A Chinese doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, yo...

I locked myself out of my car next to an abortion clinic...

It was really awkward asking them for a hanger

A priest a minister and a rabbit walk into a blood clinic

The Priest says: I’m a type A

The Minister says: I’m a type B

The Rabbit says: I think I’m a typo.

A patient broke out of an amputation clinic!

Don't worry, hes unarmed

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I had an interview at a Disability Clinic...

After having a fantastic interview, the interviewer handed me a paper and told me to wait outside his office.

So, I’m pacing and reading this paper—because impulse—and I accidentally bumped into some random guy. He fell pretty hard to the ground. I said “Oh my gosh, I was so focused on readin...

what do the elderly least want to hear at the covid vaccination clinic ?

“Dr shipman will see you now”

A woman walked into the dentist's clinic very nervously and said, "I'm scared. I'd rather have a baby than get a tooth pulled out."

"Fine with me," said the dentist, "but I'll have to adjust the chair."

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I went to the fertility clinic today...

The nurse asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet"

A doctor once got rich when he realized he could run a lucrative circumcising clinic by

keeping all the tips

A Texan woman walks into an animal clinic...

...and says to the receptionist, a young woman named Yvette, that she’d like to see how her cat Urias is doing.

The young woman is visibly confused, and says, in a noticeable accent, that she absolutely cannot. The older woman is also confused, and asks “This is the Stonybrook Animal Clinic, ...

I went to the local clinic yesterday.

Me: When I donate blood, I don't extract it myself,

The nurse does it for me.

Receptionist: I understand Sir but this is a sperm bank,

it doesn't work that way here.......

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Dave at the Clinic.

Doctor: Congratulations Dave Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !

Dave: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex.

Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?

Dave: No I'm sure it didn't.

Doctor: Alright then. Let me ...

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs.

The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says "If you catch me, you can screw me." An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter. A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time ...

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One day at a small town STI clinic....

An 18 y/o boy who goes to his small town doctor for an STI check. After determining that the lad does not have an STI, the doctor asks him why he thought he might.

The boy tells him that he'd slept with a girl that had a reputation for being easy and thought he may have gotten something.
<...

I wanted to open a Sperm Donor Clinic

But the name Jack in the Box was already in use

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A unemployed guy once thought to start the clinic

The clinic rules were:
1) The price of the treatment is 300$
2) If I am unable to treat you, I payback 1000$

A doctor, passing by through the clinic read the rules and thought it was a great opportunity to make money. He went in and said the guy: "I can't feel the taste".
...

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A sex therapist arrives at his premature ejaculation clinic and finds a single patient waiting for him. What does the therapist say?

"You're early"

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Darth Vader takes a trip to the clinic after having unprotected sex. What did his test results come back positive for?

Sithilis

Two elderly couples have their weekly meet up at a table in their local park.

They take a seat, the ladies chat with one another across the table, as do the gents.

Fred asks Harold "Are you still going to that memory clinic?"

Harold says "Yes, it's been helping my memory a lot, I recommend you come along to our next session"

"What do they do there?" asks ...

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A well meaning doctor opened an orgasm clinic for people struggling with sex. nsfw

Nobody came.

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The White House has announced that they are recruiting volunteers for phase three clinical trials of Clorox as a treatment for COVID-19. There are only two prerequisites for participants...

The participants must be at least 18 years old, and must be registered Democrats.

Whats worse then getting your car keys stuck in the lock outside an abortion clinic?

Having to go back inside and ask for a coathanger.

A woman once hears a voice in her head.

One day a woman was walking on the street when she heard a voice in her head say,"You have only 5 years left to live.

The woman believes that she just heard the voice of God,warning her and decides to live the rest of her life as luxurious as she could. So she goes to the mall and buys the cl...

What do get when you cross an Imperial cruiser with an abortion clinic?

A Stork Destroyer

A man walks into a clinic for the first time. The nurse tells him to fill the cup to this line at least. The man replies "Everytime I give blood I never extract it myself the nurse always does it"

Nurse- "I understand but sir this is a sperm bank"

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A man visits an Ejaculation clinic [NSFW]

A man visits an ejaculation clinic depressed that when he cums, all he can manage is a poor dribble at the end of his cock.

‘When I watch porn’ he tells the receptionist ‘they shoot it all over the poor girls face... some from like a metre away.’

‘Don’t worry’ replies the receptionist...

A very heavy blond went to the clinic to lose weight.

