A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in ...

The tale of the blond horse back rider.

A young blonde woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into action.

As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror,...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, a...

Dumb blond male.

There are three construction workers, a Mexican, an African American & a blond Caucasian. When lunch time comes, the construction workers are sitting on a steel beam 30 stories high about to enjoy their food.

The blond opens his lunchbox and is angered to find yet another bologna &...

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A blonde orders a beer

A blonde orders a beer.

The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman's boobs and splashes all over them.

The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.

Each time the blonde calls for another beer this happens. So ...

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A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

‟What's up?” he says.

‟I'm having a heart attack,” cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, ‟Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's ...

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A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air. "Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dinner tog...

There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car...

The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?"

The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in."

The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?"

The other one answered," No, p...

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An american and a european friends are sitting in a bar in Texas when they spot a beautiful blond girl.

They decide to compete who can get a date with her. American goes first.

American: "hey, my dick is 9 inches long. Care to spend a night with me?"

Girl: "9 inches? I must see this for myself."

American: "Before that, give my friend over there a chance too."

American steps...

A blond City girl named Amy marries a N. Dakota rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The ...

The Blond Secretary

One day the boss walks in and see's his blonde secretary sobbing on the phone He asked " What's wrong" she replied " My mother just died" he says " maybe you should take the day off" But she stayed at work a couple hours later he walks out and see's his secretary is balling again and he says " what'...

My blond wife said she was a gourmet chef, I asked her to make ceviche.

She burned it.

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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. Th...

How do you keep a blond in suspense?

I'll post the answer tomorrow

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!"and hung up.

Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

3 blondes were walking on a path

They came across a set of tracks and were debating about what animal they were from.

Blonde 1: These are definitely deer tracks.

Blonde 2: They are not. These are clearly elk tracks.

Blonde 3: Both of you are blind. These are obviously moose tracks.

That’s when the train ...

Blond

So this blond gets a jigsaw puzzle for Christmas and she proudly posts in April "Hah I finished this in four months! The box said 2 - 4 years!!"

A blond lady gets 3 fishes for her birthday from her brother...

Her brother finds them dead the day later.he asks her :

"Have you fed them?"

She replies:


"Yes! I even followed the rule of not letting them go swimming for 20 minutes after eating!"

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Blonde vs Traffic cop who will win?

Traffic cop stops a blonde that sped by him. He asked her for her license, and she replied by asking: "What is a license?" He explained that a license is a square thing with your face of it. The blone ruffles around in her purse for a while, pulls out a small mirror and gives it to the traffic cop. ...

The Local sheriff was looking for a new deputy. When a blonde walks in to try for the job, he asks her "Okay, what is 1 and 1?"

"Eleven", she replies.

The sheriff thinks to himself, "That's not what I wanted, but I guess she’s right!"

"What two days of the week begin with the letter T?" he asks.

"Today and Tomorrow", the blonde answers.

The sheriff is again surprised that the blonde has supplied a...

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Blond joke

Why don’t blonds waterski?????






Because every time their pussy gets wet they fall flat on their back

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

The lady says, "Come Again!"


The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says,"I need you to come over and help me with this jigsaw puzzle..."

Her boyfriend asks,"What's it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says"According to the picture on the box it's supposed to be a rooster."So her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. When she lets him in she takes him to the table where she has all the pieces sprea...

A blonde girl...

...wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, os she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.

Eager to show the wrld her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd.. She walks towards him and says:

‟if i can guess how many sheep you've i...

A blonde walks into a bar looking frustrated

The bartender asks her, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."

The bartender suggests, "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the hor...

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Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

What do you call a blonde woman with 2 brain cells?

...pregnant!

A guy is sitting on his porch when his blonde neighbor walks out to her mailbox.

She opens the mailbox, looks in, colses it up and walks back into the house. Five minutes later, she does the same thing. After another five minutes, the same thing, but this time she's visibly angry. She comes out again after another five minutes, looking furious. She looks in the mailbox and slams...

A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole...

...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing...

Guy Takes His Blonde Girlfriend To Her First Football Game

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."...

2 blondes are on a Cruise on the Nile. Unfortunately they fall overboard. After a while crocodiles start approaching them. One blond sees them and tells the other:

“Oh look how sweet! Rescue boats from Lacoste!”

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There’s a blond, redhead, and brunette stranded on a magic cliff.

This cliff is magical because when you jump off, you can become anything you say.

The three girls want to escape so the brunette jumps off and yells, “paper airplane!” She turns into one and flies away.

The redhead jumps off and says, “Bird!” She becomes a red bird and flies away...

