My great-grandma told me this joke as a kid and it is by far my favorite kid-friendly joke of all time (I’m also aware of just how corny it is and I don’t care)

There was a country called Raberia, and all the people there were called Rabbis. There was this one Rabbi who wanted to go mountain climbing in this other country called Trideria, and all the people there were called Trids. So he hired two Trids to take him up the mountain and away they go. After a ...

I asked my friend how he liked taking care of horses

It's a stable job, he replied.

One day, grandpa is taking care of his grandson...

Sitting on the porch, he's watching him picking up worms and trying to put them back in their holes on the dirt.

-That won't work, son. They're too soft and too slimy to be inserted like that.

-Wanna bet, grandpa?

-I'm telling you, it won't work.

-How about $10?

Se...

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One dung beetle walks into a bar and nobody cares...

A hundred dung beetles walk into a bar and everyone loses their shit.

How do you take care of irradiated bodies?

Just barium.

Always marry an ugly woman, a beautiful one will leave you...

An ugly one will too, but you just won't care as much.

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How do you know Jesus didn't care?

He was born without a single fuck.

We should care more for stopwatches

I heard they’re disappearing at an alarming rate.

John Cena is admitted to the Intensive Care Unit after losing consciousness

After waking up, he asks the doctor "Where am I?"

The doctor responds "The ICU"

John says "No you can't"

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I don't care if I have constipation....

I'm all out of shits to give.

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The only company to truly care about LGBTQ+ people after pride is PornHub...

...they have a whole section for them all year long

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you we...

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Why should Thor take care of donkeys?

Because he's an ass guardian

What is something that has Care in its title, but does not actually care?

Kare-n, cause she still won’t let me see the kids.

How can you tell if a person doesn’t care about Endgame?

Don’t worry, they’ll make sure you know.

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth?

A Flossiraptor

So Justin Beiber and Ed Sheeran collaborated for the second time on their new song called 'I Don't Care'. What was the first you ask?

I don't care.

Little Suzy and little Billy were at day-care

Suzy approached Billy and said, "Hey Billy, want to play house?"

Billy said, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

Suzy replied, "I want you to communicate your feelings."

"Communicate my feelings?" said a bewildered Billy. "I have no idea what that means."

Suzy nodded and ...

Never thought i could care about another human being until i had a child.

Now im 100% certain i cant.

Circumcision is a serious operation that should be discussed at length between parents and health care professionals.

I couldn’t walk for an entire year after I got mine

Who takes care of chickens?

Chicken tenders

I finally found someone who really care about me and can spend some hours to listen me and try to make me feel better

It’s my doctor

I don't care for computer science.

Not one bit.

I went to buy a new TV and told the sales guy "I don't care what type it is as long as it's not 3D"

He drew me a picture of one.

My wife wants to leave me. She says I care more about gambling than I do her or our daughter.

She’s obviously wrong. Why else am I refusing to leave the casino until I win my daughter’s college tuition money back?

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Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother,” all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you...

It only takes a few seconds to show someone how much you care.

The police call it indecent exposure but whatever.

I really hate how close the ‘i’ and the ‘o’ are on a keyboard...

I could really care less that a Pirn is a rod onto which weft thread is wound for use in weaving.

Sometimes self-care means cutting out toxic people.

If you ever met my conjoined twin, Your Honor, I think you'd understand.

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What do you want to see?”

Me: You pick.

Her: You pick.

Me: I don’t care which movie. You pick.

Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.

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On finding his bride to be a virgin, a newly wedded groom is overjoyed and says, "I wanna kiss the one who took care of you and protected your virginity for me".

Bride: Kiss my ass.

I don’t care what people think of me.

At least mosquitoes find me attractive.

"Do you have any experience with child care?"

"Yes - I just quit my job at the White House."

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

Turns out the bride and her other guests apparently.

I want you to know that someone cares!

Not me, but someone.

Why don’t unvaccinated kids care about the Middle Ages?

Cause they’ll never experience them.

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"

"Sir?" I asked.

"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."

"Yes, sir"

"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you ...

