UPJOKE
gynaecologistobstetriciandermatologistpediatricianoncologistcardiologistinternistneurologistphysicianpsychiatristveterinariansurgeonnephrologistclinicspecialist

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Woman went to a gynecologist

She laid on the table and and spread her legs. The doctor started the examination.

"Wow, you have a huge vagina, wow you have a huge vagina."

Woman was embarrassed, and said:

"Yes I know, but you didn't have to say it twice."

To which the doctor replied:

"I only sa...

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A woman comes home from the Gynecologist

She tells her husband “The doctor says I have an infection, and I can’t put anything in there for two weeks, so no sex”

Her husband says “well what did your dentist say?”

I accidentally called my gynecologist thinking it was my dentist

The person on the other end was horrified when I asked about my routine cleaning

Did you hear about the Buddhist gynecologist?

He knows how to find the chi spot.

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Sara goes to the gynecologist for an examination.

She gets up on the examining table with her feet in the stirrups, and the doctor, with his head now between her legs, whispers to himself "My, what a large vagina. My, what a large vagina. My, what a large vagina. My, what a large vagina.”

“I heard you the first time! How many times must you...

What do a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist have in common?

They can smell it but they can’t eat it

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?

A wet nose.

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A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore."

"That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look."

She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she ...

How does a deaf gynecologist do his job?

He reads lips.

Who was Princess Leia's gynecologist?

OB-Wan Kenobi

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Young woman visits her gynecologist

After the checkup, he says: "Everything looks OK. If you have no questions, you are free to go."

She turn red and says, she has a question, but she is too embarased. But continues: "My partner wanted to try anal sex and when we did it, I liked it a lot and want to do it again, but first I wan...

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A genealogist looks up the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

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A woman is sitting in the exam room of her gynecologist

The doctor says, “You have the largest vagina I’ve ever seen”

“You have the largest vagina I’ve ever seen”

Taken aback, the woman says, “Well, you didn’t have to say it twice”

The doctor says, “I didn’t”

I’m thinking about becoming a gynecologist

I heard there was a lot of openings

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My wife said, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for six weeks”

I asked her….


“What did your dentist say?”

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Two Americans and a German gynecologist were having a drink...

After a few they start sharing stories from their professions. Since all 3 were gynecologists it soon became a brag-fest.

American 1: "I once had a patient who had a clitoris like a blueberry!"

American 2: "that's nothing, my last patient had one like a cherry!"

German: "I would...

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepa...

What’s another name for a gynecologist’s practice?

A box office.

A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive.

After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax. After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring.

It’s the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay.

“It doesn't matter,” answers the doctor. “Look, I was having a gin and to...

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?

Tunnel Vision

I went out on a date recently with my ideal woman. Highly educated, funny, compassionate, beautiful. When she told me she was a gynecologist, I knew she was the one for me

...she really checked a lot of boxes.

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A blonde goes to the gynecologist.

"What seems to be the problem?" he asked her.


"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina!"

The gynecologist took a look, chuckled and said, "Those aren't postage stamps, ma'am. They're the stickers off the bananas."

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I'm not a gynecologist

But I know a cunt when I see one

My wife came home and told me her gynecologist recognized her at the supermarket ...

I suggested she start wearing longer skirts.

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My Dad's a retired Gynecologist.

He's out sailing the world, sipping cocktails and enjoying his spare time hopping from hobby to hobby. I'm so happy for him.

It's like he used to say to his old clients, "as long as I put the work in now, the day will come when i'll be able to enjoy the fruits of your labia".

Why did the woman marry her gynecologist?

He checked a lot of boxes.

How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

Where do Gynecologists get their training?

...

...

...

Private School

Gynecologists and midwives are good at telling jokes

It's all about the delivery.

The Gynecologist of my wife started following her on Instagram.

I wonder, what more he wants to see...

A gynecologist notices that a new patient is nervous.

While putting on the latex gloves, he asks her if she knows how they make latex gloves. The patient says no. The doctor says, "There is a plant in Mexico full of latex that people of various hand sizes dip their hands into and let them dry. She does not crack a smile, but later she laughs. The docto...

How do you know a good gynecologist?

He can wallpaper the hall, stairs and landing through the letterbox!

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A chicken farmer goes into a bar, takes a seat next to a woman, and orders a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

He turns to her and says,

"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating," says the woman.

"What a c...

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A 70 year old virgin Nun goes to a gynecologist

Because she is experiencing some discomfort. When she explains what’s going on, the gynecologist runs some tests. Later he came back into the room and told the nun that her tests are positive for crabs. “That’s impossible, my body hasn’t been touched by anyone.” She says to him. So she leaves to go ...

He was born to be a gynecologist.

Dr. Howie Feltersnatch, OB/GYN

I really like this gynecologist I’m dating

He checks a lot of boxes

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Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”

La...

My mate Jack has just got himself a job as a gynecologist.

We now call him Flapjack.

Why do deaf people make the best gynecologists?

Because they can read lips

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A woman goes to her gynecologist for a routine exam.

A woman goes to her gynecologist for a routine exam. During the exam, the doctor remarks, "My, you have a big vagina...My, you have a big vagina."

Upset, the woman tells the doctor that he didn't need to say it twice. But the confused doctor replies that he only said it once.

