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Medical School Jokes

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First day at medical school..

It was the first day at medical school and all the students gathered around a corpse in a lab next to the professor.

The professor says, "There are two important lessons every person wanting to be a doctor should learn. The first lesson is that you should never feel disgusted about the human ...

I’m so proud of my grandma. At 90 years old she attended medical school

She’s a cadaver.

When I was young, I decided to go to medical school…

At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange the letters:

P N E I S

to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are on Facebook.

I don't think my doctor went to medical school

He keeps insisting I have cancer, no matter how many times I tell him I'm a scorpio

Godzilla finally decided it was time to go to medical school…

because he really knew how to handle himself in an emerge-in-sea situation.

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A medical school graduate starts her residency in a hospital for unusual cases

On her first day, she’s getting a tour of the facility by her supervisor while she takes notes.

They make their way to a room with a man who is masturbating ferociously. The med school grad asks her supervisor, “What disease does this man have?”

“Oh, it’s a very rare disease in whi...

What do you call a doctor who was last in his class in medical school?

Doctor.

In medical school, you really do learn something new every day...

...for instance, today I learned that it's inappropriate to refer to infertile people as "seedless".

A labrador picks up MjĂślnir and goes to medical school

Guess he’s a DogThor now.

Why couldn’t Jesus get into medical school?

He kept getting hung up on the boards

An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam

See his answers.

1. Antibody - One who hates his body .

2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.

3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma - Punctuation Mark .

5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl .

6. Genes - Blue Denim.

7. L...

What is the ironic part of medical school?

It's bad for your health.

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Students at Medical School

First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor began the lecture by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to possess two import...

I failed my medical school entrance exam because of nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

Kek day joke: What do you call the person who graduates medical school with the lowest GPA?

Doctor.

Grandma's dream finally came true and she went to medical school

As a cadaver

What was Zeus" specialty in medical school?

Surge-ery

My friend graduated from medical school after 7 years.

He then got a job at his local clinic, but shortly got fired after that for sleeping with his patients!

He was one of the most promising veterinarians in our class

In medical school...

Professor: Miss Rogers, what part of the male anatomy may enlarge by a factor of 10 when the male is excited?

Rogers: (Blushing) I... refuse to answer...

Professor: Mr. Smith?

Smith: The iris.

Professor: (coughs) Miss Rogers I can conclude three things. 1. You didn't do t...

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A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:


"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

My best Friend Wasted His Medical School Training

After seven years of medical school and training my good friend was fired because of one little indiscretion, and can no longer work in the profession he had dedicated his life to. He slept with a patient. He is still paying back student loans. His family is devastated. It's such a damn shame be...

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They may not teach this in medical school

A man rushes his wife to the ER and demands to see the doctors at once. When the man refuses to explain what the problem is they are led to a private room with a doctor waiting inside. The man tells the doctor that their is a bee in his wife's vagina and he doesn't know what to do. The doctor sta...

When I die I'm going to donate my body to science.

That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.

A doctor's toilet gets clogged up

He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.

Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!

Plum...

My grandmother, 86 years old, just entered medical school.

She's a cadaver, and she is living death to the fullest.

It’s never a good idea to attempt any type of cardiac surgery before going to medical school.

That would be putting the heart before the course.

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A group of first year medical students are gathered around a table with a naked cadaver on it…..

Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school.

“The first lesson is that you must not be afraid of the human body, alive or dead” he says as some of the students are visibly uncomfortable.

He then holds up a finger and says, “you must als...

A Jewish mother walks by a planned parenthood and sees a protestor who’s sign says “life begins at conception”

She goes up to the man and says “that may be true of Christian babies, but a Jewish fetus isn’t viable until it graduates medical school!”

A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name

'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then
presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that h...

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The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist. They put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and ...

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Professor welcomes the class in Anatomy lab on the first day of medical school.

He begins by saying - You need 2 rules to become a successful doctor.

No 1 - you cannot feel disgusted by anything.

After saying that, he stuck his finger into the cadaver's butt hole.

Students look at him in a shocked manner, but eventually they give in and remembering his r...

