UPJOKE
pharmacistphysicianpharmacologydrugdrugstoreapothecaryshopmedicinepharmaceuticalchemistrymedicalstoreanesthesiologygynecologyhealth care

A lady walks into a pharmacy.

She asks the pharmacist for cyanide.

Pharmacist: “I can’t sell you that. It’s a deadly poison.”
Lady: “I know. I want to kill my husband. He’s having an affair.”
Pharmacist: “I don’t care. I can’t sell you cyanide.”

Lady shows him a picture of her husband and the pharmacist’s wi...

My first time buying condoms as a teenager, I went to the pharmacy.

The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time."

She took one out, put it on her thumb, and told me to make sure it was on tight.

I still looked confused.

She looked around the s...

I went to the pharmacy to get some condoms

Pharmacist: You want a bag?

Me: No thanks, she isn’t that ugly

If you bought rohypnol from a pharmacy....

Would it have Best Before Date printed on it?

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I think the pharmacy accidentally switched my antidepressants with Viagra.

I have an erection, and I've been crying all day.

Update: Nevermind, it's just a typical Thursday.

A duck goes into a pharmacy

Duck goes intoa pharmacy. 'A tube of lipsol please.' 'Certainly, that will be fifty pence.' 'Put it on my bill, please.'

A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, "Gimme some Chapstick...

...and put it on my bill."

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An Indian walks into a pharmacy.

He goes up to the pharmacist and says "Big Chief, no poop!".
The pharmacist gives him a laxative and tells him "Take this to your chief, this should take care of his problem".
The next day the same Indian walks into the pharmacy with an angry look on his face, and says "Big Chief, no poop!!". ...

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A rabbit walks into a pharmacy

“Carrots, have you got carrots?”, he asks.

The pharmacist replies: “No, this is a pharmacy. If you want carrots you should check out the grocery store.”

On the next day the rabbit comes back and asks: “Carrots, have you got carrots?”

The pharmacist replies: “No, I told you yeste...

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A father and his teenage son is walking through the pharmacy.

As they walk past the condom rack, the son notices they come in different packs. A pack of 3, a pack of 6, and a pack of 12.

"Dad, why are condoms sold in packs like that? Like, what's the 3-pack for?"

"Well Son, the different packs are for different men. The 3-pack is for college boys...

A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy

As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;

"I would like to buy some cyanide,"

The pharmacist asked her:

"why in the world do you need cyanide?"

She said:

"I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists...

A woman walks into a pharmacy

She approaches the pharmacist and says:
- I need three boxes of Acebutolol.

The pharmacist was shocked and asked:
- It's a very strong beta blocker, why do you need so much?

The woman replied:
- I want to kill my husband.

The pharmacist was shocked now even more and h...

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Fast learning

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons, and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy,

\- "Son, how old are you?"

\- "Eight", the boy replied.

The man continued,

\- "Do you know what t...

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NSFW (Joke Translated from Arabic) A man goes to the pharmacy for Viagra...

He askes the pharmacist if the viagra really works and will make him last long?

The pharmacist says "yes! And now the box is on sale for $15.00!"

The man says "I only have a $20.00, can you make change?"

The pharmacist does not have change. So the man takes his little blue pill...

Pharmacy

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what? s up. "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup," the clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once. " "...

I went to the pharmacy yesterday and asked the assistant "What kills coronavirus"?

She replied "Ammonia cleaner"

I said "Sorry, I thought you worked here"

A man buys a pack of condoms at the pharmacy...

The pharmacist says "Large pack, huh?" The guy buying says "Yeah. I'm meeting my girlfriend's parents tonight. After dinner when we go home we'll be getting it on." Later at the dinner, the guy is praying before he eats his food. His girlfriend says "I didn't know you were religious." The guy replie...

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A homeless man goes into a pharmacy and asks the young attractive woman behind the counter

"Do you have any male pharmacist here ?"

Woman " Well, me and my twin sister own this place and take turns. Tell me what you want?"

Man " well it's kinda embarrassing."

Woman "Dont worry I'm a professional and deal with many cases everyday".

