Today, my wife was told by the pediatrician that our 18 month old son isn’t talking much because he doesn’t want to.

I could’ve told her that.

This blonde goes to the pediatrician...

This blonde goes to the pediatrician because her baby keeps getting diaper rashes. The pediatrician asks, "How often do you change your baby?"

The blonde says, "Once a month."

The doctor yells, "What? Why do you only change him once a month?"

The blonde says, "Well, the box says...

What do a drill Sargent and a pediatrician have in common?

Little patients.

A woman brings her baby to the pediatrician who says "wow...your baby is beautiful". She tells him thanks and that he must say that to all moms who bring in their babies. He says to her "oh no I don't"..........

......she asks, what do you do if the baby is ugly? He says "I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and I say your baby looks just like you."

My kid's pediatrician cancelled my appointment because i was 5 minutes late

He has very little patients.

What is the difference between a Priest and a pediatrician?

One of them has a license to touch kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Medical experts in Washington DC today were asked if it is time to ease the COVID lockdowns.

Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. Gastroenterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve. Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while optome...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest, a lawyer, and a pediatrician are on a ship that is going down..

The pediatrician shouts, "Save the children!"
The lawyer yells,"Fuck the children!"
The priest then replies "Do you think we have time?"

A wise man advised a pediatrician and a physician not to follow his advice.

This became a paradox for a pair of docs.

Why are pediatricians always in a rush?

They have little patients.

Many people call their animals "fur babies" but,

As soon as I start calling children "skin dogs", suddenly I'm the worst pediatrician in this hospital!

A kid doctor is called a pediatrician, and an animal lover is a zoophile, what do you call someone who loves kids.

A Priest

Why did the pediatrician get frustrated when he got home from work?

Because he'd had little patients all day

During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expres...

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A German baby was adopted by a wealthy couple

He grew into a happy, healthy boy, except for one thing: he never spoke.

After five years of silence, little Wolfgang's parents began to worry that he might have a disability. They took him to all the best pediatricians and speech therapists, but none could provide a solution.

One ...

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A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised...

A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised. He meets with a pediatrician who says "ya know we used to use the foreskin from the circumcision to do skin transplants for kids born without eyelids... But we had to stop because they started coming out cockeyed"

A pediatrician and funeral guy opened up a business together.

The sign out front said "Either way, you get your kid back"

Three Doctors were discussing pain,

three Doctors were discussing ways to treat pain.

The first Doctor said that he thought Advil or Tylenol would do in most cases.

The second Doctor said that he thought that prescription pain pills were needed a lot more than are prescribed.

The third Doctor said that he believed...

My trip to the doctor's office...

So I scheduled my appointment online with a doctor. I showed up, paid my copay and everything went well. The Nurse started to take my vitals, then said to me, we need to hurry up and get you seen by the doctor. I asked why were we in such a hurry.

She said, you are a fully grown man, and...

I couldn't decide if I wanted to be a doctor or a priest.

So I combined both my passions and became a pediatrician.

Mr. and Mrs. Zombie were concerned about Baby Zombie’s eating habits...

Mr. and Mrs. Zombie were concerned about Baby Zombie’s eating habits, so they took him to the zombie pediatrician.

“I don’t understand what’s going on!” Mrs. Zombie complained. “We’ve been trying to get him to start harvesting and eating solid brains, but he’s doing it all wrong.”

Mr. ...

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Three doctors enter bar

Three doctors enter the bar.
All drink a lot.
First one is Pediatrician.
Next Podiatrist
And the Psychiatrist.

All get up together
and go to pee

There are three urinals
all by side.

Pediatrician pees with start and stop
Podiatrist does a steady piss.
But ...

I've never vaccinated any of my kids...

I just pay the pediatrician to do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friends say I’m funny so I figured I’d write a joke.

So I went to a proctologist (read: butt doctor) because I’d been having some long term constipation and I figured I’d better get a prostate check to punch two holes in my club card, it was a real problem as funny as it sounds. Anyway I get there and I’m waiting in this cold room when a dude in a doc...

My Uncle was fired for sleeping with one of his patients...

The worst part is that he's a veterinarian.

Lol just kidding, he's a pediatrician.

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