Lady brings a bunny into a vet's waiting room.

A woman walks into a vet's waiting room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does not want to be there. "Sit, Fluffy," she says.

Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

"I said sit, now there's a good Fl...

I just found out that the Energizer Bunny got arrested!

He was charged with battery.

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Why does the Easter Bunny hide its eggs?

It doesn't want anyone to know it's fucking a chicken.

A bear opens up a grocery store in the woods

A bunny walks in the store and goes to the bear.

“Mr. Bear, mr. bear do you have strawberries?”

“No I don’t” responded the bear.

A few minutes pass and the bunny asks again.

“Mr. Bear, mr. bear do you have strawberries?”

The bear confused responds.

“You just...

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

What do you call a bunny that steals?

A Grabbit

What do you call someone who isn't sure if the Easter Bunny is real?

An Eggnostic.

What does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?

Hip hop.

The Easter Bunny joined the Olympics

He heard first place gets 24 carrots.

What did Bugs Bunny say after beaming aboard the Enterprise?

What's up Spock?

What happens when you reverse the batteries in the energizer bunny?

It keeps coming and coming and coming!

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I am sad to announce that the Duracell bunny has died...

...from sexual exhaustion. Someone put his batteries in backwards, and instead of going and going and going he kept on coming and coming and coming...

The Easter Bunny walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "I suppose you want a White Rabbit." The Easter Bunny says,

"I don't care, just give me something hoppy."

What's the Easter Bunny's favorite beer?

A double IPA because of it's high alcohol content he can get drunk quick, after dealing with those kids all day.
Oh... the the fact that it's extra hoppy is just a bonus!

Three swedes found mysterious tracks from the forest

"It is a bunny." Said the first

"It is a rabbit." Said the second

the third one bowed to look and a train ran over him.

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better...

Thank God.

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A bear and a bunny are taking a shit in the forest.

The bear asks the bunny if it ever has issues with shit sticking to its fur.
The bunny haughtily replied that it "most certainly did not."
The bear says "Lucky.", then picks up the bunny and wipes its ass with it.

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When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of bullshit, like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.

Thank you Jesus!

What do you call a snuggly rabbit?

Hugs Bunny

What happened when the Energizer bunny's dad went out for cigarettes?

He just kept going and going and going.

Elton John found a baby rabbit at the gym the other day.

It's a little fit bunny...

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An elephant and a bunny are sitting in the forest, taking a dump

"Say bunny", asks the elephant. "Dosen't it bother you when shit gets on your fur?".
"No, not at all" the bunny answers.
So the elephant grabs the bunny and wipes his ass with it.

Why did the bunny work in the brewery?

he knew a lot about hops

What crime was the Energiser Bunny guilty of?

Battery

While playing catch with our pet Alsatian in the yard,

He returned with a bunny in his mouth. Quite clearly it was our neighbors pet bunny. The same distinctive brown patch! We both dashed to our doggy and gently pried the bunny out of his mouth.

It was quite clearly dead.

We panicked and looked over to the neighbors yard. He wasn't in and...

Why did the white bunny get accused of cultural appropriation?

Because he was into hip-hop.

I saw a little boy at the bus stop eating a giant chocolate Easter bunny. I said, "Hey kid, eating that much chocolate at one time is bad for you." He looked me in the eye and said, "Well, my grandpa lived to 103."

"Oh, really? Did *he* eat a lot of chocolate?"

"No, he minded his own damn business."

**Edit:** Credit where due -- [/u/samvet21 informs me](/r/Jokes/comments/8cnjvk/i_saw_a_little_boy_at_the_bus_stop_eating_a_giant/dxhf9ku/) that the original joke was by Philadelphia comedian [Todd Gl...

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A bear is in the woods with a bunny.

After a meal, they go to a bush to poop.
The bear asks the bunny, “Do you dislike getting poop in your fur?”
“No,” replies the bunny.
And the bear wipes his butt with the bunny.

A little girl goes to the pet store

She ask the owner of the store if he has any bunnies.

“Well sure sweetie!” He says and takes her to where the bunnies are, “I have a few different bunnies I have this white one with floppy ears, or this fluffy little brown one, or I even have this cute one with black spots! What kind of bunny...

A bunny walks into the bakery.

There he asks the baker if he has any carrot cake.

The bakers says: ‘no, I don’t sell carrot cake.’

So the bunny leaves, but returns the next day. He once again if the baker has any carrot cake.

Once more the baker answers: ‘no, I don’t sell carrot cake.’

Once the bunny...

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

“Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'...

How can the Easter bunny afford so much candy?

It's so rich that all of its meals are 24 karat

I think if women really got to know me they’d find my personality a lot like a chocolate Easter bunny.

On the outside sweet but Hollow and disappointing on the inside.