The doctor told her to eat what she normally ate for three days and then skip a day. He told her she would have lost at least 4 pounds till the next month.

She came back four weeks later, 30 pounds lighter! The doctor looked at her surprised and said "How do you feel now?"

Blonde: "I a...

What's the worst part about working at a gynecology clinic?

Customer Cervix

A patient went to a clinic

Patient: “Hey doc, I think I need help, I keep having thoughts about suicide lately.”

The doctor paused and was deep in thought

“I have come to a conclusion.”

“What is it? Can it stop my negative thoughts?”

“No, I have come to the conclusion that you should probably pay m...

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A doctor and a patient at a plastic surgery clinic.

Patient: "I heard doctors put up random stuff to make their work seem more complicated."

Doctor: "That's true to a degree. Some of the stuff in this room are just for show."

Patient looks around the room pointing at a thermometer: "Do you use that?"

Doctor: "Not really."

...

The clinic where I had my recent testicular cancer exam called me and asked, “Did you get our email?” Rather alarmed, I exclaimed, “No! What should I do!?" They replied...

“You better check your junk.”

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what do you call it when a circumsision clinic gets new technology

Cutting edge technology

An engineer had a sign in front of his clinic that said, "Medical consultation for only $50. If I can't make you better, I will pay you $100."

A doctor, knowing he can stump the engineer and wanting to get some cash, goes straight to the engineer. "Hey," he says. "I lost my sense of taste. I can't taste any food anymore."

The engineer takes a small bottle from his drawer, told the doctor to take his tongue out, and put 15 drops of t...

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Once Abdul's wife had a severe stomach ache..

He tried Google, asked his friends and relatives, but no respite from the pain for his wife. Finally, someone suggested to him a reputed Gastroenterologist, and he called him.

Abdul: "Doctor! Please help my wife. She has a severe stomach ache, and I tried everywhere, and nothing is helping. W...

An antivaxer has a heart attack. He's rushed to ER, but during the emergency surgery, his heart stops, rendering him clinically dead.

Before he knows it, he's face to face with none other than God himself, Author of the Universe, Maker of All. God smiles beatifically and says, “Don't worry. The doctors working on you are good; you'll be back in no time. But as long as you're here, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?”
<...

Puzzled doctor: "Why are you shaking and gyrating in the clinic after collecting your bottle of medicine?" Patient points to bottle:

"Says here 'Shake well before use'."
"That refers to the bottle."

The Chinese medic , opens a private clinic.

At the front dor , there was a huge banner saying : " The treatment costs $20 , if you don't get cured , we will give you $100 back"

A lawyer walking by saw the sign and thought it's a good opportunity for him to make an easy $100 , so he walks into the clinic .

- I have lost my tas...

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A woman complained to a co-worker that she hadn't been on a date in a very long time. The co-worker mentioned that a Chinese doctor had recently opened a sex clinic and she should try him out.

She made an appointment and the doctor asked her what her problem was. "Nobody ever asks me out on a date"

The doctor told her to undress completely and get down on all fours.

"Now crawr away from me rearry fass."

So she crawled across the room away from him really fast. and tur...

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Tennis Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your pr...

Czech Please

The abortion clinic in Prague had to be closed down due to lack of funds... too many cancelled Czechs apparently.

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him:

"Tell me what happened to your back...?"



The patient replies: "Sir, I work for a local night club. This morning I went to my apartment early and heard some noise in my bed room.

On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and th...

A guy walks into a clinic with a bruised eye

Doctor : How did this happen?

Guy : I was banging my neighbor over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" I should have probably ran.

Why did the doctor angrily shut down his clinic?

He ran out of patients

[NSFW] What did they name the new abortion clinic?

Ctrl+Z

Called my local sperm bank clinic to know what's the best time to pay them a visit.

They said, “Whenever you feel like coming.”

When cops arrest a clinically insane person...

...are they busting a nut?

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A New Zealander fell asleep during his appointment at the clinic.

He was asked to count his sexual partners.






>!baaaaaaa!<

What do an eraser company and an abortion clinic have in common?

They both make money on your mistakes.

I went to a clinic to get my eye checked... You won’t guess who I bumped into.

Nevermind it wasn’t a clinic. :/

Why did the bird go to the clinic?

To get a tweetment

I'm starting a discount amputation clinic.

I'm calling it Half Off For Half Off.

Breast reduction surgery clinic motto:

When life gives you melons, make life take the melons back!

