A man walks into an LGBTQ centre.

He walks up to the front desk and introduces himself. "Hello, I identify as a chocolate bar. Can I join?"

The receptionist replies "Sir, that's disgraceful! You're mocking the community. We're going to have to ask you to leave."

"You can't call me sir!" The man exclaims. "I use her/she...

60,000 blondes meet in a centre for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.

##

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says,...

Man sentenced to 5 years in prison for robbing a garden centre

The Judge ruled it as a crime against nature.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to the garden centre today to buy myself a Christmas tree

I went to the garden center today and bought myself a new Christmas tree, the store assistant asked me "will you be putting that up yourself?"

I replied, "no, you sick fuck, I'll be putting it up in my living room."

All the adults judged me because I jumped into the ball pit at the children's activity centre...

It's like they'd never seen a naked man before

My local garden centre is doing buy one, get one free on manure.

Now that's an offer not to be sniffed at.

A man has just finished a trip to the Sea Life Centre, and is finishing up an ice cream on the way back to his car

When getting in to his car, he has a bit of ice cream round his mouth.

A guy parking alongside notices the mans tyres are a little flat and gestures for him to wind his window down.

"Hey man, it looks like you've blown a seal!"

"It's just ice cream, I swear to God!"

If I had a pound for every time I went to the job centre...

I'd be able to afford another pack of cigarettes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

New nurse at an elderly care centre: "Hey, I was checking though Bills medication list and got curious, why would a 90 year old man need viagra while staying here alone?"

Nurse 2: "It stops him rolling out of bed."

Potato's in glasses are never the centre of attention.

They're just spec taters

I went up to a homeless man sitting on a bench in the town centre today with a cup of coffee for him.

I sat next to him and asked how he'd got in this position. He said to me "You know, three weeks ago I had it all, my own accomodation, a cook, good food, the internet,TV, I used to go to the gym,to the swimming pool, the library, everything" I replied, "Blimey, that's a bit rough, what happened, bad...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s gynaecology and call centre work have in common?

You spend most of your working day dealing with horrible cunts!

A lady just came up to me in the shopping centre and asked me to take apart in a survey....

Q1 - What grooming products do you use...... I don't think .. Facebook, Haribo and Puppies were the answers she was after..

r/Jokes is like a shopping centre

If you've seen one, you've seen the mall

There was a sign outside the drug rehab centre.

'Keep off the grass'

I've just walked past our local community centre and I could clearly hear these board-game enthusiasts...

...all stood in the porchway bragging endlessly about their various tournament accomplishments.

You might think that sounds like it would have been pretty annoying for me, but infact...

​

​

I rather like the sound of chess-nuts boasting in an open fo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A scouser walked into the job centre.

A scouser walked into the local job centre to pick up his dole cheque
He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know; I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening...

What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe?

A refund.

credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)

What do you call a group of virgins waiting in line at the job centre?

An untapped resource

I used to work in a circumcision centre...

The pay was meagre but the tips were great.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At an ISIS recruitment centre...

Interviewer: Name?

Recruit: Saaed Bin Hasrat.

Interviewer: Sex?

Recruit: Often twice a day.

Interviewer: No, no. Male or female?

Recruit: Male, female, sometimes camel, mostly sheep.

A man walks into a garden centre looking to buy some plants.

Upon entering, he sees a plant with beautiful purple/red flowers...and notices it also has hands that are tightly gripping something.

Amazed by this, he tries to pry the fingers apart in order to see what is between the plant's hands, but is unable to.

He approaches one of the workers ...

"That is him." I said to my wife in the shopping centre.

"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."

A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her. "Well, what did he say?"

"Nothing." I said. "It's a rubbish bin."

I was at the swimming centre with my son. I said, "Use your legs, come on. Keep kicking. Your arms are doing all the work."

His chocolate bar got stuck in the vending machine.

My Local Youth Centre Wanted a Donation Towards Their Pool

i gave them a bucket of water

A man and a woman were waiting at a hospital donation centre.

The man asks the woman, "What are you here to donate?"

The woman replies, "I'm here to give my blood. The hospital is going to pay me $5 for it."

