What is something that has Care in its title, but does not actually care?

Kare-n, cause she still won’t let me see the kids.

My wife wants to leave me. She says I care more about gambling than I do her or our daughter.

She’s obviously wrong. Why else am I refusing to leave the casino until I win my daughter’s college tuition money back?

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Sometimes self-care means cutting out toxic people.

If you ever met my conjoined twin, Your Honor, I think you'd understand.

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

Turns out the bride and her other guests apparently.

"Do you have any experience with child care?"

"Yes - I just quit my job at the White House."

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother,” all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you...

I want you to know that someone cares!

Not me, but someone.

On finding his bride to be a virgin, a newly wedded groom is overjoyed and says, "I wanna kiss the one who took care of you and protected your virginity for me".

Bride: Kiss my ass.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive...

try missing a couple of payments.

I don’t care what people think of me.

At least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Why don’t unvaccinated kids care about the Middle Ages?

Cause they’ll never experience them.

So my brother has been taking rill good care of his hair

After his hour long showers all my conditioner is gone

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"

"Sir?" I asked.

"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."

"Yes, sir"

"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you ...

My brother has been out of town for a month and I've had to take care of his pet rabbit the whole time.

Let me tell ya...it's been hare raising.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Who really cares how much sex you have?

It's the thot that counts.

I lost my job, my wife, my apartment. But I didn't care.

I just kept on skipping through the meadows, cavorting in the fields. My gamboling addiction was out of control.

A crane called into customer care

Customer care: Hello this is Amazon Customer care service. My name is Sophie. How may I help you?

Crane: I would like to know the status of my order of two big fishing poles.

Sophie: Please hold on sir....can you give me the package no?

Crane: 4201001666, by the way I like your ...

So, I was getting bullied for being straight, but I didn't care.

Because harassment more to me.

A fight broke out in a candle store. The manager was briefly worried about loss from damages, but he decided he didn't care...

All in all, it was just another wick in the brawl.

I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas...

FML, now I'm stuck taking care of the puppy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Medical student here. Was rotating in the neonatal unit where they were taking care of a poor little boy born without eyelids.

After some discussion, the plastic surgeons decided to use the foreskin from his circumcision for his new eyelids. The procedure was mostly a success, but unfortunately it left the boy cockeyed.

I don't care what anyone says,

America has the best congress that money can buy.

I don’t care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman,

but April identifying as January is crossing the line.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke on Reddit is like a penis. Nobody cares if it's short.

But if it's long, everyone knows it.

A man has gone on a month-long vacation, leaving his friend to take care of his grandmother, his cat, and the avocado tree in his backyard.

A few days into the vacation, the man gets a call from his friend, who says, "Your cat got run over by a car and died." The man, understandably, is horrified and says that it was too sudden. He tells his friend that what he should do is first, tell him that his cat ran away, then the next day, tell ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Fuck it I don't care what they say I'm going to eat this lettuce!"

"Only the strong will *Romaine*!"

edit: 'will' not 'with' damn auto predict text , I TRUSTED you.

Who cares about a threesome

If I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I’ll go talk to my parents.

I Don't care what any of you say..

My Alzheimer's lets me enjoy this site everyday

Do you like UPS jokes?

Because I don't care if you get it or not.

Some day I'm going to provide everyone with free eye care. you'll see.


Care to hear my construction joke?

I'm working on it...

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care

What do you call people who take care of chickens?

Chicken Tenders

You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country

The White House seems to always be hiring.

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

Just want to show my appreciation to all the staff working in the Intensive Care Units by saying

I See You

Who cares if Apple is worth 10^12

I heard Google is worth 10^100

I hear medical care in North Korea is extremely cheap.

$5 for a bullet isn't that expensive.

For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care.


I don’t care what anyone says about Neymar faking hurt

he’s still my roll model!

If you think no one cares about you...

Stop paying your bills and see how many people want to talk to you.

I explained to my friend that I was going to shoot him, and I did. He didn’t seem to care.

It just went in one ear and out the other.

I tried to start a doggy day care, but it failed within the first couple days.

I only had a ruff idea of what I was doing.

Why didn’t the fisherman care about his wireless internet connection?

Because either-net works when he’s catfishing.

A penguin is in a car on the side of the road eating an ice cream cone without a care in the world .

The car is leaking ever fluid it has all over the road. After awhile, a highway patrolman pulls up and knocks on the window and says,
"Eh... you look like you just blew a seal."
To which the penguin replies,
"Ha! No..no I was just eating an ice cream cone."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

New nurse at an elderly care centre: "Hey, I was checking though Bills medication list and got curious, why would a 90 year old man need viagra while staying here alone?"

Nurse 2: "It stops him rolling out of bed."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The hunter who didn't care

There was a hunter who simply didn't care.

One day, the hunter who didn't care was out hunting and bagged several animals that he intended to sell for furs. And when I say many animals, I mean *many* animals, well beyond his legal limit. But, alas, he didn't care. He just kept waiting for ...

Why was the young boy scared of the Pope's car?

It was a Catholic Prius.

What do you call playing Fortnite during the day?


A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Put the lid down after you poop a thousand times and no one cares

But forget to lift it beforehand once and suddenly you're the bad guy

I don’t care for much Chinese food, but when I see a big plate of egg noodles I go nuts

I’m kind of a Lo meiniac

What do you call a pachyderm noone cares about?

It's irrelephant.

When a family's lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, the wife kept hinting to the husband that he should get it fixed, but somehow, he always had something else to take care of first - the shed, the boat, making beer...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When the husband arrived home one day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. The husband watched silently for a minute, went into the house and came out again with a toothbrush. ...

What does the farmer care more about than his wife?

His hoes.

What do you call someone who doesn't care about printers?

No fax given.

I don't care about the fashion.

It comes in one year and goes out the other.

Joe wenton vacation to Cuba and asked his best friend to care of his mom and his cat.

After a week in Cuba, Joe gets a call from his friend.

Joe: Hey what's up man, how's everything back home?

Friend: Your cat died.

Joe: What?! You can't just call me and tell me my cat died.

- You could have made a first call and say: "Your cat is stuck in a tree and won'...

My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her.

I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.

Why does Metallica only care about one of their songs?

Nothing Else Matters

I dont care if I seem racist

Drag racing just is not as impressive as formula 1.

Care to seduce a large woman?

Piece of cake.

If Mac users care more about the environment more than Windows users

Then why do Macs have a trash can and Windows has a recycling bin?

I don't care what you say about WWII

Whoever killed Hitler, is my Hero.

I hate it when people publicly express their opinions needlessly, just seeking attention when nobody cares.

But that's just my opinion.

In one Intensive care unit

people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less super...

Moore doesn’t care that he lost tonight NSFW

word on the street is he prefers to come in a little behind.

George was taking care of a parrot for his aunt.

This parrot was a very nasty parrot. It cussed and screamed and made fun of George, so he took the parrot and put it in the freezer.
The parrot kept screaming and insulting George until finally, it stopped.

George thought to himself, "Oh no! I froze my aunt's bird to death."

He open...

Anyone care to explain how some jokes can be corny?

I'm all ears.

After Hitler passed away, who took care of his pets?

The veteran-aryans