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Lab Jokes

Dogs are the best. I have a lab.

It's a meth lab. But I guard it with pit bulls.

I failed my chemistry lab exam.

I was in the middle of performing a chemical reaction but I got sued by the Fine Bros.

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab...

and find an entire field full of carrots. They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They screw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get...

2 ladies are walking their dogs. One has a big black lab, the other has a chihuahua. They pass a bar and the lab owner says “Let’s get a beer.”

The chihuahua walker complains, “We can’t take our dogs in there.”

The first responds, “Watch me.”

The lab owner strolls in with her dog and orders a beer.

The bartender tells her, "Sorry, you can't bring your dog in here."

“He's my seeing eye dog," the woman replies f...

The Little Research Lab Bunny Rabbit

One morning at the research lab, an assistant accidentally left a cage open while cleaning and a little bunny rabbit escaped when he wasn't looking. The little bunny rabbit followed the assistant out of the room, down the hallway, and right out the door.

The little bunny rabbit looked around...

My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab, the results...

... speak for themselves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a ...

My chemistry teacher exploded when he caught me goofing around in the lab

I accidentally made nitroglycerin.

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon....

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The d...

During an accident in the lab, a scientist was cooled to absolute zero.

Don't worry, he's 0K.

I told my Biology lab partner to let me be her DNA helicase...

So I can unzip those genes.

A student got arrested for taking home parts from the human anatomy lab

He said he was just trying to keep abreast

Now that Bob's retired from the cloning lab...

he doesn't know what to do with himself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is captured and taken to a medical laboratory to be used for experiments . . .

There, he befriends a rabbit who was born and raised in the lab. One day, he notices that the researchers didn't latch his cage properly and he decides to make a break for it. He tells the lab rabbit how great it is on the outside and convinces him to come along.

First, the wild rabbit take...

A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...

Some people drop acid while others drop the base.

A man takes his wife to get tested for Coronavirus. Two days later, he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you that your wife's test results have been mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So what am I supposed to do now?

Doctor: I'd recommend taking her for a long walk and leaving her, if she finds her w...

A rabbit escaped from a lab.

While on his way, he found a group of rabbits who asked him to stay. Not wanting to refuse the offer, he asked them, what was so special about the place.

The leader of the group says - If you go through that fence, there is a whole field of carrots ready to eat to your content.

So, he ...

I don’t know whether to get a jack russel or a lab...

Because I really like dogs, but I also really like to have a place to do experiments

If you think Lab Grown Meat sounds bad, ...

You should try Pit-bull Grown Meat.

(Mine had sticks and cat-litter in it.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well. Karen: Doctor, I’ve not been feeling well lately. .

Doctor: I’ve looked at your lab reports and I’m afraid I have some bad news.

Karen: Don’t give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never failed me. Now will you do things my way or do I need to see the ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cancer!

Karen: Doctor, I've not been feeling well lately

Doctor: Well, I've looked at your lab reports and I'm afraid I have some bad news...

Karen: Don't give me this lab nonsense, you bureaucratic paper pusher! I don't believe Western medicine anyways! I've been following homeopathic medicin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

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This is the worst joke I know. "A mad scientist is developing an immortality serum..."

"...and so far it works perfectly in cell culture, in worms, in mice and rats, and in racoons. Next step is testing it in dolphins. As she's reaching for the syringes for her test subjects, she notices that she's run out of serum and has to prepare a new batch. The primary ingredient is a chemi...

Apparently, the FDA is okay with lab-grown meat

Poodle-grown meat, however, is still off the menu.

A behavioral scientist confronts her lab's receptionist:

'For the last time, I'm analyzing simulated populations. Not "playing with my imaginary friends"!'

(Shamelessly plagiarized from New Scientist)

A group of protesters are in front of a physics lab

“What do we want?”
“Time travel!”
“When do we want it?”
“Irrelevant.”

I walked into the biology lab and saw my lab partner dissecting an insect.

I told him, "I think your fly is open."

What did one lab rat say to the other?