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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

A blonde takes a taxi to the airport

While stuck in traffic, the driver offers the blonde a riddle to help pass the time. He says:

“Who is my mother’s child and my father’s child, but is neither my brother nor my sister?”

The blonde replies “I don’t know, who?”

The driver says “Me!”

They laugh hysterically,...

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A man on an airplane notices this very attractive blonde sitting next to him... (Long)

As the flight begins she removes a book from her bag and starts to read. The man immediately notices the title; "Confessions of a Nymphomaniac" and he's instantly transfixed.

After a few moments, she pauses her reading to take a drink and the man seizes his opportunity... "so" he says, "I ju...

A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger,

All three girls die at the same time and at the staircase to heaven the angel says "okay on every step is a joke and if you can go up all 1000 steps you will go to heaven but if you laugh you will go down to hell."

So the brunette says "sounds easy" but when she makes it's to the 100th step s...

There are two sisters...

...one is blonde and hte other is brunette and they inherit the family farm.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed ...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are arrested and sentenced to death by firing squad, one by one.

While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan. Right before they are to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers and they would be able to escape.

The brunette is first. As she hears the captain counting down to 0 she...

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

A young Blonde was on vacation in Louisiana

She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn't want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I ca...

A blonde and two brunettes had to climb 100 stairs without laughing

On each stair they were told a joke, and they got funnier every stair higher.

The first brunette only made it to the first stair.

The second brunette made it to the fifth stair before she laughed.

The blonde slowly made her way up all the stairs, until finally she was at the 99t...

What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

There have been sightings of UFOs

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back,

"This is no time to be superstitious."

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.


After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'


The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.


In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, '...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are escaping prison

After somehow dodging the security guards, they make it out of the prison. However, they are on an island and still have to swim 10 miles to be free.

They all swim away, but after 1 mile the brunette gets exhausted and turns back, saying she can't make it the whole way.

2 miles later ...

A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?"

The blonde nods. "But, I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"

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A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to...

How do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are in an elevator

On the floor is a puddle of white liquid.

The brunette takes a close look at the puddle. "Looks like cum" she says.

The redhead leans down and smells the puddle. "Smells like cum" she says.

The blonde puts her finger in the puddle, then licks her finger. "Not anyone in this buil...

A blond walks in to a electronics store

A blonde walks in to a electronics store looking for a new tv. She found one that seemed fine and found a employee. When she showed him the tv he said: Sorry ma’am, we don’t sell to blondes

The next day she came back wearing a brown wig and another employee that she wanted the tv. again. The...

A blonde in a powder blue Mercedes convertible is pulled over for speeding.

"Okay" says the cop, "let's see some ID."

The blonde looks at him in bafflement. "ID? Like, what do you mean?" and he sighs: "Lady, it'll be in your purse, it's rectangular, and it has your picture on it."

So she digs through her purse, finds her compact, flips it open, the little ligh...

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what ...

Not Another Blonde Joke

There once was a blonde woman who was tired of everyone making fun of her for being a “dumb blonde”.

She went to the hairdresser and had her hair dyed brunette.

On her way home, she was driving past a field full of sheep. She got excited and stopped to pet a sheep. She walked up to t...

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So a blond woman was at a shoe store arguing about the price of alligator boots

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, "Well, little lady, why don't you go give...

blondes vs brunette

Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all bruneettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team, down below, is whooping it up and ha...

The blonde was heading out to the grocery store...

...when her roommate said, "Hey, buy a quart of orange juice. And if they have eggs, get a dozen."

Half an hour later the blonde came in the door carrying four cartons of juice. "There's eight more in the car," she said.

"Why in the world did you buy 12 quarts??" asked her roommate.<...

Why did the blonde sit at the Stop sign for five minutes?

She was waiting for it to change to 'Go'

A blonde orders a steak

The waiter asks “How would you like it cooked?”

The blonde says “Well done”

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm.

She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.

She followed the plow for about forty-five ...

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led h...

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Did you hear about the blonde who dropped her gum in the toilet?

She chewed the shit out of it

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A blonde sees a guy walking down the street with a package labeled "The Dildo Store"

"What's in the bag?" asks the blonde.

"Dildos"

"I'm horny. If I can guess how many are in the bag, may I have one right now?

"If you guess correctly, you can have both of them."

The blonde smiles and says, "Five?"

I get the feeling that Maria is a blonde

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

Blonde enters the pharmacy

\- "Do you have pregnancy test?"

\- "Yes, we do."

\- "Are questions hard?"

How many blonde jokes are there?

3... the rest are true

Why was the Blonde fired from ...

Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's!

