The 66+ Best Goose Jokes

In what lenguage does a goose speak?

Portugeese

The problem with the goose

A peasant goes to a country fair and buys two chickens, a bucket, an anvil, and a goose. Walking back to his village he meets a woman who asks him for directions to the village.
- Come with me, but let’s take a shortcut through the woods, much faster.
- No way! I know you men, once we’re in t...

What did the German goose say to his friend?

Goosen tag!

Anatidaephobia is the irrational fear that somewhere, a duck or goose is watching you.

Iron Maiden tried to warn us about the fear of the duck

I’m the scientist who just discovered that goose-down pillows are NOT resistant to sulphuric acid.

Although, apparently that’s not what my wife meant when she said we need to “experiment in the bedroom”

If you go to a Jedi bar, the only vodka that you can get is Grey Goose.

Because..only the Sith deal in Absolut.

How do you turn a goose into a musician?

You boil it until its Bill Withers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man and his Goose .....

A man and a goose are best friends. They do everything together. One day the man says to the goose, "Let's go see a movie." The goose agrees, and they both make their way to the movie theater. Upon arrival the woman at the ticket counter says, "I'm sorry sir, you cannot bring your pet into the movie...

Every Christmas, my mom sends me out on a wild goose chase whilst she wraps all the presents, but I told her that this was the last time.

I don't care what she says, next year we're having store bought turkey like everyone else.

Lady and the Farmer

A farmer stopped by a hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. Then he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store, he wondered how to carry all his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, h...

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My ex girlfriend once told me she gets sad everytime she sees dead goose on the side of the road.

She said it's because when geese mate they mate for life. I know for a fact that's bullshit because as soon as I let go they fly away.

Did you hear Keith Richards and Mick Jagger's airplane went down after a goose flew in the engine?

Killed two Stones with one bird

A Teacher wants to do a little Quiz with her Students.

Teacher:"Guess what this is, which animal has a Beak and Feathers?"

Random Student:"A Duck!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Goose.
Next question, which animal has Claws and Fur?"

Random Student:"A Dog!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Cat."...

I got attacked by a goose today.

Needless to say, I used some fowl language.

When my father started getting ill his doctor told him to cover the back of his legs and his entire back in lots of goose fat

I swear, he really went downhill fast after that

A Goose Walks Into A Bar...

A goose walks into a bar

To bad it didn't duck

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A farmer walks into his house holding a goose in his arms

He approaches his wife and says “Well this is the pig I’ve been fucking.” His wife stares at him, mouth agape, and says “Excuse me?! That’s a goose!” The farmer replies “I know. I wasn’t talking to you.”

What did Mother Goose name her newborn son?

Ryan Gosling

Why does everyone listen to the well dressed goose?

He's a proper gander.

Archangel Michael has just created a duck-goose with giant teeth and wants to show his magnificent creation to God.

He comes to God's presence and says: "look what beauty I made, I'm just not sure where to put it"
God thinks for a moment and says: "how about you put it in Australia with all the other nonsense you've created."

What do you call it when a duck sleeps with his goose friend's wife?

Duck cuck goose

TIL a Goose's beak is composed of 4 elements: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Potassium.

HONK

What happens if you goose a ghost?

You get a handful of sheet!

What did the goose say in the traffic jam?

HONK!!!!! HONK!!!!!

They sent a goose to the moon

The called it amoongoose

While browsing the poultry market, the clerk asked me if I would like try some goose...

...I told him no thanks, I was just gonna take a gander.

What do you get when you run over a goose?

Goose bumps.

What sound does a Swedish goose make?

HJONK

3 kids were playing duck duck goose..

When all of a sudden one of them screams "Swan!!". The other two kids said "no no no that's not the game it's duck duck goose Not Swan."
The one kid Screams again "No , Swan!!"
Now frustrated the other two kids yelled "You can't play if you're not going to play it right!"
Now running and ...

Saw a 19 year old lad outside the YMCA. He was stroking some Goose feathers. I said...

Young man. You don’t have to feel down...

Racing Goose

I've got some racing geese for sale, let me know if you want a quick gander!?

I finally, after 35 years, have made my own two line joke

What’s a gooses’s favorite vegetable?

Asparagoose.

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An old man says to the doctor "I piss like a horse at 6 each morning, poop like a goose at 7."

The doctor says "Then what's the problem?"

