum wage in a year" : New York Times

But we have a national holiday today called Labor Day

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I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

Everyone knows part of the way toothpaste works is by equalizing the acidic substances in your mouth.

I mean, it’s basic science.

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.." - Newton's Law

"Shredded cabbage and carrot make a great salad." - Cole's Law

We can all agree that segregation was wrong and separate but equal was horrible. But we can all agree it works wonders...

On eyebrows.

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A literal version of 'your joke, but better': I got a tattoo of my girlfriend's name on my penis...

...in full, the tattoo says "FOR AMY" on it.

So I went to a bar, had a few drinks, went to take a leak, and noticed the guy next to me had "FOUR EARTH" tattooed on his.

I couldn't help but laugh and say to him "First off, you misspelled "FOR", secondly, you really think you'll get ever...

Equal pay for women is not where it needs to be.

Whatever Beyonce is making, I want that.


Twitter @caredee

The Interview

An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of rsums he found four people who were equally qualified. An American, an Indian, a European and a Nigerian.He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answers w...

If women are fighting for equal rights...

Then why, as a man, do I get judged when shopping for bras?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a sperm has 37.5 MB of DNA info and one ejaculation equals 15,875 GB of data, then why aren't we using sperm based hard drives?

Because once the data is released the hard drives revert to floppy dicks.

Separate but equal?

A guy dies and ends up in front of St. Peter at the entrance to heaven.

St. Peter says “Welcome to heaven! You’ve lived a good and decent life; we have to find you a place to live up here. Hop in my golf cart and let’s take a tour of the different subdivisions. Let’s start in the Methodist ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy who can jerk off equally well with either hand?

Ambidickstrous.

I would make an equality joke

But women wouldn't get it

The legend of the three kingdoms

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake.For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lke.One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires.

The ni...

I believe that everyone should be treated equally.

Unless you drink straight milk. I mean, who does that?

An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest ...

I heard the White House Correspondents Association is going to give equal time to a conservative comedian at next year's dinner

I hope a year is long enough to find one.

I'm not saying I value sandwiches more than equality.

But my favourite part about LGBT is the BLT bit.

What do you call a scientist who wants equal rights for all elements?

A chemenist!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'd like to take the opportunity on this, International Women's Day, to refute allegations that I'm a sexist.

I've got a friend who's a woman. And I believe she should be treated as if she *is* equal.

Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama?

They both lick their paw.

My father passed this morning. In his honor, I present his favorite joke: why do polish people have ski at the end of their names?

Because they can't spell toboggan. - Stanley G. Kapuscinski

Edit: thanks so much for the kind words and thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much for your equally awful jokes.

To a lesser but still significant extent, thanks for the awards.

I Believe all women are created equal

That’s why I am willing to sleep with all of them

Genghis Khan stumbles across a great palace in Northern China

It was a magnificent golden palace, with beautiful ornaments covering every surface as it towered over the surrounding landscape with its size. The steps leading up to the front entrance were crafted from the finest marble, the pillars holding up the ceiling sculpted with the rarest jade. It was tru...

Why do corporations hire female Equality Officers?

Because they’re cheaper.

Old man goes to church

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services
were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean,
he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In
his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible....

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug...

Rubbing equal ?

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putti...

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