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Urologist Jokes

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A guy walks into a urologist’s office:

- Doc, I’ve been a faithful husband for 30 years. I love my wife, but the spark is gone and I haven’t even been able to get it up for a year now. Obviously, the missus is very upset about this. Please help.

- You amaze me! Have you ever heard of Viagra? Here, take some of these to try and co...

What do you call a urologist with a TikTok account?

A DikDok.

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“Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”

“OK, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the doc soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”

“But, Doc, I’ve been screwing the maid, too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”

“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.
...

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A man goes to see his urologist

about a problem he's having. "Well," says the doctor, "let's have a look at the little- Jesus Christ, that's quite the schlong you've got there!" - "Yeah, you see, it's 15 inches and scares the girls away. I'd really like to have it shortened by a few." The urologist contemplates the man's request s...

What's the difference between a urologist that has been working for one year and one that has been working for ten?

A vas deferens in experience.

A man comes to see a urologist...

"When is your earliest urination in the day and how regular is it"? - the doctor asks him.


"Every day, at exactly 8:00, I urinate" - the man responds.

"That's good. How about defecation? Any obstruction"?


"Every day, at exactly 8:10, I defecate, without any obstructions ...

Why did the Scotsman visit the urologist?

Because he had a wee problem.

Thanos goes to his urologist.

The urologist says, "Congrats Thanos, you now also have the kidney stone"

I was in the hospital for kidney issues and the urologist told me I needed a cystoscopy. I asked him what the hell that was.

"We are going to YouTube your Peetube."

An 89 year old man goes to the urologist

"Doc," he says, "I need a vasectomy."

"A vasectomy? Why in the world would you need a vasectomy at your age?"

"Well doc, I just married a beautiful 22-year-old woman, and last night she told me she was pregnant! I can't have more kids at my age!"

The doc thought for a second an...

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A man sees his urologist

His penis is all swollen and hurts. Says the Doctor “Well, how often do you sleep with your wife?”
The man answers “Well… Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday”

“M-hm” says the doctor. “But seeing how insanely swollen it is, the question comes to my mind:
Do...

What’s the difference between a urologist and a podiatrist?

One is a lot more impressed if you show him a foot.

What did the Urologist say to the student who just got accepted in Urology School?

"Urine"

What’s the difference between a phlebotomist and a urologist?

A phlebotomist pricks your finger…

My dad got randomly fussed at by the doctor when he went to the urologist After talking with the doctor for a bit, the doctor seemed distant and my dad asked "What is it?"

That doctor said "urine trouble"

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I went to see a urologist today

I didn't like them though, they really took the piss out of me.

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NSFW: What do you call a urologist who performs reconstructive surgery?

A cocksmith.

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A man went to his urologist to get himself a brand new penis...

The receptionist at the check-in desk took his name and information, and in the process, realized that the same man had been to the clinic a number of months earlier, making the same request.

Sighing, the receptionist turned around and called out, "Hey, doc, we got ourselves a re-peter!"

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You know what I say to my urologist when I walk in?

I bet you're the only who's seen more dicks than my ex-wife!

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A grim man enters an otolaryngologist's cabinet and whips out his penis... ...and it's all bluish and visibly not okay. The doctor, shocked: "You're in the wrong cabinet, you need to see the urologist!"

"No," says man. "The thing is, me and my friends go to a sauna once a month..."

"Ah, so then you'll need a dermatologist if it's caused by an STD" - interrupts the doctor.

"..and we play this reaction game called "Oof!" when we all whip out dicks and put them on a round table, music pl...

What did the urologist say when they made a discovery?

Urethra!

A urologist and a ear nose and throat doctor are golfing

When one of them sees an owl asleep in a tree by the ninth hole. The urologist looks over to the ENT doc and says “hey! I bet you 200$ I can give that owl a vasectomy without it waking up!”
The ENT doc says “you’re on!” The urologist goes up to the owl, rubs a special spot on its neck and perfor...

What did the urologist say when she suddenly discovered a cure for Urinary Tract Infections?