The old man says "I don't get out of bed until 8."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a goose that is unhappy with its sexuality?

Trans gander

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What's sauce for the goose......

A family was at the dinner table when the son asked his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”

The father, surprised, answered, “Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her 20s, a woman’s are like melons: round and firm. In her 30s, 40s, and 50s, they are like pears: still ni...

They should change the Canada Goose to America Goose

They're far from being the normal polite Canadian you meet. They come back every spring all rude and acting like they own the place.

What did the Brazilian goose on the balcony say to the squirrel passing by?

I don’t know, I don’t speak porch of geese

Just ate goose for the first time

It was fowl

I’m a Chinese goose

Hong Kong

So this father and son go hunting for an Easter Goose for the family...

They're up early and in their favorite blind by sun up. Coffee, hot. Rifles, loaded. Air, crisp. It doesn't take long before a flock heads their way and they shoot down a fair sized bird and collect it, then bring it home to the Wife and Daughter for cleaning and preparation. All goes well and the G...

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What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?

Stick his bill up his ass.

How do you know a Goose is Canadian?

He goes

“Honk, eh!”

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A goose is flying over the border between the US and Canada...

A goose is flying over the border between the US and Canada. You can hear two shots and the bird falls to the ground. Two hunters arrive at the same time to find the bird lying right on the border and they immediately start arguing about who shot the bird and who should be able to keep it.

F...

Why did the police arrest the Christmas goose?

They suspected it of fowl play.

I tried this new laxative with goose feathers

But now I'm feeling down in the dumps.

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle?

He had *bean stalking* her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the goose cross the road?

To go be a dick to someone else.
Geese are dicks

I had a pet goose once.

But it died recently.

It was weird because my friends and I never remembered if it was a boy or a girl.

We got into a big argument about it and eventually one of my friends decided to go dig up its corpse.

And all I had to say to that was, "Did you just exhume my gander?"

Goose that gave golden eggs

A hunter was on his way back to the village holding a dead goose he caught. He met a scammer from another village on the way. The scammer decided to try his skills on the hunter. Scammer claimed that the goose was his goose that laid one golden egg everyday and now hunter must compensate him for his...

What did the goose say when he found out about flying south?

Wanna hear migrate idea?

I'm taking the goose farmer's daughter to the dance...

I heard she knows how to get down

Which side of the goose has the most feathers?

The outside

My 10-year-old's Barbie joke

What do you call a sad baby goose that likes Barbie?

Cryin Gosling

A couple of geese fell down from the stairs.

They got multiple goose bumps.

Is Goose from Captain Marvel a good character?

You're flerken right he is.

A chicken, a goose and a pheasant were sitting in a tavern drinking…

The chicken said, "How about we go back to my place and play strip poker?"

The goose nodded its head, the pheasant said "I'm game."

A man had a goose on top of a building. What's the easiest way for him to get down?

Pluck it off the goose.

A little boy was on the school bus after a day at school.

He was driving the bus driver driver crazy by talking about what he had learned about animals in class in a very loud and annoying voice, "If my dad was a bull and my mom was a cow, I'd be a calf! If my dad was a rooster and my mom was a hen, I'd be a little chick! If my dad was a gander and my mom ...

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A Farmer buys a young Cock.......

A Farmer buys a young Cock.
As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed.
At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens, Farmer gets tense now.
Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too.
Later, he finds the Cock lying Pale, ...

I saw a bird telling jokes by the pond

It was a silly goose

A man decided to open a farm.

He went to the store and asked for a hen. The store owner said "Sure! They're called pullets around here." The man also asked for a goose. The owner said "Sure, but we call those peckers here!" Lastly, the man asked for a donkey. The owner said "They're called asses around here. I'll sell you mine, ...

The farmer and the goose go to the movies.

So this farmer goes to the movies with his favorite goose. But they wont let the goose in. So the farmer hides the goose in his pants, buys a ticket and finds his seat.

After about a half an hour the goose is getting restless so the farmer unzips his pants so the goose can get some air. <...

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You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver.

The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…"

"If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd...

Flux Capacitor

Part of me feels really bad about this. I mean he's only a kid. He's really too young to understand what I did to him. But do it to him I did. I 121G’d the lad.

I went into an O’Reilly’s store last week to pick up some wiper blades. I had this young kid helping me. He made a comment about how...

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