I told my friend named Gong about the untitled goose game

Gong : So what can you do in this game

Me: Idk just run around and honk at people

Gong: oh is there a mana or resource bar for how many times you can honk ?

Me: no no you can just honk at people

Gong: so it’s unlimited? It’s free?

Me: yes it’s a free honk, gong

Why was the goose acting so silly?

He was on quack!

So this father and son go hunting for an Easter Goose for the family...

They're up early and in their favorite blind by sun up. Coffee, hot. Rifles, loaded. Air, crisp. It doesn't take long before a flock heads their way and they shoot down a fair sized bird and collect it, then bring it home to the Wife and Daughter for cleaning and preparation. All goes well and the G...

I finally realise why it's called a wild goose chase

You're taking a gander somewhere you shouldn't.

What sound does a Swedish goose make?

HJONK

What do you call a goose journalist

A Propa-gander

Is Goose from Captain Marvel a good character?

You're flerken right he is.

Why couldn't the cowboy get down from his horse?

Because you can only get down from a goose.

If you have one Portuguese...

... shouldn't it be portu-goose?

I think Ryan Gosling is mature enough now...

for us to call him Ryan Goose.

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"Son, what do you say when there's more than one goose?"

"Geese."

"Very good. What do you say when there's more than one cow?"

"Cows."

"Excellent. What do you say when there's more than one spider?"

"Shit!"

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"

"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling."

The bus annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your ...

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What's sauce for the goose......

A family was at the dinner table when the son asked his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answered, “Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her 20s, a woman’s are like melons: round and firm. In her 30s, 40s, and 50s, they are like pears: still ni...

A chicken, a goose and a pheasant were sitting in a tavern drinking…

The chicken said, "How about we go back to my place and play strip poker?"

The goose nodded its head, the pheasant said "I'm game."

I visited my uncle. He asked me to bring a duck from yard for dinner

I caught one, killed it and brought it to the kitchen. My uncle asked 'Did the duck quack before he died?'

'Yes,' I said , 'He quacked twice.'

'Do you know what he said?'

'No, why ask?'

'He said I'm goose! I'm goose!'

Just ate goose for the first time

It was fowl

Who is the Mexican equivalent of Mother Goose?

Juan Seponatime.

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Why did the goose cross the road?

To go be a dick to someone else.
Geese are dicks

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A Man and his Goose .....

A man and a goose are best friends. They do everything together. One day the man says to the goose, "Let's go see a movie." The goose agrees, and they both make their way to the movie theater. Upon arrival the woman at the ticket counter says, "I'm sorry sir, you cannot bring your pet into the movie...

How do you know a Goose is Canadian?

He goes

“Honk, eh!”

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese

I'm taking the goose farmer's daughter to the dance...

I heard she knows how to get down

I had a pet goose once.

But it died recently.

It was weird because my friends and I never remembered if it was a boy or a girl.

We got into a big argument about it and eventually one of my friends decided to go dig up its corpse.

And all I had to say to that was, "Did you just exhume my gander?"

Why do geese use Head&Shoulders shampoo?

What’s good for the goose is good for dander

A man had a goose on top of a building. What's the easiest way for him to get down?

Pluck it off the goose.

What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet.

What are the ingredients for the homemade Bill Clinton stew?

One wiener, one cooked goose, lots of spilled beans, and tons of hot water.

Goose that gave golden eggs

A hunter was on his way back to the village holding a dead goose he caught. He met a scammer from another village on the way. The scammer decided to try his skills on the hunter. Scammer claimed that the goose was his goose that laid one golden egg everyday and now hunter must compensate him for his...

I tried this new laxative with goose feathers

But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.

What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?

Stick his bill up his ass.

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F*ucking Cock

A Farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed.

At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets tense now.

Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too.

Later, he finds the Cock ...

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A goose is flying over the border between the US and Canada...

A goose is flying over the border between the US and Canada. You can hear two shots and the bird falls to the ground. Two hunters arrive at the same time to find the bird lying right on the border and they immediately start arguing about who shot the bird and who should be able to keep it.

F...

What did the goose say when he found out about flying south?

Wanna hear migrate idea?

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An old man says to the doctor "I piss like a horse at 6 each morning, poop like a goose at 7."

The doctor says "Then what's the problem?"

The old man says "I don't get out of bed until 8."

What do you call a goose in a tuxedo telling the news?

Media Proper Gander

A woman goes to the doctor with every complaint in the book...

The doctor examines her but finds nothing wrong. He takes out a note pad and writes down “Wine Eekkant”. “I recommend a drink and calm down,” says the doctor. She takes the paper and leaves all pouty.

On her way home she stops at the market. She searches and searches but can’t find this ...