Why is working at the abortion clinic so much fun?

They bring out the kid in you.

My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain

He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.

Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician

A woman bursts out of the examining room, screaming after her doctor tells her she is pregnant

The director of the clinic stops her and asks what the problem is. She tells him what happened and another doctor has her sit down and relax in another room while he marches down the hallway to where the woman’s doctor had informed her of the pregnancy.

“What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is...

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A girl meets a guy at the donation clinic.

He asks her, "So what are you donating today?". She replies, "I'm giving blood, I get $25 for it! What are you here for?". He smiles and says "Oh I'm donating semen. I get $150 for it." The girl is shocked and outraged. The next month, the same guy sees the same girl and asks, "Oh you here giving bl...

What breakfast cereal do they serve at the Swiss clinic, Dignitas?

Cheerios!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor to his assistant Doc: Put a sign outside my clinic that reads Doctor Smith Therapist

A whole day has gone by without a patient entering


Doctor: Did you put the sign outside like i told you ?

Assistant: Yes,but is Therapist 2 words?

A Saudi woman in a doctor's clinic.

Doctor: Mrs Saud there's a good news for you.
Woman: Excuse me, it's Miss Saud not Mrs Saud.
Doctor: Miss Saud there's a bad news for you.

What do staff say to sperm donors as they leave the clinic?

Thank you, come again.

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a general check-up.

The doctor was shocked to see his health,
Asked--
'What is the secret of your good health ....?'

- 'I get up before the sun rises and go out for cycling and then come and drink two glasses of wine!
Maybe this is the secret of my health. '

Doctor - 'Okay, but can I ask you how ...

An engineer quit his job and decided to open a clinic...

He hung a sign saying," I will cure your illness for $500 otherwise, if I fail to cure it, I will pay you $1500."

A doctor was curious and assumed that he could easily exploit this, so he walked into the clinic and told the engineer,“ I have lost my taste."

Upon hearing this, the engin...

A pregnant lady locks her keys inside her car by an abortion clinic.

Imagine the look on the receptionists face when the pregnant lady asks her for a coat hanger.

Why did Father Christmas go see a psychiatrist?

He stopped believing in himself.









\---

He is also a raging alcoholic and suffers from clinical depression.

A politician visited a small remote rural town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.

"We have two big needs," said the Town Mayor. "First, we have a clinic but no doctors."

The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, "I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"

"We have no cell phone reception at...

Two kids were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything.

So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test". The second one asked," So? Are you afraid?". First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test, they cut my finger, it hurts".

Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was ast...

You think they'd be grateful at the blood donor clinic.

Not harass me with stupid questions like, "Where did this blood come from."

A man walks into a doctor's clinic and says, “I think I'm going rusty.”

The doctor takes a look and replies, “It seems you've developed a common metal disorder.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive blonde walks into a gynaecologist’s clinic.

The doctor takes one look at her, and all his professionalism goes out the window. He quickly invites the blonde to undress and lay back on the examination table.

He starts by placing his hands on her ample tits and begins vigorously squeezing them. He then asks, “Do you know what I’m doing?”...

A man walks into a veterinary clinic

"My dog's head keeps drooping, so I would like to make an appointment," he says.

"Neck's weak?" asks the receptionist.

"Tomorrow would be better," he replies.

I went to a clinic who says they can help me get taller

I asked them how do they do it and the guy said, "I'm just pulling your leg"

They recently opened a gynecologist clinic near my house.

I'm fine with it, but they really shouldn't have put up a sign that said "GRAND OPENING"

What’s 30 metres long and has no hair?

A conga line at a cancer clinic

I love volunteering at the AIDS clinic.

Everybody is so positive.

I’m writing a screenplay about a group of criminals scheming to rob an allergy clinic.

I’m thinking of calling it “The Gesundheist”.

A guy’s waiting in the doctors clinic when the Doctor comes in and asks him what’s wrong.

“Doctor, for the past few weeks now everything except physical I feel like a moth.”

The Doctor scoffs “You must be joking! You seriously think you’re a moth?”

“Yes” the man cries “I’ve been doing moth things, I’m having moth thoughts.. I’m pretty much doing a moths daily routine and it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I called the Premature Ejaculation Clinic and asked if I needed to make an appointment.

They said I could come at any time.

Two doctors in practice in a small town clinic in Bluebell had to hire a new nurse when the one they had won the lottery and quit. They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her.

She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go.