*"I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack."*

You enter the high school lab and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?

**If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology.**

**If it stinks, it’s chemistry.**

**If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.**

What is the smartest piece of lab equipment?

A graduated cylinder.

Two lab rats are talking…

One says “Are you going to get that vaccine?” The other says “Are you crazy? They haven’t even finished the human trials yet!”

If you're not supposed to eat in a chemistry lab

Then why do most of the elements end in yum?

I'm a physicist.

It’s 3 AM. A woman paces angrily in her house waiting for her physicist husband to come home. Finally he does. As he walks through the door she glares and demands “where have you been!?” Sheepishly, the physicist husband tries to explain himself. He says, “well my colleagues and I went out just for ...

Police responded to a reported burglary at Tesla’s robotics lab.

It was an Optimus crime.

Why did the DJ get fired from the chemistry lab?

They kept dropping the base.

An astrologer went to the doctor for her lab results.

*Before the doctor could say anything, the astrologer asks* What's your zodiac sign?

Doctor: Gemini

Astrologer: I knew it, Gemini are the most studious of all the zodiac sign.

Doctor: What's your zodiac sign?

Astrologer: Cancer.

Doctor: **What a coincidence.**

A Marine Biologist walks into a lab,

She shouts, “I think we found a way for cephalopods to discover fire!”
The other scientist asks, “how.”
She responds with a CD,
“By making them listen to my mixtape!”

Recently, monkeys escaped from an animal testing lab and broke into the adjacent chemistry lab. Some ingested potassium metal and exploded.

There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.

Hello everyone! I'm a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs.

I will be in my Lab if you need me.

A man takes his wife to get tested

Several days go by, and he receives a call from the doctor.

The doctor tells him, “Due to an unfortunate mixup with the lab, we are not sure of your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimer’

The man, clearly frustrated, asks, “Well what am I supposed to do with that kind of information?”
...

Your lab results are back. It's not good news.

Doctor: I have your test results.

Mr. Smith: Don't sugarcoat it, doc.

Doctor: You have alzheimer's disease and terminal cancer.

Mr. Smith: Well at least I don't have cancer.

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results

The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, that's either bad or terrible."...

How many lab rats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More than 500, but we've exhausted our funding.

Lab Rabbit

A wild rabbit was caught and taken to a National Institutes of Health laboratory. When he arrived, he was befriended by a rabbit that had been born and raised in the lab.

One evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't been properly closed and decided to make a break for freedom. He ...

The Canadian police kicked down my door to my meth lab

Thankfully i was able to escape while they were trying to fix my door.

Researchers have recently started using lawyers instead of rats in their lab experiments.

You don’t get so attached to them, and there are some things a rat just won’t do.

What kind of pants does Jesse Pinkman wear under his lab coat?

Science Britches!

Q. How do you reprimand a lazy scientist working in a cryogenetics lab?

A. "Your contribution in this project is absolute zero"

A dermatologist was studying new remedies for itching, but his lab burnt down...

Now he has to start from scratch.

Lab grown pigs

You grow 2 pig embryos in seperate Petri dishes. You add a nutrient mixture with a sip of wine to 1 dish and add nothing to to the other
What do you call the pig embryo in the second, empty Petri dish?



-*An uncultured swine*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Professor welcomes the class in Anatomy lab on the first day of medical school.

He begins by saying - You need 2 rules to become a successful doctor.

No 1 - you cannot feel disgusted by anything.

After saying that, he stuck his finger into the cadaver's butt hole.

Students look at him in a shocked manner, but eventually they give in and remembering his r...

Why did the optimist lose his job at the photographic processing lab?

He couldn't focus on the negatives.

I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today.

To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.

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I was TAing an electrostatics lab.

The experiment was to see what happens when you rub wool on a bunch of rods of different materials and then bring the rods near scraps of paper. One student’s lab report had this observation on what happens when you try to electrostatically charge up a metal rod and bring it near paper: “paper remai...

An archaeologist and his gorgeous new intern are in the lab checking the levels of carbon-14 in a skull they found.