Man "Well, My cock is always e...

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for bottom deodorant.

The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman they have never sold bottom deodorant. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter, that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like some more.

The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing fu...

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, "I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."

The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you."

The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist's wife.
...

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Man goes into a pharmacy

and asks the woman at the counter for a pack of condoms. She asks him what size he needed, and when he answered that he did not know, she directed him go into a room at the side of the counter and try his penis in the three holes in the plywood wall to see which fit the best.

As he made his ...

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Young mans first-ever around-the-world cruise

A young sailor about to go on his first-ever around-the-world cruise, visits his grandfather, a retired Admiral.

“Gramps, I’m so excited to go on my first cruise,” he says.

“Well, son, let me see your pack so I can make sure you’re taking everything you need,” says the grandfather.
...

Pharmacy inquiry

A woman walks into her local pharmacy and approaches the pharmacist and tells him she wants to know more about 'the little blue pill'



Woman: "does it work?"

Pharmacist: "yes"

Woman:"is it expensive?"



Pharmacist: "a little"

Woman: "can you get it ove...

A young man went to a pharmacy to buy some condoms.

The pharmacist went up to him and told him that they sell condoms in packs of 4, 8, and 16.

The Man said: "I'm going out with my girlfriend to meet her parents, and then I'm taking her to my house. I really think I'm going to get lucky, so you'd better give me the 16 pack."

Later that ...

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The Cigars and the Tampons

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles, looking at many things. After some time passes, the sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few ...

a 17 year old and a pharmacist

A 17-year-old walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "I've been invited to dinner at my new girlfriend's house. After that, I hope it comes to the extreme, if you understand ..." The pharmacist says, "I understand. I suppose you could use condoms? Here's a pack for you." The young man tha...

A young jock enters a pharmacy to buy condoms

Knowing the pharmacists is an old-fashioned gentleman and noticing a slight frown on his face, the young man decides to have some fun at his expenses by asking for another pack, remarking "you know, my girlfriend truly sounded thirsty last time I talked to her... Better be sure we don't run out!"...

Police say a Maryland man stole $369 worth of erectile dysfunction and insomnia meds from a pharmacy

Apparently he wanted to stay up but not stay up.

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A guy walks into a pharmacy

and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once. I need something to keep me ready and keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label \*...

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A couple were at a pharmacy when they noticed a real old man buying Viagra

The woman nudged her partner (while pointing at the old man) asking to take care of her even when they get old.

Inspired by the old man, the man goes up to him to thank him for being an inspiration. He then asks him, how did they keep the fire alive for so long?

The old man replied, “...

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Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the viagra from the pharmacy.

The police are looking for two hardened criminals.

A woman goes into a pharmacy and asks for cyanide...

A woman goes into a pharmacy and asks for cyanide. The pharmacist is shocked and said “what do you need cyanide for?”

“I plan to poison my husband”, she tells him. “I’m sorry, but there’s absolutely no way I can give you cyanide for that” the pharmacist says angrily.

The woman reaches ...

3 small boys walk into a pharmacy ...

3 small boys walk into a pharmacy and wait in line. When they get to the front, the pharmacist asks "What can I do for you boys?"

One of the boys reaches up on the counter, drops a handful of change, and says, "We want some kotex."

The pharmacist is curious so he asks, "Are these ...

Man walks into a Pharmacy

"Can I buy some silicon dioxide?"

"Sorry sir, we don't sell that."

"But you have loads in the window."

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A constipated man goes to the pharmacy for laxatives

Man: Box of laxatives please

Chemist: Sorry I'm out of stock

Man: What, again? But I'm desperate

Chemist: Well that's tough shit I'm afraid

My Sister works at a pharmacy.

As a pharmasister.

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A man walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist

"I have a date this weekend with two smoking hot models. I want to be able to stay hard the whole time I'm with them. I'm looking for something stronger than Viagra!"

The pharmacist says "Well, I do have this new experimental drug. It works instantly and is guaranteed for three days without s...

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A friend asked me how my new job at the pharmacy was going...

I told him "it's okay, the pay is crap but the percs are great!"

