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A grandson sees his grandpas drinking a beer and asks “grandpa can I have some of that” grandpa replies

“Can your dick touch your ass?”

“Well no not yet” says the grandson

“Ask again when it can” the grandpas says!
Later that day the young boy sees his grandpas smoking a cig
“hey grandpa can I smoke some of that” he asks

The grandpas asks him “can your dick touch your ass y...

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Happy Thanksgiving kiddo

So two days before Thanksgiving little Jimmy is out playing in the yard. He hears his parents arguing and they call each other “bitch” and bastard”. Little Jimmy, ever the curious little bugger goes inside to ask his parents what those words mean. His parents tell him they mean “lady” and “gentleman...

It's little Johnny's birthday

And his parents say he can have whatever he wants. He first asks his dad if they can shower together. "sure, son. Just don't look down."

Johnny looks down. "what's that daddy?"

Quick to think, his father replies, "that's my limousine."

Later that night, little johnny asks his mo...

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A grandfather, father, and son are paired with a very attractive woman for a round of golf

The three are amazed to find that this woman is an amazing golfer. She outplays them on almost every hold, and come up to the 18th green at 1 over par with a 20ft Birdie putt. She tells the three guys

"Alright, this is the first time I've ever had a chance at shooting par. Whoever correctly h...

(A joke my 3 y/o nephew came up with)

Kiddo: knock knock

Mom: who’s there?

Kid: Daddy. Because I locked the door. *laughs hysterically*

A Doctor Walks into a Young Patient's Room and Sits Beside the Kid

Doctor: Hey kiddo! You're going to get discharged later on today. Don't forget to give your father my regards!

Kid: My father's dead...

Doctor: I know

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If whisky makes you frisky and gin makes you sin, what gets you pregnant?

Two high balls and a straight shot.



*This was my grandma's favorite joke to tell us kiddos*

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A little boy is crying on the streets.

A cop comes up to him asks him what's happened.



Cop: Why are you crying, kiddo?

Boy: I can't find my mother.

Cop: Don't worry; we'll find her. What's she like?

Boy: Mostly cocks & bingo.

I remember one time when by dad came home from work, absolutely beaming with happiness

I asked "Why are you do happy, Daddy?"

"Well kiddo, today at work Daddy's boss called him into his office, and invited him to go golfing with some of the other big boss men at the company. I shot the best game of my life, and after I got a hole in one on the last hole, my boss told me I was ...

I still remember what my grandpa told me before he kicked the bucket.

"Hey kiddo, how far do you think i can kick this bucket?"

A salesman enters the porch and knocks on the farmhouse door...

... Little Timmy answers the door by sliding it slowly open, inspecting the salesman standing tall with his briefcase.

- hello there kiddo, may I speak to your father? The man asked little Timmy.

Timmy swiftly replies before cleaning his running nose with his sleeve. "sorry my dad got...

Euclid as a teenager

Back in his youthful days, Euclid was sitting around drawing circles with other nerdy Greek kids like he always would. One day, one of the edgier kiddos brought along some weed.

"I conjecture that if we light it up, we will be as high as Mount Olympus!"

"We must make sure to di...

The bully problem.

The kid comes home crying to his mommy.

"Mommy, some bad kids in school keep saying my head is big!".

Mom answers "next time it happens, run after them and give them some good punches!!!"

Next day, kiddo comes crying again. "Mommy, some bad kids in school called me big headed ...

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close to Dave's joke with a Pope

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a professional driver with a nice Bmw M5. Usually it's a limousine but lately pope enjoys more like sports cars. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, ''You know brother, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you mind?'' 
T...

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Timmy's 10th birthday.

It was Timmy's 10th birthday. As it happens, his parents never really cared a lot about Timmy and Timmy, knowing this, wasn't expecting much of his special day. He got up in the morning, much against his will, to find his parents in their daily routine. "Hi kiddo" was as much as his dad ever bothere...

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Grand dad and grand son go on a fishing trip.[Long]

A grand dad is taking his 6 year old grand son on a fishing trip for the day. Before they go out the grand mom packs the grand son a lunch and some snacks while the grand dad packs his own lunch and beers then they leave.

After an hour on the boat the grand dad opens a beer and begins to rel...

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A grandfather and grandson are fishing together...

A grandfather and his grandson are fishing together off of a dock. They are both sitting in silence until the grandfather pulls out a bottle of whiskey from his lunch bag and pours himself a glass. The grandson asks,

"Grandpa, may I please try some of your whiskey?"

To which the grand...

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A boy sees his grandfather enjoying a beer

The boy asks, "Can I have some of your beer?" The grandfather replies, "It depends... can you fit your own wiener in your butt?". The boy walked away figuring that what just his way of saying no.

The following day, the boy sees his grandfather eating a cookie so the boy asks "Can I have a coo...

A man goes to a plastic surgeon

One day a man decides that he wants to look like a Hollywood celebrity. He goes to the most highly regarded surgeon in town who happens to be his own son.


The surgery is long and exhausting, 18 hours of nonstop work but finally the operation finishes. It takes 3 months to recover in full ...

A kid comes home from school and asks his dad a question.

The kid says, "Dad, today in Health class we learned that premature babies are at risk for having defects in their life, and Mom says I was born before I should have been. Does that make me premature?"

The dad laughs, and grips his son's shoulder, "Kiddo, you're not premature, you just surviv...

knock knock

nice try kiddo, i'm homeless

Did you hear about the prize for the Amish children's cooking competition?

Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet

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