The archaeologist's jealous wife walks in and demands to know what's going on. "Honey, it's nothing! We're just dating!"

A scientist is in his lab...

So one day a scientist is in his lab, and he's stressed out. How will he get his next grant so he can do an experiment and feed his family for a while longer? He decides to take a small nap...

Then it hit him. After several all-nighters he came up with a prototype for **The World's First Trul...

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The pathology lab was robbed last night. The stool samples were gone!

The supervisor couldn't believe it. He lost his shit.

A doctor, a health insurance agent and a lab tech walk into a bar. Who pays the tab?

The patient

Why don't doctors like medical labs?

They are always testing their patients.

Science/Engineering joke from my lab today

So today I was in fluids lab and our lab was about surface tension. As part of that, we were supposed to estimate the angle of a meniscus of water in a tube, so one guy was doing the angle estimation, I was measuring something else and the other guy was recording data. Anyway, I asked the guy who wa...

We had an explosion in one of our chemistry labs last week.

Nobody got hurt, but the chemist responsible is the laughing stock of his group.

We use a lot of helium in the military, that's why when there's a shortage you can't get it for balloons - it's being stockpiled by the DOD. We use it to stabilize a variety of substances for storage.

On...

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Will I Live to see 80?

Will I Live to see 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, He
said I was doing fairly well for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think ...

They're serving mystery meat at the cafeteria in the physics lab again.

I've been asking what the main ingredient they put in their heisenburgers was, and nobody knows.

I tested for possible cases of corona in my lab today.

Only one was positive; the other three just turned out to be budweiser with a bit of added tequila.

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What did the scientist say when a stranger came inside his lab?

What the fuck dude get the hell away from my dog!

In his quest to gain more power, the mad scientist extended his hours at the lab.

This is after he discovered that power is work overtime.

After the lab accident, Tommy became really rude to people around him.

His friends said that he became a much more toxic person.

A chemist tried to impress his beautiful lab assistant...

He began my mixing two chemicals previously uncombined in hopes it would produce a strong aphrodisiac. Upon smelling the fumes, the assistant instantly vomited onto the chemist’s face.

That was not the reaction he was hoping for.

Have you heard what happened with that Chinese lab in Wuhan?

**They ate him.**

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A large group of first year medical school students filed into a lab...

...during their first week, for the first meeting of their gross anatomy class where they would be examining human cadavers. The professor walked to the front of the room, and addressed the students:


"The most important quality you will need as a physician is unfazability. Nothing can '...

A person in a lab coat places a glass half-filled with a yellow liquid in front of 4 people.

Immediately, the first person pipes up, "Ah, I see the glass is half full!" This person is an optimist.

The second person states, "Naw man, why would he bring us a half-full glass? He obviously drank some. It's now half empty." This person is a pessimist.

The third person scoffs, "Why ...

Why are chemistry labs a good workout?

Because they make you Buffer.

What do you get when you cross a dachshund,a black lab, and a Blue Heeler?

A black and blue weiner.

My friend just told me he has a chocolate lab.

Turns out it's a dog, not a place. Bummer.

Lawyers Vs Lab Rats

3 reasons lawyers should be used instead of lab rats.

1. They multiply more quickly than rats.

2. Lab staff don't become so emotionally involved, and;

3. there are just some things you can't persuade rats to do.

Oh No!

A really busy guy is feeling terrible so he goes to the doctor on his lunch break. Doctor does an examination and tells him he needs to go to the lab and leave a blood, urine, stool, and sperm sample. So he goes to the lab and the line is 2 hours long so he goes up to the reception and says "can I...

Dogs are Great; I Have a Lab...

...and the results are much more reliable than when using rats.

A pretty girl walks into a mathematician's and engineer's lab...

... and says she will bang whichever of them shows the most athletic or intelligent talent. Since they are equally smart, they decide to go 3/5 on a few different exercises at the gym. The first exercise is chin-ups, which the engineer wins. The second is long jump, which the mathematician wins. The...

Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab?

Because it will create pandamonium

I asked my lab partner if he has the sodium hypobromite

He said NaBrO.

I just got a great new lab coat!

The meat was pretty good too.

Be careful about teaching lab retrievers to play fetch.

He almost blew us both up with a meth bomb.

There's a bottle full of methanol in a chemistry lab...

...there's a note attached to it: "don't drink it, or else you will go blind."
The next day, the bottle is half empty and someone added to the note: "I will risk one eye."

Why did the mobile meth lab overshoot the turn and fly off the cliff?

It was Braking Bad.

I once worked in a pathology lab...

...but I was asked to leave after one of my reports said "cause of death: autopsy:"

What do you get when you cross a lab monkey and a bully?

I don’t know, but it’s about to beat you up after Rhesus..

Disclaimer: Took this one from r/adviceanimals

Why did Stephen Hawking get deferred from the cryogenics lab?

Because the doctors knew you shouldn't freeze vegetables.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The lab results are in!

Phone rings.

— Hello? Is this Miss Smedley?

— Yes? Who is this?

— This is the hospital. The lab results are in for your husband. But there is a problem.

— Oh?

— There was a mix-up in the lab, and we’re not sure whether your husband has AIDS or alzheimer’s.

—...

My biologist girlfriend was making competent cells at the lab today...

I asked if they were very sure of them cells.

What did the sign on Pavlov’s lab door say?

Please knock. DON’T ring the bell.

A doctor reviews lab results and says to the patient, "I have good news and bad news"

"Okay," the patient says. "Give me the bad news first."

"Well, it seems like you have just a few days to live."

"Oh my god! But ... but ... what's the good news?"

"This should make you feel a little better: I'm picking up my new Tesla after work!"

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.


The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.


The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. T...

This phone conversation with the Haematology lab almost gave me a heart attack.

Me: Hi, can you tell me what my blood report says?

Lab: Sure can, Sir.

How do you get to a position of power in a science lab?

Work over time

After adding a new lab to my dog store

our pawfits have gone through the woof!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was working very hard in his lab one day...

and after countless hours of working, he had finally invented what he thought was the revolution of the century; the time machine.

Being so tired from his work, he decided to take a break and watch some of the latest news. He flipped through a few channels to find the news channel. The repo...

you should make sure chrome doesn't save your password on lab computers

i logged you out

prequel nerd

So there are 3 scientists in a lab studying flies...

There are 3 scientists in a lab studying flies. The first scientist grabs a fly from the jar, rips off its antennae, and says "Fly, fly!". The fly flies around the room, then lands back on the table. The scientists writes down in his journal: "Fly can fly without antennae"

The next scientist ...

A funny thing happened at the lab

A seventy-four year old medical researcher went to the doctor after having a seeming unexplainable illness that had lasted for several days.

After describing her symptoms, the doctor performed a series of tests and then reached a diagnosis.

The doctor said, "I am not sure how to tell y...

As scientists try to determine whether it escaped from a lab or originated in an animal market

Others say it's the president now and everyone just has to live with it

I broke into a science lab and made some toast. Eating it made me really sick…

I guess I’m just lab-toast-intolerant

There's a woman named Jean who works in my lab and everyday she comes in stinking of body odor.

I don't really speak to her much and rarely say hello, usually if I pass her in the hallway I just say "Hi Jean"

If I were to steal an experiment from a microbiology lab...

...would it be cultural appropriation?

Why did Snow White stop using the mail-in photo lab?

She was tired of singing "Some day, my prints will come..."

Congress announced today they would be removing all crime lab budgets from the state of Alabama

Because crimes can’t be solved there since everyone has the same DNA and there are no dental records.

So an animal testing lab accidentally let one of its rabbits out.

The bunny hopped along till it found a wild rabbit. It asked the wild bunny "Can you help me? I don't know what bunnies do!" The wild rabbit said, "Let's go eat some crops!" So they go to a farmer's field and chow down.

As they are sitting there the lab rabbit says, "What do we do now?" The w...

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