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Hospitals Jokes

Why do hospitals love skilled secretaries?

Because they’re typo-negative.

[] I like to wait outside hospitals

Because I like my MILFs fresh.

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

Hospitals are full of hypocrites

I doctor patients for weeks and no one bats an eye, but doctoring one little PhD is apparently crossing a line.

A blonde walks out of the hospital

She suddenly stops in her tracks, and tries to remember what the doctor said. She then goes back inside to see her doctor again.

\- Doctor, I don't remember what you said I had. Is it Aries or Sagittarius?

The doctor sighs and says:

\- Cancer, miss. Cancer...

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene.

It's that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

Why do hospitals have air conditioning?

To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three friends bragged about who has more ...

Friend A said "You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night.

Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and have a 8 inch . I have slept with more than 1,000 women"

Friend B said "Oh yeah? Well I'm the top gynecologist docto...

A woman heard that her blonde friend was in the hospital

She went to visit her, and found her propped up in bed with bandages over both her ears.

"What in the world happened to you?" she asked.

"It was the craziest thing," said the blonde. "I was ironing clothes when the phone rang. Without thinking I held the iron up to my ear and said 'h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital

She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old laday in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check wi...

A lady goes into labour and is rushed to the hospital

She is in labour for hours and the birth is excruciating but eventually the baby comes out. The doctor taps the baby's bottom to get it to cry but nothing happens. The doctor then uses a little more force and smacks the baby's bottom harder but still nothing. The mother is getting extremely worried....

Why are there so many hospitals in the Punjab?

Nearly everyone is Sikh.

So a woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital

So a woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the Vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away."

The distressed owner...
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