A blond is watching the news and hears that 2 Brazilian men died from Coronavirus.

She cried and asked, "Oh my gosh, how many is a Brazilian?"

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

A blonde hears on the news that a bridge collapsed and killed a Brazilian.

She gasped, "That's a lot of people!"

Old blonde joke.

A husband comes home to find his beautiful blonde wife sitting at the kitchen table in tears.
‟What’s wrong, dear?” He asks
Through her tears she says, ‟wll, I've been trying to put this puzzle together all day and I just can not seem to figure it out! It is supposed to be a tiger.”
He l...

A blonde walked in to a library

-Hello! She said
Do you have any chicken sandwiches here?
The librarian answered: im sorry this is a library
The blonde then whispered *do you have any chicken sandwiches?*

What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?

Last year's Hide and Go Seek winner.

A blonde asks a woman in the streets

"Can I ask you a question? And I want you to answer me with Yes or No."


The woman says "Go ahead."


The blonde replies, "Why do people make so many jokes about blondes?"

Q: Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?

A: They can't fit 8 quarts of water in that tiny little packet.

If a blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff...

Who would hit the ground first?

The brunette, the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

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A Blonde takes her car to the mechanic

While the mechanic is fiddling with the engine the blonde comes over and asks him if he knows what is wrong.

He replies: "Shit in the carburetor"

She replies: "Okay how often do I need to do that?"

I had a blonde joke.

But I voted him out of office.

A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.

“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.

Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license. Now today you want me to show it to you!”

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A blond walks into a bar and orders a line of shots.

A blond walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of the establishment’s finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets her up, and the blond takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. She then takes the last shot in the row and does the same.
The bartender asks, "Why did you do that?...

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A Blonde and her dog...

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'

The blonde said it...

Hear about the blonde coyote?

She chewed off three of her legs and she was still caught in the trap.

People always tell blondes blonde jokes but I enjoyed this one

A blonde was speeding in a school zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license. The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, ...

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly ...

[blonde] A brunette was doing her laundry and asked her blonde friend to find a match for her sock.

"Why" the blonde asked. "Are you going to set in on fire?

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton?

Because it said concentrate

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Why did the blonde...

Why did the blonde stuff a hundred dollar bill into her vagina before sex?

She wanted her husband to come into money.

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island.

They figure out that they are 100 miles from the mainland. They decide to try to swim home. The redhead goes first, gets 10 miles, and comes back. She said it was too hard and too far. The brunette goes next, swims 25 miles, and comes back. She too says it was too far and she got tired. Finally, the...

The music group 4 Non Blondes are now the 3 Non Blondes.

The 4th one dyed.

Brunette: "Where were you born?" Blonde: "The United States." Brunette: "Which part?"

Blonde: "My whole body."

Three blondes were walking through a forest when they spotted tracks on the ground.

The first blonde said, "Look, these are deer tracks."

The second blonde looked at them and said, "No you're wrong, these tracks obviously belong to wolves."

The third blonde thought for a minute and said, "You're both wrong, these are wild boar tracks, I'm sure."

They were still...

3 blondes walk into a bar

You’d think one of them would have seen it.

A blonde goes to buy a TV

A blonde goes to buy a TV and asks for the manager at the electronics store

She asks “How much is that TV?”

The manager responds “I’m sorry but I don’t sell to blondes”

She gets mad and leaves the store. When she gets home she gets an idea. She decides to dye her hair red and th...

So this city blonde goes to a barn

She asks the farmer: “Excuse me, why does that cow have no horns?”.

The farmer, being quite the expert on the matter, explained to her with great detail:

“Well m’am, there’s many reasons why some cows don’t have horns. Some breeds don’t have horns. For example: Angus cows don’t have ...

Why did the blonde leave the ice pick in the freezer?

Because she thought if she left it out for too long it would melt

How did the blonde try to kill the bird??

She threw it off a cliff.

Frank and the blonde.

Frank walked into his favorite bar that hasn't been shut down by Covid. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the television.

The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at...

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Three girls, a blonde, a readhead and a brunette, are having lunch break together...

The brunette opens her lunchbox and sighs:"My husband is so kind, he prepares my lunch every day but... Again a tuna sandwich?"

The readhead opens hers and sighs too:"Crap, tuna sandwich for me too... Again!"

The blonde opens hers and goes:"Guess what? I got the same t...

Why did the blond take a car door down to the beach?

If it get too hot he could just roll the window down and let some cool air in

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A ventriloquist was performing in a club telling dumb blonde jokes...

With his dummy on his knee, he begins his usual routine of dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blond woman in the audience stands on her chair and starts shouting,"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women like that?What does the color of a person's hair...