"Good on you! I'm here to donate sperm," says the man, "The hospital is going to pay me $25 for it."

The woman woman looked thoughtf...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I saw a bunch of chocolate balls making fun of a shopping centre.

I've never liked mall teasers.

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre.

I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre. "What Evers the matter?" I asked him.

The old man wiped his eyes and gave out a whispering sniffle "you know son I'm the luckiest man alive. I'm 91 years old, I've traveled around the world, I'm a multi millionaire and ...

What do you call an Asian woman who lives next to a data centre?

Ping Lo.

I saw Michael J. Fox in a gardening centre the other day...

He had his back to the fuchsia.

A chinese man walks into a job centre

A chinese man walks into a job centre, the person asks him "can you work in a shop?" the chinese man says "no no, can't work in shop" the person says "can you work in a restaurant?" the chinese man says "no no, can't work in restaurant" The person says "are you any good at supplies then"

The...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre. After the community sing song led by Alice at the piano it was time for the Star of the Show: Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at...

My son is three years old and I took him shopping.

When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket. Now, I didn't buy it and he certainly didn't buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping centre and went to the jewellers.

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant . . .

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford



It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."



To which the call centre employee replied, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman finds a lost boy in the shopping centre

A woman finds a lost boy in the shopping centre.

Woman: Where are your parents?

Boy: I don’t know!

Woman: What is your mummy’s name?

Boy: (looking confused) Mummy.

Woman: Ok, what does daddy call mummy?

Boy: You Fucking Whore.

(True Story BTW)

My friend works at a recycling centre crushing soft drink cans all day

It's soda pressing

Donkey screws a girl

A new circus rolls into New York. Despite the new and wonderful acts, the circus keeps running at half-house.

Worried about his fortunes, the circus owner erects a board saying, 'Never seen before Act, at an invitational price of $69.... Donkey Screws a Girl'

As predicted, the show qui...

These Samsung Foldable phones seem to be breaking everywhere

They are breaking left right and centre

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sheep Shagging

An old Oxford professor is nearing retirement and decides that he wants to do something fun for once. He's spent his whole life researching scientific theories in his lab and wants to do something outside for a change, so he asks his assistant for a suggestion of something different to go and resear...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near...

...His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast .
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra...

Brain Dead

A man got into a car accident and was rushed to hospital. At the hospital, the man's doctor declares him to be brain-dead. Soon, the man's wife shows up at the hospital. The doctor gives the wife the bad news.

"What now?! What are my options?" Sobs the wife.

The doctor replies, "Well, ...

A pilot encounters engine trouble during a storm over the Pacific Ocean

In a desperate attempt, he crash-lands on an uncharted island and loses consciousness.

A day or so later, he awakens to find himself bound and being dragged by some native savages to their camp.
The natives are going wild at the spectacle, as he is left in the center of the camp next to a...

3 explorers are lost deep in the jungle.

After days of desperate wandering they stumble upon a tribal village, where they are quickly captured and brought before the Chief.
The Chief adresses the first explorer and demands, "you! Death, or bobo?"
The first explorer, longing for his young wife, says, "I promised my wife I would re...

A lady decided to give herself a treat

A lady decided to give herself a treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in one of Melbourne's most expensive hotels.
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $500.
She exploded, demanding to know why the charge was so high.
The clerk told her $500 wa...

African Horses

In a world of horse racing dominated by the West, a new super power emerged. South African jockeys were jockeys were completely dismantling their opponents despite riding lame horses and weighing 250 pounds. Their budget just wasn't high enough to afford high quality gear, but they were still beatin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two death row inmates are asked about their final wish before they're executed.

The first inmate says: "I want to hear the entire Journey to the Centre of the Earth album by Rick Wakeman one last time."

"Alright, we can do that", says the guard and he asks the second inmate what he wants.

"Well, in that case", the second inmate says, "can you execute me first?"

Henry Tudor: "I'm going to build a car park in the centre of Leicester."

Richard III: "Over my dead body."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fat fashion designer has found a time machine [OC]

Thinking about how many opportunities of discovery await him, he went inside and clicked a button.

