UPJOKE
pediatricianphysicianoncologistneurologistinternistsurgeondermatologistobstetricianpsychiatristgynecologistveterinariannephrologistanesthesiologymedicineancient greek

I think my cardiologist is in to me

He said I had acute angina

A cardiologist died...

..and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart, covered in flowers, stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst...

Cardiologists and Auto repair man

A car mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Cadillac when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc, want to take a l...

A cardiologist called me about heart tests for my wife.

He said her heart might have issues.

I said " doctor no way she has any heart issues"

The doctor said " how would you know..what makes you so sure ".

I said " doctor I have lived with her for 25 years. Beleive Me she is heartless "

A cardiologist was taken into custody after it was found he was using recordings of sick patients in his music.

He was arrested for his sick beats

A cardiologist in a small town died

He was very well loved in the town, and every other doctor in the area came to his funeral. The doctor wanted to be cremated so there were a big red heart in one of the walls that open in half revealing a cremation oven behind and the casket was slowly entered into the oven through the open heart....

I fell in love with a cardiologist...

She’s always in my heart.

Cardiologist

A heart surgeon had died and at his funural the coffin was placed above a heart made of flowers. After everyone had said goodbye the coffin was lowered into the heart, during which someone began laughing really loud. 'What is wrong with you?' the person sitting next to the laughing man asked. 'I jus...

What’s a cardiologists favorite hat?

A Stentson

Man goes to the cardiologist

"So, how many beers do you have per day?" the cardiologist asked.

"Four," the man responded.

"But last time I said you could only have two!"

"Yes, but my physician also said I could have two."

the cardiologist

if a cardiologist robs a bank, and the police catch him, you are technically allowed to call it cardiac arrest

Dr. Drobkin was a world famous cardiologist...

He grew up in a very small town and when he had finished all of his schooling, he returned to his small hometown and opened a practice which also became world famous. A short time after his practice had gained credibility and esteem, Dr. Drobkin made a fantastic discovery about the treatment of card...

I went to my doctor because I had severe chest pain that wasn't going away

I freaked out when he couldn't figure out what it was and ended up referring me to a cardiologist.

The cardiologist ran some labs and scans and told me to wait for the results in his office.

I was relieved when the doctor came back with the results with a huge smile on his face.
...

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped...

An immunologist and a cardiologist are kidnapped. The kidnappers threaten to shoot one of them, but promise to spare whoever has made the greater contribution to humanity. The cardiologist says, “Well, I’ve identified drugs that have saved the lives of millions of people.” Impressed, the kidnappers ...

Why did the cardiologist sent his patient to gastroscopy?

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

The Cardiologist's Funeral

A renowned cardiologist passed away, and all his friends from the same hospital attended his funeral. In order to pay tribute to his profession and his passion, he was buried in a coffin shaped like a heart.

After the service, it was noticed that one of the doctors was smiling. When asked why...

Three doctors are talking about death

The first, a dentist, says, “When I die, I think I’d like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.”

“Hey,” adds the cardiologist, “that’s not a bad idea, I’d love my tombstone to be shaped as a heart…”

The gynecologist is silent for a bit, then says, “I think scatt...

Cardiologist and the Mechanic

A cardiologist's car breaks down and he goes to a mechanic to get it fixed. After everything is done, the mechanic asks the cardiologist,

"Here's what I don't understand. I fix engines, and so do you, albeit human ones, so why do you get paid ten times more than I do?"

The cardiologi...

I went to the cardiologist yesterday

He asked me how I usually spend my days. I told him that I mostly look at pictures of puppies and kitties and think about volunteering at the local animal shelter. He said that I have a big heart. That made me feel really good about myself. Then he said, "Seriously, your heart is retaining water...

The heart shaped wreath at the funeral of a a cardiologist

makes one wonder for the funeral of a gynaecologist.

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The nation's top medical experts were asked today if it was time to ease the COVID restrictions.

Allergists were in favour of scratching it.

Dermatologists advised not to make any rash decisions.

Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.

Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians thought the government was labouring under a misconcept...

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Doctors at a funeral

Dr. Ray recently died and his brothers, Dick and Max, also doctors, are at his funeral. Since Ray is a cardiologist, his coffin is enclosed in a big heart shaped tomb. Dick starts laughing, and Max says, "Why are you laughing, our brother died!" Dick says, "Well, as you know, I'm a gynecologist, and...

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There were two doctors [NSFW]

There were two doctors who were good friends. One was a cardiologist, second a gynecologist. They had their offices next to each other.

One day, cardiologist was sitting in his room making some paper work. Suddenly, the gyno runs to the office screaming:

"Hey dude! Come with me, my pat...

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A man is suffering from the worst headaches...

From about age 14, a man has been getting more and more intense headaches. They started mildly annoying, but have been consistently getting worse month after month, year after year.

Finally, after about 7 years of troublesome headaches turning into bothersome headaches, turning into debilita...

I went to the doctor to get a cognitive test.

The cardiologist told me “You’re not very bright but your hearts in the right place.”

A man is admitted to the hospital with chest pain.

The cardiologist orders a battery of test over the course of a week. While studding the patient's EKG he noticed that his heart rate was very erratic when his wife and daughter were visiting.

The doctor asked the man how his relationship was with his family.

Well I get along great with...

The local Cardiologist just died.

And everyone showed up at the funeral with hearts. Hearts of all kinds were put on his casket.

Little Johnny says "Boy, I'm not gonna miss the Gynecologist's funeral!"

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My favorite joke (its a tad long)

So there's this cardiologist and every night after work he visits his friend Richard that owns a bar. Each time he orders the same drink, an almond daiquiri.
One night the bartender runs out of almond syrup so when the doctor comes for his regular drink the bartender decides to say nothing and...

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Medical Humor

1...A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
...

A Cardiologist's Funeral

A great cardiologist is being buried. All of his colleagues and fellow surgeons are reunited to mourn his. All except for one man who is laughing. The cardiologist's coffin was in the shape of a heart to honor his career. The man continues to laugh. Finally they ask him why he is so happy at a funer...

Mrs. Patel was reading little Rajinder a bedtime story. He asked, "what will I be when I grow up?" She replied, "you can be anything you want to be."

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a cardiologist, radiologist, anesthesiologist, neurologist...."

The CEO at Euro A Bank Ltd got economists thinking when he said:

"A cyclist is a disaster for a country's economy. He does not buy a car and does not take out a car loan. Does not buy car insurance. Does not buy fuel. Does not send his car for servicing and repairs. Does not use paid parking. Does not become obese.
Yes - and he stays well, damn it !! Healthy p...

Ed, Sam, and Bill were brothers who were all doctors.

One day, Sam died.

At the funeral, Ed noticed the coffin was in the shape of a heart. So he asked Sam's wife why she chose such a coffin.

"Sam was a cardiologist," she replied, "I thought this was fitting."

Ed smiled wistfully, and Sam's wife asked why. "Well, I'm a gynecologi...

What do you call a poker player that is also a doctor?

A cardiologist.

A Man Walks Into A Doctor's Office

A man walks into a doctor's office.

He says "Doctor, you gotta help me, I keep thinking I'm a moth!"

The doctor looks confused and says "Well, why the hell did you come in here? I'm a cardiologist, not a psychologist."

The man says "I know! The light was on..."

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