This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court

The judge looks at Mickey, confused. “Mr. Mouse, I’m sorry, but you can’t divorce your wife just because she’s silly.”

Mickey Mouse responds, “I never said she was silly, I said she was fucking Goofy!”

Roses are red, silent as a mouse...

your door is unlocked, I’m inside of your house.

Mouse: "Hey Snake, what are you up to tonight?"

Snake: "I'm meeting my soulmate"

Mouse: "Oh wow, that's amazing. How do you know it's your soulmate?"

Snake: "You misheard me. I said I'm eating mice, whole, mate."

Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto?

Because he's not a planet.

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse we’re getting a divorce. The judge asked Mickey, “Let me get this straight, you’re divorcing Minnie because she’s crazy?” “No, your honor,” he says.

“I’m divorcing her because she’s fucking Goofy.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Cop approaches Mickey Mouse and says “ Someone urinated in...

Cop approaches Mickey Mouse and says :

“ Someone urinated in the snow in front of your house and it reads ‘Fuck Mickey’. We ran test and we have some bad news, it’s Goofy’s urine.

..

..

..

Even worse it’s Minnie’s handwriting"

​

PS:- Found...

What is Minnie Mouse's father's name?

Massive Mouse

I got mad and threw my mouse at the wall because it wasn’t working..

I don’t know why the people at the vet are giving me that look.

My computer mouse isn't working properly

It could type paragraphs, but now it's just randomly slamming its tiny paws on the keyboard.

What did the mama cheese say to the mouse?

Please leave Provolone!

Why did Mickey Mouse get hit with a snowball?

Because Donald ducked.

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space?

He wanted to find Pluto!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elephant and a mouse are walking through a forest...

When suddenly the elephant falls through a trap hole and can't get out.
Mouse starts panicking as the elephant, stuck, pleads for help.
So the mouse starts thinking... and runs back all the way out of the forest, where he finds a parking lot.
At the edge of the parking lot, he sees a re...

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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse divorce

In the courtroom the judge says to Mickey, “Mr Mouse, I don’t see any evidence to support your charge that Mrs Mouse has become insane”. Mickey gets a confused look on his face and says, “Judge, I never complained that she was insane. I said that she was fucking Goofy”.

Which mouse runs on two legs? Mickey mouse. Now which duck runs on two legs?

Every duck runs on two legs.

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse are getting divorced.

The judge in the courthouse is looking over the papers and looks at Mickey. "So, it says here that you want to divorce Minnie because she's crazy, is that right?" He asks the mouse.

Mickey shakes his head and replies "No, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

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A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood

(the African jungle, in fact) and was surprised to hear a strange noise coming from a nearby clearing. Peeping out from between the trees, he saw a female elephant weeping in distress, so he swaggered up to her and said "It's okay, chill, I'm not gonna hurt you."

And the elephant looked dow...

A mouse found a lion and a fox trapped in two different cages.

The lion begged to the mouse to free it and promised not to eat it.

But then the fox said Lion's lion to you.

Amused by the joke the mouse freed the fox instead.

​

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A horny lion and a horny mouse

agree to fuck each other.

The lion informs the mouse "I'm the king of the jungle with a reputation to uphold, therefore must do this in hiding and I must go first. " The mouse replies "You're so large, you'll fuck me to death, let me go first then when I'm done you can have your turn". The l...

My pet mouse Elvis died yesterday.

He was caught in a trap.

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A judge is hearing Mickey Mouse's divorce petition.

After listening to his argument, the judge shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, Mr. Mouse. Your wife Minnie having an eccentric personality is not valid grounds for divorce, I'm afraid."

"Your honor," Mickey replies. "I didn't say she was eccentric, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Why did the cat chase the mouse?

He was in purrrrrrrrrrsuit

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them.
The mother mouse goes, "WOOF WOOF!" and the cat runs away.


"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

I was trying to figure out how to fix my mouse...

Then it clicked

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mickey Mouse was at the bar...

....drowning his sorrows in a beer. The bartender says, "Hey Mickey. It's not so bad if Minnie is a bit strange and acts silly." Mickey looks up and says, "You asshole, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Whoever coined the phrase, "Quiet as a mouse"

has never stepped on one.

What did the mouse build his house with?

Cottage cheese

I tried communicating with a mouse

But, I couldn't squeak her language.

What's the difference between a beautiful woman and a mouse?

One charms the he's and the other harms the cheese.

What sounds like a mouse, but much, much louder?

#**A MOUSE**

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Mickey Mouse stood before the judge waiting for the verdict on his divorce case.

“Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce. Although you claim she is crazy, the court has found Minnie Mouse to be mentally competent,” proclaimed the judge.

“But your Honor," he said, "I didn't say Minnie was crazy. I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Where does the male mouse live since his wife caught him cheating and kicked him out of the house?

His mouse pad

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Adolescent joke told by my old man

One day there was a man fly fishing from the bank of a river. He sees a trout just upstream from him and thinks to himself "If that trout moves just slightly to the right, I can drop my fly six inches and I'll be able to hook that trout". Well, there was a mouse close to the man and the mouse is thi...