He soon found himself in ancient rome. He noticed all the plebs wearing cool ancient clothes so he quickly went to the nearest shopping centre.

Being fat himself, he asked the shopkeepe...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mum and daughter wants to get a parrot.

There was a parrot given away by a prostitution and it was sent to the adoption home. The mum and daughter went to the adoption home and looked at the parrot and all the parrot kept saying is "Fuck you! Fuck you!".

Finding it funny, the mum and daughter enquired about the parrot's traits and...

A man visits a chicken farm.

A man visits a chicken farm to buy some eggs. He knocks on the farmhouse door, the farmer opens it and invites him in. After picking out a box of a dozen eggs, the man caught a glimpse of a golden shine coming through a slightly opened door to his left. The man asks the farmer about the light and is...

Found this in my timeline...

I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre. Now,the Yorkshire police, the Nati...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"I saw a job advertised as a fanny waxers assistant"

Job includes; removing ladies knickers, prepare fanny for waxing and rub oil in after waxing. When i asked at the job centre, they said i had to go to Cornwall. I said, "why is that where the job is?" No they said, "thats where the fucking back of the queue is!!"

A blonde is looking for a job

On the first day she applied for a clerk in a business firm and had an interview. When she's finished the manager said,"I'm afraid you're not capable of the duty."

On the second day she applied for the McDonald's and had an interview. The manager kicked her out and said,"you dumb get lost."...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a great and glorious nation.

“Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a great and glorious nation. Favourite amongst his subjects was the court painter of whom he was very proud. Everybody agreed this wizzened old man pianted the greatest pictures in the whole kingdom and the king would spend hours each day gazing at them ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This is how bad the economy is:

* My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
* Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
* CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
* Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
* A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with ro...

My mayor claims he's a Honda dealer...

He calls his dealership the Civic Centre

When Aphrodite poses naked on a seashell she's "beautiful" and "a goddess"

But when I do it apparently I'm "drunk" and "barred from the Sea Life Centre".

A Lada owner comes to Mercedes service

A few years after the collapse of USSR a poor Russian bloke brings his old Lada to a recently opened Mercedes service centre. He takes all of his savings from the pocket, around $100, and tells them that he would love to have some genuine Mercedes parts installed in his Lada. He knows he can't affor...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A golfer in his SL500AMG pulled into a service station after his game.

The attendant pumping his gas looked into the car and saw two golf tees in the centre console.

"What's them pointy things there?" asked the attendant.

"They're called tees. You rest your balls on them when driving."

"Fuck me, Mercedes think of everything!"

Court Ruling from the UK

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulati...

A chicken walks into a library

He goes up to the librarian and says "bok", so the librarian gives him a book, which he takes away.

The next day the chicken returns to the library and, returning the previous book, says "bok bok". So the librarian gives him two books, and the chicken goes off on his merry way again.
...

THE BIG CRASH

It is the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the centre of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, miraculously neither driver is hurt.

They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the ...

Ugly scenes

Ugly scenes in centre of Leicester this evening

An 'anti Trump' protestor threw a traffic cone, narrowly missing US President by 5802 miles

A paranoid man stays at a hotel,

As per habit, he checks every inch of his hotel room looking for mics, cameras or any surveillance device.
Sure enough, right in the centre of the room, under the bed, under the carpet is a small, black metal object firmly bolted to the floor.
He takes out his equipment, detaches the metal ob...

What do you call a sheep tied to lamppost in Wales?

A leisure centre.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Harold in the Nursing Home. This is my grandma's favourite joke.

Disclaimer: I just heard this joke today, so I apologize if this is old news for some of you.


Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One even...

A man has to kill to add 20 years into his life. But at a price...

I've made a deal with _Death_. When I "died" death came up to me and said

"Congratulations! You're the 100th billion person to die! You can choose to live on in heaven OR choose to live forever back on Earth! As long as you kill a person, that person will give you 20 more years to live! But ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A friendly joke from us in Australia

We were walking past the local community centre in our town when we saw a window licker, or 'mong' if you will.

Fucking funniest thing we ever saw.

"Fucktard", shouted one of my mates. We all laughed.

"Bed soiler", shouted Jack, the joker of the pack. We laughed even harder.
...