[Long] I was working the register of a pharmacy when a woman came up to me asking for breath mints.

I pointed her to the candy aisle and told her they were about halfway down on the left.

She said that she'd been down there already, and that all of the mints had loads of sugar in them, and if she them they'd make her hyper and overly excited.

I had never heard of anyone getting too e...

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now both of them have condom balloons :D

A man walked into a pharmacy.

"Do you have anything to cure hiccups?" he asked.

The pharmacist didn't reply.

Again, the man asked "Excuse me, I asked if you have anything for hiccups?"

Still the pharmacist stayed silent.

The man started getting annoyed. "Can you hear me? I'm looking for something fo-"...

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A young girl started work at the local pharmacy.

She was very nervous about the idea of having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on vacation for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She agreed but, before he left, she told him about her anxiety regarding the condoms.

"Look" he said....

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Three young boys wander into a pharmacy...

The first one: "I wanna have the pink sweets with the jelly filling for 10p"

The old pharmacist pulls out a ladder and climbs the shelf to the top, opens the glass of candy and takes out 6 goodys, climbes down, packs them and hands them to the boy.

"So what do you want?" he asks the se...

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy some condoms

The pharmacist takes note and says “Big night tonight eh?”

The man responds “Yeah, meeting the new girls’ parents for dinner tonight and I’m trying to get lucky.”

He heads to his girlfriend’s house later that night and sits down before eating to pray.

And pray


And pr...

Two doctors and 1 Pharmacy

A women goes to Pharmacy and when she is done getting her items the cashier asks if she wants to get a free covid shot but the women says "God will protect me from covid".

When the women gets home she gets a call from her doctor saying your qualified to come today to get your covid shot but t...

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NSFW A duck walks into a pharmacy...

He approaches the pharmacist and says "I need some teylenol for my headache".

The pharmacist says "Are you paying with cash or card?".

The duck replies "Just put it on my bill".

So the duck goes back the next day approaching the counter and tells the pharmacist "I need some co...

Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test.

She clearly isn’t a fan of protection

Professional Help

A woman hurried to a pharmacy to pick up the medication. When she got back to the car, she found her keys locked inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some...

Outside the pharmacy in a busy street, a poor man is clutching into a pole for dear life, not breathing, not moving, not twitching a muscle just standing there, frozen.

The pharmacist goes up to his assistant and asks: “What’s the matter with that guy? Wasn’t he in here earlier?”

Assistant replies: “Yes he was. He had the most terrible cough and none of my prescriptions seemed to help.”

Pharmacist says: “He seems to be fine now.”

Assistant repl...

Lily went to a nearby pharmacy to buy her partner some deodorant.

A salesclerk comes up to her and asks what she's looking for.

"I'm looking for some deodorant for my boyfriend, but I don't know what kind he uses."

"Is it the ball type?"

"No," she replied. "It's for his armpits."

A teen walks into a pharmacy

He walks up to the register and asks the cashier, “How much are condoms?”

The cashier smirks at the boy and replies, “$5”

The boy is visibly relieved and says, “okay! I’ll take them!”

The cashier scans the box and hands them to the boys and says, “That will be $5.40”

“Wh...

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy.

"ephedrine?"

"I can't serve you that"

"sudoephedrine"

"There you go".

A chemist walks into a pharmacy...

With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.

The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"

The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemi...

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Had COVID symptoms so I went to the pharmacy to grab something to sooth my throat. It hurt to talk, so I went up to the counter and without saying anything, gestured towards my neck. The Pharmacist paused for a second, looked at me and then said “for cough?”

So I mustered up the strength to grunt “No you fuck off” and went somewhere else.

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Prescription

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for? "She says "I want to kill my husband ". He says "Sorry, I can't do that. "She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "...

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A deaf-mute guy goes into a pharmacy to buy some condoms

After looking around the shop for a while and being unable to spot what he wants, he goes up to the counter and signs to the pharmacist, who only looks at him in mild bewilderment. The deaf-mute pats his pockets for a pencil and paper only to realize that he's come out without any, and he resorts to...

