Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don’t have to be?

Because it’s sad when a dog dies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My four-year-old was told off for "using bad words" at daycare

I've no idea where the little fucker learned them

The police were called to a daycare!

a 4-year-old was resisting *a rest*

What is the worst part about having to go to a daycare as a police officer

There is always at least one kid napping and a bunch resisting a rest

Daycare visit

So I went to the daycare today and this lady came up next to me. She asked me which one was mine. I of course responded with that I hadn’t decided yet. She didn’t really talk to me after that.

We have your Child!

A parent receives this text, "We have your child".
He panics and replies, "What are your demands. We will do anything. Please don't hurt our child"
He receives a reply, "Are you out of your mind? The daycare is closing soon. Come and get him now!"

I donated some old board games to my local daycare.

Hope those kids like Ouija Boards...

Is daycare good for kids?

Well if it's better than your family .. so yeah

Police were called to my kids daycare today.

Apparently after lunch break several children were resisting a rest.

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You know the difference between a daycare and a stripclub?

If you dont you're a sick motherfucker

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Daycare is a lot like a frat house...

There's kids passed out in their clothes everywhere, it smells like piss and vomit, there's kids with magic marker all over their faces, and the girls walk around lifting their shirts up.

The daycare turned down my job application.

Probably because I described myself as "a touchy-feely kind of guy"

Picked my son up from his first day of daycare.

Looked like a great place. Tons of cool toys. One corner of the room was full of blocks, one corner had a huge ball pit, another corner was a reading nook with little-kid type books. I got there just as they were cleaning the room up, and there were these huge foam ABCs all over the floor. I watched...

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

Every day I'm surrounded by broken condoms.

Running a daycare center is tough.

The swear counter5000

Some scientists created a machine that automatically counts people's swears when it's near them, the machine was a big circle with arrows in the middle that would point to the number of swears.

So they bring it to a office building and after a couple days they come back and see the counter is...

Trump is so good at creating jobs

He’s even creating daycare jobs down at the border

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Having sex at work is alright

As long as you don't work at a daycare

My father always tells me to work hard,

But last time I did that I got fired from the daycare.

What do you call playing Fortnite during the day?

Daycare.

A wife tells her husband, "Remember to pick the kid up at 5."

"OK," says the husband.

[later]

The husband dropped off their 3-year-old son off at daycare: "See ya in 2 years, bud."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Slight Misunderstanding

I was picking up my 4 year old son, James, from daycare but he was late out. I saw his classmate Sophie standing with her mother and thought I would ask her how long he would be.
As I said her name she looked at me, teary eyed. I asked "What's wrong?" She replied "My Mommy is selling my pussy be...

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