Yo, Hillary, I'm really happy for you, and I'ma let you finish...

...but the World Trade Centre had one of the best collapses of all time! One of the best collapses of all time!

Sherlock and Watson were walking through an orchard...

As they walk Watson keeps asking Sherlock to identify the trees they are seeing. After some time they approach a clearing and in the centre is a lone tree.
Watson asks "Sherlock what is that tree with yellow skinned fruit?"
Sherlock smiles and replies "That's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm organising an charity...

...event in my town next weekend , we're gonna be in the Community Centre from 1 - 5 pm. There's gonna be a raffle & guest speaker & all the proceeds are in the name of erectile/ ejaculation dysfunction syndrome.


So please let me know if you cant come.

A professional golfer was...

angry when a man claimed his gorilla played better golf than the pro did. Betting $10,000 to prove it, the pro teed up on a par five and hit a beautiful shot down the centre of the green.

The man pulled his gorilla out of a cage and handed him a club. Pointing to the where the hole was, he ...

True Story.

My wife and I were shopping with her parents. Lovely people, who had just booked a holiday to New York to visit my brother in-law, who is expecting his first child. In preparation for this they needed to buy new luggage. We were walking around the shopping centre and had a few bags by the time th...

Two guys were just arrested.

I just saw on the news that two guys have been arrested in the city centre. One was drinking battery fluid and the other was chewing fireworks. One of them was charged but the other was let off.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A timeless, Irish classic.

About twenty years ago, the Irish government decided to set up a secret service, much like MI5 in the UK. The three best Gardai (Irish police officers) were selected to participate in a number of tests in order to determine who would receive the coveted title of 001.
The three Gardai, each repres...

Comic-Con Mysteries Panel

A friend of mine went to Comic-Con in San Diego a few years back, and attended a panel on mystery books and movies. Authors and actors there, a large panel, nearly 20 people. Most of the cast of the Sherlock Holmes movies and a few Agatha Christie adaptation were there. One of the audience members a...

A Job Wanted

A dog walks into a job centre, goes up to the woman at the desk and says, 'Good afternoon, miss. I'm looking for work.'
The woman looks up, amazed, and says, 'Good heavens, a talking dog! Er... well, let's try the circus in town. I'll give them a ring.'
The dog says, 'The circus? What on earth...

An old married couple is travelling on the road. Decided to take a room.

An old married couple is travelling by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk ha...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Good news, bad news and worse news

A guy and his new wife submitted samples for testing before trying to have children. Once the results are in, the husband goes into the medical centre to receive the findings.

"I've got good news, bad news and worse news for you, sir," says the lab tech who greets him. "The good news is you'r...

Ever have one of those days where you're wiping away and the poo is all wet and slimy so your finger breaks through the toilet roll and your finger just slips inside, like two knuckles deep? I just had a day like that.

Anyway, I'm not allowed to volunteer at *that* child care centre anymore.

"I am the young brother, let me through"

A man rushed to a gathering at an accident scene. Unable to see the victim because of the crowd the man said,"I am the young brother, let me through" The crowd looked at the man & paved the way silently.At the centre lay a donkey which had been hit by a car.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

BONGO!

Three guys in the jungle get captured by a native tribe.

The chief announces to them (Yeah, they all speak English) that they will be killed, unless they submit to BONGO, in which case, they will be set free.

The first of them agrees to BONGO, and is promptly taken to the centre of the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One question

The Mayor of London, England was very much worried about a plague of pigeons in the city centre. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of London was full of pigeon poop, the people of London could not walk on the pavements or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the stre...

Canadian Protesters...

So there were some protesters at the Canadian parliament buildings yesterday. 2 of them had the great idea to scale the Peace Tower (the massive tower on the centre front) and stand on the roof. Unfortunately, the copper roof broke and one of the men fell down the tower hitting the bells on his way ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You'll never guess what happened to me last week...

This is a completely true story.

So last Saturday I'm sat at home in front of the tv when my phone rings.

"Hello, who's this?" I answer.

"Hi it's Margery, I'm your brother's next door neighbour. Sorry but I didn't know who else to ring, a pipe has broke in your brother's house a...