Theodore was feeding geese when his friend David walked by

Say there, Theodore, what are you doing?"

"Why, I'm feeding these here geese, David."

"I can see that, but why do you keep staring at the bread crumbs?"

"Well, David, what's good for a goose is good for a gander."

A stork gets home after a bad day at work and is chilling with his wife.

How was work dear? she asked.
I had a really big baby today and I dropped him because he was to heavy.
Oh you silly goose,she says...the heavy babies are always delivered by crane.

A traveler was walking along the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm

Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could barely see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghost-like in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride very badly, the g...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

What happens when you goose a ghost?

You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)

What would you say to someone when you're busy looking for Captain Marvel's cat?

That you're on a wild Goose chase.

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A soldier was seriously ill with malaria he contacted while serving at Guadacanal.

Because of his serious illness, he was evacuated to a hospital located in Austrialia. When he woke up, and found himself in a bright room, with an angelic faced nurse looking down at him.

Seeing this, he thinks he's in heaven, and through his cracked lips, he stammered "ddddddid you bring me...

Why did the police arrest the Christmas goose?

They suspected it of fowl play.

Duck duck...

When I was a kid, I had this conversation with a retired Vietnam veteran:

I saw his display of medals and asked about each. They all came with stories that left me wide-eyed and speechless.
All except the last one. I pointed and asked "what about the one that looks like a heart?".
H...

A New Take on a Classic Joke

The weather outside has been cold as the left side of a killer whale's behind recently, and I decided to buy myself a new jacket. So I went to the mall with a friend to see what jackets there were available.

Unfortunately for me, everyone else in the city had the same idea. We first went to N...

The Biker and The Old Lady

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while he waited, and so, since he didn't live far from the shop, he decided to walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped at the li...

The farmer and the goose go to the movies.

So this farmer goes to the movies with his favorite goose. But they wont let the goose in. So the farmer hides the goose in his pants, buys a ticket and finds his seat.

After about a half an hour the goose is getting restless so the farmer unzips his pants so the goose can get some air. <...

I was out duck hunting with Olivia Wilde.

After a while, Olivia spotted a massive duck in the distance and insisted that I hunt it down.

I started to follow it, through bushes and brambles, woods and fields, over hills and through valleys, until finally, I caught up with it. The huge duck turned in my direction, honked and started r...

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle?

He had *bean stalking* her.

Why did Ed Gein keep his house so hot?

To prevent the furniture from getting goose bumps.

A Chinese spy wearing a tuxedo walks into a Russian bar.

He says to the bartender, “The name is Wong. Li Wong. I’ll have a martini. Shaken, not stirred.”

“Gin or vodka?” Asks the bartender.

“Surprise me.” Replies Li.

The bartender makes the martini, gives it to Li and says, “If you can guess the name of the alcohol, it’s on th...

"Why do you enjoy running geese over in your car?"

"It gives me Goose Bumps!"

Ryan Gosling is 36 years old

Shouldn't we be calling him Ryan Goose already?

If a very social person is called a "people person"...

Then wouldn't a very social goose be called a "geese goose"?

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

The Kings English

I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you, On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.

Beware of heard, a dreadful word, That looks like beard but sounds like bird.

And dead: It’s said like bed, not bead -- For goodness’ sake, don...

Poor Hillary Clinton...

I haven't seen someone hit a glass ceiling this hard since Goose from Top Gun

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pulled over by a cop

I was driving down the street this morning and a stupid goose flew out in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to swerve or stop and ran right into him. It must've hit at the right angle because sure enough, the goose bounced off the hood of my car, popped up, and smacked straight into a pol...

How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond?

Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

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Another golf joke

This guy meets his friend at a bar, and notices that his friend has a huge goose egg lump on his forehead. The guy asks what happened.

"Well," says the friend, "I took my wife golfing, and she was terrible. She kept hitting the ball way too hard. At one point she hit her ball into a nearby co...

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What's it called when a member of the alt-right yells at two people on the internet and then posts Nazi propaganda?

Cuck Cuck Goose-Step

A husband gets home after playing golf.....

And his wife asks how it went to which he replies "It went very well, except when I hit that goose on the 8th hole" The wife then replies "How many strokes is a goose?"

An old guy with a horrible toupee stopped me in the parking lot to tell me this random joke...made me crack up.

How do you get down from an elephant??


YOU DON'T! You get down from a goose!!

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Brewster the Rooster

Saw a post today about a kid with a rooster named Brooster and remembered this old joke.

A farmer decides he needs a new rooster so he can expand his chicken coop, so he buys the most virile one he can find and names him Brewster. Within a day, Brewster has impregnated every hen the farmer ow...

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