"Why, we just hired her?"

"Well, I think she is dyslexic and does things backwards. I told her to give Mr. Smith two shots of morphine every 24 four hour, bu...

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Conceive

Elderly couple go into a clinic
Doc we are thinking of having a kid

Doc thinks: well that's not going to happen
Doc goes to his desk pulls out a bottle and hands it to the man
Doc says, go home, put your sperm in this and bring it back
Guy goes home and comes back
Doc, I don'...

My local Botox clinic closed suddenly today

None of their customers looked surprised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother takes her daughter to a clinic

She tells the doctor that her daughter has been having terrible nausea in the morning, lost her appetite, and even missed a period.

The doctor examines her, orders a bloodwork, and tells them to come back later in the evening.

The mom and girl come back. The doctor announces that the g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to his urologist to get himself a brand new penis...

The receptionist at the check-in desk took his name and information, and in the process, realized that the same man had been to the clinic a number of months earlier, making the same request.

Sighing, the receptionist turned around and called out, "Hey, doc, we got ourselves a re-peter!"

Abortion clinics really don't get the credit they deserve.

I mean, they're killin it out there.

At our world famous clinic, many worried, afflicted and mentally unstable people come for assistance. I know it may sound ridiculous, but we start by suggesting they try one of our brain transplant procedures.

They always reject the offer at first, but eventually we change their minds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the clinic the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous!

I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.”

I said, “I think my penis tastes funny…”

My friend is quitting his job at the erectile dysfunction clinic...

He hasn't gotten a raise in years.

Doctors at euthanasia clinics think they are better than everyone else

They are are always putting someone down.

I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic

Woomba

NSFW - A woman and man are talking in a donation clinic...

They get to talking.

The man asks the woman, "What are you here donating?"

She replies, "Blood. They pay me $50 and I get a cookie and juice. What about you?"

He says, "Sperm. They pay my $250 and I also get a cookie and juice".

The woman frowns and thinks for a moment. T...

A woman calls her gynecologist: "Doctor, did I by any chance, leave my panties at your clinic?"

Doctor looks around, doesn't see them and answers "Sorry, no."
"Ok, then it must be at the dentist's!"

I told my friend that I was feeling suicidal. He told me to talk to the mental health clinic for help

They seemed totally against the idea, I guess I’ll do it myself!

Domino’s pizza has just opened a chain of VD clinics!

It’s for after you’ve had the hots with the box with the dots....

Why don't you tell rumors in a Botox Clinic?

Nobody raises an eyebrow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bartender who just went broke decides to open a medical clinic.

He puts a sign outside the clinic-" I will cure anything for the price of $20, and I'll pay you back $50 if I fail."

A medic thinks that he can outsmart the bartender wants the $50, so he goes to the clinic.

The medic tells the bartender he had lost his sense of taste, to which the bar...

A patient and his doctor were sitting in the doctor's clinic. Doctor: "I regret to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimers".

Patient: "Oh well, at least I don't have cancer".

A man phones a dental clinic to inquire about the price of removing a tooth

"Hello. How much is it to get a tooth removed", asks the man


"That'll be $700, it includes anesthetic, tooth extraction by myself, and assistance from a nurse", replies the dentist

"That's a bit much for me, how much if the nurse extracts it?"

"Well I guess we could do that...

For the first time in my life, I got positive feedback on my exams

Too bad it was from the STI Clinic

What idiot decided to call it “randomized clinical trial with placebo”

And not “trick or treatment”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl walks into a "no questions asked" abortion clinic.

The nurse says, "How can I help you?"

Girl says, "LYING BASTARDS!" and leaves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A new intern is accompanying an experienced physician on rounds at the Clinic For Sexual Dysfunction.

As they look into the first room, the patient is furiously masturbating and looks very uncomfortable.

The intern asks, what’s wrong with that poor guy?

The doctor replies, “He suffers from extreme semen backup disorder. If he doesn’t ejaculate every three hours, he could die.”
...

In an alternate universe, Lara Croft works in an abortion clinic...

She is called the Womb Raider

An unemployed engineer opens a clinic...

He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recently.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very rich, yet stingy businessman had symptoms of corona...

He decided to get himself tested and went to the clinic.

After he returned from the clinic he saw few calls from his business partner. So he called him back.

His business partner picked up. he sounded worried, "Hey I've been trying to reach you! You didn't pick up so I called your home...

Abortion clinics should be banned

Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.

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