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Obstetrician Jokes

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician's waiting room discussing their pregnancies.

The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!

The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the missionary position when she got pregnant!

All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Bet...

Where do obstetricians exercise?

At the OB-GYM

Why do most obstetricians quit when they're 45?

Because they have a midwife crisis.

My wife’s obstetrician recently bought a corvette…

She was having a midwife crisis

Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand up comedian?

Apparently it’s all about the delivery for some people...

Local hospital forced to shut down after obstetrician quits suddenly

They're having a midwife crises

An obstetrician once told me that telling a joke is all in the delivery.

So now you know.

A woman was in labor when she suddenly yelled, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said the obstetrician.

*“Those are just contractions.”*

Obstetrician career change

An Obstetrician decides that he's sick of his job and opts to become a car mechanic. For the next several months he attends night classes at his local technical college to gain his certification. A few months before the end of the curriculum, the entire class is informed that there will be a final i...

Why should you let an obstetrician pick your lottery numbers?

Because they see a head

What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?

General Ken OB

Why did the obstetrician quit her job at age of 35?

She was having a midwife crisis.

I can't believe I wanted to be an obstetrician...

I can't even deliver a joke.

A retiring obstetrician takes the bag of foreskins he collected during his career to a taxidermist.

The taxidermist looks at the thousands of dried up bits of skin and then looks quizzically at the obstetrician -- who says "I don't know, just make something nice with them."

A couple months later, the taxidermist calls to say that the souvenir of the obstetrician's career is ready. When the ...

Why did the family not laugh at the Obstetrician's joke?

... Because he screwed up the delivery...

Juan Ken always dreamed of becoming an obstetrician but when he finally made it he couldn't decide on what people should call him.

His two choices: OB Juan, Ken OB

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three pregnant women, a blonde, brunette, and red head are at their obstetrician to find out the sex of their babies.

The brunette says, "I'm going to have a boy because I was on top."

The red head says, "Well that means I'm going to have a girl because I was on bottom."

Just then the blonde starts crying her eyes out. "What's wrong?" the other two say.

"I'm going to have puppies!"

At the Birth

"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician. "Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."

Mary had a little lamb...

... and the obstetrician was really surprised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men waited patiently for their babies to be born...

One was a black man, another was a Mormon, and the final was a southern redneck. From the maternity ward, they hear their wives cry in the final push to give birth, but just then all the lights go out. There's a huge commotion and finally after several minutes the lights come back on. The head obste...

A guy says, "Obstetricians named Juan can't seem to learn the whole alphabet."

His friend replies, "Why??"

"I dunno. For some reason they always get stuck at B."

"That's ridiculous. O.B. Juan can know 'B'"

I'll show my self out.

Do storks deliver babies?

An OB/GYN walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So do all those storks delivering babies cut into your business?" the bartender jokes. "That, of course, is a complete myth," the stuffy OB/GYN huffs. "The only thing storks and obstetricians have in common is a large bill."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The nation's top medical experts were asked today if it was time to ease the COVID restrictions.

Allergists were in favour of scratching it.

Dermatologists advised not to make any rash decisions.

Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it.

Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians thought the government was labouring under a misconcept...

You think the lines at the grocery store are long?

Just wait until you see the wait time to schedule an appointment with your obstetrician this fall!

"Are you my daddy?"

A woman is all ready to give birth to her first baby.

The doctor, obstetrician, and nurses are all waiting for the birth.

The doc checks for any signs of progress and suddenly he feels something moving, pulls back his hand and this little head pops out, sees the doc and asks him, ...

Good Riddance to Dumb Patients

I sent a reminder to a client that it was time to visit the eye doctor. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, as he put it, “I have a new obstetrician.”

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A family of four sits down to dinner.

The son is fifteen years old and the daughter is thirteen. The mother is a school teacher and the father is an obstetrician. They say a quick prayer, and start eating.

The father starts telling his wife about an interesting new study he was reading about, suggesting a surprisingly strong corr...

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Bringing up Baby

Three expectant mothers sat in the obstetrician's office, knitting little sweaters for their impending children. One of them pops a pill in her mouth and the nurse asks, "What did you just take?"

"Iron." she replied. "I want my baby to have strong muscles!"


A second mother pops a p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a cocktail party...

an obstetrician's wife noticed that another guest, a big, oversexed blonde in a slinky red dress, was making overtures at her husband. As it was a large, informal gathering, she tried to laugh it off, until she saw the woman begin whispering into her husband's ear while her hand caressed his back....

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