UPJOKE
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A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!” ...

I dated a dental assistant once

She had the whitest teeth I’ve ever come across.

Told my folks I’ve got a dental appt today…

Dad asked if it was at two:thirty

This dude goes to his dental appointment

The dentist is flossing his teeth.

Dentist: "So, when's the last time you flossed your teeth?"

Dude: "Bro!!! You don't remember?!"

"You were there!"

Nobody knew she had a dental implant

until it slipped out in conversation.

Dental Forms

At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. As I signed the first one, I joked with the receptionist, "Does this say that even if you pull my head completely off, I can't sue you?"

"No, that's the next sheet. This one says you still have to pay us."

Yesterday I went in for my yearly dental exam.

I had forgotten my dentist had retired last year so I was a little surprised to see a new dentist waiting for me who, come to find out, had just graduated from dental school in russia. After exchanging greetings I sat down and he began his exam. As he was working I casually looked over at his wall d...

My local dental hygienist passed away last week.

A plaque was put up in her honour, but it kept getting removed.

Why are murders in Kentucky so hard to solve?

Because there are no dental records and all the DNA matches.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources officer asked a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “and what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years? Say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow!! ...

Why do frat boys major in dental health?

Because they wanna see what that mouth do

Imagine America's best dentists competing against each other in fixing dental problems

We'll call the show "Top Gum"

My cousin told me it's totally safe to get a dental piercing

Turns out he was lying through his teeth.

My dental hygienist is so hot

I eat a full box of oreos in the waiting room before having her clean my teeth.

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Dental [Long][NSFW]

A father stops to talk to his son before leaving the house forever. He says, "Son, I'm going to give you some advice that will serve you well throughout your life. Stay away from women. They are nothing but trouble.... Also, they have a hole between there legs with teeth. If you put anything in that...

I went to a new Dentist to get some dental work done.

He said he's going to put me under and I'll feel a small prick in my mouth.

This experience left a bad taste in my mouth.

A man and his corroded dental appliance..

A man returned for the third time to the dentist to get his dental appliance replaced due to corrosion.

The dentist asked if he ate a highly acid diet, or was fond of citrus, etc.

The man replied that his wife made an excellent holllandaise sauce that was so good he put it on just abou...

What do you call dental x-rays?

Tooth pics

Blizzard Entertainment will need to stop offering Dental benefits

All their employees are way too afraid to open their mouths

My roommate is really dedicated to dental hygiene

just last night I heard her using an electric toothbrush for what seemed like an hour

A guy walks into a dental office...

and he says to the dentist, "I think I'm a moth."

The dentist says "Well you should see a psychiatrist!"

The man replies "I already am."

So the dentist asks, "Well what are you doing here then?"

The man says "your light was on."

Crude Dental Work (In Australian)

Man on island, has bad tooth. Needs tooth removed. Friend with an axe is like, I know what to do mate. Uses axe to try to remove tooth but unintentionally knocks out all his teeth. First guy is like, Ouch-aroo mate, that is a 10/10 on the pain scale. Axe guy says, 'Hey man, it was Axe-y Dental'

What do you call a Gungan with bad dental hygiene?

Tartar Binks

What’s brown and very bad for your dental health?

A baseball bat.

My mom was always obsessed with dental hygiene...

...she would always take her electric toothbrush to bed and brush her teeth all night!

How many dental hygienists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, but that's only because you're not flossing enough.

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When I was ten I swallowed some dental floss. When it came out it was all tied up.

I shit you knot.

2020 has been a great year for me, personally. My dental hygiene is better than ever!

I got tired of smelling my own breath through this damn MASK!

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Good dental hygiene is so important.

My last girlfriend had the nicest teeth I've ever cum across.

I referred to my dentist as an orthodontist by mistake.

It was acci*dental*.

A mans wife goes in for a dental checkup.

After the appointment the doctor comes out to greet the man.

The man says "how was it?"

The doctor replies "Your wife has a lot of cavities that need to be filled."

The man replies "that must be hard on you."

The doctor replies "Not really I get paid every month to dril...

9/10 dentists recommend good dental hygiene...

The other dentist is from England.

One benefit to being in the KKK is their great dental plan-

\- it keeps them white.

What time are most dental appointments scheduled for?

Tooth hurty.

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I usually scream and curse a lot in the dental clinic

Just to fuck with my patients.

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A young man worked in the porn industry to pay his way through dental hygienist school.

A young man worked in the porn industry to pay his way through dental hygienist school. After graduating he took a job in a dentist office. One day a familiar looking woman arrived for a cleaning. Upon examination, he couldn’t help but notice her extremely white teeth. Suddenly he realized how h...

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How I lost my Teeth

I was in my local pub last night enjoying a nice cold pint of beer, when this butt ugly fat bird came up to me and slapped me in the back, and said “how about giving me your number handsome”

I looked at her and asked “Do you have a pen” “sure!” She said.

So I said, “ Well you bett...

When you said “friends with benefits”…

… I assumed you offered a dental plan.

My doctor gave me a prescription for this new hormone replacement therapy.

Turns out it also helps with toothaches. It's trans-and-dental medication.

You brush your teeth at night to keep your teeth...

You brush them in the morning to keep your friends.

Credit of this joke goes to my dental hygienist

What is another name for a dental assistant?

A flossitute.

As the result of an accident, a man lost teeth and had to have a partial plate made.

His dentist built a standard dental plate and fitted it into his mouth and it worked just fine.

In three months, the man was back at his dentist. The dentist looked in his mouth, and the plate he had just put in was so deteriorated it was beyond repair.

The dentist was shocked that it ...

If Listerine kills 99.9% of germs

and what doesn't kill something makes it stronger,

are we really on the right track with all this dental hygiene stuff?

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jerry has a 69

After a excitingly hot 69 position with his girlfriend , Jerry remembered he had a dentist Appointment

He was afraid the dentist would smell Pussy on his breath! So he brushed his teeth several times
Gargled ½ a litre of Listerine used dental floss as well

As he arrived at the dent...

CBS was looking to start up a new show "CSI: Mississippi"

But they couldn't, because there's no dental records and everyone has the same DNA.

So I was talking with a dentist...

...and I asked if he had any crazy stories from his years in practice.

"Yes, actually. One time I cut a man's arm off."

"What, how!?"

"I could trouble you with the details, but I really just did it acciDENTALly."

My Dad has the heart of a lion

and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice

My Wife's cooking is so bad

If you left Dental Floss in the kitchen



The Roaches would hang themselves!

What is Mario's favorite type of insurance?

DentalDentalDental

School play

Little Johnny's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment.

Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.

Johnny enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. I play a man who's been married for...

I'm filling in for my friend who got hung over from yesterday's drinking..

His patients wont be thrilled if they knew I never went to Dental College

Ever since quarantine, my pubes have gotten really long,

But think about all the money I've saved on dental floss.

"Thanks for the gold, kind stranger"

I told as I was taking away his dental implant.

I'm looking for a "friend with benefits"

Health Care at a minimum. Dental would be nice but not required.

Did you hear about the New Ager who rejected anesthetic when he had a cavity filled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

How did the man lose his teeth?

AcciDENTALly

Got this from my dad tonight...You know why they don't have CSI in Arkansas?

They don't have enough teeth for dental records, and they all have the same DNA.

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