My four year old neighbor buddy just told me this joke he made up: what do you call a bunny rabbit with no ears?

A backpack.


P.s. I love nonsensical kid jokes.

The little bunny.

A little bunny hops into town, hops into the bakery, hops up to the baker and asks, "Do you have any cookies with fish in them?" "No," said the baker, "but I have some wonderful oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies." "No thanks!" said the bunny, and he hops out of town.

The next day the little ...

My seven year old figured out Easter this year

He said “The Easter Bunny isn’t real dad. It’s really a man dressed as a bunny that hides eggs in your house”

My kid’s pet rabbit Gotye went missing a week ago.

Now it’s just some bunny that we used to know.

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck we're in the middle of a robbery...

Bugs Bunny asked Daffy, "Is this whiskey?"

Daffy answered, "Of course it's whiskey, but it's safer than wobbing a bank"

Did you hear they arrested the Energizer bunny?

Yeah, assault with a battery.

Apparently he just kept going on the guy.

I hear they're charging him.

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What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?

Fucks Funny

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Deep into the woods there was bunny rabbit, hopping and prancing,

when he saw a monkey about to drop acid, so he yelled

"STOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP, THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH COME JOIN ME HOP THRU THE FOREST".

So the monkey said fuck it, let's do it rabbit.

So the monkey and the bunny where prancing through the woods when all of a sudden, saw a giraff...

What's a bunny joke without bunnies?

Not a very bunny one.

Why does Bugs Bunny like Lola Bunny so much?

She's a friend with bunny feets.

A crow sits on a telephone pole, doing nothing - looking stupid

A crow is sitting on a telephone pole when his mate, another crow arrives.

Crow#2 asks his friend: "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"

Crow#1: "Nothing really, just sitting here and looking stupid"

Crow#2: "Sounds cool, I wanna try that, too!"

An hour later a 3rd crow arrive...

What kind of whisky does a bunny drink?

Hop Scotch.

What do you get when a rabbit opens a bakery?

Something bunny.

It was getting close to my wife’s birthday. She was looking at herself in the mirror. I asked her what she’d like for her birthday. She sighed and said I’d like to be eight again...

On the morning of her birthday. I woke up early and made her a nice big bowl of coco pops. I then took her to for a special trip to Legoland. On the way home we stopped at McDonald’s where I got her a Happy Meal together we a special McDonalds balloon. We then went to the cinema where they were pl...

3 months ago, Senator McConnell took my rabbit.

Mitch better have my bunny.

I got a baby bunny today.

I had to swerve pretty hard to do it, but I got him!

Who is the odd one out between.... Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Bill Cosby and the tooth fairy?

The Easter bunny, the rest only come when you are sleeping.

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Roger was dying. He didn't have any family left, but had a lot of loyal pets.

He had 2 dogs, Walt and Ivy, 3 cats, Leonid, Willy and Flurry, a turtle named Patience and a bunny named Snuffles.

In his last moments, he asked all pets to join him while he would reveal how he would split his inheritance.

- Dear loyal friends, I love you all very much, but I must le...

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Three racehorses and a racing dog are together after a day of racing.

The first horse says: "You guys won't believe what happed to me in the race today! I was taking my time at the race I was like 12th or 13th not caring too much. And then I suddenly felt a sting on my ass, I sprang forward and before I realized I fished the race 1st."


The second horse sa...

A Bunny Story..

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunn...

What did bugs bunny save his word processing as?

Whats up.doc

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Magic bunny!

A young texan cowboy is riding along his property when he spots an injured rabbit struggling to free itself from some wire mesh it's stuck in. He's about to put the furball out of its misery when the rabbit says:

"Wait!! I'm a magic bunny! If you free me and let me go, I'll grant you one wish...

My girlfriend complained about her new bunny misbehaving

I said "just give her some thyme".

How do things come out of the Easter Bunny?

With rear eggularity.

Bugs Bunny walks into a hospital

He asks his doctor “What’s up, doc?”

The doctor replies “Your blood pressure, Bugs.”

“And if I don’t get it sorted out?”

The doctor, visually distraught, answers: “That’s all, folks.”

A little girl walks into a pet store and tells an employee that she’d like to buy a rabbit.

The employee smiles down at the little girl and says, “Right this way! We have lots of different rabbits to choose from depending on what you’re looking for.” She leads the little girl over to a large enclosure where a huge collection of bunnies of all different sizes and colors are hopping about or...

The bunny jogging

A bunny is running through the forest and he meets a hedgehog, who's smoking a joint, so the bunny says:

"Hedgehog noo, don't do it, drugs are dangerous, come to run with me in the forest!"

The hedgehog convinced by the bunny runs with him.
They run and they meet a bluetit w...

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Why does the Easter Bunny drink IPAs?

He loves the hops.

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