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Daycare Jokes

Daycare visit

So I went to the daycare today and this lady came up next to me. She asked me which one was mine. I of course responded with that I hadn’t decided yet. She didn’t really talk to me after that.

A frog mother takes her children to register for a Polish daycare...

The man at the door says that he can not allow her child to register for the day care without the proper identifcation. "You see this is a Polish daycare only for the slavic people we do not let anyone in if they do not have any Polish blood in them."
The mother unsure of her ancenstry leaves det...

A robber came into my daycare and stole all my Doctor Seuss books

It was a nursery crime.

Police were called to my kids daycare today.

Apparently after lunch break several children were resisting a rest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know the difference between a daycare and a stripclub?

If you dont you're a sick motherfucker

Picked my son up from his first day of daycare.

Looked like a great place. Tons of cool toys. One corner of the room was full of blocks, one corner had a huge ball pit, another corner was a reading nook with little-kid type books. I got there just as they were cleaning the room up, and there were these huge foam ABCs all over the floor. I watched...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man saw an ad in the newspaper for a free talking dog...

He thought it was impossible, so he went to the address to check it out.
Standing at the fence to the backyard of the house was a normal-looking German Shepherd.

The man, wanting to prove the ad wrong asked the dog, "so are you the talking dog?"

Surprisingly, the dog replied, "yeah...

What is the worst part about having to go to a daycare as a police officer

There is always at least one kid napping and a bunch resisting a rest

The daycare turned down my job application.

Probably because I described myself as "a touchy-feely kind of guy"

I donated some old board games to my local daycare.

Hope those kids like Ouija Boards...

A blonde got a text message from someone

they wrote "we have your kid"

the blonde wrote "what is your demands

and they wrote "have you lost your mind the daycare is closing soon"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daycare is a lot like a frat house...

There's kids passed out in their clothes everywhere, it smells like piss and vomit, there's kids with magic marker all over their faces, and the girls walk around lifting their shirts up.

Are you good with kids?

Cause I'm about to turn your mouth into a daycare.

Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don’t have to be?

Because it’s sad when a dog dies.

Why do Mormon women stop having children at 30?

Because 31 or more is where daycare fees admittedly start becoming excessive.

Every day I'm surrounded by broken condoms.

Running a daycare center is tough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having sex at work is alright

As long as you don't work at a daycare

What do you call playing Fortnite during the day?

Daycare.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Slight Misunderstanding

I was picking up my 4 year old son, James, from daycare but he was late out. I saw his classmate Sophie standing with her mother and thought I would ask her how long he would be.
As I said her name she looked at me, teary eyed. I asked "What's wrong?" She replied "My Mommy is selling my pussy be...

My father always tells me to work hard,

But last time I did that I got fired from the daycare.

Trump is so good at creating jobs

He’s even creating daycare jobs down at the border

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