I don’t care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman,

but April identifying as January is crossing the line.

So my brother has been taking rill good care of his hair

After his hour long showers all my conditioner is gone

So, I was getting bullied for being straight, but I didn't care.

Because harassment more to me.

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A joke on Reddit is like a penis. Nobody cares if it's short.

But if it's long, everyone knows it.

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Who really cares how much sex you have?

It's the thot that counts.

My brother has been out of town for a month and I've had to take care of his pet rabbit the whole time.

Let me tell ya...it's been hare raising.

I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas...

FML, now I'm stuck taking care of the puppy.

A fight broke out in a candle store. The manager was briefly worried about loss from damages, but he decided he didn't care...

All in all, it was just another wick in the brawl.

Care to hear my construction joke?

I'm working on it...

Water Is Evil

Cause it doesn't care.

You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country

The White House seems to always be hiring.

I lost my job, my wife, my apartment. But I didn't care.

I just kept on skipping through the meadows, cavorting in the fields. My gamboling addiction was out of control.

I Don't care what any of you say..

My Alzheimer's lets me enjoy this site everyday

Who cares about a threesome

If I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I’ll go talk to my parents.

I don't care what anyone says,

America has the best congress that money can buy.

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"Fuck it I don't care what they say I'm going to eat this lettuce!"

"Only the strong will *Romaine*!"

edit: 'will' not 'with' damn auto predict text , I TRUSTED you.

A man has gone on a month-long vacation, leaving his friend to take care of his grandmother, his cat, and the avocado tree in his backyard.

A few days into the vacation, the man gets a call from his friend, who says, "Your cat got run over by a car and died." The man, understandably, is horrified and says that it was too sudden. He tells his friend that what he should do is first, tell him that his cat ran away, then the next day, tell ...

Government giving you a headache? Want to take care of that annoying snot?

Sudafed

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins...

They've been breaking camels' backs for years.

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Whats the peak of ignorance and antipathy?

I DONT KNOW AND DONT FUCKIN CARE.

Some day I'm going to provide everyone with free eye care. you'll see.

YOU'LL ALL SEE!!

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A couple wants to have sex but their 8 year old son named Timmy is in the house..

A couple wants to have sex but their 8 year old son named Timmy is in the house. To get him out of the house, they give him an ice pop and they tell him to sit on the front porch and shout out everything that he sees while they try to pull a quickie. Timmy starts to point everything out.

“Ma...

Who cares if Apple is worth 10^12

I heard Google is worth 10^100

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A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

Do you like UPS jokes?

Because I don't care if you get it or not.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive..

Try missing a couple of payments.

I don’t care what anyone says about Neymar faking hurt

he’s still my roll model!

I tried to start a doggy day care, but it failed within the first couple days.

I only had a ruff idea of what I was doing.

For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care.

lul

If you think no one cares about you...

Stop paying your bills and see how many people want to talk to you.

Just want to show my appreciation to all the staff working in the Intensive Care Units by saying

I See You

I hear medical care in North Korea is extremely cheap.

$5 for a bullet isn't that expensive.

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New nurse at an elderly care centre: "Hey, I was checking though Bills medication list and got curious, why would a 90 year old man need viagra while staying here alone?"

Nurse 2: "It stops him rolling out of bed."

I explained to my friend that I was going to shoot him, and I did. He didn’t seem to care.

It just went in one ear and out the other.

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The hunter who didn't care

There was a hunter who simply didn't care.

One day, the hunter who didn't care was out hunting and bagged several animals that he intended to sell for furs. And when I say many animals, I mean *many* animals, well beyond his legal limit. But, alas, he didn't care. He just kept waiting for ...

Why didn’t the fisherman care about his wireless internet connection?

Because either-net works when he’s catfishing.

My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her.

I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.

A penguin is in a car on the side of the road eating an ice cream cone without a care in the world .

The car is leaking ever fluid it has all over the road. After awhile, a highway patrolman pulls up and knocks on the window and says,
"Eh... you look like you just blew a seal."
To which the penguin replies,
"Ha! No..no I was just eating an ice cream cone."

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