Intrigued...

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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in...

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Husband & Wife Negotiating the “Nudge”

Husband and Wife are laying in bed. The husband rolls over and gives his wife the nudge. She says, not tonight honey. No sex tonight. I have a gynecologist appointment in the morning. I will make it up to you.
The husband agrees and rolls back over. A few minutes pass and the husband roll...

How did the deaf gynecologist make it to the top of his profession?

He's a great lip reader.

On a room full of doctors, how do you find the gynecologist?

It's easy. It's the one with the watch on his elbow.

What's something a dentist can say but a gynecologist cannot?

I'm a dentist.


EDIT: Do not read the comments they are not very appropriate.

EDIT 2: Okay people seem to be making a different type of joke to my prompt so I've decided to attach an alternate version: >!I'm not a gynecologist.!<

EDIT 3: This post wouldn't have had to b...

What do you call a deaf gynecologist?

A lip reader

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A lady called her gynecologist and asked for an “emergency” appointment.

The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the doctor’s office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor came in and asked about her problem.

She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina.
So the doctor st...

A moth walks into a gynecologist's office.

He sits down, put his legs in the stirrups and everything.


"Doc, I feel terrible. I think my wife is cheating on me. Sometimes I come home and I feel like I see other moths flying out the backyard.

I think my boy's on drugs. I found a lighter and some paper in his room the other...

The Gynecologist had become

fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had...

You know when you get the urge to eat something just because it’s there?

Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.

What does the gynecologist use on her patients on Halloween? [NSFW]

She uses a **SPOOK**ulum!

My friend's a gynecologist and recently went deaf, but don't worry...

He's been reading lips for years

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What do you call a blind gynecologists?

A pain in the ass.

Did you know all gynecologists are Australian?

They're all bush doctors who work down under.

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Voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had
disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing
so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm...

A Visit To The Dentist...

An old lady went to visit her dentist.
When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, **lowered her underpants, and raised her skinny legs all the way up**.
The **dentist was shocked** and with his eyes wide open he screamed: “**MADAM, PLEASE PULL YOUR PANTS BACK UP**. I’m not a gynecologist!...

Have you ever eaten something even though you weren’t hungry?

On another note, I lost my job as a Gynecologist today…

What do you call a male gynecologist?

Pap daddy.

How do women scare gynecologists?

They study ventriloquism

A gynecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers.

He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics. When the class ended, the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynecologist did his best-and was amazed to find he scored 150%. ...

A sign over a gynecologist’s office

Dr. Jones, at your cervix.

A gynecologist is driving along one day...

...when his car starts spluttering. He takes it to a nearby mechanic who proceeds to spend 15 minutes under the hood finds and fixes the problem and proceeds to declare that the car is good to go. After receiving the bill the gynecologist is appalled, the mechanic makes far far far more money that h...

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After 40 years as a gynecologist,

John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love—car mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in a car mechanics class and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. ...

A gynecologist has a midlife crisis.

He decides to leave the medical profession and become an auto mechanic. He goes to auto mechanic school, and pretty soon it's time for the final exam.
He finishes the exam and is amazed that the instructor has given him a grade of 200. He says to the instructor, "I thought the highest you could s...

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A girl needs to go to her gynecologist for a check up.

She gets checked in and sits down on the table.

Doctor says "Alright, get naked and spread your legs." So she does and he starts to examine her.

The second he gets down there, she hears "Wow, you have a massive vagina! Wow, you have a massive vagina!"

She gets all offended an...

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Woman: "Hey honey, I went to the gynecologist and he said my vagina is like a melon..."

Man: "Is it that big?"

Woman: "No, I think is kinda sweet."

A gynecologist decides to find a new career

A gynecologist was tired of his career, and decided to go into an entirely new field. So, he signs up for a course in auto mechanics.

He does well in the course, and is confident that he did well on the final exam: A complete engine rebuild.

When he gets his test score back, he is surp...

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A woman goes to a new gynecologist for an exam.

He takes a look and she's embarrassed to hear "That's a big vagina! That's a big vagina!" from betwixt her nethers.

Flustered, the woman replies, "I know it is, but you didn't have to say it twice!"

Doc answers back, "I only said it once."

The gynecologist down the street is selling the upper floors of his practice...

...He only works in the downstairs area anyway...

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A woman goes to the gynecologist

She puts her feet into the stirrups and the doctor begins his exam.

After a moment, he says, "You have an unusually deep vagina."

The woman replies, "You don't have to say it twice."

The doctor says, "I didn't."

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Still a virgin,,,

A couple got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love making, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before."

The wife responds, "Well, ...

A woman visits a gynecologist

A woman goes to see a gynecologist for an exam. She is a new patient for the doctor so he has to ask her a few questions. She also happens to be very attractive which flusters the doctor.

"So...uh, when was...when was the last time you had...uh, a check up...uh, a check up there?", he asks...

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A couple left the gynecologist’s office with the wife in tears. They were just told that she could never become pregnant and they would never have the family they both desired so fervently.

Suddenly, a masked man appeared before them.

"I think I can help you," he said, handing them a card. "Why are you masked?" the husband asked. "Because the government has declared our activities illegal. Go to the address on this card. The doctor will take a scraping from your mouth and cultur...

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