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An old man tells his wife he is going to the pharmacy to buy some viagra

An old man tells his wife he is going to the pharmacy to buy some viagra , telling her “I want some action tonight”

His wife tells him she wants to go to the pharmacy with him, saying “Well if you’re going to the pharmacy, I might as well go with you and get a tetanus shot”

The old ma...

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A mute guy goes to a pharmacy to buy condoms

He walks up to the counter and meets the pharmacist.

"How may I help you?" the pharmacist asks.

The mute guy, unable to speak, simply points at his crotch.

The pharmacist shrugs, not knowing what the man is asking for.

The mute guy points at his crotch again and pulls out...

A woman walks into a pharmacy...

She tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.

"Why in thr world would you need cyanide??" He asks.

The woman explains that she needs it to kill her husband.

The pharmacists eyes get big-- "Good Lord!! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! It's against the law! I wi...

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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The girl at the counter asked the older boy, “do you know what these are used for?”

The boy replied, “not exactly, but they’re not for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either.”

A chemist walks into his pharmacy

A chemist walks into his pharmacy and sees a man standing in the corner with his hand on his stomach. He asks his assistant what happened. "the man came in with a cough but since we were out of cough syrup I gave him a laxative" his assistant says. "you can't treat a cough with a laxative" the chemi...

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy.

She walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed...

A man walks into a pharmacy

And asks the man behind the counter, after dropping off his prescription,

"Excuse me, but what time do you close on Sunday?"

He replies,

"Oh, we don't close on Sunday."

Pleasantly surprised, the man picks up some other items and leaves.

The next day, Sunday, the ma...

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A man walks into a pharmacy...

...and wanders up and down the aisles, looking at many things. After some time passes, the sales lady notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. The lady kindly directs him down the correct aisle and sends him on his way....

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A very old man, who barely sticks with a cane, goes into a pharmacy store...

He asks the woman behind the counter:

"Can you give me half viagra?"

She answers very indignantly :

"How you dare, can't you see what you look like!? What Viagra? See your years! Isn't it uncomfortable?"

"It's not for sex, dear! Just give me enough, so I won't piss on my ...

A Duck walks into a pharmacy.

He tells the pharmacist “I’d like to buy a box of Chapstick.”.
The pharmacist replies, “OK, how would you like to pay for this?”
The duck says “Put it on my bill.”.

A duck walks into a pharmacy...

He's waddles up to the counter and asks for a Chap Stick. The pharmacist gives the duck the Chap Stick and says, "That will be two dollars."
The duck replies "That's okay, just put it on my bill."

A few hours later, another duck walks into the same pharmacy, (it's right near the park.) ...

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A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms.

He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.


Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.


The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the d...

My first time buying condoms, at age 16, I went to the pharmacy. The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time."

She took one out, put it on her thumb and told me to make sure it was on tight.

I still looked confused.

She looked around the store to see if it was empty and it was.

"Just a minute." she said and locked the door.

She led me to the back room, took off her shirt and bra.<...

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm.

The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools, your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and w...

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A couple walks into a pharmacy looking for anal wash

"Do you guys have an asshole douche?"

They all point to the manager.

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A blonde walks into a pharmacy...

A blonde walks into a pharmacy looking for a thermometer, the pharmacist tells her he has the worlds best thermometer in the back.
When they get through the back the pharmacist drops his trousers to reveal his little limp dick. The blonde woman immediately puts it in her mouth and waits, after a...

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A coffin crashes into the storefront of pharmacy

2 men were loading up a hearse with a coffin on a steep incline, after they loaded the cargo, they both get into the vehicle..As they start to pull away, the back door swings wide open and the coffin crashes to the ground and starts sliding down the incline, across the intersection, into the store f...

A man walks into a Pharmacy and asks for cyanide

Pharmacist : What do you need it for?


Man : I need to kill my wife.


Pharmacist : Sorry sir, I can't give you cyanide.


Man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a photo of his ugly wife.