Urethra!

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Female urologist

Yesterday I had an appointment with an urologist for a preventive check up.
For my surprise the urologist was a very hot looking girl.
She noticed that I was nervous and tried to make me feel more confortable:
- Don't worry! I'm very professional and I've seen and done a lot of things. Y...

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What's the difference between a urologist and an anesthesiologist?

An urologist plays with somebody else's penis during surgery.

A man goes to the urologist

A man goes to the urologist. He walks in, takes down his pants and takes out his member.

"Doctor, doctor I have a problem. My wife says I'm premature."

"Premature? I'd say she has a point, I'm only the receptionist. Hold on a minute, the doctor will se you in a bit."

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A man goes to a urologist...

...and says he has a problem with his penis.

"OK, well, can you urinate, can you get an erection?"
"Sure, no problem."
"Ermm, well how about your sex life, can you describe it to me?"
"Well, I wake up and have sex with my wife. Then I make some coffee and vreakfast, and when she co...

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Did you hear about the blind urologist who had trouble finding his patient's penis?

You gotta hand it to him.

If you ever have dinner with a urologist, make sure you spend as much or more money on the food as he does.

They always prefer to split the deferens.

My urologist is the best

the last prostate check was painless and enjoyable,
and the best part is that he did it with both his hands on my shoulders!

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A guy walks into a Urologist's office

"So what seems to be the problem?"

"Well, doctor, I have this very young, very sexually demanding wife, and she just can't seem to keep her hands off of me. As soon as I come home from work she drags me to bed and pounces on me, and after dinner it's round two. Otherwise she's restless and ca...

Did you hear about the urologist that was eaten by a bear?

He was a meteorologist.

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[NSFW] When I visit my urologist I make sure he checks my whole body.

Sometimes I can be a dick.

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[NSFW] A man sees a urologist due to an abnormal growth in his groin area.

Urologist: "It looks like, you've got a third testicle growing!"

Man: "Oh.. erm... it isn't that bad, right?"

Urologist: "Having a third testicle might have ill side-effects in your health and your sexual ..."

Man (interrupting): "Okay, allright. What can we do?"

Urolo...

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My urologist found out I wasn't following his medical advice.

He is pissed off and told me "urine trouble."

My urologist had bad news for me

He said "urine so much trouble"

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Worried boy goes to doctor

A teenager worried about having three testicles goes to a urologist. The urologist assures him that it's nothing to worry about.

Relieved from tension, the boy goes to a stranger and says, "Did you know that there are 5 testicles among the two of us."

The stranger says, "I'm very sorr...

Why didn't the urologist finish his studies?

He couldn't handle the testes!

Two Urologists were discussing the results of a scan...

"These images look very similar, but if you you look closely you can see there's a vas deferens."

What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him?

URINE.

I'll let myself out.

4 out of 5 urologists...

...smell their apple juice before they drink it.

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I hate being a urologist.

My patients are always a bunch of dicks.

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I went to see my Urologist... [NSFW]

Who happens to be a gorgeous blond with great tits and a winning personality.

She comes into the room looking over my chart and begins to tell me that I need to stop masturbating.

I give her a puzzled look and ask her why.

She looks at me and says, I’m trying to examine you.

What do you call a non-religious Urologist?

An apostate feelin' your prostate.

So I called my urologist...

Receptionist: "Can you hold?"

Me: "No...that's why I'm calling"

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A man goes to see the urologist...

And the Doctor says: "Sir, I must tell you that you have to stop masturbating." Shocked, the man asks for what reason. Doctor replies: "Because otherwise I can't examine you."

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Two guys wait in the urologist’s office…

The first guy says, “I'm here because I've got a mysterious red line around my penis.”

The second guy, “I have a green line around my penis! Let me know what the doctor says on your way out.”

The first guy sees the doc and on the way out sees the other man waiting, “it went great! Noth...

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A man found his dick all red and swollen after banging a hooker.

In a panick he rushed to his family doctor to get it checked. The doc told him there was no cure and the only way was to have it amputated.