A guy walks into a pharmacy: "I have extreme headaches, my belly cramps, I feel like I'm about to vomit and my back hurts like something tears the muscles apart. Do you have something?"

Pharmacists: Nope, I feel fine!

Nursing home

Two old ladies were sitting on the porch of their nursing home rocking in their rocking chairs smoking cigarettes. As it starts to rain old lady 1 reaches in her purse and gets a condom package out, she slides it Over her cigarette to keep it dry so she can smoke it later. Amazed and curious, old l...

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”

“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.

“That’s it! I can never remember that word.”

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Keep ‘em Dry!

Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench and enjoying a cigarette when it suddenly starts to rain. One of the grannies digs in her purse and pulls out a condom from it’s wrapper. She slides her cigarette inside the rubber and smiles, now her cigarette won’t get soaked by the rain.
“Mary, wher...

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A shipment of Viagra was stolen from my local Pharmacy this morning.

The cops are on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

With all the demand, my girlfriend was skeptical about calling a pharmacy to see if she could get a vaccine.

I told her she should still try, it may be worth a shot.

A rabbit walks into a pharmacy

And asks "Do you sell carrots?"

The pharmacist, surprised, responds "No, this is a pharmacy."

The rabbit leaves only to return the next day and ask the same question.

This time, the man responds "As I said before, no. Go to a grocery store."

Again, the rabbit leaves and r...

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A man is shopping at a pharmacy with his 10 year old son

As they go through the aisles the man’s son points and says “What are those?” The man looks to see his son pointing at the condoms and thinks “maybe it’s time to tell him some facts of life.”

“Those are condoms son,” the man says calmly, “They’re what men use when they want to practice safe ...

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A mute guy goes to a pharmacy to buy condoms

He walks up to the counter and meets the pharmacist.

"How may I help you?" the pharmacist asks.

The mute guy, unable to speak, simply points at his crotch.

The pharmacist shrugs, not knowing what the man is asking for.

The mute guy points at his crotch again and pulls out...

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A boy walks into a pharmacy to buy a condom

He's never done this before, so he's quite nervous. There's a beautiful young girl at the counter, and she brings him a packet. Seeing how nervous he is, she asks him, "Do you know how to use one of these?"

The boy shakes his head, and she slips one onto her thumb to demonstrate, telling him ...

A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms.

"How many do you want", pharmacist replies.

"None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it".

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A lady walked Into a pharmacy and spoke with the pharmacist

She asks the pharmacist if he has viagra. "I sure do" he responds. "Does it actually work?". "Of course it does." He responds. "Can you get it over the counter?" She asks.

"I can if I take two".

Why did joe sneak by the pharmacy?...

So he wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills

A chemist walks into his pharmacy

A chemist walks into his pharmacy and sees a man standing in the corner with his hand on his stomach. He asks his assistant what happened. "the man came in with a cough but since we were out of cough syrup I gave him a laxative" his assistant says. "you can't treat a cough with a laxative" the chemi...

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A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide

"I think you mean spermicidal," says the cashier.



"No", he says, "I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass and I'm going in after it."

Mrs. Smith walks into a pharmacy and asks to buy poison

'Dear lady, why would you want to buy poison?' asks the pharmacist.

'To kill my husband!'

'I can't sell you poison so you can kill someone!'

As an answer to that, Mrs. Smith puts a picture on the counter where one can clearly see a man and a woman in bed. The man in question is ...

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In a small pharmacy a woman enters and says:

\- Please I want to buy arsenic!

\- I can't sell her that. What is its purpose?

\- To kill my husband!

\- Much worse, for that purpose I can't sell it to her. The woman opens her wallet and takes a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist's wife

\- Ahh, wellll...

Blonde enters the pharmacy

\- "Do you have pregnancy test?"

\- "Yes, we do."

\- "Are questions hard?"

Amazon just launched their new pharmacy service!

They were going to call it Jeff's Benzos, but that name got axed pretty quickly.

Old lady walks into a pharmacy while shaking vigorously and breathing heavily.

Old lady: Excuse me?

Pharmacist: yes? How can i help you?

