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Dispensary Jokes

Our marijuana dispensary has a recorded message...

“If you want to buy marijuana press the hash key now”.

I’m opening a dispensary that sells weed and doughnuts.

It called glazed and confused.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trips to the dispensary always make me horny

Time to blow this joint.

What do you call a married couple who both work in a dispensary?

A joint-income household

Who decided to call it a "Marijuana Dispensary"?

And not a "Bakery"

If the marijuana dispensary gets flooded...

...is that considered high water?

My wife and I tried to buy weed at a dispensary, but we were told they only take cash or credit cards.

I told the clerk "It's OK. We have a joint checking account."

What do you call it when two guys open a weed dispensary?

A joint venture.

Chris Rock, The Rock, and Kid Rock walk into a marijuana dispensary

*something about being stoned*

I tried.

I want to open a dispensary for people who like weed, but not too much...

...I’m going to call it *Herb Your Enthusiasm*.

A few partners and myself are planning to open a combination chiropractic office and marijuana dispensary.

It's going to be a joint joint joint joint joint.

What do you say when you want a THC drink at a dispensary?

Can I have a cannadis?

Seen at the dispensary today....If you have to cough, please do it far away. Otherwise you may be asked

To far cough

I applied for a job at a marijuana dispensary, and was surprised to learn that I would have to take a drug test.

I hope it's multiple choice. I tested meth, crack, *and* weed.

Did you hear about the Nuns up north who started a marijuana dispensary?

Holy smokes...

Post Grad Plans

When my son graduated high school, he wanted to open up a dispensary, but i wanted him to become a doctor. When it came time to choose I told him: "It’s my way, or the highway.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I'm trying to start a new Nazi group...

But it's hard to get people to leave the already established groups, they’re built up, they have community there, then I have it. Weed. We’re going to be the weed Nazis, I get a sponsorship from a local skinhead dispensary, I set up a space, but there’s one problem, I only have 2 water pipes, for t...

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