Refusing to accept his fate, he stomped out of the clinic and went to the best urologist in his country. But even there he was told that there was no cur...

What is a urologists favourite rap group?

ICP

Why are urologists selfish?

Because they're all about number one

A man goes to the doctor because it burns when he pees.

When the doctor walks in the man notices how buff he is. This doctor is SWOLE.

The exam begins and after some time the muscular physician cannot stop bringing up the weather.

"Hotter than normal this time of year, don't you think?"

"There's a storm coming in this weekend."
<...

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I understand many men avoid female urologists because they fear the embarrassment in case they get a boner.

But (whispering) wouldn't this be even more embarrassing with a male one?

What is the difference between a Gynecologist and a Urologist ?

The smell of their fingers.

The weather reporter at the crossfit gym was often mistaken for a physician.

People thought he was a meaty urologist.

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The scientific experiment

Three international urologists were arguing amongst themselves as to why the head of a man’s penis is larger in circumference than the shaft.

At the end, they decided to go back to their respective countries and perform sexual scientific experimentation, and then share their written conclusi...

What do you call a buff guy who predicts the weather and can treat a UTI?

A meaty urologist.





BONUS (courtesy of my girlfriend)



What do call someone who's available 24/7 and treats cancer?

An always oncologist.

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Chinese prostitute

A guy went to China and while there he met a very exotic woman who he ended up having sex with him. While it was the best sex he ever had, his penis started itching and then started to swell. When he got back to the States, he went to his urologist. By then it was turning purple black and was very ...

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Heard this one on the radio this morning.

An 80 year old man sees a hot young lady in the store. He approaches her and says "I don't mean this to sound like a pickup line, but you look familiar. Are you a doctor?" The young lady says "yes sir I am, I'm a urologist". The old man says "oh yeah I went to you 10 years ago because me and the wif...

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The nation's top medical experts were asked today if it was time to ease the COVID restrictions.

Allergists were in favour of scratching it.

Dermatologists advised not to make any rash decisions.

Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.

Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians thought the government was labouring under a misconcept...

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Jose went to the urologist for an exam...

When he removed his pants the doctor was surprised at what he saw.

"You have two penises!" Said the doctor.

"Yeah, I know." Jose replies, "I call the one on the left 'Little Jose.'"

The doctor smiles at the joke, "What about the other one?"

"I call that one 'Little Hose B...

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A man goes to the urologist...

The doctor asks "How many times per day do you masturbate?".

"About 4 or 5", said the man.

The doctor replied, "You should really stop".

"Why should I?", asks the man.

The doctor responds, "Because I'm examining you".

What did the urologist say to his patient who forgot to take his medication?

Urine trouble!

What did the group of urologists name their band?

I See Pee.

Why do urologists like UTIs?

It means urine business.

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Prostate exam

So I’m at my urology appointment for my prostate exam.

Urologist: “Sir, you really need to stop masturbating. “

Me: surprised “Why?!?”

Urologist: “Because I really need to finish this exam.”

What's the difference between hematologists and urologists?

A hematologist pricks fingers.

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A man is suffering from the worst headaches...

From about age 14, a man has been getting more and more intense headaches. They started mildly annoying, but have been consistently getting worse month after month, year after year.

Finally, after about 7 years of troublesome headaches turning into bothersome headaches, turning into debilita...

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Longer Each Day

Ralph awoke one day to realize that his member had inexplicably been growing larger and staying erect longer with each passing day. He was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks, his sex organ had grown to nearly 20 inches and Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressin...

The Optimist says "the glass is half full"

The Pessimist says, "NO it's half empty!"

The Urologist says, "well it's gonna be full soon!"

The Urophiliac says, "aaaawwww yeah!"

What do you call an overweight kidney doctor who can also predict the weather?

A meaty-urologist

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a can?

His wife died.



Credit to Mike Zahalsky, Urologist

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A man walks into the doctor's with an awful rash on his penis

The doctor asks if the man had been overseas recently, to which the answer was yes (he had just returned from a holiday in Asia).