Husband Superstore

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that f...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Officers from USA, Russian and Finland

Officers from Russia, The US and Finland where having a beer at a bar. They were of course bragging about how great their armies are.

The American said that "We have so many airplanes that if them all would fly at the same time the sun would be covered and the day would turn dark for a momen...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A middle-aged woman saves money...

...for a plastic surgery. She wants to have a facelift. Finally, the big day arrives on her 47th birthday. It costs 5,000 dollars, but she feels like it was worth it. Her face is extremely beautiful and young again.

She wants to test it, though, so she goes for a walk in the city centre. She ...

A Chinese shop owner

Tourist: What's your name?

Shop Owner: Moshe Dayan

Tourist: But you don't look Jewish. You look Chinese.

Shop Owner: Yes, you're right.

Tourist: Then how did you ever get a name like Moshe Dayan?

Shop Owner: It's like this. Years ago, when i came to America, I was ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a guy is hiking in a forest and it's getting dark

He's too far from his car to make it back by nightfall and the woods are dangerous at night. Luckily, he comes upon a clearing with a quaint little cottage in the centre. A middle-aged Chinese man is sitting outside the cottage watching the sunset.
The hiker asks the wizened man if he could stay ...

My boss phoned me.

"You're late."

I said, "I'm driving right now. Can't talk."

"Where are you?"

"I'm at the go-kart centre." I replied.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] "Good Luck Mr Collins"

Two astronauts successfully landed on the moon and transmitted their thoughts and feelings back to mission control. They described the moon's surface, the atmosphere, the temperature and their feelings of elation at being there.

Just as the transmission was going off, one of the astronauts w...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon...

When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says ‘I’m giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.’ He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket.

The Frenchman and th...

Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, Social Security, retirement funds, and everything that I called the Suicide Lifeline. I was forwarded to a call centre in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they asked if I could drive a truck...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wee Jimmy joins the circus.

Wee Jimmy is having a hard time at home so one day he decides 'fuck it' and runs off to join the circus.

He hops on to a bus to the town green where the lorries have just parked-up and the circus folk are putting up the big top. He finds the Ringmaster, tells him about his horrible home-life ...

Some Strange jokes. 0_0

Knock, knock. Who’s there? A scientist trying to find out what makes jokes funny.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the oth...

Why did the referee blow his whistle at the leper hockey game?

There was a face off at centre ice.

The Golf Club Mobile Phone

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club when a mobile phone on a bench starts to ring. A man picks it up, engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
"Hello," He says,
"Honey, it's me," says a woman, "are you at the club?"
"Yes," replies the man,
"Well I'm at ...

Two blondes walk up to a bus stop...

The first blonde walks up to the bus and asks, "will this bus take me to the city centre?"
The driver replies, "I'm afraid not."

The second blonde walks over, smiles sweetly and asks, "will it take *me* there?"

I knew they weren't fooling around

Little Sameer was failing in maths. His parents tried everything.

Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centres, but nothing helped. As a last resort, someone told them to try a Catholic School.

"Those nuns are tough" they said.

Sameer was soon enrolled at St. Mary's...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A pygmy wants to be popular

However, among his tribe, he's nothing special. He's pretty small despite his 18 years of age, he's not particularly attractive and he's a bit shy. Then, it occurs to him. He writes a letter to the Guinness Book of World Records, claiming that he has the smallest hands of any adult in the world. He ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Doctor Doctor, I have three vaginas"

Well is it causing you any problems?

"Problems!? I'm getting fucked left right and centre!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three gangsters in a fancy restaurant...

Three gangsters, Vito, Carlo, and Nick are sitting around a table in a fancy restaurant. They’ve just finished their meal and have ordered some brandy. While they’re waiting for the brandy Vito pulls out a cigar and a $50 bill. He sticks of the bill into the flame of the candle in the centre of the ...

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in New Zealand?

A community centre

A policeman pulled over a speeding car

turned to the driver and said "Do you understand that you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit down the centre of the road?"

The guy smiles and says "Of course I did, that's what it said to do on my driver's license"

The policeman confused asks "and where does it say that?"

T...