Old lady: Do you have a XXL Super Large vibrator with alkaline batteries?

Pharmacist: yes, we do.

Old lady: For gods sake, tell me how to turn it of!

A duck strolled into the pharmacy...

Asks if there’s any chapstick. Pharmacist hands over the product and says “that’ll be $3.59”. No, no, says the duck, just put it on my bill.

What do you call a priest hitting up a pharmacy?

A pillgrim.

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the body builder in his pharmacy?

These are not the ‘roids you are looking for.

[NSFW] A teenager walks to a pharmacy one evening...

...and picks out a box of condoms to buy. Taking it to the register, the man behind the counter asked the teenager, "For what occasion?"

"I'm finally gonna bang my girlfriend tonight." The teenager said.

The man behind the register asked no more questions then bagged up the box of cond...

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A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms...

The pharmacist looks at him and asked him if his wife had stopped taking her birth control pills.
"No, these are for my daughter", the man answered

"Oh, is your daughter sexually active?" Asked the pharmacist.

"No, she just lays there, just like her mom"

Dinner With the Parents

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that, after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never been with a wom...

A woman walks up to the pharmacy counter and asks if they have any vibrators...

The pharmacist nods and steps around the counter. He waggles his forefinger at her and says "come this way..."

She says "If I could come *that* way, I wouldn't need a vibrator!"

A woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.

The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.

"Why would you want to get cyanide?"

The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."

The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't d...

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A young teenager walks in to a pharmacy

A young teenager walks in to a pharmacy to buy a pack of condoms. There was a beautiful assistant behind the counter and she noticed that the boy was inexperienced. She handed him the package and asked if he knew how to put it on.
“No, I’ve never done it”.
Next thing he knew, the assistant o...

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An old man tells his wife he is going to the pharmacy to buy some viagra

An old man tells his wife he is going to the pharmacy to buy some viagra , telling her “I want some action tonight”

His wife tells him she wants to go to the pharmacy with him, saying “Well if you’re going to the pharmacy, I might as well go with you and get a tetanus shot”

The old ma...

Guy walks into the pharmacy

Guy walks into the pharmacy and asks for a packet of SSX condoms. The chemist brought a pack and asked,"Are you sure you want this size, they wouldn't fit a mouse?"

"I hope so",said the guy"I'm over run with them".

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A coffin crashes into the storefront of pharmacy

2 men were loading up a hearse with a coffin on a steep incline, after they loaded the cargo, they both get into the vehicle..As they start to pull away, the back door swings wide open and the coffin crashes to the ground and starts sliding down the incline, across the intersection, into the store f...

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I had a rough upbringing and all I know is crime, my latest job was a Viagra heist at the local pharmacy.

I'm a hardened criminal

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I was at the pharmacy to get some Viagra..

The pharmacist asked me if I had it prescribed.
I answered: No, but you can see a pic of my girlfriend.

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A man in the pharmacy slowly read each box of condoms. the pharmacist asked Sir may I help you find something ? The man said yes I'm looking for condoms with pesticide. The pharmacist said don't you mean spermicide? The man said no sir with pesticide ! the pharmacist asked Why ? The man replied

My wife has a bug up her ass. And tonight I'm going in after it!

A frog hops into a pharmacy to buy condoms. The pharmacist asks if he wants smooth or ribbed ones. The frog replies....

"ribbit"

A guy rushes into a pharmacy run by prudes...

Goes straight to the register and says in a loud voice "Gimme one condom."
The cashier lady is outraged. "Young man! You mind that tongue of yours!"
"Right. Gimme two condoms, then."

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A Scottish Soldier marches into a pharmacy

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patc...

A teenager walks into a pharmacy in the 70s...

He asks the druggist for a 1 pound, 3 pound, and 5 pound box of chocolate, and asks if he could gift wrap each one of them separately.

The druggist complies, but asks the boy why he wants 3 separate boxes, instead of just one?

The boy replies, “Well, you see. I’ve got a really hot dat...

Man goes to the pharmacy........

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.

She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with. The ma...

I have just come back from Boots Pharmacy...

