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Clinical Jokes

When cops arrest a clinically insane person...

...are they busting a nut?

I just found out there's a clinical diagnosis for when you can't sleep and so you spend the whole night eating.

It's called insomnomnomnomnia.

An antivaxer has a heart attack. He's rushed to ER, but during the emergency surgery, his heart stops, rendering him clinically dead.

Before he knows it, he's face to face with none other than God himself, Author of the Universe, Maker of All. God smiles beatifically and says, “Don't worry. The doctors working on you are good; you'll be back in no time. But as long as you're here, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?”
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pharmaceutical company began clinical trials for a new sedative.

The goal was to develop a non-prescription drug that provided perfectly smooth, calming relaxation with just one pill. On the first day of trials, the lab assistant realized they had forgotten to pick up the sugar pills that were needed for the placebo. The lead researcher was furious! Most stores i...

Not only is my wife really funny, but she's a world class clinical oncologist too.

She has a great sense of tumour.

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.

What a sad state of affairs.

What idiot decided to call it “randomized clinical trial with placebo”

And not “trick or treatment”

I know 3 people who are clinically insane:

Me.

What do you call a cantaloupe with clinical depression?

Melon-choly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the clinical term for a "Yard Sale"

Faecal transplantation. Because your shit, becomes my shit!

So I was part of a double blind clinical study...

So I was a part of a double blind clinical study of the effects of sugar pills on patients. Little did I know, I was part of the placebo group and was given Xanax.

How many clinical psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but the light bulb has to want to change.

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