Pharmacist blushes and replies : I am sorry sir , I d...

A woman goes to a pharmacy and asks if they have 12 inch size condoms.

"How many do you want", pharmacist replies.

"None, just take my phone number and give it to anyone who comes to buy it".

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A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide

"I think you mean spermicidal," says the cashier.



"No", he says, "I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass and I'm going in after it."

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I went into a pharmacy.

I said, "Have you got anything for irritation?"

She said, "Yes. But where exactly?"

I said, "Fuck knows, you tell me. It's your shop."

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A man goes into the pharmacy and wants two and a half viagra.

Pharmacist: why two and a half?
Man: well on Friday I see my wife and on Saturday I see my affair.
On Sunday I go to the Sauna, so he just needs to look good.

I went to a pharmacy and asked for 50 condoms.

There were 2 girls behind me who started laughing. I turned around and looked them straight in the eyes and said, "make that 52".
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now both of them have condom balloons :D

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A condom broke last month. I freaked out and went to the pharmacy, and they told me to use the morning after pill.

That shit doesn't work. I took two and she's still pregnant.

I just got fired from my new job at the pharmacy.

Apparently "drug free workplace" and "free drug workplace" are not the same thing at all.

What do you call a pharmacy’s security guard?

The fentanyl sentinel

Why are there no pharmacy stores in Africa?

Because you shouldn't take medicine on an empty stomach

A teenager walks into a pharmacy in the 70s...

He asks the druggist for a 1 pound, 3 pound, and 5 pound box of chocolate, and asks if he could gift wrap each one of them separately.

The druggist complies, but asks the boy why he wants 3 separate boxes, instead of just one?

The boy replies, “Well, you see. I’ve got a really hot dat...

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A man and his son go to the Pharmacy

While looking for his medicine the kid looks to a pack of condoms and asks his dad: Dad, what is this?

His dad replies: those are condoms son, people use them so they can safely have fun together, while under the blankets.

A few moments later the kid point to a pack of 3 condoms and as...

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A woman goes into a pharmacy

She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hand...

I just got a job at a pharmacy. The pay isn't great...

But the percs are amazing!

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I got thrown out of the pharmacy today when all I did was ask the worker, "Do you swallow it or take it up the ass?"

How the fuck am I supposed to know what to do, I've never used a suppository before?!

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the cashier "do you have extra large condoms".

the cashier says "yes, second aisle to the left. You wanna buy some?"

the woman says

"No, but would you mind if I wait here until someone else does"

A guy stops in at the local pharmacy to buy condoms.

That will be twelve fifty with tax.
Tax he exclaims!!! don't these things stay on by themselves???

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A lady walked Into a pharmacy and spoke with the pharmacist

She asks the pharmacist if he has viagra. "I sure do" he responds. "Does it actually work?". "Of course it does." He responds. "Can you get it over the counter?" She asks.

"I can if I take two".

Man goes to the pharmacy........

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.

She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with. The ma...

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A lady goes to the pharmacy to buy poison.

Lady: I want to buy your most lethal poison so I can kill my husband.

Pharmacist: C'mon lady. You know damn well I can't do that. That's illegal.

The lady start crying and says: "But he needs to pay! This bastard cheated on me. Look I caught him in the act!"

She pulls out a pict...

A man in the pharmacy slowly read each box of condoms. the pharmacist asked Sir may I help you find something ? The man said yes I'm looking for condoms with pesticide. The pharmacist said don't you mean spermicide? The man said no sir with pesticide ! the pharmacist asked Why ? The man replied

My wife has a bug up her ass. And tonight I'm going in after it!

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy

A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy.

"ephedrine?"

"I can't serve you that"

"sudoephedrine"

"There you go".

A woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for cyanide.

The pharmacist looked stunned and couldn't believe what she had asked for but he was still curious.

"Why would you want to get cyanide?"

The women replied, "My husband has been having an affair and I want to poison him."

The pharmacist tried to reason with the woman, " I can't d...