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A blonde, a brunette and a red-headed mother are talking about their daughters.

The brunette tells them, "I found cigarettes in my daughter's room, I can't believe she smokes! "

The red head said, "I know, I found some beer in my daughter's room. I couldn't believe it! "

The blonde says "That's nothing! I found condoms in my daughter's room. I never knew she had a...

A blonde goes to the counter and in a very loud voice declares, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please!”

The lady behind the counter is astonished and says,” Ma’am, this is a library.”
The blonde apologizes and leans in close and says in a whisper, “I’ll have a cheeseburger, a small order of fries and a Diet Coke, please.”

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Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly buttons?

Because blonde guys aren't that smart either.

A blond was listening to breathing exercises on headphones and her boyfriend came up behind her and took them off her head.

She died.

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I’d like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I’d like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied again.

She went home and got a haircut and new color, a new outfit, big sunglasses and a big hat. She then waited a few days before s...

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Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?

She had a blond boyfriend.

Blonde in a car accident

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furiou...

A blonde walks into a library

A blonde walks into a library. She asks the librarian:

Can I get a chicken salad?

The librarian answers: sorry, this is a library

The blonde responds: Oh, right! (Whispering) Can I get a chicken salad?

Blonde Convention

Thousands of blondes meet for the International Convention for Blondes. The emcee says we are now going to show the world that blondes aren’t airheads and asks for a volunteer. Bambi raises her hand and the emcee invites her to the stage.
The emcee says, “OK Bambi what is 2+2 ?. Bambi closes her...

How about a blond joke. My cousin blond* was once asked at a restaurant if she wants her egg poached.

She promptly replied "isnt that illegal." True story too.

Why did the two blondes freeze to death at the drive in cinema?

They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.

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Two blond bimbos

Blond 1- pulls out a cosmetic mirror, looks in and says... „hmm, that face looks familiar“

Blond 2 - grabs the mirror from the other blond and looks at it. „Ooh you’re so stupid“, she says looking condescendingly at her bimbo friend. „That’s Me!“

NSFW What’s the difference between a blond guy and a blonde girl?

The blonde girl has a higher sperm count.

A Blonde girl is going door to door trying to earn money for college.

She comes to one guy's house and rings the doorbell.

"Yes?" the man answers.

"Hi there!" greets the blonde happily. "I'm trying to earn money for college. Do you have any jobs around the house you need done?"

The guy smiles. "Sorry, sweetheart, not really. I was gonna paint th...

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Blonde walks into a bank

A blonde walks into a bank in New York city, and talks to the bank's loan officer, asking for a loan.

Loan officer: "How much do you need to take a loan out for?"

Blonde: "Only $1000."

Loan officer: "Do you have collateral?"

The blonde pulls out the keys to a 2016 Ferrar...

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2 blonds are in heaven....

One asked the other: "how did you die?"

"I froze to death" said the second blond

"That must be awful, how it felt?" said the first blond

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second blonde. "You are very cold and eventually you're muscles get numb and you freeze to death...

A blonde and a brunette are talking about what to do when their children misbehave during Christmas The brunette says : "I wrap empty cardboard boxes and when a child acts up I toss one into the fireplace."

And then the blonde says : "What do you do when you run out of children?"

"Did you know that Christmas day falls on a Friday this year?" said one blonde to another.

"Oh dear!!" her friend replied, "I hope it's not the 13th?"

The blonde bought a gun.

She said it's the only time she can exercise her 2nd amendment and lose weight.

(Nsfw) A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers.

A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flower. She sighs and say "My boyfriend is buying me flowers again, now I 'll be expected to spend the weekend lay on my back with my legs in the air"

The blonde says: "Dont you have a vase?!"

What do you get if you turn a blonde upside down?

A smelly brunette.

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A blonde woman receives an eviction notice after falling behind on rent.

She goes to her landlord's office to talk to him. "Look, I've lost my job and have no money to pay the rent," she says. "But, please don't kick me out. I have nowhere else to go. I'll do anything if you let me stay."

"Anything?" asks the landlord.

"Yes, absolutely anything."

The...

How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair?

When she trips over the cordless phone.

FINALLY! BLONDE MEN JOKES:

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers "Yes but I'm not sure what to do...it's for dry hair and I just wet mine."

A girl was visiting her blonde...

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the b...

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What do you call a blonde woman flying an airplane?

A pilot, you fucking sexist.

A man decides to go to a bar where he sees a blonde woman.

Conversation begins and the two hit it off. The blonde eventually asks the man when his birthday is.

