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Oncologist Jokes

Why do oncologists never get a break?

Because they’re always _oncol_

Not only is my wife really funny, but she's a world class clinical oncologist too.

She has a great sense of tumour.

what does an oncologist and an excel user have in common?

they both kill cells

What kind of doctor is always on call?

An oncologist!


...


I made this one up last night but I'm sure someone has thought of it before.

My dad won the industry award for best surgical oncologist.

They said his mastectomy work was breastaking.

"Right, I've been thinking." I said to the oncologist. "I'm not keen on radiotherapy or chemotherapy. At this stage I think it would be best to just let the disease take its natural course."

My wife's eyes filled with tears, "We should've discussed this together."

"My minds made up." I insisted.

"I think your wife is right." Said the consultant. "After all, she is the one with cancer."

What do you call a buff guy who predicts the weather and can treat a UTI?

A meaty urologist.





BONUS (courtesy of my girlfriend)



What do call someone who's available 24/7 and treats cancer?

An always oncologist.

"Inside you there are two wolves..."

*checks notes

"...sorry I meant tumors," said the oncologist.

What kind of doctor is always on call?

An oncologist.

What type of doctor never stops working?

An oncologist.

My wife just started a job as a doctor. She told me she wasn't sure how the hospital's "On-Call" system ...

... so I told her she should ask an oncologist.

Why do they nail coffins shut?

To stop oncologists from ordering another round of chemo

What would you call a doctor on call?

Q: What do you call a doctor on call?
A: An oncologist

Sorry if this joke gave you cancer xD

After his last appointment, my son complained about how his hair looked. I told him it'll grow on him.

His oncologist, on the other hand, is not as optimistic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor, a lawyer, a college student, and a priest sign up for a skydiving trip...

...and find themselves in the air at 12,000 feet. Three minutes before crossing the LZ, both engines come to a complete stop.

The silence is deafening, until the pilot who is also the instructor, pops out of the cockpit with a panicked look on his face and says 'Folks, I'm sorry-we're out o...

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