Why are pediatricians always in a rush?

They have little patients.

A woman brings her baby to the pediatrician who says "wow...your baby is beautiful". She tells him thanks and that he must say that to all moms who bring in their babies. He says to her "oh no I don't"..........

......she asks, what do you do if the baby is ugly? He says "I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and I say your baby looks just like you."

After listening to Guns N' Roses, I want to become a pediatrician.

I figure all I need is little patients.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I always jerkoff before I come in to work

Then again, I probably shouldn't do it at the front door-

it kind of confuses the patients, but hey, the Pediatrician don't mind!

Why did the pediatrician hate waiting?

He had little patients.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest, a lawyer, and a pediatrician are on a ship that is going down..

The pediatrician shouts, "Save the children!"
The lawyer yells,"Fuck the children!"
The priest then replies "Do you think we have time?"

A kid doctor is called a pediatrician, and an animal lover is a zoophile, what do you call someone who loves kids.

A Priest

A pediatrician and funeral guy opened up a business together.

The sign out front said "Either way, you get your kid back"

This blonde goes to the pediatrician...

This blonde goes to the pediatrician because her baby keeps getting diaper rashes. The pediatrician asks, "How often do you change your baby?"

The blonde says, "Once a month."

The doctor yells, "What? Why do you only change him once a month?"

The blonde says, "Well, the box says...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Physicians were unable to reach a consensus:

Should Brexit take place?

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologists thought May had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetrician...

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My friends say I’m funny so I figured I’d write a joke.

So I went to a proctologist (read: butt doctor) because I’d been having some long term constipation and I figured I’d better get a prostate check to punch two holes in my club card, it was a real problem as funny as it sounds. Anyway I get there and I’m waiting in this cold room when a dude in a doc...

A German baby was adopted by a wealthy couple

He grew into a happy, healthy boy, except for one thing: he never spoke.

After five years of silence, little Wolfgang's parents began to worry that he might have a disability. They took him to all the best pediatricians and speech therapists, but none could provide a solution.

One ...

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A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised...

A man goes to the doctors to get his first son circumcised. He meets with a pediatrician who says "ya know we used to use the foreskin from the circumcision to do skin transplants for kids born without eyelids... But we had to stop because they started coming out cockeyed"

Mr. and Mrs. Zombie were concerned about Baby Zombie’s eating habits...

Mr. and Mrs. Zombie were concerned about Baby Zombie’s eating habits, so they took him to the zombie pediatrician.

“I don’t understand what’s going on!” Mrs. Zombie complained. “We’ve been trying to get him to start harvesting and eating solid brains, but he’s doing it all wrong.”

Mr. ...

Three Doctors were discussing pain,

three Doctors were discussing ways to treat pain.

The first Doctor said that he thought Advil or Tylenol would do in most cases.

The second Doctor said that he thought that prescription pain pills were needed a lot more than are prescribed.

The third Doctor said that he believed...

I've never vaccinated any of my kids...

I just pay the pediatrician to do it.

My Uncle was fired for sleeping with one of his patients...

The worst part is that he's a veterinarian.

Lol just kidding, he's a pediatrician.

My trip to the doctor's office...

So I scheduled my appointment online with a doctor. I showed up, paid my copay and everything went well. The Nurse started to take my vitals, then said to me, we need to hurry up and get you seen by the doctor. I asked why were we in such a hurry.

She said, you are a fully grown man, and...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three doctors enter bar

Three doctors enter the bar.
All drink a lot.
First one is Pediatrician.
Next Podiatrist
And the Psychiatrist.

All get up together
and go to pee

There are three urinals
all by side.

Pediatrician pees with start and stop
Podiatrist does a steady piss.
But ...