Tom only chases the most suitable mouse.

I guess that is Jerry picking.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says:
"When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot.
When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times."
The...

I thought there was something wrong with my mouse.

Then it clicked.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Micky and Minnie Mouse are consulting their lawyer about planning a divorce.

Halfway through reading Mickie's statement, the lawyer finds something odd.

"So it says here," he inquires, eyebrow notched," that you want to divorce your wife because she's, ahem, 'extremely silly'?


"No," Mickie shouted, hardly able to control his anger. " I want the divorce beca...

There's a mouse named In and a mouse named Out. How does Out know that In has died?

Instincts

What do you call a mouse on 2 legs

Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Fly, Fish, Bear, Hunter, Mouse, and a Cat

Once upon a time there was a Fly buzzing over the edge of a river, and beneath the water there was a fish that saw the fly buzzing close to the water. The fish thought to himself "If that fly drops six inches I'll be able to swim up and eat it!"

Now on the shore of the river there was a bear,...

A guy sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chili...

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili o...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three mice in a bar...

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are.

The first mouse slams a shot and boasts, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I run through one, and as the bar comes down I grab it and do 20 or 30 bench presses with it." He then slams another shot.

The second mouse sl...

Did you hear about the broken helicopter that Mickey Mouse bought from Scotland?

Disneyland

Why does Bill Gates use a mouse when he’s fishing?

Because he sincerely believes it is the most effective.......

Click bait!

Little Johnny and the mouse

Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"

His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."...

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Mouse and a bear find a genie lamp

A mouse and a bear find a genie lamp in the woods. The bear rubs it and a genie pops out and says,
"Thank you for freeing me, for doing so I grant you both three wishes each."

The bear went first and said, "I wish the entire earth was covered in forests," and the genie makes the whole eart...

What did the mouse say the ant crossing the street?

Hello, fellow road-ant

What do you call a mouse with no balls?

Optical

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the Cat say to the Mouse?

Nothing, it's a fucking cat.

A Youtuber got extremely famous for catching lots of fish with only a computer mouse...

Turns out it was just clickbait.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...

I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors...

I never could think of a name for my pet mouse...

Guess he’ll always be anonymous.

A cat and a mouse go to heaven

A cat and a mouse got to heaven, after a bit God goes to the mouse and asks "how do you like it up here?" The mouse replies "it's fine but I have a hard time getting around", God then snaps his fingers and gives the mouse a pair a wheels to roll around on. A little later God then goes to the cat and...

Why did the eagle spare the mouse's life?

He couldn't be buzzard to hunt it.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mickey mouse wakes up one winter morning and looks out the window.

To his shock, he sees someone has scrawled the words 'FUCK MICKEY' in urine in the snow in front of his house. He calls the sheriff, who comes and asks him a couple of questions. He then takes pictures and samples of the urine and leaves. The next morning, Mickey receives a phone call. It's the sher...

First bird gets the worm, second mouse gets the cheese but the third wife gets

The White House

An elephant and a mouse are walking across a bridge...

The mouse looks up at the elephant and says, "Boy, we sure are making this bridge shake!"

I didn't understand why my friend got a new mouse...

But then it just kinda clicked.

Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!"

Doctor: Which knee?

Mickey: Disney

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend said she wanted a mouse pad for her birthday.

Pretty weird, I thought. Surely that would make her vagina really itchy.

A man and a mouse get drunk in a bar...

Finally, the barman tells them that the bar is closing, so they go out and sing a song together in the street.

Then, an incredibly buff man comes out of his balcony and yells:

"Hey! Will you two shut it or do I have to come down there to do it myself? I'm trying to sleep!"

The d...

What's the difference between a flying mammal in sunglasses and a mouse in disguise?

One's a rad bat, the other's a bad rat

A mouse entered my house

He ate everything, even drank some redbull and now I have a bat problem

Went to Disney World because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse.

She was so excited when I got home and told her.

Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches.

But Donald ducks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mickey Mouse comes home one day...

And says "Hunny I'm home." To his surprise he isn't met by a warm loving hug and kiss from his wife Minnie. He looks around the house and can't find her anywhere, this is until he hears noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes into the bedroom and finds his wife Minnie and his best friend Goofy hav...

I introduced my mouse to my keyboard today...

It was awkward at first, but then they just clicked.

If you give a mouse a cookie...

You don't understand computers.

My wife gave me a mouse and a keyboard for my birthday.

I learned to play "KLONKY DONKEY" on the keyboard and trained that little fella to dance.

A young cowboy walks into the saloon.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowb...

The Golden Mouse

I was playing Terraria when I caught a golden mouse. I told my wife, 'I just caught a punchline.'

'What do you mean.'

'I caught a golden mouse. It's the punchline to any number of racist jokes.'

'Really?'

So I went into the one I knew best.

A man is having mouse pr...

What do you get when you mix a fly, a snake head, and Mickey Mouse?

The hell out of there.

The President is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!”

This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout 'Mickey Mouse'?”

Blushing, the agent replies, “I got ne...