“March 1st,” the man replies. Suddenly, the blonde gets up and stomps around the bar before coming back to her seat.

“So when is your birthday?” the woman again asks.

Not bein...

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A blond, brunette and red head are all in the delivery room ready to give birth.

The doctor walks in and goes the the brunette and asks how she prefers to have sex.

When she replies "missionary" he guesses she'll have a boy. A few minutes later, the baby is born and it's a boy.

Then the doctor steps up to the red head and asks how she prefers to have sex.
...

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A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are escaping prison...

They come across a farm and decide to hide among the animals in a desperate attempt to conceal themselves.
The police show up and find the redhead within the chicken coop. “Squawk, cock-a-doodle-do,” she cries.
Next, they find the brunette hiding among the cows in their pens. “Moo!” She lows, ...

A blonde girl finds a genie lamp in the desert

Not knowing how to use it, She comes back from her trip still with the genie lamp not used and goes straight to her best friend to ask her how to make a genie come. So her friend tells her to grab on to the lamp and start rubbing it as fast as she can
So she grabs on tight, starts rubbing the la...

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Hot blond is filling out a form. Where it says "sex" she put "Infrequently". The clerk asked her....

"Is that one word or two?"

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An extremely attractive young blond woman goes to a massage parlor.

She explains that this will be her first massage, and she really has no idea what to expect. The masseur tells her she'll need to disrobe and lie on the table. The young woman blushes, but strips off all of her clothes, struts across the room, and lies on the massage table.

The masseur can't...

A blonde was in a hotel

The waiter knocked on the door and asked if she wanted coffee in bed?

The blonde answered "Well, I would rather have it in a cup"

A brunette, redhead and blond went to a remote fitness spa deep in the mountains for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded ...

A blonde brunette and a red head get stuck on an island 4 miles away from shore

They decided that the only way back is through swimming. The red head gets half a mile and gets tired and turns back. The brunette gets one and a half miles gets tired and turns back. The blonde she gets three and a half miles and gets tired so she turn back.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

Blind/blonde joke

A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. After a while, he asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies, "Sure, but before you start you should know, I'm blonde. The woman on your left is a blonde, and the man on your right has a black belt in karate and ...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are part of a Jello cult.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are part of a Jello cult.

The blonde is first and she gives up her baby in the name of the Jello lord.
"Oh lord, please accept this baby as my offering" and she lets her baby down and whoosh, it vanishes. She runs around in despair of what she has just do...

Hear about the blonde arrested at the track and field meet?

He was caught smoking a joint at the high jump.

A blonde woman showed up to her doctor’s office looking disheveled and with bags under her eyes

The doctor told her that she looked exhausted.

The blonde woman replied, “I am. Ever since your nurse told me yesterday that I had to come in for a Blood test I have been studying non-stop”

Kindergarten Blonde

A blond girl comes home from her first day of kindergarten and says "most of the kids can count to 10, but I can count to 20. Is that because I'm a blond?"

Her mom says"yes dear, it's because you're a blond."

The next day the girl comes home and says "today we had to do our ABC's." Mos...

Two blondes leave a restaurant and realize they’ve locked their keys in the car.

The husband fiddles with the door but isn’t having any luck.

The wife says “I know! I’ll run inside and see if they have a coat hanger that we can use to Jimmy the lock!”

The husband replies “Great idea! But hurry, because it’s about to rain and the top is down!”

A very heavy blond went to the clinic to lose weight.

The doctor told her to eat what she normally ate for three days and then skip a day. He told her she would have lost at least 4 pounds till the next month.

She came back four weeks later, 30 pounds lighter! The doctor looked at her surprised and said "How do you feel now?"

Blonde: "I a...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all sitting in the waiting room waiting to see their OB/GYN.

The brunette turns to the group and says, “I’m pregnant and I’m having a boy”. The redhead asked her how she knows and the brunette tells her, “I was on top when we conceived”.

The redhead then says, “well in that case I’m going to have a girl because I was on the bottom”.

The blond...

A young blonde woman is having distraught

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging a...

Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of a lake

-Hey, how do I get to the other side? Yelled one blonde

-You are already on the other side. The other one answered

Blonde gets pulled over by the cops.

Cop: Do you realize you were doing 40 mph in a 30 mph zone.

Blonde: That's impossible, I have only been out for 15 minutes.

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How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?

Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

A blonde walks into a library

The blonde walks up to the librarian's desk and says loudly, "I'll have a coffee and a bagel".

Everyone frowns along with the librarian and the librarian quietly replies, "This is a library!!".

The blonde replies with a whisper, "I would like a coffee and a bagel!".

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