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Health Care Jokes

Thankful for all the health care workers during this pandemic

Without dem, it would be a panic.

Health care workers hate this one simple joke...

You: knock knock

Them: Who's there?

You: HIPAA

Them: HIPAA who?

You: ...I can't tell you...



(created by a co-workers husband)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's proposed health care package to replace Obama-Care.

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves and while the Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain that everyone w...

Don't worry about losing health care under the Trump administration

We won't need it after the EPA starts restricting oxygen

I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...

to fulfill my fantasy that we have health care

Evangelists don’t need health care.

They’re on the single prayer system.

The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town

I guess she was having a midwife crisis

Health care is too expensive, I went to the hospital for complications from my diabetes

And It cost me an arm and a leg.

A young Nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up.




The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he loaned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
...

Circumcision is a serious operation that should be discussed at length between parents and health care professionals.

I couldn’t walk for an entire year after I got mine

Today our leaders closed of the southern border preventing people from coming to our country for a better life a better education and much needed health care!

As a Canadian I am outraged!

As an employee in the health care industry, I make it a point to keep up with all the latest medical news. Just the other day I read about a man who had the entire left side of his body amputated.

After that, he was alright.

What is the difference between an American health care worker running out of PPE, and a Russian healthcare worker running out of PPE?

At least the American doesn't need a parachute too!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane.

He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressma...

Wife and I decided to do a little fantasy role play. I had her dress up as a nurse.....

I wanted to see what it felt like to have health Care coverage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen's Surprise

The Queen of England is taking a tour of one of America's best hospitals. They are going through different areas, and occasionally meeting with some of the patients.

They walk into a room, and inside, a patient is intensely masturbating.

The Queen is shocked. "My heavens, what is the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a doctor and a lawyer

A doctor and a lawyer were speaking at a cocktail party.

The conversation was constantly being interrupted by people asking the doctor about their specific medical conditions and seeking free health care advice.

This went on for about an hour until the doctor was completely exasperate...

Two Doctors and an HMO Manager Die and Line Up Together at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.

One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children."

St. Peter lets him enter.

The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped hundreds of people live better lives."

St. Peter tells him to go ahead inside.

The last man s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pissed off God by not seeing everyday miracles.

There's an old joke...

There's a flood. A man is standing in knee deep water in his house. Another man in a canoe paddles by and says "Get in I'll row you to safety!"

The man says,"No thanks. I've prayed and God will save me".

The water gets to his chest. Another man in a bass b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Filipino Friend

My Filipino friend Jhun, had a lot of weird stories this week.

He said his neighbour keeps leaving their small female child on his lawn..
He is somehow paying for his Health Care providers wedding?
And His oldest child told him his penis isnt working anymore.

Nevermind.. Appar...

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but....

Unaffordable health care keeps them at bay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Doctor is Always Right

A man wakes up feeling sick, so he goes to an urgent care center.  The doctor asks what his symptoms are, and he tells her, "I'm not sure - I'm just not right."

The doctor immediately replies, "I need a urine specimen."

The man is taken aback.  "Why do you need a urine sample?  You hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - The Queen is touring a prestigious hospital...

They come to the special care wing and she is utterly disgusted when she sees a nurse giving a male patient a hand job.

"What is the meaning of this?!" she screams.

"Don't fret, your Majesty. This man has a rare condition that requires him to ejaculate once every hour or he will go int...

You should not vaccinate your children.

Get a health care professional to do it.

During his first 100 days, President Trump sends Congress his long expected replacement for the Affordable Care Act.

In the days before, the president has been on the stump talking about the huge improvement to Obamacare. The legislators are overjoyed by this replacement and the news starts to spread that they are going to soon vote on a much improved health care bill. A reporter hears the news and looks to get ...

Shovels, Asses and Camels

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this ...

A man works at an Aquarium

Technically it was a zoo/aquarium, but they got more people coming in for their aquatic animals, so they called it an aquarium.

Most notably among those, were their seals. The seals had been taught to do tricks at another aquarium before they'd been moved over. But at the time the aquarium ha...

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