What does a pharmacy sell to help you fix your fingernails?

Pharma-cuticles.

[NSFW] A teenager walks to a pharmacy one evening...

...and picks out a box of condoms to buy. Taking it to the register, the man behind the counter asked the teenager, "For what occasion?"

"I'm finally gonna bang my girlfriend tonight." The teenager said.

The man behind the register asked no more questions then bagged up the box of cond...

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A man walks into a pharmacy to buy condoms...

The pharmacist looks at him and asked him if his wife had stopped taking her birth control pills.
"No, these are for my daughter", the man answered

"Oh, is your daughter sexually active?" Asked the pharmacist.

"No, she just lays there, just like her mom"

Mrs. Smith walks into a pharmacy and asks to buy poison

'Dear lady, why would you want to buy poison?' asks the pharmacist.

'To kill my husband!'

'I can't sell you poison so you can kill someone!'

As an answer to that, Mrs. Smith puts a picture on the counter where one can clearly see a man and a woman in bed. The man in question is ...

A guy enters the pharmacy...

Guy: 5 packs of condoms please.

Cashier: Do you need a bag with those?

Guy: Don't worry she's pretty.

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him...

(Nerd joke warning) What do you call a pharmacy that *may* exist?

An hypothecary

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The Pharmacy

Two spinster sisters own a pharmacy. One night when they are in the back room busily filling prescriptions a man approaches the cash register area dressed in a trench coat. Unknown to the sisters he took too many Viagras and has had an erection for the last 6 hours. As one of the sisters approaches ...

A guy rushes into a pharmacy run by prudes...

Goes straight to the register and says in a loud voice "Gimme one condom."
The cashier lady is outraged. "Young man! You mind that tongue of yours!"
"Right. Gimme two condoms, then."

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A kid walks into a pharmacy and asks the doctor if he has something to counter viagra.

Doctor gets confused and asks:
-Son, every man asks for viagra, why are you asking for something to counter it?
Kid says:
-My grandpa died and we can't close the casket.

...a customer enters a Pharmacy store, rubbing his hands together...

...the Pharmacist greets him and says: "welcome sir, you're here to get some hand lotion, I presume" and the customer goes:"what? No, I'm here to buy some "Cialis" or something, I'm having a threesome later tonight and I want it to last as long as possible". The guy buys the pills and goes...the nex...

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A man sends his son to the pharmacy

A man sends his son for the pharmacy for Viagra pills the pharmacist tells the kid to make his father take on pill every 24 hours
When the kid gets home the kid tells his father to take 24 pills every hour
A few hour later the kid comes back to the pharmacy the pharmacist asks the kid about h...

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A man goes to the pharmacy...

... and he ask the pharmacist about Viagra.

"Is that the new one?" He asked.

"Yes sir it is" The pharmacist said.

"Can I get it over the counter?"

"If you take 2."

An elderly woman goes to the pharmacy and asks for contraceptives

The pharmacist is confused and asks why she would need them.
She replies "they help me sleep at night."
The pharmacist asks "how so?"
"When I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning I sleep better at night."

She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication,

got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, ...

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24 hour Pharmacy gets a call at midnight..(russian joke)

This a translation of an old russian joke that i heard as a kid, hope you like it:

A 24 hour pharmacy gets a call at midnight. The caller asks whether they have tampons in store. Yes answers the pharmacist, we have plenty of tampons. Well then shove them in your ass, says the caller and hangs...

A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag.

He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."

So I went to the pharmacy the other day

I went in and bought a box of condoms.
The cahsier asked me whether I wanted a bag?
I said no thanks, she's not that ugly.

A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males emplo...

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A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for arsenic.

The pharmacist then asks what she needs it for, to which she replies: "I want to use it to poison my husband. The pharmacist says "Ma'am, I can not give you arsenic for that reason." The woman then pulls a photograph from her purse and hands it to him. It was a picture of two people having sex; the ...

A Scottish Soldier marches into a pharmacy

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.

Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patc...