...to get a thermometer, but was told they were sold out by 8am that morning. I was told they had plenty of barometers on the shelves, but i said sorry, i don't give in to pressure sales.

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24 hour Pharmacy gets a call at midnight..(russian joke)

This a translation of an old russian joke that i heard as a kid, hope you like it:

A 24 hour pharmacy gets a call at midnight. The caller asks whether they have tampons in store. Yes answers the pharmacist, we have plenty of tampons. Well then shove them in your ass, says the caller and hangs...

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A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms.

He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.


Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.


The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the d...

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A condom broke last month. I freaked out and went to the pharmacy, and they told me to use the morning after pill.

That shit doesn't work. I took two and she's still pregnant.

A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males emplo...

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A lady goes to the pharmacy to buy poison.

Lady: I want to buy your most lethal poison so I can kill my husband.

Pharmacist: C'mon lady. You know damn well I can't do that. That's illegal.

The lady start crying and says: "But he needs to pay! This bastard cheated on me. Look I caught him in the act!"

She pulls out a pict...

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A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for arsenic.

The pharmacist then asks what she needs it for, to which she replies: "I want to use it to poison my husband. The pharmacist says "Ma'am, I can not give you arsenic for that reason." The woman then pulls a photograph from her purse and hands it to him. It was a picture of two people having sex; the ...

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A man tells his friends his elbow hurts...

He says that nothing he's tried has worked, so his friend suggests that go to the pharmacy.

"They got this new machine! When you pour in a urine sample and it'll tell you what's wrong and how to fix it!"

So, following his advice, he finds this machine and pours his urine sample in. Fi...

A man walks into a pharmacy

And asks the man behind the counter, after dropping off his prescription,

"Excuse me, but what time do you close on Sunday?"

He replies,

"Oh, we don't close on Sunday."

Pleasantly surprised, the man picks up some other items and leaves.

The next day, Sunday, the ma...

Here’s the oldest dirty joke I know

Ethyl and Gladys walk the same route every day, and they stop at the same bench to smoke a cigarette before finishing their walk back to their apartments.


One day, just as they lit their cigarette, it starts to rain. Neither ladies brought umbrellas.


Gladys, the innovator s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did you meet your ex?

I was working in a pharmacy and he came in asking for xxxxl condoms.
But why did it last for such a short time ?
I soon realised he had a bad stutter.

My pharmacy is having a liquidation sale.

Laxatives are 50% off.

A guy stops in at the local pharmacy to buy condoms.

That will be twelve fifty with tax.
Tax he exclaims!!! don't these things stay on by themselves???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.

They take them to the counter and the pharmacist says, “Are these for you?”

The older brother says, “They aren’t for me, they’re for my brother.”

Very confused the pharmacist asks, “But, why does your brother need them?”, and the older brother says, “Well, the lady on the TV said if yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went into a pharmacy.

I said, "Have you got anything for irritation?"

She said, "Yes. But where exactly?"

I said, "Fuck knows, you tell me. It's your shop."

Mike was going to have dinner at his girlfriend’s to meet her parents for the first time

Before heading to her house he stopped at the pharmacy, tells the guy behind the counter

“Hi, can you please give me a rubber please, I’m going to meet my GF parents tonight and afterwards who knows right? Better yet give me two, my GF’s sister is hot too and she is always locking eyes with ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman phones pharmacy... ' Hello my husband needs something to keep his d**k up'

Pharmacist 'sounds like he needs viagra, it will keep him long and hard for hours'

Woman 'can you get it over the counter?'

Pharmacist ' if I took 4 or 5 I might......'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid walks into a pharmacy and asks the doctor if he has something to counter viagra.

Doctor gets confused and asks:
-Son, every man asks for viagra, why are you asking for something to counter it?
Kid says:
-My grandpa died and we can't close the casket.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man visits the eye doctor

He says "doctor, you got to help me, my right eye just won't stop winking uncontrollably for days now"

The doctor interrupts him "it's nothing to worry about, you probably have high blood pressure. It's very common, just take an aspirin and it should go away"

The guy says "I know that ...

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