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What do you call a Black Man with 4 years of medical school?

A doctor you fucking racist

We were about to observe our first autopsy in medical school, and my friend asked me, “What do you think it’ll be like?”

I said, “Remains to be seen.”

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path

They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children,

it’s their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they’ll graduate from.

Life saving

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff? " the frustrated student blurted out. "To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later th...

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Dave was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, who was a recent medical graduate.

The young doctor listened to him carefully and told him, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass."


"What???" said Dave. The Doctor repeated patiently, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to ...

An electrician gets tired of being looked down upon for his profession

so he uses the money he has saved up to become a doctor.

As a resident, he always stood out amongst a crowd that was still mostly younger rich kids who could afford medical school somehow right out of high school and undergrad.

One day in particular, the hospital fire alarm got yanke...

Two friends, George and Ted, were sitting in a bar and talking.

"I just don't know what to do about my son," George said sadly. "He graduated from high school last year, and he still hasn't enrolled in any colleges or gotten a job."

"Maybe I could help your son get a job at the local hospital," said Ted. "I work there, you know. If your son starts working...

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Health Plans

There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees a patient pleasuring himself right there in the hallway. "Wh...

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A cop pulls a guy over..

Goes up to the drivers window, says “license and registration please.”

Guy says “here is my registration, I’m sorry but I don’t have my license on me.”

The officer, in a good mood replies, “that’s okay, what’s your name I can look you up in our system”

“Nick”

“Nick... wha...

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A doctor, a nurse and an orderly go to the bathroom together

after they are finished the doctor goes to the sink and washes both her hands all the way to the elbow

the nurse goes to the sink and washes one hand very thoroughly

the orderly stands there and watches them.

As they are leaving, the doctor says with an air of indignation, "In m...

Mother and daughter go to the doctor

After running some tests due to some non specific symptoms, the doctor tell them, “well looks like you are going to be a grandma, your daughter is pregnant ma’am”

The mother is infuriated, insults the doctor telling him that her daughter “knows no man” and leaves the office fuming.

The...

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Healed!

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advic...

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Did you hear about the octopus who works as a therapist? (nsfw)

He studied at Harvard medical school, graduated top of his class in behavioral psychology, and received his PHD with honours. The octopus has published many papers, and receives referrals from other doctors for patients suffering from depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. He is also highly rega...

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A man discovers some weird fuchsia spots on his penis

after returning from a pleasure trip to Xinjiang. So he sees his doctor, who has no clue what it is and sends the guy to his medical school mentor. The old mentor pages through some of his dusty books and finally identifies the disorder as a rare, China-specific venereal disease, the only cure for w...

A cop pulls over a guy on a motorcycle...

and asks him for his name.

"My name is Ed." he said.

"Just Ed? no last name?"

"Just Ed."

"care to explain?" asked the cop.

"Well, it started a long time ago. I was Ed Johnson. As a kid, I always wanted to be a doctor. So I studied hard and finally graduated medic...

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First-year med-students in their first anatomy class...

It is the first day of medical school, and the doctor in charge of the new class has all the new students gather in the main lecture hall for the orientation. Taking his place in front of the group, he starts his speech.

"In order to succeed in the world of medicine, you must first master two...

Med School

This happened while I was in my first year of medical school. I was taking an exam in anatomy. It was really tough. They asked questions like, "How many bones are there in the hand?" I was stymied. I kept saying to myself, "How many bones are there in the hand?" And then I heard this little voice th...

3 guys are sentenced to 10 years in solitary confinement...

The warden says that each guy is allowed to bring one object into the tiny cell with them to help them withstand their punishment.

The first guy asks for a Bible. The second guy asks for a medical encyclopedia. The third guy asks for a 12-carton case of cigarettes.

At the end of th...

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A father just had his first son...

"I'm going to give him everything he desires" the father said as he saw his newborn son.

As soon as the son started speaking, "Son what do you wish for?" The son replied..."ping pong balls" , the father wanting to keep his promise bought him that.

The child grew and was a brilliant kid...

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