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Two brothers, aged 9 and 5, try to buy tampons at a pharmacy.

They take them to the counter and the pharmacist says, “Are these for you?”

The older brother says, “They aren’t for me, they’re for my brother.”

Very confused the pharmacist asks, “But, why does your brother need them?”, and the older brother says, “Well, the lady on the TV said if yo...

An old lady walks into a pharmacy

\- I would like to buy a pack of acetylsalicylic acid.

\- Do you mean aspirin?

\- Oh yes! I couldn't remember the name!

Young man and the Pharmacy

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're ...

I went to the pharmacy this morning and asked for 50 condoms.

The girl winked at me and said, "Oh, someone has a busy weekend ahead of them!"

"I know," I said. "I'm making a raincoat for my pet snake."

A boy walks into a pharmacy after school.

He asks the lady behind the desk for some aspirin/pain killers and asks

"this stuff works right?

The pharmacist says " yes it works son, did you hurt yourself? "

The boy says "no, I have an F on my report card and my parents don't know about it yet".

*This was a joke my ...

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Standing in the queue at my local pharmacy, the man in front of me asks the female cashier...

....For a pack of 99 condoms. "Fuck me" she replies.

"Make that a pack of 100."

The itch from poison ivy is so bad that I just spent hundreds of dollars buying every possible cream and ointment at the pharmacy.

I need to quit making rash decisions.

Old Texas cowboy in a pharmacy

Cowboy: "Give me three packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah. She ain't that ugly.

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Man was arrested after going from pharmacy to pharmacy stealing Viagra pills

A man went from pharmacy to pharmacy stealing only Viagra pills. Eventually the cops were able to track him down and had him cornered and were ready to arrest him. Panicking, the perp swallowed all of the pills in an attempt to get rid of them. He's now doing 10-15 years hard time.

Why should you be quiet in a pharmacy?

In case you wake the sleeping pills!

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A man walks into a Pharmacy.........

.......and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls over tonight. I've never had three girls at once. I need something to keep me Horny.. keep me Potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Vi...

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[Dark] A man walks into a pharmacy...

After looking at the shelves for a bit the man turns to the pharmacist and asks: *"I'm looking for contraceptives for my 10 year old daughter. What would you recommend?"*

The pharmacist looks in shock *"Your daughter is 10? And she's sexually active?"*

The man chuckles at the notion *"...

Pharmacy

A man walks into a pharmacy - "Id like 3 packs of condoms please".

The pharmacist - "Here you go sir, would you like a bag".

Man: "No thanks, the girl is good looking".

A duck walks into a pharmacy

grabs a tube of lipstick, puts it on the counter and the cashier says "that'll be $3.50. The duck says "just put it on my bill"

A young man, about 15, visits his local pharmacy ...

...and heads straight to the family planning section. He takes a look around the condom section and appears a little unsure of himself.

The pharmacist, an older gentleman, comes over and asks, "Excuse me son, what seems to be the trouble?"

The young man says, "Well, you see…I have a d...

One day Paddy goes into a pharmacy..

He reaches into his pocket and takes out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon.

He pours from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offers it to the pharmacist.

"Could you taste this for me, please?"

The pharmacist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid aro...

Bad day at the pharmacy

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife, tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the d...

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A pharmacy was broken into and the only thing stolen was a case of Viagra

Police say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals

Russian pharmacy

Doctor: This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression.

Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?

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Man walks into a pharmacy . . .

. . . and asks the pharmacist for birth control for his twelve-year old daughter. The pharmacist looks shocked and asks incredulously, "Your TWELVE year-old daughter is sexually active?!" The man responds emphatically, "Hmmph, I wish! She mostly just lays there and cries."

A girl starts a new job at a pharmacy...

A girl starts a new job as an assistant at a pharmacy and is instructed on how to perform the various duties. After an hour or so, the pharmacist concludes with:

"One last thing. We've had a lot of thefts of condoms from the pharmacy, so we're keeping them behind the counter."

"We have...

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