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Chicks Jokes

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

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My wife suggested we watch some porn to spice things up. I put on “Crazy Anal Chicks vol. 4”

But it was just a bunch of women yelling at me to do the dishes, put my shoes on the entranceway mat, and hang the towels on the rack

Girl winks at the bartender and asks, "Is it true hot chicks don't pay for their drinks here?"

Bartender: "Yes, that's been our policy for years! Here's your check."

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Why are girls called chicks?

Because they produce eggs or because they love cocks?

(Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar...

Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."

You know what chicks love?

Sweeping generalizations.

An italian is picking up chicks at the bar

While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes loudly.

Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?”

After a slight pause...

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The Horse and the Chick

The horse and the chick were best friends. One day when they were walking around the farm together, the horse fell into a patch of quicksand. He couldn't get out no matter how much he struggled. The chick suddenly had an idea:

"I know! The farmer just bought a new Porsche SUV. I'll use that t...

My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens.

He got the money for nothing, and the chicks for free.

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I once met a guy named Charlie who pulled chicks left and right...

I asked him "how do you have so many girls?" and he mentioned that they always come back to him.

"My secret, is before having sex, I'll whip out my dick and bang it against the fridge. That way it gets numb and I last longer making my woman feel good."

So that night I went home to my w...

Why was the bird so bad at picking up chicks?

Because he had a small pecker

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I've really got into dating black chicks recently.

Not because they take my fancy but I'm really bad at meeting the dad.

Two boys are in the woods...

...They were walking when they noticed two girls getting naked in a nearby pond. One kid bolted the other way and the other one chased after him. "Why did you leave man! That was the prime opportunity for us to see naked chicks!" Then the other kid said "well, my mom said if I ever see a naked girl...

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A chick and a horse

A chick and a horse are playing in a farm. The horse falls into quicksand and starts sinking. “Quick, get the farmers Ferrari and throw me a rope to pull me out” says the horse. So the chick gets the Ferrari and pulls the horse out and everyone was ok. The next day, the chick and the horse are playi...

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How do you call two boobless chicks living together?

Flatmates

Someone told me crazy chicks are amazing in bed.

At least I know I'm sane.

Impressing Chicks On The Beach

A scrawy guy has a hard time attracting women on the beach....so he goes to the life guard and asks for advice and the lifeguard tells him "Next time...wear a speedo 2 sizes small and drop a potato inside" the guy decides to follow the advice

The next day...the scrawny guy comes back and all...

A mother Galapagos Finch has two chicks.

One day, she is resting in her nest with the youngest of her two chicks when her son says to her, “Mom, why does my brother’s beak look so much different than mine?”

“I was always worried you’d ask about that eventually,” replied the mother. “I might as well settle this now. What I’m about to...

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I love fucking German chicks

But I hate how they always scream their age during sex

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Two married chicks...

...that have been long time friends, go out one night for a couple of drinks. After a few hours spent in a bar, and after they had 10 cocktails each, now dark outside, they decide to walk home.

One of them suddenly says: 

 \- Girl, I gotta take a piss RIGHT ABOUT NOW, no way I can make...

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

Did you hear about the female condor that had chicks with no male involved?

Apparently this is pretty common. My wife had the same thing. She said her doctor couldn’t figure it out.

I’m not a player, I’m a gamer. Players get chicks.

I get bullied at school.

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A teacher tells her student to tell a story with a moral in it.

Little Johnny says, "All right. I got one. There's a horse and chicken playing in the meadow and the horse falls into the quicksand. He says 'Hurry up! Go get the farmer! Get me out of here!' The chicken runs back to the farm, but the farmer is nowhere to be seen."

"Oh my," the teacher gasps ...

I tried incubating some chicks but turns out my rooster is sterile.

Oh well.
No harm, no fowl.

Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks?

You can drop them off anywhere.

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Just this week I fucked a dozen chicks

Next week, I'll try girls.

The little chicks were misbehaving.

The mother hen said to them “If your father knew how bad you were he’d turn over on his rotisserie.”

A horse and a hen are playing in a field...

One day a horse and a hen are playing in a field. The horse gets stuck in a puddle of mud, and starts to sink. The hen is frantically searching for anything to help her friend, so she decides to go back to the barn. There, she grabs the keys to the farmer’s Mercedes and drives to where the horse is ...

Ever since I installed Adblocker Plus things haven't been going so well..

All of a sudden chicks in my area are no longer interested in me.

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How to pick up chicks with dicks

Gentle lift them.

They prefer to be called roosters though...

Fat chicks.

Last night I was having some wings and beer with a coworker after work. There were these two pretty, but kinda fat girls drinking at the bar and being loud. They had what I could have sworn was a Scottish accent.
I'm a big fan of girls from the UK, so I struck up a conversation. I asked them, "So...

How are tiles and fat chicks the same?

They both get laid by Mexicans.

What's common between long distance relationships and fat chicks?

Both don't work out.

Fat Chicks Are Like Scooters...

They're Really Fun To Ride Until Your Friends Find Out

I buy chicks but not hens.

A chick's a little cheeper

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Fat chicks shouldn't brag about having big boobs.

Because it's like having a car that's fast because it's falling off a cliff.

What do you call a metal head who’s into banging fat chicks?

Down with the Thiccness

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My buddy goes to church to hit on fat chicks...

He said he really enjoys Catholic mass.

How do you catch chicks in auschwitz?

With a dust pan

Why do hippie chicks eat with their legs open?

To keep the flies off the food

*spoilers* How do you pick up chicks like Margaery Tyrell?

With a broom.

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Why don't I have sex with disabled chicks?

I'll fuck anything that walks.

On the farm

A horse and a chick go for a walk. The horse gets stuck in the mud and yells to the chick to help me I’m stuck. The chick runs back to the farm to get the farmer but the farmer has gone to town with the tractor. So the chick sees the new BWM and grabs a rope and jumps into the BMW and drives to the ...

What do hippie chicks and hockey players have in common?

They usually shower after three periods.

A guy is not having any luck picking up chicks

He notices that there is another little guy sitting by himself who is doing much better. Every hour or so a different girl walks up to the little guy, starts talking and they soon leave together.

The first guy turns to the bartender and asks "Why does he have all the luck. There is nothing s...

I'm starting an all-male cross-dressing dixie chicks tribute band

I'm calling it chicks with dixies

A guy is scoping out chicks in a bar...

...when he sees one wearing a Kansas City Chiefs jersey.

He walks up to her and says, "Hi. My name is 21 Point Lead."

The woman laughs and replies, "That's not your name!"

The guy says, "You're right, but I figured anyone wearing a Chiefs jersey would blow a 21 point lead."

What vehicle do you pick up the most chicks in?

A tractor

(Maybe you'll have to say it out loud)

I once heard about a pimp that offered discounts on fat chicks.

You know what they say, it's always cheaper to buy in bulk.

I told my friend we should go out and pick up some chicks

He asked, "What about your wife?"

I replied "Nah, she's married"

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road. The basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke.” The moral of the...

My jokes are like hot chicks

Hard to get, and when you do they are not anywhere near as good as you thought they would be

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