The Doctor says "I'm sorry to tell you that you have Hong Kong Dong and your penis needs to be removed."

The man was shocked and extremely upset.
He left...

Detective Work

A urologist is sitting down to lunch when he gets a call from a NYPD detective. Puzzled, he picks up the phone and listens as the detective details the fact patterns of a homicide. After about 5 minutes the detective finishes, re-summarizes the facts, and asks the urologist: "Who do you think comm...

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What do you call a fat weather man that studies penises?

A meaty-urologist

So I had to call the urologist's office today....

They told me to please hold :(

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Circumcised

A man walks into a urologist office and says
"I want to be castrated"!
Dr Says "you can't be serious"!
Man says "I insist on being castrated." and drop 10 grand on the table

Next month this guy is talking to his friend who says
"I hear getting circumcised makes sex better.."
...

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Donald Trump has a problem.

Donald Trump has a problem.

He's had a long life of being a rich playboy, womanizer, having lots of sex. Recently, however, no matter what he does, he can't have an orgasm. He's tried sexy outfits for Melania, Viagra, porn, porn *stars,* Japanese massage parlors, fleshlights, pills from the...

I’m getting a vasectomy tomorrow

I’ll tell my urologist she can start with either side because ultimately it doesn’t make a vas deferens.

What's the difference between a weatherman and an overweight doctor that handles the urinary tract?

One's a meteorologist and the other's a meaty urologist.

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I see all these prostate exam jokes...enjoy!

Prostate Exam

A man
goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as
a precaution.

When he gets there, he discovers the
urologist is a very pretty female doctor.

The female
doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new
pro...

Urologist told me a joke during my vasectomy...

So during my vasectomy it was just me and the younger female doctor in the room. She was talking with me to distract me and said you want to hear a good vasectomy joke? Of course I said yes, not knowing it was going to go this way.

If a Bluebird has blue babies, a blackbird has black babies...

A person in a lab coat places a glass half-filled with a yellow liquid in front of 4 people.

Immediately, the first person pipes up, "Ah, I see the glass is half full!" This person is an optimist.

The second person states, "Naw man, why would he bring us a half-full glass? He obviously drank some. It's now half empty." This person is a pessimist.

The third person scoffs, "Why ...

What do you get a man who has everything?

A good urologist.

I just got a Vasectomy...

The urologist gave me a cup and said I had to fill it in 60 days then bring it back for a sperm count. I guess the surgery doesn't make a vas deferens right away...

Stopping the leaks

A urologist in London had a leak in his bathroom on a Sunday. He called a plumber who charged him a £50 call out fee plus another £100 for fixing the problem in 15 minutes.
The urologist was shocked and said to the plumber - I am a Urologist and I fix human water works and I don't get paid this ...

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I got thrown out of an exam for masturbating

I'll never be able to look my urologist in the eye again.

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Two Doctors

Two doctors decide to go on a hunting trip. The first is a urologist, specializing in vasectomies, and the other is an ENT specializing in tonsillectomies. They set up in their blind and sit all day without seeing anything. Disappointed, they make their hike back to the truck. On the way back they c...

I called the urologist's office for an appointment for erectile dysfunction. The girl on the phone checked the calendar and said, "alright, let's see if we can get you in.."

I said, "exactly."

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I send *so* many dick pics

My urologist should not have given me his number.

Why did the chubby kidney doctor go to the weather convention?

He heard they were looking for meaty urologists.

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An oldie, but a........ Well, at least it's old

An American soldier on leave in Bangkok has spent all of his time frequenting the local brothels and enjoying many of their girls. After a couple of days he notices a rash beginning to form on his penis. In another day or so, his member is inflamed, swollen and red. Soon it's burning horribly and dr...

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A man goes to his doctor

and complains that his penis is developing a bend in the middle. So the doctor ran a series of tests, and had the man return to his office to report the results. "Have you been in the Far East recently, within the last year or so?" "Why, yes," replied the man. "And did you have sex while over there?...

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